View Full Version : Donít Worry About Yourself With Me


aeon
08-13-16, 11:58 AM
I used to work with a man named Edd. Edd was a character, and if he found you willing to talk about music, you would hear of his love and adoration of Prince. Inasmuch as I love music, and I am more than willing to talk about it, I heard a lot about Prince from Edd. And that was OK.

Edd absolutely had the gift of gab. In fact, he could begin talking and go on for some time, seemingly without taking a breath. His words flowed like a river, sometimes like a river after seasonal rains.

And Edd was a master of the non sequitur. Heíd always eventually return to the main topic, but there were always these tangentials. I could always follow along, because in some ways my brain was like Eddís brain. Edd suspected he had ADHD, but he was not diagnosed as such, I think in part because he could not sit still long enough to manage an appointment for an assessment. Of anyone I have ever known, Edd seemed as driven by a motor.

Other of my coworkers were fond of Edd, even loved him, resulting from their working together for over 20 years. Yet, at the same time, almost all of them found Edd annoying, such was his presentation and seeming lack of self-awareness. They simply could not endure Eddís gabbing, much less follow along.

I never found Edd annoying. Not at all. In fact, I took great pleasure in knowing Edd, and hearing him talk.

I suspect that my ADHD, Primarily Inattentive type, had something to do with that. I simply ďgotĒ Edd, and his non sequiturs felt like being on a carnival ride, with all the fun and the energy of that. And I would secretly think to myself that there was another human being that would non sequitur like I sometimes do, and I was glad.

But I think there is a deeper reason, based on a need of mine, and perhaps my deepest need of all. I need intimacy. I need to know and I need to be known. Such is my need that it has informed every social engagement I have ever had.

So in the case of Edd, I think part of the reason I was not annoyed by him is because my need to hear him, to know him, was greater than any other concern.

I had another coworker named Mark who was somewhere on the autism spectrum. High functioning to be sure, but Mark absolutely did not have a filter. He simply said what he thought as he thought it. Brash doesnít even begin to describe it.

Now I liked Mark a lot, in part because Mark was completely incapable of any social games or routines, so I always knew where I stood with him. When his critique was directed at me, it was in a way withering, but not, because I knew he was not being mean, and in truth he was a keen observer of other peopleís behavior. He could see things in me that I could not see for myself.

Other people had less patience for Mark, often much, much less. But we got on OK.

In my experience, people who worry they are annoying are never annoying to me. I accept people as they are, and I allow for a wide range of presentations.

Part of that could be my brainÖIím just not wired to find annoyance in othersí behaviors where many others would.

But I think the biggest part is my need for intimacy. My need to know people, to hear their stories, to know what makes them who they areóthis need is so great that other concerns are secondary at best, and social concerns that interfere with my need are dismissed if necessary.

Quirky is cute, eccentricity is lovely, and weird is just beautiful, because each is a clue that points to a deeper truth, and I want to witness what it is.

So for just a few moments, forget about yourself and dare to tell me about who you are, and why. I wonít be bothered, and I wonít be offended, and you will help me to meet my need.


Cheers,
Ian

stef
08-13-16, 01:13 PM
I love people īs stories
Even if i dont share their hobby or passion
I have coffee every day before work with 2 women and the owner and her friend who works neaby talk about their friends and lives its so interesting

My mom could not stand this in people and stopped seeing a dear longtime friend bc " all she ever talked about was the dog" ( she had a standard poodle in shows).

Fuzzy12
08-13-16, 02:07 PM
That's amazing and I'm glad that people like you and stef exist.

I'm more like stef 's mom. I can't bear people talking too much. Absolutely can't bear it. I find it almost physically painful.

I've always hoped though that some day I'd meet someone whom I could tell everything. Every tiny little thing. Someone who could know me in my entirety. Without having to fear that ill be judged or that I will feel ashamed. Unfortunately, I don't think I could be that someone for anyone else. Unless it comes in small bite sized easy to digest doses.

:)

midnightstar
08-13-16, 02:38 PM
I'm not much of a talker irl unless you get the conversation about pets started :o I'm more of a listener :)

And stef, Fuzzy and aeon you are wonderful :grouphug:

spamspambacon
08-13-16, 04:10 PM
Quirky is cute, eccentricity is lovely, and weird is just beautiful, because each is a clue that points to a deeper truth, and I want to witness what it is.

So for just a few moments, forget about yourself and dare to tell me about who you are, and why. I wonít be bothered, and I wonít be offended, and you will help me to meet my need.


Cheers,
Ian


I like quirky. That word goes a good deal towards describing me. (I'm typing on my keyboard and it's so freeking hot here my fingers are sweating...argh!!)

I'm also
Funny.
Angry.
Scared.
Unpretentious
Proud
Happy
Thoughtful
Careful
and
Eager

right now.

Who knows what tomorrow brings....

maysarieltiff
08-14-16, 11:14 PM
I find myself also very accepting of "quirky" people. One of my best friends can talk forever on end and I love her for it. I still meet her for coffee and I still mostly sit quiet because I know that she needs to vent and get things out that she cannot elsewhere.

This can take patience, but in a good way. She needs me, and I am there for her. I only hope that I am there for others in this way, at least at some point in our relationship.