View Full Version : Always held education in high regard but that wasn't enough.


PraxxtorCruel
07-31-16, 01:05 PM
Since very young I dreamed about going to university and achieving something great and ending up in a professional career that would've allowed me to flourish. Aiming high and making my parents proud was the core focus of my education.

Education has always been very important to me, more so than anything else.

Yet I failed every year of secondary school and 10 years of college. Why couldn't I just absorb things like others or just cram minutes before and ace all of them tests? Especially when I absolutely adored education? It's never made sense to me. Why couldn't I grasp information from textbooks or remember information as I read them? Even repetition failed me. Why didn't 1 on 1 tutoring in class help? Even my sister was utterly shocked that I was unable to grasp and/or retain in memory basic concepts/information when she attempted to tutor me. Yet she's the one that believes me to be quite intelligent, more so than her. What a laugh I say.

Teachers were perplexed and had no idea what to do with me. Insisted that I had potential but persistently failed to deliver until eventually they exhausted their skill set and had nothing more they could try.

My sister had never enjoyed education much and only went through with it to a certain extent because of our parents yet even with her zero drive and dislike, she passed with Bs.

I've had the drive/ambition and still do but academically I was at best a D grader in every single subject.

I've skimmed and scanned lots of threads here and it appears that everyone done exceptionally well at least in one subject or more but I failed disastrously. Yet funny thing is everyone always expected more from me? Either they were just trying to make me feel good about myself or I'm just plain stupid.

I've got my assessment coming to a cinema near you (coming soon) and to be honest I don't care if I am diagnosed with ADHD or not. I just want an explanation as to why I've done so poorly academically when I value education above anything else. Maybe some tests will show that I have very low IQ amongst other low functioning brain areas and that'll be fine. I will finally be able to stop beating myself up and realize that I could never win a losing battle because I was born a moron.

I did visit a Psychiatrist once for this very reason several years ago and I was told by her that I effectively reached my education block. So based on her I am unable to pass secondary school tests which everyone has to take. Wouldn't that classify me as having a learning disability at the minimum? We're not talking here about doing poorly in one subject and acing the rest. I done poorly in all with grades ranging from D to G.

PraxxtorCruel
07-31-16, 01:56 PM
Oh. Just learned that D-G grades are actually passes from what I've gathered. So I did pass.

The same thing has been occurring in my 10 attempts at college spanning 10 years. What infuriates me the most is I want to succeed so bad. What hurts is that I care so much about my education and yet I perform like someone who doesn't want to be there.

I just don't understand why I struggle so much with something I am dead set on wanting? Well that's not entirely correct because I believe I know the reasons which are my focus/concentration as it affects many areas of my life but it wouldn't explain why I've done so poorly on something I want? Wouldn't hyperfocus assist in such situations? Hmph. ADHD is complex and confusing. If you want something shouldn't it aid you? Just realizing how little I understand.

What annoys me most are how many unanswered questions I have and realistically how most if not all will never have an explanation behind them backed by scientific explanations.

sarahsweets
08-01-16, 04:10 AM
I just don't understand why I struggle so much with something I am dead set on wanting? Well that's not entirely correct because I believe I know the reasons which are my focus/concentration as it affects many areas of my life but it wouldn't explain why I've done so poorly on something I want? Wouldn't hyperfocus assist in such situations? Hmph. ADHD is complex and confusing. If you want something shouldn't it aid you? Just realizing how little I understand.

What annoys me most are how many unanswered questions I have and realistically how most if not all will never have an explanation behind them backed by scientific explanations.

I have found hyperfocus to be an impairment because I cant control it and it usually happens with all the wrong stuff. If I could harness it maybe it would help but I cant.