I had to overcome some internal resistance to my ADHD diagnoses because my outward appearance is quite opposite to what you would expect to see in a person with ADHD. I have a successful career, college degree and two professional certifications in a field which really ought to be very ADHD unfriendly. I was even recently nominated for an award.

Despite the fact that all the self-assessments I could find fit me to a T, I was afraid that no one would "buy" that I could have ADD or ADHD. I was afraid that my facade would be so iron-clad that I would not be able to persuade anyone I needed help.

The psychologist explained that I have been overcompensating and obsessing, and that is how I have been able to accomplish as much as I have (and why I have so much anxiety). I was actually diagnosed "moderate to severe" ADHD Combined Type.

It is true that I put in long, mostly unproductive hours at work, just to keep up. My assistant probably can tell that something is not quite right, but I don't think anyone else can. I look busy at my desk, but a lot of the time I am doing "research" or just trying to figure out which emails I could delete. I make up that wasted time by working on the weekend, taking work home, or staying late. But, I waste a lot of time those times too.

So, is this common among ADD adults? Do you present a public personna that is completely different than what you really are?

Good thread.

I too am an over achiever. I'm a teacher and we had our daughters identified. The chief Psychologist for our massive board, guessed that I had it and asked how did I do so well? Good question...******* luck or serendipity..something like that. Seems sometimes like I was made to be where I am. My job is chaotic and while I see teachers flaming out all the time, the chaotic nature of the job is one of the few areas where I believe adhd helps me. There is so much crap coming at you that it's not uncommon for a good many teachers to be stressed and disorganized once in a while.

The other benefit of having ADHD would be perception and judgment. Seems I can make good judgments quickly while others are afraid to speak, of course that gets me into hot water sometimes. Some how I feel those two traits are linked to adhd in some way, can't explain it.

I could be doing a lot more...I don't sleep as well as I would like, and I would be a goner without my large cups of coffee but I believe that I am perceived to be competent if not good at my job.

One word in your post jumped out at me - LUCK! Many years ago, one of my close friends in school would tell me I was "lucky" because I always seemed to pull off a paper or a speech or a project at the last possible minute and get raves on it. I didn't feel lucky, I felt like a fraud.

Interesting what you say about judgement. I too have to use a lot of judgement in my work, and I believe myself to be very intuitive.

Caffeine! Me too! It is 32 oz cups of diet Coke though, not coffee. Must have a fresh one on my desk at all times.

I would certainly fall into this category. I think that the coping mechanism I developed into adulthood went a long way towards disguising my problems along with the ability to think fast on my feet! What the world doesn't see, though, is the price that is paid for "maintaining" this image. Anxiety, stress, tiredness, depression, heartburn, etc.

It was through the encouragement of my son's therapists that I got help for myself, too. Most of my friends have not commented much on my diagnosis and that's okay since I have one or two that have really backed me up and give me lots of feedback about how I have improved dramatically since starting medication.

Kim

High functioning? Hard to say. I have a college degree, which I had no trouble earning. However, I've had next to no career success, which is why I'm going back to graduate school.

With the exception of my best friend, who also admits to having ADD, though not formally diagnosed, and others who have ADD, I generally get a lot of resistance. I wish people would just believe me. :P So, apparently, I do a good job covering it up, although I don't really do so consciously.

Yep, I guess you could put me in the “high functioning” column…
My big dark secret #14 is I react to a criticism like a four year old; tell me I made a mistake and you may as well have told me you don’t love me any more. (Of course it goes back to being “daddy’s girl to an incredibly critical father)
Looking back this must have been extra hard for someone hyper sensitive. My brothers (they were diagnosed as kids - I was not) coped by shutting down, I turned it around and fought it by becoming just what my dad wanted out of a kid, and these strategies developed into life skills.
I focus on my intuitiveness, my ability to read people combined with my intelligence and energy can get me a positive outcome in almost any situation. I can also ward off criticism because I am just slightly intimidating.
Pretty twisted huh? A work in progress……

ProcrastN8 you mentioned anxiety, for me there was always that underlying fear of getting "busted" that my success was all luck, if by accident people got a glimpse of the "real" me or if I lost my "magic powers" of being able to connect the dots it would be game over.
Now that I am older and wiser, I am beginning to accept that it is all very real, luck or not; I recognized opportunities, took the chances and it was me who did the work.
Funny thing, once I let my guard down just a little, I learned that I wasn't fooling everybody, I dropped clues, and some folks were able to connect the dots about the real me on their own….

It is true that I put in long, mostly unproductive hours at work, just to keep up. My assistant probably can tell that something is not quite right, but I don't think anyone else can. I look busy at my desk, but a lot of the time I am doing "research" or just trying to figure out which emails I could delete. I make up that wasted time by working on the weekend, taking work home, or staying late. But, I waste a lot of time those times too. Gawd yes! That's me, almost constantly. I get in to work (late, of course), have tons to do (which is good, because what little motivation and concentration I do have evaporate if I don't have a specific task to do), and think to myself, 'okay, if I buckle down--heck, even if I fart around a bit--I can get the big stuff done, and be able to leave at a decent hour.'

But I can't seem to work productively. I too spend countless hours doing 'research,' deleting/replying to low-priority mails, etc.

But let me ask something: do you feel high-functioning? I'm so busy running around chasing my tail, waking up and realizing that months have flown by and I haven't started some major projects, getting so bogged down by simple stuff that I can't plan for anything.

Other people seem to think I've done a good job with life, job-wise. But I can't see the forest for the teeny-weeny bug on the branch of that one stoopid tree!

It's not that I feel like a fraud--it's like I feel like a failure sometimes.

Boy did this post hit home. Prior to being diagnosed, I would have that constant feeling that I just wasn't good enough and that everyone would find out I was a fraud. I also had that "everything is going great, but the bottom could drop out at any time" feeling.

I have a Bachelor of Science in Computer Science and received my Cisco Certified Network Professional technical certification, but I still felt I got lucky.

Right before diagnosis, I would think to myself:

"Why do I always interrupt people?"

"Why can't I focus on a task?"

"Why do I make inappropriate comments?"

"Why can't I just fall asleep?"

Being diagnosed really made me understand why I would do the things I did.

When I started college I had a hand written message on a piece of paper on the back of my bedroom door that read:

I will be successful.


I would see it every morning when I woke up. Maybe this helped. :D

Unfortunately, there is a price we highly functioning ADDer's have to pay.

Anxiety, stress and perfection.

Along with ADHD, I was diagnosed with ODC and GAD. Thank goodness for Lexapro. :)

The thing is, everyone projects a different image than they see of themselves.

I was ADD and never knew it until my hearing went and the tinnitus nearly drove me crazy. I then became VERY add and hypersensitive. It was a very unpleasant experience. I have 3 degrees and have worked in a setting that has allowed me to do some remarkable things. In fact, my add has probably been the driving wheel behind my creativity.

My theory is that I was always ADD, and had developed coping mechanisms that worked rather well for me until I developed serious neurosensory issues due to a sudden hearing loss. The stress of that exacerbated my ADD until the coping mechanisms I had developed over a lifetime were no longer working for me and I ended up with adult ADD in a big way.

Once I knew what was happening, things got better, but now I'm now very prone to sensory overload and am still ADD all the time. At age 51, it is a whole new ballgame for me and I have to develop new coping skills and rebuild my life around this syndrome which will never leave me. This is not fun, but it is what I have to work with.

As far as people noticing is concerned..... Most "normal" people (we call them neurotypicals , or "NT's") won't notice that you are ADD unless you are way over the edge. Someone who is ADD or bipolar will spot you pretty fast because they know what is going on, and are so intuitive as to be almost telepathic with others of their kind. After a while you will probably begin to spot other ADDers too.

I work in a similar setting as you. I came out about my add to my friends and to those I have to work with as a team. Most are pretty good about accepting it. Some have NOT been very accepting of my condition. I also have colleages who are ADD, and a few have high functional autism. We also have some very talented people who have Asperger's syndrome. Science, engineering and technology is loaded with these people.

You see, for some reason, people who are ADD/ADHD seem to be attracted to science and technology. Many people with ADD/ADHD are extremely intelligent, and creative.
Some are extremely gifted, and some are multitalented, and some have periods of time when they are amazingly prolific. They are also sensitive, easily exploited, too often misused and far too easily victimized.

It has been said that if not for people with ADD/ADHD, aspies, and high functioning autistic people, there would be NO technological advances, because there would be nobody who was exceptionally gifted, and no "outside the box" thinkers to push things forward. The sad thing is that society rejects these wonderful people as "abnormal" or "defective". Many of them suffer badly as a result of the social isolation they must endure. The truth of the matter is that they are essential to our high tech culture, and are very special people. You are blessed, and one of the very few, so thank the lord for what you have.

Me.



I had to overcome some internal resistance to my ADHD diagnoses because my outward appearance is quite opposite to what you would expect to see in a person with ADHD. I have a successful career, college degree and two professional certifications in a field which really ought to be very ADHD unfriendly. I was even recently nominated for an award.

Despite the fact that all the self-assessments I could find fit me to a T, I was afraid that no one would "buy" that I could have ADD or ADHD. I was afraid that my facade would be so iron-clad that I would not be able to persuade anyone I needed help.

The psychologist explained that I have been overcompensating and obsessing, and that is how I have been able to accomplish as much as I have (and why I have so much anxiety). I was actually diagnosed "moderate to severe" ADHD Combined Type.

It is true that I put in long, mostly unproductive hours at work, just to keep up. My assistant probably can tell that something is not quite right, but I don't think anyone else can. I look busy at my desk, but a lot of the time I am doing "research" or just trying to figure out which emails I could delete. I make up that wasted time by working on the weekend, taking work home, or staying late. But, I waste a lot of time those times too.

So, is this common among ADD adults? Do you present a public personna that is completely different than what you really are?

I agree that the Systems/IT field is filled with add/adhders (future Bill Gate's).

I am adhd, 43 and just recently started medication 2 months ago. I am a Senior Quality Assurance Analyst (Manager in the Systems Department) and I work with some of the oddest people you have ever met.

Us adhd'ers thrive on hopping and popping, moving from one thing to another, breaking things, finding solutions, working with different departments/employees, multi tasking, big picture, giving out of the box ideas.

Alot of people get frustrated working on things that have bugs (the kind with no legs). They want the software when it is fixed and ready to go. (How boring.)

As I mentioned in another thread, an add/adhd person has to have a job they are extremely passionate about so they don't get bored. I have been at my job 25 years. It has changed over the years which makes it new and different and I am able to do what I want pretty much when I want. It makes a big difference and you enjoy going to work.
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Yes, if you are an aspie , they give you a quiet place to work and make you a coder. If you are ADD you get to be sysadmin.... etc.

I used to build rocket payloads. Now I build and sysadmin experimental beoulf clusters. They tried to stick me in a production admin slot and the idea of it drove me nuts.

I cringe when the phone rings and I use two keyboards at the same time. I also type 400 WPM. Got any questions? ... in that case call support...

Been there, done that, got the black T-shirt, cellphone and leather jacket....

Me

herekittykittykittty

I used to have a sign on my door that had a picture of Mark Twain on it.
The caption read.. "Thunder is good, thunder is impressive, but it is lightning which does the work.."

Me


Gawd yes! That's me, almost constantly. I get in to work (late, of course), have tons to do (which is good, because what little motivation and concentration I do have evaporate if I don't have a specific task to do), and think to myself, 'okay, if I buckle down--heck, even if I fart around a bit--I can get the big stuff done, and be able to leave at a decent hour.'

But I can't seem to work productively. I too spend countless hours doing 'research,' deleting/replying to low-priority mails, etc.

But let me ask something: do you feel high-functioning? I'm so busy running around chasing my tail, waking up and realizing that months have flown by and I haven't started some major projects, getting so bogged down by simple stuff that I can't plan for anything.

Other people seem to think I've done a good job with life, job-wise. But I can't see the forest for the teeny-weeny bug on the branch of that one stoopid tree!

It's not that I feel like a fraud--it's like I feel like a failure sometimes.

OK....I see how you are....:)

I have adhd, work in Systems, have black tshirt, cell phone, black leather jacket and will raise you 2 Harleys ('75 and '77 shovelhead.) :)

Yes, the adhders at my work are the Analysts and the ones with Aspergers or OCD are the Programmers.

There's no way us adhders could sit still all day much less be coding all day. We'd rather clean the toilet (which you know add/adhder's don't do.)

I know it is very rewarding for the Programmers I work with daily to think of a program, code it and have it work as designed (until I find a way to break it) but I couldn't do it.

Just like the Programmers I work with couldn't actually carry on an adult conversation with one of the Customer Service Reps that are having a problem with the software that the Programmer coded.

I work with sociopaths (we call one of them Hannibal Lector) and weirdos that look like they could go postal any day. If you talk to them, they freak out. (I love it.)

I do not have to worry about how well I am dressed each day (well, kind of) because most of my system coworkers like to wear stripes with plaids, if you know what I mean. (Some days I wonder why I even brush my hair in the morning.) :)

One particular Programmer that I really enjoy working with (he's quite different) has a bug collection. He buys bugs on ebay and has them displayed in his office in cases. He knows everything about them....but can't find his way to the cafeteria each day.

Yes, if it weren't for us add/adhders in the tech arena, we'd still be talking through tin cans with strings attached because everybody would be afraid that someone might make fun of them if they gave an idea that wasn't the norm.

Gotta go fly my kite in the storm to see if anything happens. I think I might put a key on my kite this time...

Wow. I've been thinking about this a lot lately.

To the outside world I'm a successful IT engineer -- but to myself, I too feel like a 'fraud' and a 'failure'. I feel like I have been deceiving everyone and I don't qualify for what I do. A failure because I could be doing SO much more -- if only I could focus consistently -- and actually organize myself.

I know I drive people crazy at times -- during training or meetings -- I have to be doing something else at the same time. If I have my laptop with me -- I'll do email, etc while in class -- though I'm still absorbing everything.

I've noticed that I've gone farther in what I do than others with higher educations than myself. Under-grad was tough for me since I had so much trouble focusing in class -- needing to take breaks every 15 mins or so. But as an IT consultant -- always switching to different projects -- was great. Now, I've switched jobs w/i my company -- and I can work from home. That has been incredibly hard!!!! Do any of you work from home?

I can definitely pick out my co-workers that have ADD -- I think I've just learned to "fake-it" in the real world. Also, being a woman -- they act surprised when I tell them. But I haven't had any push-back about it. I get more problems just being a woman in a male-dominated field ;)

I've worked with sociaopaths. I usually end up declaring war on them about the time one of them decides it is fun to test my hypersensitivity.... Don't fsck with the geek...

Me

I know exactly how you feel. When I went Management in Systems, there was only one other female in our department besides myself. That was 5 years ago. (I was Union for 20 years.)

Anyway, there are now 5 females in Systems and the rest are guys, which is fine. I work better with guys anyway. Females are always so backstabbing and gossipy. :)

The crazy postal guy that I mentioned earlier would be typing away and if you dare to ask him a question, he freaks out, his head practically starts turning around like on the Exorcist and you can just imagine green fluid shooting out of his mouth. I like to say good morning to him when we pass in the hallway just to see him freak out. He won't look at you and walks very quickly to avoid anyone else saying hi to him. I really hate to have to ask him a question so I usually send him an email even though he's only 2 offices over.)

I can run circles around some of the "Book smart" Systems people that I work with. I would be one of the "Street Smarts". I started going to college 5 years ago just to get into Systems. I went 3 years and took computer classes, management class and business classes. With 2 kids (one who is adhd), it's hard to work and go to school (plus have time to go to the bathroom.) I took off school for one summer just to catch up on my work life balance and now it's been a year. I don't have to get a degree, but my work pays for it if I get an A, B or C. Maybe I will go back next year. It's been a real rough year with my son being in 6th grade though. Who knows.

Anyway, welcome to a fellow female techie.

[QUOTE=VickiS]ProcrastN8 you mentioned anxiety, for me there was always that underlying fear of getting "busted" that my success was all luck, if by accident people got a glimpse of the "real" me or if I lost my "magic powers" of being able to connect the dots it would be game over.[QUOTE]

Yes, my fear of being "caught" is huge. I haven't stayed very long in any one job, partly because of this: I interview really well, so for a while at least, in a new position, I will be the golden girl. But, gradually, the bloom is off the rose, and I really like to move on pretty quickly at that point, so I don't burn any bridges. Sometimes I move within the same company, sometimes leap to a new one. But, maybe that is why I am so nervous about my current job situation. I've been at it for about a year and a half.... the jig will be up sooner rather than later!

kdanik
I'm all over the map this evening, so pardon me while I skip around in text.

Don't feel like a fraud. You are probably doing more than you think. :D

I work from home at times. I'd rather work from home a lot, but my job forces me to show up and be there realtime. I have periods where I am prolific. And I have times where I don't get a lot done. I wrote 14MB in shell scripts for a diagnostic tool BY HAND in a couple of months, while adminning 300 peecees and doing the hardware work on them as well, AND training a newb to sysadmin the clusters. :cool:

The newb thinks he is an NT, but I spotted him as either ADD or HFA. I noticed that he stresses after being in the computer room a while (due to the noise of the fans). NT's don't do that. I figure his traits will be in full bloom after working in the rat race a while. :D

We have a lot of women working here. It is definitely not male dominated here.
I've found that it is often harder to spot ADD in females unless they have it in a big way.
I'm not sure why. Maybe women express it a little differently than men?

Myself, I prefer to focus on one thing. I hate switching around a lot because it drives me into a fenzy and I eventually crash and burn. (mebbe I'm a tad autistic) :confused:

Yah, I notice that when I'm really rolling along that NT's stress when they work with me because the pace makes them dyslexic and they can't keep up. I also notice that I can be really annoyingly stressful to NT's in conversation because I am too , too accelerated at times. :faint:

I have a female colleague who is severly ADD and in denial, it is owning her and she is having a hard time and does not understand why. She is a walking train wreck. I wantto tell her to get to a doctor, but I know for a fact that she would just take it as an attack , etc... so I get to sit and watch someone who used to be a friend fall to pieces. :(

I usually don't tell someone if I spot them as ADD, because undiagonsed ADDers are just too darn scarey. Perhaps if they were a close friend, I might say something (a close friend?, what is that ?). :p

I was spotted as ADD by a colleague who was ADHD, and he tipped me off to it and his comment led me to go to a doctor and do something for myself. I owe him a lot for that.

I don't fake it. I just do my thing. If anyone wants to know that I am ADD, I'll tell them straight up. :soapbox:

Me

Wow. I've been thinking about this a lot lately.

To the outside world I'm a successful IT engineer -- but to myself, I too feel like a 'fraud' and a 'failure'. I feel like I have been deceiving everyone and I don't qualify for what I do. A failure because I could be doing SO much more -- if only I could focus consistently -- and actually organize myself.

I know I drive people crazy at times -- during training or meetings -- I have to be doing something else at the same time. If I have my laptop with me -- I'll do email, etc while in class -- though I'm still absorbing everything.

I've noticed that I've gone farther in what I do than others with higher educations than myself. Under-grad was tough for me since I had so much trouble focusing in class -- needing to take breaks every 15 mins or so. But as an IT consultant -- always switching to different projects -- was great. Now, I've switched jobs w/i my company -- and I can work from home. That has been incredibly hard!!!! Do any of you work from home?

I can definitely pick out my co-workers that have ADD -- I think I've just learned to "fake-it" in the real world. Also, being a woman -- they act surprised when I tell them. But I haven't had any push-back about it. I get more problems just being a woman in a male-dominated field ;)
:confused:

But let me ask something: do you feel high-functioning? I'm so busy running around chasing my tail, waking up and realizing that months have flown by and I haven't started some major projects, getting so bogged down by simple stuff that I can't plan for anything.

Other people seem to think I've done a good job with life, job-wise. But I can't see the forest for the teeny-weeny bug on the branch of that one stoopid tree!

It's not that I feel like a fraud--it's like I feel like a failure sometimes.
No, I don't FEEL high-functioning. I feel frustrated when days at a time go by where at the end of the day, I think, gee, I was busy all day, why didn't I get anything done? The thing is, when I can really get into a zone where I am actually working, I can produce really good work. It is just so hard to get into the zone and once I am in it, it is so fragile.

I do feel like I am somehow pulling off a trick, or a fraud, because I am presenting myself as competent, organized, efficient, and I am none of those things. Then I feel guilty, angry, unworthy, and yes, like a failure.

herekittykittykittty

I used to have a sign on my door that had a picture of Mark Twain on it.
The caption read.. "Thunder is good, thunder is impressive, but it is lightning which does the work.."

Me
I love love love that. Thank you!

I have adhd, work in Systems, have black tshirt, cell phone, black leather jacket and will raise you 2 Harleys ('75 and '77 shovelhead.) :)

I have a lot of trouble with my cell phone. Remembering to keep it charged, remembering to turn it off when I need to and remembering to turn it back on again, trying to find it in my purse if it rings. I have never programmed it either, don't have the patience, so I never have the phone numbers I need.

My leather jacket is black though, does that count?

To the outside world I'm a successful IT engineer -- but to myself, I too feel like a 'fraud' and a 'failure'.;)
This i have felt tho...i remember when i was working as a nurse's aide not to long ago lol...when i was going into a new patient's room i had that instant of hesitation, where i felt i would not be able to take care of this patient properly. It's like all i knew in my brain as what i had learn about thecnics in school dissapeared and one instant later it some kind of automatic shifting that comes on and i know everything is ok.

It's like when i think about what i have to do i get scared, but when i just feel it, i know .

Now, I've switched jobs w/i my company -- and I can work from home. That has been incredibly hard!!!! Do any of you work from home?

I can definitely pick out my co-workers that have ADD -- I think I've just learned to "fake-it" in the real world. Also, being a woman -- they act surprised when I tell them. But I haven't had any push-back about it. I get more problems just being a woman in a male-dominated field ;)

I really don't think I could work from home. Home is where a lot of my problems with disorganization, procrastination, generally being overwhelmed are concentrated. Sometimes I have to escape to work. I may still be struggling at work, but at least there is a structure in place and fewer distractions and options.

By the way, since I am newly diagnosed, I think I see ADD everywhere. How is it only 5% of the population has it, when everywhere I look I see procrastination and innattention??

First of all, I'm male, not female. :D

What you said about the postal guy and college intrigues me....

The postal guy might have sensory issues.

I have sensory issues. I love women, but the pitch of some female voices literally hurts me and I might wince in pain or startle rahter easily. Without some meds to ease it up a little, I'd go postal too (in fact, before I was on meds, I DID go postal at the sound of a telephone ringing). You can't imagine what hypersensitivity and sensory overload is like. NOT FUN.

He might just be so OCD or autistic that any distraction is painfully overwhelming.
Of course he might just be very freaked out to begin with...

You might try making a little noise to get his focus gently (not a sharp noise) as you approach, right before you ask your question. Try not to be "sudden" with the tone of your question.

When I'm focued on the CRT, it feels like a flashbulb went off in my head when someone distracts me suddenly. It is not very pleasant, and it takes me a couple of seconds to recover from the surprise.

Even when I'm not focused on something , if someone approaches me suddenly or if the tone of their speech is sudden, I instinctively startle and you would get to see me jump a little in my chair. I'm kinda used to it, so it is no biggie.

I guess we all have to learn geek protocol....

As far as school and kids go. I know how hard it is. I've been a single parent and in college and it was pretty tough. Hang in there as best you can. It gets better eventually.

Me
...don't mess with the geek.. be kind...

I know exactly how you feel. When I went Management in Systems, there was only one other female in our department besides myself. That was 5 years ago. (I was Union for 20 years.)

Anyway, there are now 5 females in Systems and the rest are guys, which is fine. I work better with guys anyway. Females are always so backstabbing and gossipy. :)

The crazy postal guy that I mentioned earlier would be typing away and if you dare to ask him a question, he freaks out, his head practically starts turning around like on the Exorcist and you can just imagine green fluid shooting out of his mouth. I like to say good morning to him when we pass in the hallway just to see him freak out. He won't look at you and walks very quickly to avoid anyone else saying hi to him. I really hate to have to ask him a question so I usually send him an email even though he's only 2 offices over.)

I can run circles around some of the "Book smart" Systems people that I work with. I would be one of the "Street Smarts". I started going to college 5 years ago just to get into Systems. I went 3 years and took computer classes, management class and business classes. With 2 kids (one who is adhd), it's hard to work and go to school (plus have time to go to the bathroom.) I took off school for one summer just to catch up on my work life balance and now it's been a year. I don't have to get a degree, but my work pays for it if I get an A, B or C. Maybe I will go back next year. It's been a real rough year with my son being in 6th grade though. Who knows.

Anyway, welcome to a fellow female techie.

There are lots of undiagnosed ADDers. Also if you work in tech on the west coast or on the east coast, you have a huge number of ADDers and aspies there who are drawn to the tech jobs. Where I work we have approximately 20% ADD + aspie, etc.

Me



I really don't think I could work from home. Home is where a lot of my problems with disorganization, procrastination, generally being overwhelmed are concentrated. Sometimes I have to escape to work. I may still be struggling at work, but at least there is a structure in place and fewer distractions and options.

By the way, since I am newly diagnosed, I think I see ADD everywhere. How is it only 5% of the population has it, when everywhere I look I see procrastination and innattention??

There are lots of undiagnosed ADDers. Also if you work in tech on the west coast or on the east coast, you have a huge number of ADDers and aspies there who are drawn to the tech jobs. Where I work we have approximately 20% ADD + aspie, etc.

Me
I am in Kansas and I don't have a tech job. Interesting thought. I figured I was just projecting onto everyone!

Anyway, there are now 5 females in Systems and the rest are guys, which is fine. I work better with guys anyway. Females are always so backstabbing and gossipy. :)
I definitely work better with guys -- it may be a competition thing though :eyebrow: Although I'm starting to feel that guys are just as backstabbing and gossipy. (I believe it's call "playing politics" in the business world ;))

Wait -- let me guess -- were you a tomboy too?


Anyway, welcome to a fellow female techie.
Thanks!!

I'd rather work with femalse than males. There is no competetion.

Me

No, you are not projecting. There really is a lot of it about...

Me


I am in Kansas and I don't have a tech job. Interesting thought. I figured I was just projecting onto everyone!

Yah, you get points for having a leather jacket and cellphone. We will forgive you if you run out and buy a half dozen black T-shirts to go with your blue jeans and combat boots.
:p


Me


I have a lot of trouble with my cell phone. Remembering to keep it charged, remembering to turn it off when I need to and remembering to turn it back on again, trying to find it in my purse if it rings. I have never programmed it either, don't have the patience, so I never have the phone numbers I need.

My leather jacket is black though, does that count?

speedo,

Thanks for the suggestion on approaching the postal guy in my department a little more quieter and less evasive than most of adhd'ers normally do ("Hey, I got this thing that's not working blah blah blah"). It just might work. I'll try it on Monday.

As far school, it's a joke in my department in regard to this other Programmer that is "Street Smart" like myself plus he's add non medicate with ocd. He started out going to school, did horrible, got bad grades, didn't pay his student loan... Never went back to school but is super good at what he does when he gets focused. He has multiple projects going at all times which are all almost done. We recently got a new boss who has a big stick that he jokingly carries around. (his staff). When he walks into my friends office with his "stick" and a big smile on his face, that means that he is getting some flack from others that programs have got to be done now. My friend then gets busy and gets it done immediately. He needs that PUSH to get going. Anyway, back to the joke about him. Since he doesn't have any "Book Smarts", we say he went to school at "Teach yourself programming.com". He lives on google. If he is stuck on coding something, he googles it. Google this. Google that.

I can tell by your head hitting the desk that you are a male and not a female. I guess I was typing my message to kdanik while you were typing and yours and yours posted quicker than mine so it looked like I was saying that I could relate to being a female in the systems department to you. It's an adhd thing. :)

definitely and ADD thing. JUST GIMME THE BIG PICTURE NOW!.... :p
I use google a lot too..

Me

speedo,

Thanks for the suggestion on approaching the postal guy in my department a little more quieter and less evasive than most of adhd'ers normally do ("Hey, I got this thing that's not working blah blah blah"). It just might work. I'll try it on Monday.

As far school, it's a joke in my department in regard to this other Programmer that is "Street Smart" like myself plus he's add non medicate with ocd. He started out going to school, did horrible, got bad grades, didn't pay his student loan... Never went back to school but is super good at what he does when he gets focused. He has multiple projects going at all times which are all almost done. We recently got a new boss who has a big stick that he jokingly carries around. (his staff). When he walks into my friends office with his "stick" and a big smile on his face, that means that he is getting some flack from others that programs have got to be done now. My friend then gets busy and gets it done immediately. He needs that PUSH to get going. Anyway, back to the joke about him. Since he doesn't have any "Book Smarts", we say he went to school at "Teach yourself programming.com". He lives on google. If he is stuck on coding something, he googles it. Google this. Google that.

I can tell by your head hitting the desk that you are a male and not a female. I guess I was typing my message to kdanik while you were typing and yours and yours posted quicker than mine so it looked like I was saying that I could relate to being a female in the systems department to you. It's an adhd thing. :)

Hmmm... that "big stick" is a great idea ... that may work :)

I've found the "Street Smart" folks do a lot better in IT -- I mean, the schools and certifications you get don't really prepare you for what you need -- a lot of it is just hands-on -- keep obsessing over it until you find your answer or solve the problem!

One job I had -- I received a significant raise after 5 months on the job -- found out by accident that I was making more before my raise then one of my co-workers doing the same thing who had a masters. I "just" had a BA since I was taking forever in school and wanted to get out quick. What do you mean I can't take every class that sounds interesting to me?

adhdxyz -- I don't know how you manage work/school/kid -- I had a horrible time with work/school/relationship. Keep with it! Getting work to pay for school is huge! Good luck :)

As far school, it's a joke in my department in regard to this other Programmer that is "Street Smart" like myself plus he's add non medicate with ocd. He started out going to school, did horrible, got bad grades, didn't pay his student loan... Never went back to school but is super good at what he does when he gets focused. He has multiple projects going at all times which are all almost done. We recently got a new boss who has a big stick that he jokingly carries around. (his staff). When he walks into my friends office with his "stick" and a big smile on his face, that means that he is getting some flack from others that programs have got to be done now. My friend then gets busy and gets it done immediately. He needs that PUSH to get going. Anyway, back to the joke about him. Since he doesn't have any "Book Smarts", we say he went to school at "Teach yourself programming.com". He lives on google. If he is stuck on coding something, he googles it. Google this. Google that.

I'm curious as to how it works out wit hthe postal guy. If he is an aspie or HFA, you might discover just how warm and gentle they often are.

lemme know if I'm right or worng...

Me


speedo,

Thanks for the suggestion on approaching the postal guy in my department a little more quieter and less evasive than most of adhd'ers normally do ("Hey, I got this thing that's not working blah blah blah"). It just might work. I'll try it on Monday.

As far school, it's a joke in my department in regard to this other Programmer that is "Street Smart" like myself plus he's add non medicate with ocd. He started out going to school, did horrible, got bad grades, didn't pay his student loan... Never went back to school but is super good at what he does when he gets focused. He has multiple projects going at all times which are all almost done. We recently got a new boss who has a big stick that he jokingly carries around. (his staff). When he walks into my friends office with his "stick" and a big smile on his face, that means that he is getting some flack from others that programs have got to be done now. My friend then gets busy and gets it done immediately. He needs that PUSH to get going. Anyway, back to the joke about him. Since he doesn't have any "Book Smarts", we say he went to school at "Teach yourself programming.com". He lives on google. If he is stuck on coding something, he googles it. Google this. Google that.

I can tell by your head hitting the desk that you are a male and not a female. I guess I was typing my message to kdanik while you were typing and yours and yours posted quicker than mine so it looked like I was saying that I could relate to being a female in the systems department to you. It's an adhd thing. :)

You pretty much need to have a master's degree where I work. In fact, they probably won't hire you without at least one of your degrees being an MS or PhD. (That is correct , we have PhD hackers) But you also need to be a die-hard hacker. Anyone who can't throw themselves into it won't be able to do it. We do stuff that nobody else does and we do it pretty good. You have to be able to climb all over the operating system like a monkey. We don't just throw switches, we dig into it pretty deeply.

Me


Hmmm... that "big stick" is a great idea ... that may work :)

I've found the "Street Smart" folks do a lot better in IT -- I mean, the schools and certifications you get don't really prepare you for what you need -- a lot of it is just hands-on -- keep obsessing over it until you find your answer or solve the problem!

One job I had -- I received a significant raise after 5 months on the job -- found out by accident that I was making more before my raise then one of my co-workers doing the same thing who had a masters. I "just" had a BA since I was taking forever in school and wanted to get out quick. What do you mean I can't take every class that sounds interesting to me?

adhdxyz -- I don't know how you manage work/school/kid -- I had a horrible time with work/school/relationship. Keep with it! Getting work to pay for school is huge! Good luck :)

Don't worry, I won't apply :rolleyes:

And .. I worked somewhere that did something that nobody else did and had PhD hackers as well ... I'd go to school forever if I could -- working on my master's now -- so don't worry, not knocking education ;)

You pretty much need to have a master's degree where I work. In fact, they probably won't hire you without at least one of your degrees being an MS or PhD. (That is correct , we have PhD hackers) But you also need to be a die-hard hacker. Anyone who can't throw themselves into it won't be able to do it. We do stuff that nobody else does and we do it pretty good.

Me

Trust me on this one. From experience...if you were adhd, worked fulltime, had an add self-medicating husband waiting for you at home, with an off the chart adhd son, and a pre-pmsing daughter who is more than likely adhd but not yet needing medicine, you would want to do everything in your power to not go home even if that meant going to college at night even if you had absolutely no desire to go since graduating from high school 20 years earlier. :)

(Was that too long of a sentence? Hmmm????? Not for an add/adhd forum I guess.)

While going to school, I was "double dipping" several times, which is what I referred to when I was taking a regular 8 week "in school" class along with a 12 week online computer class. (Not recommended for adhder's but that was a whole different thread.)

I really got burnt out to say the least but luckily I was able to do alot of my homework at work (It helps to have experienced programmers at your finger tips to help with homework.)

I took the summer off from school. Then all the Managers at my work had to take a mandatory Dale Carnegie Course which was one night a week for 12 weeks so I couldn't enroll in the next semester either.

Then after that course ended, we had two big projects at work that I had to be involved in and traveled 3 times so I didn't enroll again.

Now I am just enjoying my spare time typing on the add/adhd forums.

Only 3 more school days for my kids and they are out.

We'll see. I may go back in the Fall. Depends on how bad I want to get away from my add/adhd family again. :)

lets get some people on chat. we seem to be trying to chat here

I'm on chat now.

That's what I love about this forum-it's the "thank goodness it's not just me" forum! This topic definitely strikes a familiar chord in me. I have a graduate education, a successful work history including a good job currently. I blend in on the surface, although my talkativeness (the good ol hyperactivity) is definitely a noticeable trait. But I feel like a big "poser" in life. Everyday household tasks totally overwhelm me. For example I'll hear people talk about doing the laundry-adding bleach to their whites, and I'm like, geez, I just throw underwear, socks and towels all together. I certainly wash regular clothes separately, but not in any elaborate way-everything goes on cold water, same cycle. I never have clothes all put away-it's called picking from the laundry basket on a daily basis. The clothes are clean, but I just don't have the organization to get it all put away. When I'm in other people's houses, everything's all prim and proper and I wish I had the natural born inclination to be that way. Half the problem is that when I start to try to organize, twenty different things pop in my head and I'm off doing another thing which may be related, but nonetheless, twenty things partly organized equals zero TOTALLY organized! And then I think about if people only knew what it's really like in my home life, the chaos... I'd be so embarrassed.
Anyway-it's good to have a place where I can say all this and be understood.

ADDition

I do ALL of those things. It is not unusual for ADDers. The other type of ADDer is a major neat freak and hyperorganized. I think I would impolde if I were in close proximity to one of those people for long. I'm painfully shy and protective of my persopnal space. I rarely let anyone into my home. Only a few trusted people are allowed to enter.
Yes, I am embarrased about how cluttery my place is, but it is MY personal space, and I can live with it, and the world can fsck-off.

Me



That's what I love about this forum-it's the "thank goodness it's not just me" forum! This topic definitely strikes a familiar chord in me. I have a graduate education, a successful work history including a good job currently. I blend in on the surface, although my talkativeness (the good ol hyperactivity) is definitely a noticeable trait. But I feel like a big "poser" in life. Everyday household tasks totally overwhelm me. For example I'll hear people talk about doing the laundry-adding bleach to their whites, and I'm like, geez, I just throw underwear, socks and towels all together. I certainly wash regular clothes separately, but not in any elaborate way-everything goes on cold water, same cycle. I never have clothes all put away-it's called picking from the laundry basket on a daily basis. The clothes are clean, but I just don't have the organization to get it all put away. When I'm in other people's houses, everything's all prim and proper and I wish I had the natural born inclination to be that way. Half the problem is that when I start to try to organize, twenty different things pop in my head and I'm off doing another thing which may be related, but nonetheless, twenty things partly organized equals zero TOTALLY organized! And then I think about if people only knew what it's really like in my home life, the chaos... I'd be so embarrassed.
Anyway-it's good to have a place where I can say all this and be understood.

herekittykittykittty

I used to have a sign on my door that had a picture of Mark Twain on it.
The caption read.. "Thunder is good, thunder is impressive, but it is lightning which does the work.."
Speedo, what does this mean? I understand it's a motivational comment, but I can't figure out what thunder and lightning are referring to...please help.

:o

k'

If I can 'splain it without bungling it..

It means that one can create an impression that something is significant or important. But some things are just hyperbole and lack real substance. The real substance is in getting the job done, and the end result it brings.

In the case of thunder and lightning. Thunder is a big noise, but the thunder is made by lightning, which is doing the real work.

We hear thunder and give it credit for being impressive because it loud and gets our attention. The thunder did not do anything but make a big noise. We might not even see the lightning, which is doing the real work.... I think this was how Mark Twain meant it to be interpreted... :cool:

In terms of everyday life, I had that sign on my door in college.
I put it on the door to remind myself that I was there to do a job. I did not have to be handsome, I did not have to be popular, I was not there to impress anyone. BUT, I had to produce results. Heck I did not have to be anything at all, but I needed to produce somethng substantial at the end of my graduate education (like an acceptable Master's thesis). :soapbox:


Notice how I explained it four different ways ? This is what I do to make sure I get my point across to NT's (they just don't get it unless I draw them pictures with my crayolas.. :eek: ). This is how I overcome my communications barriers... :p

Me :D

Yes, that moment of insecurity, and you just go to work on the task... all the things you have learned kick in and you just do it... A good feeling, really. I think a lot of ADDers are a bit to hard on themselves.

Me.



This i have felt tho...i remember when i was working as a nurse's aide not to long ago lol...when i was going into a new patient's room i had that instant of hesitation, where i felt i would not be able to take care of this patient properly. It's like all i knew in my brain as what i had learn about thecnics in school dissapeared and one instant later it some kind of automatic shifting that comes on and i know everything is ok.

It's like when i think about what i have to do i get scared, but when i just feel it, i know .

Hey I identify with all this too! People say I'm successful since I have several postgrad degrees & a senior executive job. But it feels like hard work to me & I often feel like it is all about to spin out of control, but somehow I keep it all together (usually at the last moment). Most of my career has been in IT as well! :0

I can understand your situation. Life on the bleeding edge is not a very secure thing.
I feels like hard work because it is hard work.

I think add gives me the feeling that the world is caving in on me all the times, so I tend to continually compensate for my fears. I don't know what successful is. I feel like I'm just surviving. Others might see me as successful, I guess, but it does not feel like it.

Me


Hey I identify with all this too! People say I'm successful since I have several postgrad degrees & a senior executive job. But it feels like hard work to me & I often feel like it is all about to spin out of control, but somehow I keep it all together (usually at the last moment). Most of my career has been in IT as well! :0

I guess I fit the bill here too.

I always tried to cover up my deficits with big achievements. It worked very well for a while until I had two children - when you have two kids, you can't disguise the fact that there are no clean socks or you forgot a doctor's appointment with another superachievement, so that was when everything fell apart.

FWIW, I'm a language teacher and own a small language school. I have a small team of teachers and musicians (who put on kids' concerts in English) working for me. So I guess I'm the exception out of all of you clever IT guys and gals.

Now that I've been diagnosed, for the first time in my life I feel free of this "having to make up for being me" feeling. I'm still very driven though - I'm not sure that will ever change much.

I'm a HighFunctioning ADDer (no, really, I am HighFunctioning, for sure!)!

Sorry for the silly pun.

ProcrastN8R said:I had to overcome some internal resistance to my ADHD diagnoses because my outward appearance is quite opposite to what you would expect to see in a person with ADHD. I have a successful career, college degree and two professional certifications in a field which really ought to be very ADHD unfriendly. I was even recently nominated for an award.
This is kind of where I am right now. Seems like I've always had AD/HD folks around me and I've been so outwardly focused on them (hello, projecting???) that I never turned that focus on myself. So when someone suggested that perhaps I should get screened, it was like a huge slap in the face. And in so many ways I've created the perfect (or is it!?) facade that I've got everything under control that most people would be shocked to find out I'm getting tested. In fact, I haven't told a soul, but for the folks on this board.

I feel like Speedo in that
I think add gives me the feeling that the world is caving in on me all the times, so I tend to continually compensate for my fears. I don't know what successful is. I feel like I'm just surviving. Others might see me as successful, I guess, but it does not feel like it.
I know my folks like to focus on the successful things I've done (that's what parents do!) and kind of use it against me when I make decisions they don't agree with "You're such a smart woman, you have a Master's degree, why in the world would you...XYZ?" Which only reinforces my belief that I AM only barely keeping it all together, pretty soon the jig will be up, and everything everyone has ever admired about me or LOVED ME FOR will shatter. Ooooo, the pressure.

And I SO jive with what Kimalima said:
What the world doesn't see, though, is the price that is paid for "maintaining" this image. Anxiety, stress, tiredness, depression, heartburn, etc.
People often say to me "For such a healthy-looking person, you sure do get sick a lot." And even this feels like some kind of failure, all this getting sick. But I know that it is directly related to the stress of maintaining the image. Exhausting work.

Big eye-opener about what folks are talking about in sensory overload/hypersensitivity. Like the phone ringing...jeez, its enough to make me jump out of my skin each and every time. I say to myself "Ok, dear, you've heard phones ring before, this isn't something new." But still. Every time.

VickiS, I totally get you on your reaction to criticism. Same for me. And I hear a lot of power in your words when you say "I recognized opportunities, took the chances and it was me who did the work." Amen, allelulia! You inspire.

Thanks for a great threat.

I mean, thanks for a great threaD!!!!!!!

Freudian slip????