View Full Version : Explosion with an ex might keep me out of nursing school


maysarieltiff
07-30-16, 02:41 AM
Just need to vent, I guess, to people who will not judge me.

In 2011 I was dating someone while I was broken up with my current boyfriend. He was quite a bit younger and even more emotional then I am, I feel.

At any rate, when we broke up, I went to his house and refused to leave his property. (I was outside). Literally the lawn was tiny and right next to a sidewalk....I was barely on the property! excuses, excuses...

He called the cops, and because I was difficult to get to leave, they filed criminal trespassing charges against me.

This was a misdemeanor and a 400$ fine, and one day in jail,which I served that night.

Now the nursing program I have been working for for 2 and a half years, in order to get accepted into (which I did, and I am proud of), has brought this up in a background check. I had totally forgotten about it.

They are having a meeting a week before classes start, a general admissions meeting, I guess to discuss things like this. I had to write a "letter of explanation".

I might lose my spot in the BSN nursing program because of this inability to regulate my emotions properly. I am beyond stressed. In addition, there are all these things to buy for your first semester and I have already bought some, including a monogrammed stethoscope that I of course cannot return. What if I don't have my books in time? I won't buy anything else until I hear from them...

I am just so ****** at myself that I let someone get the better of me, when I know better. Is this just a normal emotional response, or do you think that it might be because of my ADD?

sarahsweets
07-30-16, 02:45 AM
Just need to vent, I guess, to people who will not judge me.

In 2011 I was dating someone while I was broken up with my current boyfriend. He was quite a bit younger and even more emotional then I am, I feel.

At any rate, when we broke up, I went to his house and refused to leave his property. (I was outside). Literally the lawn was tiny and right next to a sidewalk....I was barely on the property! excuses, excuses...

He called the cops, and because I was difficult to get to leave, they filed criminal trespassing charges against me.

This was a misdemeanor and a 400$ fine, and one day in jail,which I served that night.

Now the nursing program I have been working for for 2 and a half years, in order to get accepted into (which I did, and I am proud of), has brought this up in a background check. I had totally forgotten about it.

They are having a meeting a week before classes start, a general admissions meeting, I guess to discuss things like this. I had to write a "letter of explanation".

I might lose my spot in the BSN nursing program because of this inability to regulate my emotions properly. I am beyond stressed. In addition, there are all these things to buy for your first semester and I have already bought some, including a monogrammed stethoscope that I of course cannot return. What if I don't have my books in time? I won't buy anything else until I hear from them...

I am just so ****** at myself that I let someone get the better of me, when I know better. Is this just a normal emotional response, or do you think that it might be because of my ADD?

I didnt think misdemeaners were a part of your record that others could find out? I thought backround checks only showed felonies?

maysarieltiff
07-30-16, 03:02 AM
It was an FBI background check, I had to submit two fingerprint cards. I don't know...

They asked if I had misdemeanors or felony's on my application and I put that I had a DUI because I had forgotten about the trespassing charge. I guess because that came up they ignored it because I disclosed it, but because the trespassing one came up and I didn't it's an issue?

What is weird is that the email I got stated that I had an arrest on this date...nothing further. Just asked why and what the penalties were.

I have heard that someone got in the program with an assault and battery charge so I am hoping mine will be minor.

Still very stressful. I have worked really hard for this, and this has been the first time in my life I have stuck with something. This is my fourth time trying to stick with college. I was on the deans honor roll the last two semesters and my GPA for all of the pre-nursing prerequisites is 3.6.

Just hate waiting...don't know what to do with myself in the meantime, and I do not know what I will do if they deny me because of this charge.

sarahsweets
07-30-16, 04:26 AM
It was an FBI background check, I had to submit two fingerprint cards. I don't know...

They asked if I had misdemeanors or felony's on my application and I put that I had a DUI because I had forgotten about the trespassing charge. I guess because that came up they ignored it because I disclosed it, but because the trespassing one came up and I didn't it's an issue?

What is weird is that the email I got stated that I had an arrest on this date...nothing further. Just asked why and what the penalties were.

I have heard that someone got in the program with an assault and battery charge so I am hoping mine will be minor.

Still very stressful. I have worked really hard for this, and this has been the first time in my life I have stuck with something. This is my fourth time trying to stick with college. I was on the deans honor roll the last two semesters and my GPA for all of the pre-nursing prerequisites is 3.6.

Just hate waiting...don't know what to do with myself in the meantime, and I do not know what I will do if they deny me because of this charge.

I would double check what kind of backround check it was. The FBI thing seems extreme for nursing, did you sign anything that indicated they could pull whatever records they wanted?
And honestly, then DUI would be worse then the other charge if they are looking to eliminate you. I would seriously consider investigating it. Having a nondescript "arrest" on this date can easily be misinformation or disclosure that violates privacy laws.
I would get your own backround check to see what pops up because one of the points of misdemeanors is that they dont appear on your record.
Here in NJ they passed 'ban the box' which eliminates people having to disclose they have a felony and banning the practice of backround checks unless the person is actually being considered for the job. Its giving a lot of people with a mistake in their backround a chance to be a part of productive society.

sarahsweets
07-30-16, 04:30 AM
http://newongumshoe.blogspot.com/2009/09/what-you-need-to-know-about-pre.html

I realized that I may have been wrong about what shows up on your record but this was very enlightening.

spamspambacon
07-30-16, 10:08 AM
http://newongumshoe.blogspot.com/2009/09/what-you-need-to-know-about-pre.html

I realized that I may have been wrong about what shows up on your record but this was very enlightening.

I followed your link, Sarah, and you're very right!
It was enlightening!

I'm currently seeking a job in the IT field, (I have no criminal history)
and many jobs I view indicate a pre-hire criminal background check will be performed, and if you can't pass one, don't apply.

Here in Jersey, I knew about the "Ban the Box" initiative but didn't know it was an actual law. Does that make a criminal background check illegal, if the job does not require it?

I had to pass one to work for a school district, in one of the schools, itself - that's a state law for anyone working in the school system.
(I'm sure you know all this, but putting it here so others might know)

Bluechoo
07-30-16, 02:36 PM
Some misdemeanors are more serious than others. A DUI is a serious misdemeanor, and I suppose they would view trespassing as somewhat serious as well.

The best way to deal with things like this is to get ahead of it and be upfront, preferably before the background check, but in your case just be honest. They want to see if you've matured since then. They'll try to gauge your attitude about it; if you try to make up excuses or complain about the fairness of a background check, you'll show a sign of immaturity. If you own up to it, admit that it was a mistake and that you've grown since then, and show proof that you have matured, you'll be in the clear.

I have 2 DUI's and it comes up everywhere, so I've taken the initiative; whenever the interview process gets to the point where I agree to get background checked, I tell the employer straight up what they're going to see. It has never failed; no one has rejected me for my multiple DUIs. I own it, I explain how I had some growing up to do, and how ashamed I am of my DUIs, but that I take responsibility for them every day and constantly strive to make amends to society.

Oh and I work as a substitute teacher for school districts, so if these people trust a guy with 2 DUIs to lead a classroom of children, I think a nursing program will be understanding.

maysarieltiff
07-31-16, 12:04 AM
Thank you very much for the posts. I really appreciate them. And the insight they offer. :)

I wish I had brought it up, I guess I was silly and didn't think it would be an issue, I had put it out of my mind. I was wrong. :(

I do try to be honest, I wrote them an email apologizing for not disclosing it, that I had forgotten about it honestly, and that I really hope that past poor judgement would not hold me back from someday being the excellent nurse that I know I will be.

I pointed out how hard I had worked, like everyone who gets accepted does, and what my accomplishments have been since I started at that school.

I regret not pointing that charge out. It was such a mistake and I wish I could change it, but I can't.

maysarieltiff
08-04-16, 11:29 PM
I still haven't heard anything about possibly losing my place in the program. Their meeting isn't until a week before classes start (on Aug 23).

I have been looking for a backup plan. I thought dental hygienist might be a good fit for me, I have almost all the classes for the pre-dental hygienist course curriculum for my college, and it doesn't even say you need them ALL just recommended, and the ones you absolutely need, and with my GPA I have enough to apply for the two year program.

But it is 270 miles away. I have a two and a half year old son, and I do not see how this is even feasible. I am frustrated and sad. I do not have a script for ativan, although I have in the past for anxiety, and I wish I had one lying around right now to deal with the anxiety I am feeling, because it feels overwhelming.

Plus I fight insomnia and it has been even worse lately...

I just hate this waiting.

Thanks for listening.

Little Nut
08-05-16, 09:48 AM
May, Hope it turns out well. If it was me, I would keep a list of actual events with ~dates before that and since then with as many specifics as possible to demonstrate that the issues from that day were a one time issue and that since you have demonstrated better interpersonal skills.

Reading between the lines a relationship you were in ended and you were not happy. When this individual asked you to leave, you didn't. When the cops arrived and asked you to leave you refused (verbally or by action). You were then arrested, taken to jail and found guilty of trespass. Assuming there was no property damage, assault, or booze/drugs involved, a rather long list of how you handled large personal disappointments before AND after would show the incident was an aberration for you. Familiarize yourself with the list and use them as a long string of talking points when needed. Best Wishes, -LN

KarmanMonkey
08-05-16, 11:03 AM
The best strategy I can think of is the following:

1) Acknowledge that you did something wrong, even if it's as much as acknowledging a moment of poor judgement.

2) Talk about how the experience affected you, and how you've become a better person as a result (e.g. you were surprised by your own reaction to the break up, and have become more aware of your own emotional needs as a result)

3) Talk about steps you've taken to either make up for the harm you caused, or to make changes to your life and yourself to prevent a similar occurrence in the future.

Basically the nursing college likely wants to be confident that you have good insight into the legal matters, and that it isn't something that will negatively impact your practice.

If I were part of the board deciding your fate, my biggest thought would be "Has this person learned from their experience, was this a unique set of circumstances, or will this person run the risk of responding poorly in an emotionally charged situation like a verbally or physically responsive patient."

You don't need to minimise what happened (in fact, trying to do so might hurt your case); you just need to show that you've taken steps to change in response to what happened.

maysarieltiff
08-05-16, 05:56 PM
Thank you so much for the responses. Here is my revised letter of explanation, as the first one was very matter of fact.

"To Whom It May Concern:

I was arrested on August 11, 2013 on the charge of criminal trespassing. I refused to leave the property of an ex-boyfriends of mine because he had some of my items in his possession. I pled guilty on August 18, 2013 and paid a fine of $400.00. I spent one day in jail and was credited for that one day. I know and understand that I was wrong in my actions, and I should have not reacted in the way that I did. Since then, I have taken steps in order to learn how to react to circumstances beyond my control in a positive manner. I have been to counseling, and I see a psychiatrist regularly as well. I am not trying to hide anything. I honestly had forgotten about it, as I have moved on from the incident and know that nothing like that will ever happen again. I was surprised at my feelings regarding the break up and have become aware of my own emotional needs as a result. I feel my strong emotions and empathy will only make me a better, more caring nurse for those who need it at the time. I will not let the difficult and upset patients cause me to react in a negative, or in an inappropriate way. I promise this. I approach patient care with compassion, empathy, and understanding.
Being a nurse is my dream, my goal, and my passion. I have worked hard to get to this exact point in my life, and I ask that you consider that my lapse in judgment is not something that is a recurring happening, but an overreaction to the situation which was emotionally charged to begin with. I was ending a relationship that I feel was unhealthy. Please consider these words when you make your decision as to allow me to continue in the nursing program, as I am fully committed to it.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hopefully hearing good news from you in the near future.

Sincerely,

Amy

What do you think?

maysarieltiff
08-05-16, 06:43 PM
I have since dialed the letter back, after talking to a friend.

"To Whom It May Concern:

I was arrested on August 11, 2013 on the charge of criminal trespassing. I refused to leave the property of an ex-boyfriends of mine because he had some of my items in his possession. I pled guilty on August 18, 2013 and paid a fine of $400.00. I spent one day in jail and was credited for that one day. I know and understand that I was wrong in my actions, and I should have not reacted in the way that I did. This was a breakup, and we both acted badly, however, this was an isolated incident. Nothing like that has happened before, or since. I am now in a healthy relationship with a beautiful son.
Being a nurse is my dream, my goal, and my passion. I have worked hard to get to this exact point in my life, and I ask that you consider that my one time lapse in judgment is not something that is a recurring happenstance. Please consider these words when you make your decision as to allow me to continue in the nursing program, as I am fully committed to it.
Thank you for your time and consideration. I look forward to hopefully hearing good news from you in the near future.

Sincerely,

Amy

Little Missy
08-05-16, 08:52 PM
Try really nipping it in the bud.