View Full Version : i think my bf got sick of me


fosterthehuman
08-18-16, 02:20 AM
in the beginning of my relationship w/ my bf. i would stay at his place a lot, and i remember him saying that he would be sad when i moved into my new apartment. so months go by and i'm still usually over his place. but we had issues in the relationship and there were times where he would yell and scream at me and call me names and stuff basically he was verbally abusive and he's still working on it but sometimes during our arguments i would tell him that i should go stay at my place, or i brought up a couple of times that eventually i should start sleeping at my place more to him.

but i kept staying over his place and one night it got so bad that i left him didn't talk to him for almost a week. but we got back together weeks later and at first he was like "we moved in way to soon together" and i thought that too. but i got so used to being around him that when we got together again, i did the same thing and stayed at his place. but then money got tight on all of us (it's his mom's place btw) and there was a time where he told me that i can't keep using so many resources of his (food, transportation, ect.) and i was like okay i'll help you guys out more and i won't even be here that much.

but i stayed over more cause i got depressed again and didn't want to sleep alone anymore and then i had a money issue and had to ask him for more rides and stuff. now i think he's tired of me, and plus he's been angry still and yells at me. it's gotten worse cause now he's smacked me in the face twice and pushed me on the couch during some of our fights (he never really did that before). and sometimes now when he's upset at me cause i did something, he'll say that i'm being punished for what i did so i can't stay at his place (his mom's) but hours later he'll say he just needed some space and that i should stay at my place.

but when he's yelling at me, he'll say, you could have stayed at my place and everything would have been cool, but you ****** it up. and he'll make it seem like he wants me to stay. idk i'm just so confused. could i have some advice? what can i do to better this? i feel like i caused all of this and if he wants space that's fine, but then he'll call me and say he wants to pick me up idk

plus not too long ago, i had a huge money problem (i accidently had been using credit for a couple of months, thinking i was paying debit, idk how it happened. i never receieves a credit card so i never knew i had one and i took money out of it not knowing smh) and so for a few weeks, my bf was helping me , like letting me stay at his place again and ect. i would always just do my laundry there, he drove me to and from work back to his place which is 20 mins away, he lets me eat the food they have there, and his couch that he sleeps on isn't that big so it pretty much squishes us together so i understood sometimes when he would ask me to sleep on the floor.

yesterday, we went to the movies but when i tried to buy my ticket at the machine, my card got declined (this is the second time i've done this in a month but the other time i was by myself cause i didn't check it and my roommate had just deposited a $70 check i wrote him a few months back. so my bf had to pay and he was like "i don't want to go return our tickets cause that'll be embarrassing" i felt dumb.

like i couldn't do anything right, and honestly i can't do anything right. my bf was like "how could you not know that he was gonna deposit it? did you just think he was going to keep it?" i got upset and started arguing with him. ik i was being rude. i said "sorry for being poor" in a sarcastic way and i also walked out of the movies to go to the bathroom but i didn't tell him where i was going so he thought i left and texted me asking if i did, i texted back and told him where i was but by then he said he already returned the tickets and was about to leave and said that i can find my own way home.

so i ended up taking an uber (i don't have a car) to his place cause i still had to get my stuff and then when i got there i was like "can i get he rest of my stuff out of your car?" and he was like "hold on" and i was kind of irritated and was like "you told me you wanted me to leave so" and he just kept telling me to wait, then he hugged me and we made up somehow and at first he was like "i can take you home tonight, or i can drop you off tomorrow, let me know what works for you." and i stayed over.

then he did the same thing again, we literally went to the movies again to try to reconcile things but during the movies i told him i was gonna go to the bathroom, then i texted him in the bathroom and said i'm gonna go ahead and call my dad. and after the movies, i asked him what he was doing cause i thought he was looking for something. and he got upset and said why can't i just be normal and go with the flow and he just took me to work and said that i'm staying at my place tonight cause i don't know how to be a normal person, he's told me that he's sick of me, when he's angry and when he's not angry. and now i feel useless.

he picked me up from work and took me to my place. and some of my stuff was packed. i asked him if this was still a punishment and he said no. he said he just needs space cause i've been stressing him out. and that i need to take care of myself. he was like "i wanted a gf not to be someone's personal assistant" i started cyring in front of him. and he was like "i'm not breaking up with you." ik he wasn't. i just didn't know what else to do. then when he tried to hug me i put my hands up and backed away a little bit. idk why i just felt so numb. idk. and he was like "you're pushing me away, why do you do that" i feel worthless.

and the thing is, he's right. i've been so depressed that i wasn't taking care of myself properly. i did take advantage of him and his mom's livingg situation. i need to learn how to handle money better. i caused a lot of this. ik and he knows that he shouldn't get that angry and that he doesn't mean to put his hands on me or yell but honestly i made it really difficult on not only just him but his mom as well. ik i already ****** a lot of things up but is there any possible way i can change? maybe become better? i would like some advice and it hurts but i need to hear it.

Hermus
08-18-16, 02:34 AM
There are a lot of things here that sound to me like you're in a very unhealthy relationship with your boyfriend. Him shouting at you and being verbally abusive and him hitting you should be really unacceptable. It sounds like he is keeping you dependent by letting you use his resources. This way the cycle of abuse will be sustained.

My only advice would be to get out of this relationship before even more damage to you or your feeling of self-worth is being done. It's just not a situation you should be in. I'm sorry for you having to endure all this.

sarahsweets
08-18-16, 02:42 AM
First Ill say this...that wall of post almost made me skip this, I happen to be a good scanner and then decided to wind my way through all the red flags..

now i think he's tired of me, and plus he's been angry still and yells at me. it's gotten worse cause now he's smacked me in the face twice and pushed me on the couch during some of our fights (he never really did that before). and sometimes now when he's upset at me cause i did something, he'll say that i'm being punished for what i did so i can't stay at his place (his mom's) but hours later he'll say he just needed some space and that i should stay at my place.

I was going to go more line-by line but I saw this and froze. FORGET IT. LEAVE HIM AND DO NOT GO BACK! No one has the right to put their hands on you, its not normal or heathly and never ok. Do not listen to anything he has to say or want, get your sh*t and go. Also, go to the police station and file a report. It might be too late to have him arrested by get something on record and possibly a restraining order.


but when he's yelling at me, he'll say, you could have stayed at my place and everything would have been cool, but you ****** it up. and he'll make it seem like he wants me to stay. idk i'm just so confused. could i have some advice? what can i do to better this? i feel like i caused all of this and if he wants space that's fine, but then he'll call me and say he wants to pick me up idk

plus not too long ago, i had a huge money problem (i accidently had been using credit for a couple of months, thinking i was paying debit, idk how it happened. i never receieves a credit card so i never knew i had one and i took money out of it not knowing smh) and so for a few weeks, my bf was helping me , like letting me stay at his place again and ect. i would always just do my laundry there, he drove me to and from work back to his place which is 20 mins away, he lets me eat the food they have there, and his couch that he sleeps on isn't that big so it pretty much squishes us together so i understood sometimes when he would ask me to sleep on the floor.

and said that i can find my own way home. so i ended up taking an uber (i don't have a car) to his place cause i still had to get my stuff and then when i got there i was like "can i get he rest of my stuff out of your car?" and he was like "hold on" and i was kind of irritated and was like "you told me you wanted me to leave so" and he just kept telling me to wait, then he hugged me and we made up somehow and at first he was like "i can take you home tonight, or i can drop you off tomorrow, let me know what works for you."

He LEFT you there??? You shouldnt have even gone to his house, you should have gone home, and gone back the next day with someone to get your stuff.
He is a classic abuser-and sending you confusing messages. You are very co-dependent and need some help leaving this fool.


and i stayed over. then he did the same thing again, we literally went to the movies again to try to reconcile things but during the movies i told him i was gonna go to the bathroom, then i texted him in the bathroom and said i'm gonna go ahead and call my dad. and after the movies, i asked him what he was doing cause i thought he was looking for something. and he got upset and said why can't i just be normal and go with the flow and he just took me to work and said that i'm staying at my place tonight cause i don't know how to be a normal person, he's told me that he's sick of me, when he's angry and when he's not angry. and now i feel useless.

he knows that he shouldn't get that angry and that he doesn't mean to put his hands on me or yell but honestly i made it really difficult on not only just him but his mom as well. ik i already ****** a lot of things up but is there any possible way i can change? maybe become better? i would like some advice and it hurts but i need to hear it.
Of course he knows he shouldnt put his hands on you- the thing is he doesnt CARE. If he did, he wouldnt. What did your Dad say?

Do not deal with him again without support. He can and may KILL you.

TheFitFatty
08-18-16, 02:58 AM
Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave.
He is an abuser, it will not get better it will only get worse!

You must leave now. Pack up your things, go somewhere safe, do not call him, text him or let him know where you are. Just leave. Do not answer his calls. And file a report with the police.

None of his behavior and nothing about your relationship is healthy. :(

fosterthehuman
08-18-16, 03:20 AM
also i should have made this more clear, when he smacked me, it was just a light slap on the face. but it hurt a little more. sometimes we play fight with each other but at that time, he seemed serious so i was scared and asked him why he did that and he said cause he was mad at me. i've lightly slapped his face before too when were playing like if i was upset at him i'll smile and then do it but we always know when it's just fun. i don't want it to seem like he hurt me horribly or anything. he's never hit me, sorry for any confusion

midnightstar
08-18-16, 03:37 AM
Him hitting you - even lightly - is still a red flag. It'll only get worse so you need to do whatever you can to get out of there and never go back.

:grouphug:

fosterthehuman
08-18-16, 03:39 AM
the only things he's done besides that were push me, grab my shoulders, my hair, pinch me, and one time he grabbed my leg until i told him to stop cause he hurt.

midnightstar
08-18-16, 03:41 AM
The only time anyone should ever yell at you is if you're in immediate danger, that's another red flag :grouphug:

Hermus
08-18-16, 03:47 AM
Nobody should have the right to get his hands on you, yell at you or call you names. That's abusive behaviour and you just shouldn't accept that. There is never an excuse for that, not even if he's mad at you and not even if you live at his place and use his stuff. Please leave as soon as you can. As others have said, this situation isn't healthy.

TheFitFatty
08-18-16, 03:50 AM
That's abuse foster. All of it. It will only get worse the longer you stay with him. Leave.

Fuzzy12
08-18-16, 03:57 AM
also i should have made this more clear, when he smacked me, it was just a light slap on the face. but it hurt a little more. sometimes we play fight with each other but at that time, he seemed serious so i was scared and asked him why he did that and he said cause he was mad at me. i've lightly slapped his face before too when were playing like if i was upset at him i'll smile and then do it but we always know when it's just fun. i don't want it to seem like he hurt me horribly or anything. he's never hit me, sorry for any confusion

He smacked you because he was mad at you. That's not play fighting. That's violence.

It doesn't matter if he hurt you horribly or not. The next time you might get horribly hurt. There's no fixing this relationship. I'm sorry. You need to leave.

Fortune
08-18-16, 04:15 AM
Going to add my voice to the chorus of "leave him." He is definitely abusing you, you definitely do not deserve to be abused, and you definitely deserve better than him.

Little Missy
08-18-16, 06:44 AM
Tell all of this to your dad and see how he reacts.

Socaljaxs
08-18-16, 03:15 PM
I don't care how much you stress him out or **** him off or make someone upset... There are a bunch of other ways for a person to respond that doesn't include any form of physical assault.. He does not have the right to put his hands on you while,angry EVER! The simple fact that you don't see this as a problem is terrifying in it self..

This thread has shown the escalation of angry and sadly you won't get out if this self- esteem I'm,a screw up I need to better myself thought process, until you leave and gain your self- respect back. It will only internally,get worse not better until you kick angry boy out of your life.. You are better than this and deserve way more from a person than this nonsense... Know your worth! You're worth fighting for, so fight for you.

the only things he's done besides that were push me, grab my shoulders, my hair, pinch me, and one time he grabbed my leg until i told him to stop cause he hurt.

Not an excuse pretty much just shows its gonna keep escalating and getting more and more dangerous for you... Punishing you.. Get real you can have,him stick a lumpish meant up Some else with that nonsense.

also i should have made this more clear, when he smacked me, it was just a light slap on the face. but it hurt a little more. sometimes we play fight with each other but at that time, he seemed serious so i was scared and asked him why he did that and he said cause he was mad at me. i've lightly slapped his face before too when were playing like if i was upset at him i'll smile and then do it but we always know when it's just fun. i don't want it to seem like he hurt me horribly or anything. he's never hit me, sorry for any confusion

Little Missy
08-18-16, 03:20 PM
This is it. TTG. Time To Go, and never, ever, look back, go back, or even speak with him ever again. For any reason.

And tell your dad.

TurtleBrain
08-18-16, 03:41 PM
Your bf sick of you? He was already sick before he even met you. You should be sick of him by now.

Stop making lame excuses for his behavior and dump him like the plague. You worth much better than how he's treating you.

fosterthehuman
08-18-16, 11:49 PM
First Ill say this...that wall of post almost made me skip this, I happen to be a good scanner and then decided to wind my way through all the red flags..



I was going to go more line-by line but I saw this and froze. FORGET IT. LEAVE HIM AND DO NOT GO BACK! No one has the right to put their hands on you, its not normal or heathly and never ok. Do not listen to anything he has to say or want, get your sh*t and go. Also, go to the police station and file a report. It might be too late to have him arrested by get something on record and possibly a restraining order.


but when he's yelling at me, he'll say, you could have stayed at my place and everything would have been cool, but you ****** it up. and he'll make it seem like he wants me to stay. idk i'm just so confused. could i have some advice? what can i do to better this? i feel like i caused all of this and if he wants space that's fine, but then he'll call me and say he wants to pick me up idk

plus not too long ago, i had a huge money problem (i accidently had been using credit for a couple of months, thinking i was paying debit, idk how it happened. i never receieves a credit card so i never knew i had one and i took money out of it not knowing smh) and so for a few weeks, my bf was helping me , like letting me stay at his place again and ect. i would always just do my laundry there, he drove me to and from work back to his place which is 20 mins away, he lets me eat the food they have there, and his couch that he sleeps on isn't that big so it pretty much squishes us together so i understood sometimes when he would ask me to sleep on the floor.


He LEFT you there??? You shouldnt have even gone to his house, you should have gone home, and gone back the next day with someone to get your stuff.
He is a classic abuser-and sending you confusing messages. You are very co-dependent and need some help leaving this fool.


and i stayed over. then he did the same thing again, we literally went to the movies again to try to reconcile things but during the movies i told him i was gonna go to the bathroom, then i texted him in the bathroom and said i'm gonna go ahead and call my dad. and after the movies, i asked him what he was doing cause i thought he was looking for something. and he got upset and said why can't i just be normal and go with the flow and he just took me to work and said that i'm staying at my place tonight cause i don't know how to be a normal person, he's told me that he's sick of me, when he's angry and when he's not angry. and now i feel useless.


Of course he knows he shouldnt put his hands on you- the thing is he doesnt CARE. If he did, he wouldnt. What did your Dad say?

Do not deal with him again without support. He can and may KILL you.

Thank you, It actually helps to hear from another perspective. And my dad barely knows about any of this, he heard a few things that I told my mom but I didn't even tell my mom the whole story, she just knows that he's pushed me and called me names once.

Ktown85
08-19-16, 12:16 PM
Oh sweetie I feel for you here.. people like us have enough mental /emotional anguish on our own, you DO NOT need nor deserve this kind of treatment.

Lloyd_
10-08-16, 06:48 AM
in the beginning of my relationship w/ my bf. i would stay at his place a lot, and i remember him saying that he would be sad when i moved into my new apartment. so months go by and i'm still usually over his place. but we had issues in the relationship and there were times where he would yell and scream at me and call me names and stuff basically he was verbally abusive and he's still working on it but sometimes during our arguments i would tell him that i should go stay at my place, or i brought up a couple of times that eventually i should start sleeping at my place more to him.

but i kept staying over his place and one night it got so bad that i left him didn't talk to him for almost a week. but we got back together weeks later and at first he was like "we moved in way to soon together" and i thought that too. but i got so used to being around him that when we got together again, i did the same thing and stayed at his place. but then money got tight on all of us (it's his mom's place btw) and there was a time where he told me that i can't keep using so many resources of his (food, transportation, ect.) and i was like okay i'll help you guys out more and i won't even be here that much.

but i stayed over more cause i got depressed again and didn't want to sleep alone anymore and then i had a money issue and had to ask him for more rides and stuff. now i think he's tired of me, and plus he's been angry still and yells at me. it's gotten worse cause now he's smacked me in the face twice and pushed me on the couch during some of our fights (he never really did that before). and sometimes now when he's upset at me cause i did something, he'll say that i'm being punished for what i did so i can't stay at his place (his mom's) but hours later he'll say he just needed some space and that i should stay at my place.

but when he's yelling at me, he'll say, you could have stayed at my place and everything would have been cool, but you ****** it up. and he'll make it seem like he wants me to stay. idk i'm just so confused. could i have some advice? what can i do to better this? i feel like i caused all of this and if he wants space that's fine, but then he'll call me and say he wants to pick me up idk

plus not too long ago, i had a huge money problem (i accidently had been using credit for a couple of months, thinking i was paying debit, idk how it happened. i never receieves a credit card so i never knew i had one and i took money out of it not knowing smh) and so for a few weeks, my bf was helping me , like letting me stay at his place again and ect. i would always just do my laundry there, he drove me to and from work back to his place which is 20 mins away, he lets me eat the food they have there, and his couch that he sleeps on isn't that big so it pretty much squishes us together so i understood sometimes when he would ask me to sleep on the floor.

yesterday, we went to the movies but when i tried to buy my ticket at the machine, my card got declined (this is the second time i've done this in a month but the other time i was by myself cause i didn't check it and my roommate had just deposited a $70 check i wrote him a few months back. so my bf had to pay and he was like "i don't want to go return our tickets cause that'll be embarrassing" i felt dumb.

like i couldn't do anything right, and honestly i can't do anything right. my bf was like "how could you not know that he was gonna deposit it? did you just think he was going to keep it?" i got upset and started arguing with him. ik i was being rude. i said "sorry for being poor" in a sarcastic way and i also walked out of the movies to go to the bathroom but i didn't tell him where i was going so he thought i left and texted me asking if i did, i texted back and told him where i was but by then he said he already returned the tickets and was about to leave and said that i can find my own way home.

so i ended up taking an uber (i don't have a car) to his place cause i still had to get my stuff and then when i got there i was like "can i get he rest of my stuff out of your car?" and he was like "hold on" and i was kind of irritated and was like "you told me you wanted me to leave so" and he just kept telling me to wait, then he hugged me and we made up somehow and at first he was like "i can take you home tonight, or i can drop you off tomorrow, let me know what works for you." and i stayed over.

then he did the same thing again, we literally went to the movies again to try to reconcile things but during the movies i told him i was gonna go to the bathroom, then i texted him in the bathroom and said i'm gonna go ahead and call my dad. and after the movies, i asked him what he was doing cause i thought he was looking for something. and he got upset and said why can't i just be normal and go with the flow and he just took me to work and said that i'm staying at my place tonight cause i don't know how to be a normal person, he's told me that he's sick of me, when he's angry and when he's not angry. and now i feel useless.

he picked me up from work and took me to my place. and some of my stuff was packed. i asked him if this was still a punishment and he said no. he said he just needs space cause i've been stressing him out. and that i need to take care of myself. he was like "i wanted a gf not to be someone's personal assistant" i started cyring in front of him. and he was like "i'm not breaking up with you." ik he wasn't. i just didn't know what else to do. then when he tried to hug me i put my hands up and backed away a little bit. idk why i just felt so numb. idk. and he was like "you're pushing me away, why do you do that" i feel worthless.

and the thing is, he's right. i've been so depressed that i wasn't taking care of myself properly. i did take advantage of him and his mom's livingg situation. i need to learn how to handle money better. i caused a lot of this. ik and he knows that he shouldn't get that angry and that he doesn't mean to put his hands on me or yell but honestly i made it really difficult on not only just him but his mom as well. ik i already ****** a lot of things up but is there any possible way i can change? maybe become better? i would like some advice and it hurts but i need to hear it.

Have you ever considered that maybe right now it's not the right time to be in a relationship???

Have you considered maybe you should focus on getting yourself into a better financial situation to where you wouldn't be so dependent on him or other guys for stuff like 'rides' etc?

Sounds like you have trouble with being by yourself and alone, I would definitely work on this and work on being happy when you are alone because if you cannot be content when you're alone then certainly will be in discontent when you're in a relationship.

Forget relationships and having fun all the time, build yourself up so people won't be able to tear you down.

fosterthehuman
10-10-16, 07:18 AM
Have you ever considered that maybe right now it's not the right time to be in a relationship???

Have you considered maybe you should focus on getting yourself into a better financial situation to where you wouldn't be so dependent on him or other guys for stuff like 'rides' etc?

Sounds like you have trouble with being by yourself and alone, I would definitely work on this and work on being happy when you are alone because if you cannot be content when you're alone then certainly will be in discontent when you're in a relationship.

Forget relationships and having fun all the time, build yourself up so people won't be able to tear you down.

I've known for months that it isn't the best time for me to be in a relationship. I've communicated this to him and told him that I understand if my issues are getting in the way of our relationship, i'ved asked him if he's wanted to break up. He said that he doesn't and that still wants me in his life even if there are difficult times or if i screw up or am really depressed. And i'm okay when i'm alone, I don't need him there all the time next to me. I'm just at his place a lot cause we end up always seeing each other and then he ends up having me sleep over. There's many times where i'm just home alone at his place and he's at work. I hope i'm not coming off angry or defensive, I guess i just want to make sure that it's clear that I do take time for myself and do things fot myself, I don't always include him in things. I do understand about the financial situation though, that's why I've been doing my best at paying him back and his mom back whenever I have the money. And ik this is gonna sound mean, bit seeing your post just gave me so much self doubt about myself. Like i honestly don't know if i'm the problem again. But I fo appreciate the advice. I just feel like i'm crazy though. But i'm used to it I guess

midnightstar
10-10-16, 08:58 AM
Foster you are NOT the problem :grouphug: Everyone here will back you up, you need to kick him out of your life forever - no appeal :grouphug:

fosterthehuman
10-10-16, 09:04 AM
Foster you are NOT the problem :grouphug: Everyone here will back you up, you need to kick him out of your life forever - no appeal :grouphug:

He's my best friend though. Honestly, my only real friend. I just don't know how to go about doing that.

midnightstar
10-10-16, 09:09 AM
He's my best friend though. Honestly, my only real friend. I just don't know how to go about doing that.

Best friends don't treat each other like you described, I would want the best things for mybest friend - it's how the friendship thing works, friends don't want to hurt each other so tbh you need to make other friends who will treat you well, instead of getting treated like crap like your bf does :grouphug: