Anyone have any? I just now missed dinner with the family (they are eating at this restaurant 30 minutes away) because I didn't manage my time well enough and didn't leave on time. Ideally, I was supposed to leave 30 minutes before 5:00, which was the time agreed to meet at the restaurant. I am ready at 20 til 5, but then I start thinking, "my computer is on the island in the kitchen. I don't want anyone getting onto it and reading anything of mine (my dad will do stuff like this whenever he gets the opportunity), so maybe I should change my settings and make a password." Only, changing my settings and making a password took longer than I expected, and I ended up being late again. My mom called the house, I told her I was getting ready to leave, and she told me, "Too late. You're late." She says that she and my dad have always arranged things around me in the past, which made it ok for me to arrive late, but that now they're not doing that anymore because it has done me a disservice (and I agree with her 100%). Does anyone have any tips on how to manage time, and does my scenario I just mentioned sound familiar to anyone?

Time managment remains a challenge for me. I use my pda, timers, chorographs, flow charts, sticky post notes, you name it I use it. Nothing seems to be able to save me from distraction completely.

I'm much better at keeping files away from snooping eyes. :D
Here is a little utility (http://shorterlink.org/262) I used when I ran winduhs to help keep files hidden.
I hope you find it useful. I think it's still a freebie.
Cheers!

Yes, I completely understand what you're going through. I've been getting a little better at managing my time, but it fluctuates. Sometimes it seems like a structured schedule is the only way to go. I don't really have any suggestions, but quite often I am right there with you. In fact, time management is generally the thing I struggle with the most. It's like there is no time to do anything except what you have to do or have plans to do, unless you want to risk not doing evertything you need to do. I'll let you know if I come up with any suggestions.

hmm... i'm terrible at this.

i never get everything done.

and one of my biggest problems, i dont have a good concept of time.
- knowing how much time has passed
- knowing how much time somethign should take

and i never know whether i'm doing something fast or slow.

so i'm the chronic white rabbit

("i'm late, i'm late"..... running down the street or out the door).

i always have beeen. i try to improve but......

Mystic Oracle,
I can relate to your time management issues. I used to be just like that.
It all changed when I moved out of my parents house and couldn't rely on them to bug me to getting going.

Here are somethings I've done to change this nasty problem.

All the clocks in my apartment are set 10-30 minutes slow. I am aware that they are slow, but it still gets me going, because I don't know which one is how many minutes slow.

If a thought pops into my head as I'm getting ready to leave - I write it on a post it note and put it in a visible spot (for me - it goes on my computer, since I use it so much). That way, I'm confident I'll remember what it is I have to do.

I prioritize. I have a lot of to do lists on post it notes. Cross items off as I go. A lot of things don't have to get done immediately.

I allow myself 45 minutes to 1 hour to get ready to go somewhere and that's all that happens during that time (well, other than writing post it notes).

I set a time for activities, like being on the computer. When the beeping from the timer goes off, I have to stop, immediately.

The biggest reason why I was able to change is lack of parent enabling and the consequences that happened when I was left to fend for myself. I realized that being late was selfish. It not only hurt/annoyed family and friends, but it tarnished my professional reputation. Also, if i'm late to work, I could get fired.

I don't know about you guys, but, I would get mad at myself when I was late - and mentally, beat myself up about it. When I started getting to places on time, I was happier and that made me want to be more on time.

One more thing you can do is use positive reinforcement for when you are on time. Buy yourself something or allow yourself to do something special everytime you are on time. Once you are more consistant, fade the reinforcement to every 3-4 consecutive times you are on time.

Good luck!

I realized that being late was selfish. It not only hurt/annoyed family and friends, but it tarnished my professional reputation. Also, if i'm late to work, I could get fired.

I don't know about you guys, but, I would get mad at myself when I was late - and mentally, beat myself up about it. When I started getting to places on time, I was happier and that made me want to be more on time.
Now, the sentence "I realized being late was selfish." stood out to me. To me it's not really compatible with the rest of what you wrote that I've quoted. For example that you would mentally beat yourself up about being late. (I've done that many times too.) I wonder if you'd mind explaining how you mean? I would like to know how you're thinking. :)

Anyone have any? I just now missed dinner with the family (they are eating at this restaurant 30 minutes away) because I didn't manage my time well enough and didn't leave on time. Ideally, I was supposed to leave 30 minutes before 5:00, which was the time agreed to meet at the restaurant. I am ready at 20 til 5, but then I start thinking, "my computer is on the island in the kitchen. I don't want anyone getting onto it and reading anything of mine (my dad will do stuff like this whenever he gets the opportunity), so maybe I should change my settings and make a password." Only, changing my settings and making a password took longer than I expected, and I ended up being late again. My mom called the house, I told her I was getting ready to leave, and she told me, "Too late. You're late." She says that she and my dad have always arranged things around me in the past, which made it ok for me to arrive late, but that now they're not doing that anymore because it has done me a disservice (and I agree with her 100%). Does anyone have any tips on how to manage time, and does my scenario I just mentioned sound familiar to anyone?
What would happen if your parents and you would decide together that:

a, Things are not going to be arranged around you.

b, However, you do have a problem with time management, and even though you're trying your best you may slip.

I don't know how late you were, but they might for example order and say "Ok, you're missing dinner, but you might always join us for dessert." I'm not saying that this is the ideal solution, not at all, it would be more of a make the best of it when your late scenario. Of course it depends on how your parents would feel about this too. If they would be in a bad mood because of you being late it might not be the best idea.

One thing which I find crucial when I'm running late is to phone the other person to tell them and apologize. This shows them that I care about it, and it allows them to do something else than to just stand somewhere and wait for me. Like: "NN, I'm sorry, but I've just missed the train. I'm going to be 15 minutes late." This might seem obvious, but since a friend of mine has pointed out that I do this when I've mentioned my problems with getting places on time, I thought it worth mentioning. Apparently she knows people who may be an hour late, or even not show up at all, without letting her know about it.

Now, the sentence "I realized being late was selfish." stood out to me. To me it's not really compatible with the rest of what you wrote that I've quoted. For example that you would mentally beat yourself up about being late. (I've done that many times too.) I wonder if you'd mind explaining how you mean? I would like to know how you're thinking. :)
I don't mind explaining at all, ClearConfusion :)

It took me a while, after years of running late, to realized that it's selfish to be late. I was making other people wait for me. A friend would have to miss the first 10-15 minutes of a movie, or my mom and dad would have to wait to order food at a restaurant, another staff would have to sit with the child I work with, using their limited prep time for me, etc. I feel this is selfish, especially when I look at what was making me late; I would press snooze, take a long time deciding what to wear, play on the computer, watch TV. Most of the time, what was making me late wasn't important, it didn't have to be done at that moment.

When I was late, people told me how annoyed they with me. Then I'd, mentally, beat myself up about it and stress about it because what was making me late was dumb stuff. But, that never made me change.

Moving out on my own finally made me deal with time management. I had to hold myself accountable. The more I was on time, the happier I was - I stopped beating myself up and I didn't hear how annoyed people were with me, I wasn't stressed about being late anymore. This has helped me to continue to be on time, even early (sometimes).

I still slip once in a while. But, now, I do what ClearConfusion does - call.

Is this a better explaination, ClearConfusion? Thanks for asking me to clairfy.

I have a sales rep working for me who is chronically late for meetings and appointments with customers. His apologies are sincere and he always has a great excuse.
I think it is rude and disrespectful to make someone wait for you in business; why would it be any different with friends or family?
For me, time is my most precious commodity. I do an extremely good job wasting time on my own, it drives me nuts to be at the mercy of someone else,

Do I know what you mean?
My wife of 13 years EXPECTS me to be 30 minutes late or later than the time I say I will be somewhere or later than the time I'm "suppose" to be there.

The biggest piece of advice I can give you is FIRST: stop getting down on yourself for being late. It doesn't help.
Also, being late is only a problem when it truly affects your life. Like being late for work can cause you job loss.....those sorts of things.
In the grand scheme of things being late for dinner with ANYONE isn't worth beating yourself up over.
One of the biggest things that I'm still dealing with after being diagnosed 7 years ago is ACCEPTING who I am especially during those "ADD moments."

Also, you might take a look at whether some of the things that you are late for aren't because you really didn't want to go in the fist place but you said yes either to be nice or just so you wouldn't have to have the longer conversation that comes with saying no.
My second piece of advice to manage your time is to start SAYING NO to requests on your time.
The less you have to manage the easier it will BE to manage.

Third and final suggestion: Read the book "To do, Doing, Done."

Read this book. (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1580626971/qid=1116828292/sr=1-24/ref=sr_1_24/104-6142936-8134358?v=glance&s=books)

I don't mind explaining at all, ClearConfusion :)

It took me a while, after years of running late, to realized that it's selfish to be late. I was making other people wait for me. A friend would have to miss the first 10-15 minutes of a movie, or my mom and dad would have to wait to order food at a restaurant, another staff would have to sit with the child I work with, using their limited prep time for me, etc. I feel this is selfish, especially when I look at what was making me late; I would press snooze, take a long time deciding what to wear, play on the computer, watch TV. Most of the time, what was making me late wasn't important, it didn't have to be done at that moment.

When I was late, people told me how annoyed they with me. Then I'd, mentally, beat myself up about it and stress about it because what was making me late was dumb stuff. But, that never made me change.

Moving out on my own finally made me deal with time management. I had to hold myself accountable. The more I was on time, the happier I was - I stopped beating myself up and I didn't hear how annoyed people were with me, I wasn't stressed about being late anymore. This has helped me to continue to be on time, even early (sometimes).

I still slip once in a while. But, now, I do what ClearConfusion does - call.

Is this a better explaination, ClearConfusion? Thanks for asking me to clairfy.
Thanks for explaining livinginchaos! :)

Do I understand it right that it wasn't until other people told you that they were annoyed with you for being late that you'd beat yourself up mentally?

When my mother grow up she and my grandfather often had to wait for my grandmother when going somewhere. My mother, noticing how annoying it could be, then decided that people would not have to wait for her. She has really stressed the importance of not making people wait, even a bit too heavily I think; because just as my grandmother I too have time management problems and the thought "I'm going to be late again!" has often made me panic. I'm not sure that's always the most constructive thing to do...

To me the importance of being in time for a certain event depends on if there are people dependant on me being there or not. It's more important to me to be in time for having coffee with a friend who will have to wait for me otherwise , or for work where someone else might have to do my job if I'm not there, than to a class or lecture, cause then it only affects myself if miss a part of it. Maybe some will say it's disrespectful of the lecturer, but I don't agree. I will try to be on time, but I won't panic if I'm not.

Read this book. (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/1580626971/qid=1116828292/sr=1-24/ref=sr_1_24/104-6142936-8134358?v=glance&s=books)
Book title: "Get Organized and Accomplish More in Less Time"
Isn't that the theme of ADHD? Or is it "Get the impossible Accomplished with No Time (Because you waited until the eleventh hour)" :D

This discussion is an example of how mental illness (or uniqueness) is so misunderstood in our society. Would your family be mad at you for being late if you were blind and got lost? Maybe.

Frequently things like this make me think of the Bible story in which the disciples asked Jesus if the blind man was born that way because of his parents' sins or his own, and Jesus said: neither. We no longer think having the flu is a judgement from God, but there's still a desire to place the blame with someone's neglect or thoughtless germ spreading.

Mental issues are just light years behind other illnesses with regards to society's prejudices.

Not all of us have a faithful spouse or friend (never mind a boss or client) who accepts our lateness as part of who we are as we take time to attend to details when we think of them so they won't be left undone later.

Not all of us have a faithful spouse or friend (never mind a boss or client) who accepts our lateness as part of who we are as we take time to attend to details when we think of them so they won't be left undone later.[/QUOTE]sosninity

I take a completely different view; I believe even with ADD I have to take responsibility for my actions. I'd never get out of the house if I felt because of my "illness" (BTW I have NEVER EVER considered myself mentally ill) I had the privilege to attend to details while the rest of the world waited for me.

I completely agree with you, VickieS
"I believe even with ADD I have to take responsibility for my actions." VickieS

I don't understand why people should accept lateness. As you have stated previously - it's rude and disrespectful.

I refuse to use my having ADD as an excuse. Just because I have ADD doesn't mean I can't work on my deficits - like any other person in this world, it may take more time and effort, but it is possible. If I kicked this horrid lateness habit, anyone can.

A bit off topic . . . . .
here is just one thread on ADD re: mental illness or disorder. Like VickieS, I have never, ever considered ADD to be a mental illness.
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=17920&highlight=mental+illness