View Full Version : How significant do you feel?


anonymouslyadd
08-19-16, 10:58 PM
When I'm alone with my thoughts, I sometimes wonder how significant I am. I often wonder if I'm cared for or whether I would be missed if gone. Do you feel like you're important in your own world? What's a healthy way of looking at the self in this light?

peripatetic
08-19-16, 11:22 PM
i admit i can be very "out of sight, out of mind", but i would miss you if you were gone.

i do feel like i'm important in my own world, yes. i think many people feel like the protagonist in the story of their lives. frankly, my concern is the opposite: i worry that i would be missed and thus tend toward self isolating if i'm not doing well.

to your question about significance, on a larger scale, we are but propagating the continuation of a species. but then, it's the interpersonal connections i have which act as a tether in the world and i suspect i'm not alone in that. in those relationships, i know i'm at least moderately significant. sometimes that's overwhelming to feel though. for me it can create an amount of pressure/expectation that i don't feel capable of living up to or justifiably expected to be.

anonymouslyadd
08-19-16, 11:32 PM
i admit i can be very "out of sight, out of mind", but i would miss you if you were gone.
Why is it that the people most close to me in my life had no idea how much I struggled living in the area I grew up in?

When I talk to my dad (once) or my brother (a few times), they have no clue at how much I struggled living where I grew up. Now, I live hundreds of miles away from them and am thriving. My self-confidence has never been more high. I make jokes to complete strangers and they laugh. I try different things and am beginning to challenge myself again.

acdc01
08-19-16, 11:37 PM
I pretty much never think about how important I am (unless a similar question is brought up here or unless mass layoffs are going on at work). Though I know my family would miss me.

Hermus
08-19-16, 11:38 PM
Sounds somewhat familiar, anon. I come from ****town, the Netherlands. It really is a place where if you aren't completely conforming to their smalltown norms you will be relentlessly bullied. Still my parents don't seem to get how awful it was to grow up in a narrow minded place like it and how it has contributed to ruining my youth.

anonymouslyadd
08-19-16, 11:41 PM
I pretty much never think about how important I am (unless a similar question is brought up here or unless mass layoffs are going on at work). Though I know my family would miss me.
I always wonder if people care about me or not. I wish I could put it to rest.

peripatetic
08-19-16, 11:58 PM
Why is it that the people most close to me in my life had no idea how much I struggled living in the area I grew up in?

When I talk to my dad (once) or my brother (a few times), they have no clue at how much I struggled living where I grew up. Now, I live hundreds of miles away from them and am thriving. My self-confidence has never been more high. I make jokes to complete strangers and they laugh. I try different things and am beginning to challenge myself again.

i can't say for certain, but i suspect it's because *they* didn't have those struggles and people often project themselves onto others' lives. what i mean is, people you grew up with, your father, your brother...likely didn't struggle in the same ways or don't process it as you do, so they don't, perhaps cannot, see it.

sometimes as well, those you are closest to in ways are not those who know you best. that may be a function of family...there are people in my family who've seen me most every year for my entire life and still i'm like an alien to them, and then others, i can think of a few on here, who know me as i am in ways most of my family perhaps never will.

Unmanagable
08-20-16, 08:19 AM
I rarely ever feel fully understood, fully accepted, or fully supported, especially by those closest to me........until I'm able to sit with myself and tap into the self-love I was never taught to nurture.

I typically do that more often when I'm left feeling depleted by the lack of what I want to feel from others. If I allow myself to focus on the lack, I feel more lack, period.

The rare times I DO feel fully supportive energies from others, then I sort of feel pressured to keep living up to it, or feel 'on guard' in hopes of not screwing up their confidence or belief in me, so it's quite a catch 22 when it comes around.

I feel that I've learned, or at least hopefully have learned, that all those feelings of acceptance and validation that I so desperately longed for from others has actually been right here inside of me this whole time. Figuring out the way(s) to get in there to it was the tricky part.

Little Missy
08-20-16, 08:42 AM
I always wonder if people care about me or not. I wish I could put it to rest.

I feel the same every single day.

The worst part is that some people that seem to care about me make me not want to have anything to do with them.

peripatetic
08-20-16, 08:49 AM
I always wonder if people care about me or not. I wish I could put it to rest.

i have times like that. there are some people i do believe conssitently care about me. maybe i disagree with how that care should present, but i do believe they care. perhaps too much.

but there are loads of people i have no idea. and what would it mean if they did? it seems comforting if i think about feeling isolated/alienated to know that people care, but it seems really heavy as an obligation to be worthy of it or not screw it up by not living up to expectations... though that's a lot of my experience when it's negative. or i just don't know.

but i've been surprised before to find out who does care. it's not always who you'd expect.

i care though, anon. i always am rooting for you and wishing you well xx

psychopathetic
08-20-16, 08:57 AM
((((((((((((((Anons))))))))))))))

That's some pretty deep and sad thinking :(

I have actually thought of this just within the last few months. But it's not something I thought about for long.

I'm a very quiet person. I'm like a mouse I'm so quiet. My neighbors don't even know I live next to them! :p

I also avoid all of my extended family. I don't know what that's all about but I think it's got a LOT to do with how much of a loser I feel I've become in life...and I feel so ashamed of it (of being unemployed) that I just do everything I can to avoid everyone like a plague. Seeing them and interacting with them just brings up my self hatred and extreme discomfort I have in who I am...so I've completely closed them out of my life.

My mom had TONS of family in town over a period of 3 weeks for the 4th of july this year (they always come each year). 20+ family members. Aunts and uncles and cousins...and I didn't see a single 1 of them during the entire time. I worked hard locking myself into my apartment and avoiding them.

My point is...is not a whole lot of people in the 3d world even know I exist. I'm very cut off and quiet. My parents would be really sad...so would one of my grandmas. The rest of my extended family would be sad of course...but I can't imagine my death being of much significance to them...I've broken off all my relationships with them.

And I'd be missed by some people online. But even them...they'd wonder where I was, and hope I'm doing well...but they'd go on without me and forget about me rather quickly.

I'm not significant at all.

psychopathetic
08-20-16, 09:09 AM
i care though, anon. i always am rooting for you and wishing you well xx

I second Pers here. I care about you too anonsy!
That goes for you too Unsy, Miss Miss, Peri, and a great number of other people on these forums.

:grouphug:

peripatetic
08-20-16, 09:21 AM
And I'd be missed by some people online. But even them...they'd wonder where I was, and hope I'm doing well...but they'd go on without me and forget about me rather quickly.

I'm not significant at all.

i know we don't know each other super well, but you're not insignificant in my mind, to me, to others.

every day i see people on my profile friends box who've been inactive for a little or a long period of time. i miss them dearly. i know where most are. some lost the war; some simply aren't here anymore but are in touch; some i don't know where they are and, of those, some i worry about more and some less.

you'd be surprised at how meaningful people can be to each other. you are likely much more significant than you think. well, surely you are since you say you aren't significant at all. you would be remembered. and you would be missed. i don't say that to add pressure because i would hate pressure being added to me. so, there's nothing you owe anyone here either. but you are cared about/for. i'm sure of it.

stef
08-20-16, 09:40 AM
Im often suprised by people genuinely caring and understanding

anonymouslyadd
08-20-16, 01:14 PM
Im often suprised by people genuinely caring and understanding
Surprised that people do it because it doesn't happen often?

anonymouslyadd
08-20-16, 01:22 PM
i care though, anon. i always am rooting for you and wishing you well xx
Why, though? Why do you care about me? I appreciate it and everything but sometimes I don't understand why people care about me.

Little Missy
08-20-16, 01:34 PM
Why, though? Why do you care about me? I appreciate it and everything but sometimes I don't understand why people care about me.

Because you pick yourself up and keep on trying. Doing new things, working on yourself, sharing all of your work, successes and disappointments with us.

peripatetic
08-20-16, 01:49 PM
Why, though? Why do you care about me? I appreciate it and everything but sometimes I don't understand why people care about me.

it's complicated. i can't say exhaustively why i care about any individual, but i can list some considerations if that helps...?

we have a history
i see you as a person and know you as a specific person
you're more than a username is what i'm saying
i've seen you struggle and ask for help
you've been supportive of me at times when i've been grieving and when i've been unwell
you've asked me for guidance
we've quarreled but come out better, closer friends as a result
you're worth caring about


that's off the top of my head. you could also add the fact that we've had lengthy phone conversations and exchanged other communication off this forum. as far as caring about you due to traits, as missy expanded upon, i agree with her that the fact you are always reaching to improve and that you do your best to share yourself on here and give and receive support... a lot of it comes down to the fact that you're a person. one i know and have known for several years. we've been through a lot, really. even if we're not in touch constantly, i will care about you because you've been a part of my life.

psychopathetic
08-20-16, 02:30 PM
Why, though? Why do you care about me? I appreciate it and everything but sometimes I don't understand why people care about me.

That's a tough question to answer. haha Peri and Miss Miss sure did a great job of it though!

I guess I've never been asked this question from someone before.

I think the answer is different for everyone. Why I care about my grandma is different from why I care about you...even though there'd be a ton of reasons that are the same or similar.

There's also no complete answer I could ever give you on this.

I care about you...cause I can relate with some things with you, because you've comforted me and have shown interest in my well being, because you often make very intelligent posts, because you've shown time and again that you're caring, you're also open about yourself and don't judge others for being the same...

That's just a very small list.

I don't know you of course in real life...but from who you are in my mind...which has been gathered over the months from the posts you've made...I get that you're a stand up, nice guy who I trust here on these forums. And that's the biggest thing I think...trust. I trust that you're who you say you are because you've been consistent with who you are here over time. If I didn't trust you, I'd never really care about you in a positive way.

(((Anons)))

Unmanagable
08-20-16, 02:51 PM
I care about you the same as I care about all living be-ings. I've always been told I care too much, but oh well. That's just me.

Some I've grown closer to and the caring may grow deeper, others I may never even meet or cross paths with in real life, but I still give a damn about the well-being of all living be-ings.

We all breathe, love, hate, hurt, and feel. No one is any less than another. Although we're taught just the opposite from the day we're brought into this existence. Which is likely why we constantly question ourselves and our worthiness.

anonymouslyadd
08-20-16, 08:02 PM
I don't know you of course in real life...but from who you are in my mind...which has been gathered over the months from the posts you've made...I get that you're a stand up, nice guy who I trust here on these forums. And that's the biggest thing I think...trust. I trust that you're who you say you are because you've been consistent with who you are here over time. If I didn't trust you, I'd never really care about you in a positive way.

(((Anons)))
Wow, psycho. That is quite nice of you. I guess one of the most important things to me is that I have people's trust, something I value greatly in myself.

Thanks for your support and contribution to the forums.

BellaVita
08-20-16, 08:46 PM
I feel insignificant but this gives me a sense of "awe" realizing how little I am and that I'm just a microscopic spec in the universe.

In my own world, I do feel significant to the right people, but after years of abuse and getting picked out as the One to get abused, I'm quite content not being the center of attention in that very negative way.

I do feel loved and the people I have in my life are there for a reason - because they have been good to me and they actually love me and care for me.

aeon
08-22-16, 11:31 AM
I feel significant because I have positive effect on (some) people’s lives.

Some more, some less, and most of all my own.

And other people have effect on me as well, and I am grateful for that.

Part of that is recognizing the gifts and love you bring to the world, and part of it is being open and receiving what is given to you.

Don’t devalue yourself...the world would be a different place, and less, without you.


Namaste,
Ian

WheresMyMind
08-22-16, 01:29 PM
When I'm alone with my thoughts, I sometimes wonder how significant I am. I often wonder if I'm cared for or whether I would be missed if gone. Do you feel like you're important in your own world? What's a healthy way of looking at the self in this light?

I struggled with this until I realized that:
1) I cannot control anybody else. Including what they think of me.
2) Since I can't control them, then it would be silly to wrap any of my emotions around what they think of me.

I find it much easier going to do what I do, notice whether it seems to be beneficial to someone else, and do more of what benefits others, while making sure I still take care of me as #1 priority.

I no longer care if I'm significant.

I do care if I'm useful.

WMM

julialouise
08-23-16, 03:54 PM
On an average day, I am generally optimistic and I have a great love for existence because the concept of it just amazes me all the time and I think about how every person is a vital part of the time and place they exist in

But when I get into a depressive episode, I feel absolutely worthless, I wish I could die, I feel like I'll never be successful or accomplished or just in a comfortable life situation. I feel like I'm going to be lonely forever, romantically and spiritually and friendship-wise. But then I do remember that I have some close friends and that I would never want my mother to grieve over me (and I know she would) and that typically snaps me back into remembering that I am just as important as everyone else

sarahsweets
08-24-16, 01:29 AM
I feel both significant and insignificant. I feel insignificant when I think of my little place in this huge world. Does what I do matter? If I dont recycle will I cause the climate to change? Does what I say here matter? Am I even thought of here when I take breaks?

But then I roll it back...I feel like when other people have told me what I said means something to them, or helped them, then my significance is valid. When Ive done a random act of kindness, I feel a part of the world. When I have said something meaningful to someone and theyve told me so, I feel like I have helped them.
When I do the next right thing, I think I am contributing to the greater good.
I like to look at myself as the stone, and everyone else I deal with like ripples in a pond. What I give out and off spreads out around me- if its bad and negative eventually it will make its way back to me through energy so its important for me to do my best to make it good stuff.

Unmanagable
08-24-16, 09:36 AM
I feel both significant and insignificant. I feel insignificant when I think of my little place in this huge world. Does what I do matter? If I dont recycle will I cause the climate to change? Does what I say here matter? Am I even thought of here when I take breaks?

But then I roll it back...I feel like when other people have told me what I said means something to them, or helped them, then my significance is valid. When Ive done a random act of kindness, I feel a part of the world. When I have said something meaningful to someone and theyve told me so, I feel like I have helped them.
When I do the next right thing, I think I am contributing to the greater good.
I like to look at myself as the stone, and everyone else I deal with like ripples in a pond. What I give out and off spreads out around me- if its bad and negative eventually it will make its way back to me through energy so its important for me to do my best to make it good stuff.

This was f'n beautiful. I tried to send rep, but it says I have to wait. The ripples......powerful stuff for me. It's one of the things I so often see in my sitting still meditation practices. Thank you.

Fuzzy12
08-24-16, 10:18 AM
When I'm alone with my thoughts, I sometimes wonder how significant I am. I often wonder if I'm cared for or whether I would be missed if gone. Do you feel like you're important in your own world? What's a healthy way of looking at the self in this light?

I sometimes feel I'm too significant when it comes to family. I don't want to be that important to them. Same with the very few friends who still seem to care for mem it sounds horrible but it seems more like a burden to me.

Otherwise especially at work j sometimes feel overlooked or forgotten and I don't like that either.

I take myself way too seriously for my own liking as well. I often wish I could detach myself or be more objective and less affected by what happens to me or my needs desires etc. My world can't cope with too much of me either.

From a universal point of view I think we are all totally insignificant and that's fine with me. I couldn't cope with the responsibility if my actions actually had an impact on the universe and everything anyway.. :lol:

anonymouslyadd
08-28-16, 10:54 AM
I struggled with this until I realized that:
1) I cannot control anybody else. Including what they think of me.
2) Since I can't control them, then it would be silly to wrap any of my emotions around what they think of me.

I find it much easier going to do what I do, notice whether it seems to be beneficial to someone else, and do more of what benefits others, while making sure I still take care of me as #1 priority.

I no longer care if I'm significant.

I do care if I'm useful.

WMM
Maybe this is what I can learn during this time. Maybe I'll be able to apply this to my life.

sarahsweets
08-28-16, 12:19 PM
Hey Anon: Put down the bat- youve beaten yourself up enough. :)