View Full Version : flustered when others become emotional about me


peripatetic
08-01-16, 04:56 PM
i'm putting this here, but i'm unsure it's definitely adhd related and not a result of one of my other diagnoses. but i think it might be because of my reaction. it could just be something most people feel, too, and unrelated to any psychiatric anything, so any insight is appreciated.

it makes me SO uncomfortable when people i'd consider "acquaintances" become emotionally invested in me and express that. even if they're saying complimentary things i find it awkward, but if they're expressing concern or worry...game over. i make every effort to avoid them.

ex: today at a psychiatric group i attend someone i've seen a lot, yes, but she's not someone i'm buddies with or anything, said how she's been worried about me and her voice had that ...something to it. and her eyes were all imploring and a bit wet.

i had to leave. it was too emotionally overwhelming for me. and i just have no patience or words for helping her at the moment. i just would prefer she keep that to herself or, better yet, not feel things about me.

do others have difficulty when people express their emotions about you, to you? even if it's a closer friend, now that i think on it a bit more...about the only people whose emotions about me i can handle are my husband's and my father's. and i feel obligated to take on that weight. it feels like an expectation or responsibility.

midnightstar
08-01-16, 04:59 PM
I have more of a problem when complete strangers try to get to know me (cause I learned not to place my trust in people cause they will throw it back in my face)

stef
08-01-16, 05:25 PM
If it's genuine, I find it touching because i dont want to seem " whiny" by expressing my problems IRL
I have a lot of empathy ( i mean i feel others problems im not trying to sound self righteous saying that) and the "weight " of others' sadness or diffficulties, like colleagues for example, is overwhelming sometimes.
and really this is why i like not sharing an office.

I.m sorry peri i sont even think i answered your question!

Little Missy
08-01-16, 06:46 PM
I used to attend a bi-polar support group that my doctor started because she wanted me there to get the members talking. It worked and started out fairly tame but as time went on it became more and more intimate with them caring and all and I just quit going. When she asked why I told her, "Because I don't want to be supported by them."

It made me horribly uncomfortable to be even talked to by them.

And none of it had anything to do with them being bi-polar.

BellaVita
08-01-16, 07:10 PM
I think it depends on the person.

I think I only truly feel comfortable with my husband expressing those things, but I'm not sure.

I can get overwhelmed when other people express emotions period - mostly when they are negative emotions - and in my brain I'm like "please stop!" which would be incredibly rude to say to someone but it's just because their emotions are so big and overwhelming.

I absolutely cannot stand it when someone offers fake concern, it's so condescending. It's to make them feel superior. Like the "oh I've been so worried about you lately" as a way to put someone down.

That's just gross.

I dislike also getting the feeling that someone thinks I need to be "fixed" - that my way of being isn't okay because they say so and that I need to fit some mould. I don't think people always mean harm by this (especially if they don't understand autism) but it is not good for me to be around and I tend to limit interaction with those types of people.

Oops sorry I rambled off-topic a bit there...

I can relate to your OP I think if I'm understanding it correctly, but maybe not in the exact same way.

Laserbeak
08-01-16, 09:13 PM
So basically you're saying you don't want to become the center of attention among a large group of people, many of whom you hardly know.... right?

I can certainly agree with that, neither do I. The kind of comfortable middle surrounded by closer friends is where I'd like to be. I don't want to end up in the corner appearing to be fascinated by a potted plant either!

Little Missy
08-01-16, 09:22 PM
Plus, I always ended absorbing their problems and while my compassion and empathy were real for them, I simply couldn't handle caring about them and then them overtly caring about me. I always felt like I was bursting. And for some reason they were always very intent on me and I never even spoke about myself. I was just kind and listened or asked an appropriate question about them to keep things livened up. Gawd, it was so exhausting!

It was a very long drive, horrible roads, rush hour traffic, 8 lanes, in the DARK driving a really old car. I was always hysterical by the time I got home.

Ancient history now but I can feel the rise of tensions from it still.

Little Missy
08-01-16, 09:27 PM
When things like this happen with people, any people almost unless I want them to be in my minutes little radius, I run. I leave. I ignore, cut them out, I go out of my way to never see them again.

I am unable to hold that many feelings inside of me.

aeon
08-01-16, 09:49 PM
do others have difficulty when people express their emotions about you, to you?

As long as it is genuine, no, I do not.

If anything, I appreciate it.

And I don't worry about it one way or another inasmuch as I have no control of what other people do.

If for some reason at the time I am not able to receive their expression, I will tell them that and maybe why.


Cheers,
Ian

Socaljaxs
08-01-16, 10:01 PM
:thankyou::goodpost: I get really uncomfortable also.. Also compliments or if someone tells me I'm beautiful,ext or has this feature they like or hits on me or tries to help me( that right now is the worst and I brush off and shut down)

I don't like it.. As another said. I don't like Center of attention especially when it is involved with my physical or personality, attitude or emotional self

sarahsweets
08-02-16, 04:26 AM
I tend to express my care and concern to people if I have some kind of relationship with them, even though its not BFF territory. Some people like to assume I wear my heart on my sleeve because I am able to share how I feel. Its not like I walk around telling everyone how deep my feelings are, I try to only do that if the feelings are mutual, or if the situation warrants. I get more uncomfortable when people who do not know me, or barely know me getting all worked up over stuff going on with me. There are plenty of ways to demonstrate your empathy without getting all mushy-gushy.
When I feel something, I feel it very powerfully, and deeply and I try and protect myself because I dont want to get hurt. So that means that sometimes even though I feel something about someone,I dont always tell them out of fear of rejection.
Im sure this has roots in my childhood.

stef
08-02-16, 04:33 AM
I meant to write above, "absorbing their problems", I couldnt find the right expression.
Sometimes i never know what to say if someone is visibly upset. but I can literally feel their sadness.

peripatetic
08-04-16, 02:28 PM
these people are definitely genuine.

i think, to beak's point, that, yes, it is a matter of being put on the spot, but even if we weren't in a group setting, it would make me uncomfortable for someone to express worry about me, to me.

the best example i can give of this that might clarify: when esh died, a lot of people expressed their grief and extended their well wishes and so forth. at times there were some who pointed out how worried they were about me. it felt like, dealing with others' worry about my grief and the grief itself was too much.

in the example i used in my thread start, i guess the situation is that dealing with my mental health is all i can handle without having to worry about how others are handling my handling it.

it makes me feel like the ball is in my court to make them feel better and i'm not really prepared to handle their feelings about me when i'm struggling to cope.

Little Missy
08-04-16, 02:48 PM
sort of answering to peri's post above.

The frustration and dread and anxiety just reading what you wrote makes me re-live how other people's concern for me many, many years ago and yes, mental well-being, God!!

The mental well-being part was The Worst because any time anyone was that fraught over me, I would...I'd...throw myself into a psychiatric hospital and drive them nuts for awhile because they couldn't get to me.


Now I think of it as I Am Not In The Happiness Business.

Impromptu_DTour
08-08-16, 06:30 AM
i know how people say that i "should" feel.. and ya i can do the song and dance for them as much as they need me to. its irritating at times that people "need" me to "need" them.

there are only a few people who i give the right to hmm... "own" enough of me in their mind/e-space to feel an entitlement to have "worry" or "concern". Such a wierd concept, eh? LOL "I dont allow you to own enough me, to let you think you have the right to worry about me."..

nice.

but ya.. theres a solid few, like.. "count them on one hand" few, maybe even less then that.. the rest, if emotions are kept civil.. i can tolerate with civility.. if there is what i perceive as an inappropriate level of emotion.. i basically shut down and feel no guilt about turning and walking away.

i dont like allowing people to believe that have rights with me that i havnt given them permission to have. seems harsh.. too many people have screwed that up and have inadvertently managed to try and establish a hierarchy with me. im not very humble when it comes to being pitied. you tell someone that you're going through this "thing".. and they feel stroked up enough to take that and believe that you are reaching out, because they are (obviously) in a "higher" place they you are.. therefore their ego gets all jerked-off and they loose all concept of whats really happening... and you're whole relationship changes.. that or you have those "bleeding hearts" who search for people to feed off of to validate their own self imposed reach-around; that they're at least not as screwed up as you are, and obviously need them to make sure that you dont like.. slit your wrist on a train or something.. because you.. have now become nothing more than a placeholder for their own transferred and projected BS.

maybe im protective about how people are sending me their interpretations of my situation.. and feel a threat that if i listen then i wont have control in my tailspin.. and then consequently end up needing to ask for help.. when all i want to do is crash and burn and then ask for help after i am damn good and ready for it. there's a certain measure of pride involved here i guess.

besides, even if i did ask them for help, i already know because of my own trainings and histories.. all that would end up happening would be that i would end up holding their hand, babysitting them, literally walking them through the role they think they are "blessing" me with, while they feel good and stroked about "helping" someone, because their place in whatever "recovery" they are in is dependent on the illusion that they are doing well enough to help someone else.. regardless of whether they are themselves completely delusional about who exactly they themselves perceive themselves to be "helping"..

i dont even know if i replied in context of the thread, or if i read half of it and went off on my own tangents.

god dammit peri.. i was gonna shamelessly roll around in bad habits and coping mechanisms, and play Destiny.. at .. 3:29am

pfft.