View Full Version : Ask him?

08-03-16, 03:02 PM
Hi Everyone! I'm not sure if this is the right topic, since I'm not in a relationship with the guy, but I would really appreciate your help on this..

I met this guy a few months ago and we really hit it of. He's funny, happy, spontanious, nice.. and I could go on. Exactly what I like. We have a lot lot lot of fun together. We live a couple of hours away from eachother, but he seemed to find a reason to see me a lot. After two weeks he wanted me to meet his parents (I thought that was a.. little fast, but I like him and he was persisting, so I went anyway.)

From the beginning I mentioned he has trouble to sit still and he tells a lot of stories with a lot of side paths, but I didn't bother, because I like it. Afterwards I often got a message from him referring to a story he told and how vague it must have been.. Also he sometimes reacts in an unexpected way, or he leaves without saying goodbye, or with a weird goodbye, and then afterwards he sends me a message saying: It was strange to walk away like that..
Also, a couple of weeks ago something that was very important for him went wrong and he needed a lot of time to process, and we didn't talk a lot, even when I asked how he was doing.

We both like the same comedian and planned to go see him next month, he would get the tickets. Last week he started a conversation about the same comedian and totally forgot that we made plans already. A couple of days later I saw him at an event. He kept waiting till late at night when I was done working. But when he came to talk to me I didn't know what to do. He went on and on and on about all kinds of things. He could'nt stop moving or talking, and he didn't look me in the eyes. I just didn't know how to respond, and felt bad about it. The next morning when I saw him, he was very calm again..

Then I got thinking.. Over the past months he told me a couple of things that I probably didn't pay enough attention to. He told me that he doesn't sleep well, has trouble to get to work on time. Has trouble with time management.(The last one ****** me of a little, because I wanted to come and visit him. So instead of asking why (STUPID ME) I went all grumpy and ignorent because I thought it was a stupid excuse and he didn't want to see me.)

I told my brother (he's a psychology student) about it and he told me he recognized some of the behaviour from ADHD. I don't know anyone with ADHD, and I might be totally wrong, but I'm wondering what you guys think. I'm afraid he tried to tell me, or tried to open up and I just didn't respond to it.. or asked him about it.. I feel horrible about that and I wonder if I should ask him myself.

Sorry for the WAY too long story, and thanks for any response in advance.

08-03-16, 04:56 PM
Welcome to the forum!

He sounds like he could have ADHD. Things like time management, short term memory issues, fidgety and getting side tracked while talking are common symptoms of ADHD.

I think the best thing would be to ask him about it if you really like this guy. Perhaps this could be an opportunity to bond and better understand each other.

Best wishes with it.

08-03-16, 05:17 PM
Thank you so much for the quick response. :) i really like him! So I probably should ask.. im just wondering now what's the best way to put it.. I don't want to make him feel like I think he's acting weird. Cause I don't think so. I just sometimes don't understand..

08-03-16, 06:17 PM
I think since he has already attempted to explain his issues you are half way there.:)

I would bring it up in private when he is not overwhelmed by distractions. I think being honest and letting him know you care for him is a good start. Remind him about the issues he mentioned. Ask him to explain or try and describe them. Try and learn what he goes through. Just let him talk and go off on tangents if necessary and be a good listener.

Now, just ask him if he ever thought it could be ADHD.

I think the fact you took the time to join a forum and research it is awesome! He really needs to know you are sincerely trying to help because you care.

Being sincere and caring would be the key for me. I hope that helps.:)

DJ Bill
08-03-16, 06:30 PM
He might know he has ADD and doesn't want to reveal it to you yet because of being burned by it in the past.

08-04-16, 03:03 AM
Do you think it's better Not to ask And wait till he decides to tell me? I never thought About the possibility that he could be burned. He is super social And talkative with everhbody And seems so sure About himself.. It just didn't come to mind.

08-19-16, 03:57 AM
Maybe its just me but...I dont know if I would like someone who is a new-ish friend to ask me if I thought I had adhd. Its one thing if I were to ask for help or guidance for stuff I need to do. It would be different if I needed advice on what I thought was wrong (assuming I really thought there was a big problem) but for someone to have noticed these things about me, consult a family member and then come back to ask me about adhd? I dont know if I would take that so well.