View Full Version : GF dumped me because I take anxiety/ADD meds (need to vent / rant)


Rockkso
08-18-16, 01:06 PM
I just got dumped by someone because of my condition(s). Literally. Was in a new-ish relationship (3 months) with a woman that just ended a week ago. Things were going great - we had tons of fun together, lot in common, sex was fantastic, we met and liked each others friends, etc. The relationship progressed (we had the "we are exclusive now / boyfriend-girlfriend talk) and she keeps telling me how she's falling for me and is so excited to be with me. This finally gives me the comfort to open up to her about my psych issues, and I give her my history:

1) Diagnosed with panic disorder at age 22, been seeing therapists and taking low doses (50-75mg) of Zoloft for ten years to treat it successfully.

2) Diagnosed with ADHD-PI eight months ago, been taking 15mg Adderall XR and doing weekly CBT / organizational strategies with a therapist.

Initially she seems very understanding and supportive, but within a day after this conversation she is noticeably distant. Less physical touching on our next date, less eye contact, etc. Two days go by without any texts or calls from her and I call her. She doesn't pick up, and then dumps me via text without explanation an hour later. I text her back to find out what the hell is going on and she finally admits that it's because of our earlier conversation. "You're a great guy but I need someone who is "there" with me. I can't be with someone who is numbing their feelings with pills all the time".

What. The. Hell. This (ironically) enrages me. Numbing my feelings with "pills"? I'm not some f-ing vicodin junkie. I'm taking prescribed medications (at fairly low doses, no less) under doctor supervision to treat a neurological condition. And they have helped me tremendously. Before I started sertraline I was having 10 panic attacks a day and couldn't even function as a human being. It was a living hell. Therapy and sertraline gave me my life back. And before I started Adderall I felt like I was living in a brain fog my whole life. I have a lot more work to do to treat my ADD but I can at least focus on basic things now.

When I hear people say stuff like "you're numbing your feelings" or "you don't need that stuff" it is such a slap in the face. Why do people think it's OK to say stuff like this to people with psych conditions? It's so messed up. This stuff is real. It's scientifically-backed. Been studied for decades. Would anybody tell a nearsighted person "you don't need glasses" or a diabetic person "you're numbing your pancreas with insulin"?

Sorry, I just needed to rant. In the long run it's good I found out that this girl is NOT a supportive partner so that I can find a new one that is. But it still hurt so much to be abandoned because I am actively getting HELP with a pair of conditions that have damaged my life for so many years. I know this is going to subconciously make it more difficult for me to trust the next girl I date with disclosing my issues.

ToneTone
08-18-16, 04:27 PM
Bummer man, my heart goes out to you ... Figuring out when to disclose is really challenging ...

I think you're right in that ... this woman had a weird view of medications ... "numbing feelings with pills all the time." Clearly the words of someone who has not taken psychiatric pills ... So probably had you waited, she still would have flaked on you ...

I do think it's OK to disclose late in a relationship ... Generally you want to wait until the person really can see your strengths ... it sounds like you waited a good while ... But another woman won't necessarily react like this one ....

Total bummer ... earlier this year I disclosed a former compulsion/addiction to someone I was starting to date ... and she freaked out ... She didn't say my disclosure was the reason ... But I think it was ... She already knew about my meds, but when I disclosed some of the history behind the meds, she seemed to get scared ... So brother, I do genuinely feel for you ...

You didn't do anything wrong ... just keep that in mind ... and move on to the next person ... That's what I'm trying to do.

Tone

Laserbeak
08-18-16, 05:19 PM
If she wasn't able to understand you and your situation, she obviously wasn't the right girl for you. Better to find out earlier than later!

I hope you find someone more understanding.

spamspambacon
08-18-16, 05:36 PM
I would much rather date a guy who DOES take meds for issues he may have, than date a guy who needs those same meds, but does NOT take them.

Hermus
08-18-16, 05:46 PM
So sorry for you that this didn't work out. This girl definitely wasn't the right girl for you, although I can see how it may hurt if you have been together for three months and have developed feelings for her. However, some people just don't understand and can't live with it.

Had a somewhat similar situation with an ex-girlfriend. She knew at a quite early stage that I was diagnosed with ADD. At first she didn't make a problem out of it, until at a certain point she decided that she would be annoyed by me being chaotic anyway. That while I took her aside some time before that and tried to talk to her about how we could deal with it. Literally her only reaction was: 'Ok, can I go back to playing my game now?' So when she dumped me I first was very angry that she wasn't willing to even discuss how to deal with it together and then dumped me for it.

Now I believe that her unwillingness to talk about it in the first place just showed that it wasn't meant to be. If someone doesn't want to talk about such an important matter, there's not much common ground to build a relationship on.

aeon
08-18-16, 05:59 PM
Friends first solves this would-be problem. :)


Cheers,
Ian

Fuzzy12
08-18-16, 06:00 PM
She's an idiot. It's a pity and I'm sorry you had to listen to her rubbish but there are lots of them around.

sarahsweets
08-19-16, 01:44 AM
Next time you see her tell her to go f**k herself.

TheFitFatty
08-21-16, 02:37 AM
Ahh, that sucks! But wow, congratulations on getting rid of that dead weight! Can you imagine if she hadn't told you how shes feels about meds? You'd be stuck with someone who disbelieves you and probably trying to undermine you all the time to get you to stop taking them.

Walk away with your head high! There's loads of understanding women out there and I'm sure you'll meet one! :)

TotalChaos
09-06-16, 09:20 PM
im diabetic... have been dumped before cause of it.. **** on em... I used to care but not anymore, Ive a fine wife now and am a happy camper, had to sort through a lot of those type of people though, I dont take meds cause I want to, and Ironically I wouldnt eat so much candy if I were not diabetic... Life is different for all people, we are better coming from a place of attempted understanding than Critque.

KarmanMonkey
09-08-16, 02:50 PM
Some people have a hard time sorting things out when their perception of somebody changes. You should see how things go at work when I mention to a colleague that I struggled with suicide for years.

Some people are looking for a flawless significant other. Those people don't exist. Instead, I'm thrilled to have found a person who is perfect because her flaws fit so well with mine :-)

Sorry to hear how things turned out. Hopefully you'll find someone who isn't so closed minded and prejudiced. The fact that she broke up with you before talking to you about her concerns tells me that she really needs to work on her communication skills.

When I was dating I'd try and find a way to test the waters a bit; bring up the subject of mental health or ADD without it being about me (I'd cite a news report or article) and see what her attitudes were like... Based on the discussion, I'd know if there was potential there or if I should cut my losses.

Ultimately I ended up with someone who knew me during my mental health crisis, so it was on the table long before we started dating.

Twiggy
09-08-16, 03:08 PM
Must of been a shallow female. Sometimes people just want to know you only skin deep.

There are other more understanding people in the world.