View Full Version : Sensitive to being yelled at, sensitive in general


RjoyD1
08-21-16, 03:40 AM
Is any body else sensitive to being yelled at, also yelling,or anger in general?

I can't stand it. It's an assault on my senses more than other emotions...hurts my ears, hurts my feelings, vibrates my bones (I know,sounds weird)

Is any body else sensitive to others feelings or sensitive in general?

Or am I alone in this respect.
I was just wondering is all. :-)

peripatetic
08-21-16, 04:06 AM
sorta.

i don't like yelling. though i've yelled. still, i don't "yell at people" and i wouldn't stand for being "yelled at". and though i've been outraged and i don't have a problem with someone being angry with me--it doesn't hurt my feelings--so much as bitterness or hate can go too far for me to be comfortable with. i'm unable to hold major grudges, so, because i can't carry strong anger or hatred very long, it's sometimes a little tense or something to be in the presence of one who can.

i think many on here are sensitive to others' feelings more strongly than i am, but i don't like when people project their feelings onto me and i'm really uncomfortable when people express certain feelings about me to me. not anger though. i'm actually pretty good at expressing and acknowledging others' anger. others' expressing worry or concern about me, however...paralyzes me.

anonymouslyadd
08-22-16, 07:19 PM
I am.

Simargl
08-22-16, 07:25 PM
I am very sensitive to being yelled at. My parents, especially my mom, yelled at me all the time.

I also react poorly to being snapped at for the same reason.

I typically shut down and go inward but I've also lashed-- I guess it depends on the situation and how far I'm pushed.

aeon
08-22-16, 07:48 PM
I am very sensitive to being yelled at. My parents, especially my mom, yelled at me all the time.

I also react poorly to being snapped at for the same reason.

I typically shut down and go inward but I've also lashed-- I guess it depends on the situation and how far I'm pushed.

^This.

I have associations with it of being beaten, locked away, denied food, etc., so it used to be a real trigger.

Now it will leave me rattled, but I wonít dissociate or suchlike.

I just figure someone taught that person the only way to be heard was to yell, and thatís unfortunate to say the least.

Most human beings are ďsensitiveĒ to being yelled at. Thatís normative.


Cheers,
Ian

Pugly
08-22-16, 08:23 PM
I'm sensitive to yelling. I can't really stand it when someone does it around me. I get on edge. Fortunately I don't really experience yelling in my adult life too often.

I mostly detach though. I can just float off in my mind if it's not too intense. Sometimes though if people are bickering with no peaceful resolution in sight, I get to a point where I just have to leave.

Delilah
08-22-16, 10:22 PM
I'm very sensitive in general, more than I'd like to be at times. I don't do well with anger or yelling, few do I suppose. Much more so when I was younger, though, I just couldn't react or find the words or response I wanted, so I tended to shut down. My ex, many years ago, recognized this and used to purposely push me to this point. I have more of a backbone than I did back then, but it's still a work in progress, as are many other things :rolleyes:

stef
08-22-16, 11:58 PM
im very sensitive to any tones of voice so yelling affects me, profoundly

BellaVita
08-23-16, 12:42 AM
Yes I am.

Heck, it doesn't have to even be yelling...I'm super sensitive to tone of voice so if it sounds a bit off (I often misinterpret tone) I can get really hurt. I've been this sensitive since I was a little girl. :o Teachers would have to be very careful with their voice when speaking to me, or I would literally break down crying right there if I had a sensitive reaction to their voice. (So umm, I broke down crying quite a bit in school, all because I was sensitive to their tone)

I can't even stand hearing other people fighting with each other (like couples in an argument) - it puts me on edge and makes me overloaded. I have to get AWAY from that if it happens near me. I also seem to absorb their emotions strongly.

Because of this, I'm quite sensitive and self-conscious about raising my own voice and making sure to sound kind.

madmax988
08-23-16, 01:33 AM
not only sensitive-allergic to getting yelled at here. yelling over me will likely end up with a scuffle,easily turning into a fullon brawl.im not even kidding.Thats the only way I respond.

salleh
08-23-16, 04:20 AM
....I do not remember any instances of voices raised at home when I was growing up ....then again, my father didn't have to, he was big and scary without having to raise his voice ....and my mom was also raised with no yelling ...so, we woudl get upset ...we'd just bury it deep ...

....Some years ago, I was living with a guy and his friend was staying with us ....and his friend told my boyfriend ....Oh Salleh really doesn't care about you cause she never yells at you .... which I thought was a twisted way to view yelling ......


...I don't take being yelled at or criticised at all well.....and I DO yell when provoked....but you have to really set my temper on fire before I will .....and then it's Katy bar the door, the Irish is loose in her !

acdc01
08-23-16, 05:17 AM
I'm sensitive to my parents yelling as I've heard them screaming so much of my life. I resent that they did that so much in front of me.

Otherwise, I usually disassociate. Perhaps that's cause I'm too sensive, not not sensitive, not sure.

Bluechoo
08-23-16, 08:54 AM
I'm extremely sensitive, it is a quality that I depend on when feeling my way around my music to find the subtle tones. Being sensitive allows me to gauge others' emotions and get a better read on people.

When I was younger I thought my sensitivity was a weakness, something I needed to work on, a sign that I needed to grow thicker skin on the back of my neck. Now I am a little more mature and I see it as a gift that I could not live without. Many of my formerly supposed flaws, in this manner, are turning up to be points of great strength for me.

Like others in here, my sensitivity seems to be a product of some misguided parental energy in my youth. Examining my past and the relationships I still have with the person(s) that were present when I was exposed to non-ideal conditions has helped me to re-establish some boundaries.

Establishing my own boundaries is what helps me always be in a safe-zone, so to speak. I can navigate this loud, bustling, rude world (Los Angeles can provide many opportunities to be offended by the ill-mannered!) without being paralyzed by my sensitivity to it. I have drawn a line in the sand, and I can be in the whirl and allow my senses to give me feedback while not being overwhelmed by them.

For me, it's all about boundaries. The internal framework was not properly established by a parent; they just made sure roof was over my head and food on my plate, and that I got to school on time every day. As an adult, with therapy (whatever form of it I can get), I have had to take the responsibility on myself to go back and build something in my mind that can give me some semblance of firmer ground to stand on.

stef
08-23-16, 11:10 AM
I should clarify that I'm very fortunate to be sensitive to being yelled at as I was not, as a child. my mom had a nasty temper but rarely directed at me; my dad rarely got angry in the first place. my boss is a yeller ( at everyone and anything - his printer, the accounts people, his phone etc) and it took me a long time to get used to this at work. it still rattles me some days.

Lunacie
08-23-16, 11:35 AM
This sounds like my adult daughter's reaction when any of us yell, even if we're not yelling at her.

Sadly she was exposed to a lot of yelling when she was a kid. I was undiagnosed and untreated and my ex could be very difficult.

But that's the same feeling I get when I hear loud music, especially with a booming bass beat. It hurts my ears, it hurts my mind, it even hurts my body or bones. :(

julialouise
08-23-16, 02:17 PM
Yes, and I often "check out" when I'm being confronted or scolded, especially when it's about trivial things but the other person is still making me feel bad. But I feel really, really bad and if affects me for a long time.

And now I live in an environment where there is a lot more yelling than I'm used to, like my mom yelling at our puppy, and my grandma arguing with the caregiver, and it puts me into such a bad state

madmax988
08-24-16, 01:46 PM
But that's the same feeling I get when I hear loud music, especially with a booming bass beat. It hurts my ears, it hurts my mind, it even hurts my body or bones. :(

alas,reminds me how the 'yell',but mixed with a strong bass and distorted/loud guitar,gets me headbanging in no time :Dsounds very lame,but truth needs to be spoken.
ADHD metalhead! :)

Lunacie
08-24-16, 03:26 PM
alas,reminds me how the 'yell',but mixed with a strong bass and distorted/loud guitar,gets me headbanging in no time :Dsounds very lame,but truth needs to be spoken.
ADHD metalhead! :)

But that sounds like you enjoy the heavy metal noise. It just hurts me.

Joker_Girl
08-25-16, 01:46 AM
Yes, I HATE being yelled at, my immediate first instinct is to get away from whoever is ripping into me as quickly as possible, I initially will not fight back, I just have to ESCAPE, that is my first thought.

General complaining or criticism I tune out or ignore, unless it is something I am seeking input or constructive criticism on, in which case I welcome brutal honesty. Well, maybe not brutal. As soon as it gets off topic, and turns into how I am stupid, lazy, sloppy, fat, rude, whatever...once it becomes a personal thing about how much I suck, I don't pay attention.

Unless you get up in my space and yell. Then, I am gone, as quickly as possible. I won't fight, and will continue to try to escape, even if followed. If you keep coming, and corner me, I will begin to try to defend myself, and if things continue, I will get nasty, mean, and say horrible things that I don't mean and will regret.

sarahsweets
08-25-16, 04:45 AM
I either shut down like a deer in headlights or snap.

RjoyD1
08-29-16, 05:13 PM
I'm really sensitive to the tone of people's voice too. I wonder what causes that? It's really nice to be understood. I often feel alone, especially in respect to that. I'm also curious though, if it's a part of being ADHD-PI or if it's just part of one's core personality.
Yes I am.

Heck, it doesn't have to even be yelling...I'm super sensitive to tone of voice so if it sounds a bit off (I often misinterpret tone) I can get really hurt. I've been this sensitive since I was a little girl. :o Teachers would have to be very careful with their voice when speaking to me, or I would literally break down crying right there if I had a sensitive reaction to their voice. (So umm, I broke down crying quite a bit in school, all because I was sensitive to their tone)

I can't even stand hearing other people fighting with each other (like couples in an argument) - it puts me on edge and makes me overloaded. I have to get AWAY from that if it happens near me. I also seem to absorb their emotions strongly.

Because of this, I'm quite sensitive and self-conscious about raising my own voice and making sure to sound kind.

RjoyD1
08-29-16, 05:17 PM
I agree, what an unusual way to view caring about someone. I guess some people make associations like that because maybe they think it's normal. (?) I dunno. P.S. I think Irish people are cool...thumbs up. ....I do not remember any instances of voices raised at home when I was growing up ....then again, my father didn't have to, he was big and scary without having to raise his voice ....and my mom was also raised with no yelling ...so, we woudl get upset ...we'd just bury it deep ...

....Some years ago, I was living with a guy and his friend was staying with us ....and his friend told my boyfriend ....Oh Salleh really doesn't care about you cause she never yells at you .... which I thought was a twisted way to view yelling ......


...I don't take being yelled at or criticised at all well.....and I DO yell when provoked....but you have to really set my temper on fire before I will .....and then it's Katy bar the door, the Irish is loose in her !

RjoyD1
08-29-16, 05:22 PM
That's a very positive way to see things, that's really neat. That's something I'm still working on .... being more positive about traits that others may deem negative because you're right, it's not always a bad thing.
I'm extremely sensitive, it is a quality that I depend on when feeling my way around my music to find the subtle tones. Being sensitive allows me to gauge others' emotions and get a better read on people.

When I was younger I thought my sensitivity was a weakness, something I needed to work on, a sign that I needed to grow thicker skin on the back of my neck. Now I am a little more mature and I see it as a gift that I could not live without. Many of my formerly supposed flaws, in this manner, are turning up to be points of great strength for me.

Like others in here, my sensitivity seems to be a product of some misguided parental energy in my youth. Examining my past and the relationships I still have with the person(s) that were present when I was exposed to non-ideal conditions has helped me to re-establish some boundaries.

Establishing my own boundaries is what helps me always be in a safe-zone, so to speak. I can navigate this loud, bustling, rude world (Los Angeles can provide many opportunities to be offended by the ill-mannered!) without being paralyzed by my sensitivity to it. I have drawn a line in the sand, and I can be in the whirl and allow my senses to give me feedback while not being overwhelmed by them.

For me, it's all about boundaries. The internal framework was not properly established by a parent; they just made sure roof was over my head and food on my plate, and that I got to school on time every day. As an adult, with therapy (whatever form of it I can get), I have had to take the responsibility on myself to go back and build something in my mind that can give me some semblance of firmer ground to stand on.

RjoyD1
08-29-16, 05:27 PM
I had a boss that was like that. I never could get used to it, nor could I understand why he was so angry over the things that he was. I envy your ability to let it roll off of you. If I'm lucky I'll develop some of that... because people get angry and people yell, it's just what some people do. :-) I should clarify that I'm very fortunate to be sensitive to being yelled at as I was not, as a child. my mom had a nasty temper but rarely directed at me; my dad rarely got angry in the first place. my boss is a yeller ( at everyone and anything - his printer, the accounts people, his phone etc) and it took me a long time to get used to this at work. it still rattles me some days.

RjoyD1
08-29-16, 05:30 PM
Maybe it's an auditory issue for people like us? I can feel my ear drums literally vibrating when I speak too loud. People often ask me to talk louder.



But that's the same feeling I get when I hear loud music, especially with a booming bass beat. It hurts my ears, it hurts my mind, it even hurts my body or bones. :(

RjoyD1
08-29-16, 05:33 PM
I would be in a bad state too if I was surrounded by people yelling all the time. I feel bad for you. :(
Yes, and I often "check out" when I'm being confronted or scolded, especially when it's about trivial things but the other person is still making me feel bad. But I feel really, really bad and if affects me for a long time.

And now I live in an environment where there is a lot more yelling than I'm used to, like my mom yelling at our puppy, and my grandma arguing with the caregiver, and it puts me into such a bad state

RjoyD1
08-29-16, 05:37 PM
That's what I'm inclined to do as well....escape from it.
Only rarely will I fight back.
Yes, I HATE being yelled at, my immediate first instinct is to get away from whoever is ripping into me as quickly as possible, I initially will not fight back, I just have to ESCAPE, that is my first thought.

General complaining or criticism I tune out or ignore, unless it is something I am seeking input or constructive criticism on, in which case I welcome brutal honesty. Well, maybe not brutal. As soon as it gets off topic, and turns into how I am stupid, lazy, sloppy, fat, rude, whatever...once it becomes a personal thing about how much I suck, I don't pay attention.

Unless you get up in my space and yell. Then, I am gone, as quickly as possible. I won't fight, and will continue to try to escape, even if followed. If you keep coming, and corner me, I will begin to try to defend myself, and if things continue, I will get nasty, mean, and say horrible things that I don't mean and will regret.

DJ Bill
08-29-16, 08:35 PM
Anything loud bothers me, especially sudden loud noises. Being "chewed out for something" also affects me deeply. I don't know how some folks just carry on with life after a yellfest.. It used to p. me off as a kid when my grandmother would all but spit venom at me and then turn around and greet a friend as if life was grand. She could cut me to the core with simple words and tone of voice. She did not have to be loud at all.

Did I mention I hate doors being slammed? I've put little felt bumpers on two doors I'm around a lot just to keep me from jumping quite so high.

sarahsweets
08-30-16, 04:20 AM
Getting hung up on is the worst. I prefer the one to be doing it- yell and hang up, but when its the other way around it makes me nuts.

casper
09-11-16, 09:19 AM
I am very sensitive to being yelled at, or criticized for that matter

RjoyD1
09-11-16, 10:42 AM
@ Casper,
I can relate. Sensitivity to criticism is something I've had to work on, for a long time even constructive criticism bothered me. Now, I believe that I've really grown as a person.... it only took me 39 years, lol!
Though I still have quite a lot more to learn. :-)

Pilgrim
09-11-16, 01:27 PM
I use to wonder if it was the medication that made me angrier but I've always been sensitive.

I think it was years of backing down, probably not, but I use to cop a lot of anger from my mother.

Now I've learnt to put a choke hold on it. And I'm not as sensitive to criticism.

Sometimes the dragon does come out though.

casper
09-11-16, 03:54 PM
@ Casper,
I can relate. Sensitivity to criticism is something I've had to work on, for a long time even constructive criticism bothered me. Now, I believe that I've really grown as a person.... it only took me 39 years, lol!
Though I still have quite a lot more to learn. :-)

I feel like I have worked on it, but Iam still not there. I don't know what else I can do. The last time I felt the criticism was very unjustified, and not true, that made it that much worse to handle

roflwaffle
09-15-16, 02:05 AM
I think it's a normal, or at least expected outcome, to what in retrospect is excessive negativity by people who have unrealistic expectations of other people with ADHD.

Unmanagable
09-15-16, 09:11 AM
I used to heavily self-medicate (food, alcohol, street drugs, sex, and other bad choices) and often cower in many corners because of various sensitivities, many I didn't really understand.

And then.....after making drastic lifestyle changes, I have discovered I have even more sensitivities, mainly based on how I'd been taught to live and believe certain things.

Now I express myself fully, avoid places and people that I know will shred the sensitive parts to bits, to the best of my ability, advocate for what I need in places I know I'll be for any length of time, kindly remove myself from places and spaces that assault my senses, and pay particular attention to those who like to purposely make light of them, most especially when they have prior knowledge of such.

It helps tremendously in navigating where and who I should spend my energies and time. I still get taken by surprise, but I just chalk that up as more practice in learning to continually navigate.

I've long since learned that the world won't accommodate but so much, especially if we don't understand it ourselves and speak up, but even that's not a guarantee.

Wuvmy3kitties
09-15-16, 11:07 AM
I'm very sensitive to being yelled at. If I even think someone is getting angry or frustrated with me I become nervous and tense. Having someone yell or even get mad at me, for any reason, always makes me cry.

RjoyD1
09-15-16, 10:09 PM
I use to wonder if it was the medication that made me angrier but I've always been sensitive.

I think it was years of backing down, probably not, but I use to cop a lot of anger from my mother.

Now I've learnt to put a choke hold on it. And I'm not as sensitive to criticism.

Sometimes the dragon does come out though.

In my opinion there's nothing wrong with justifiably defending yourself. :-)

RjoyD1
09-15-16, 10:13 PM
I'm very sensitive to being yelled at. If I even think someone is getting angry or frustrated with me I become nervous and tense. Having someone yell or even get mad at me, for any reason, always makes me cry.

I understand, it's a incredibly uncomfortable feeling and I think that's a understatement.

RjoyD1
09-15-16, 10:17 PM
I think it's a normal, or at least expected outcome, to what in retrospect is excessive negativity by people who have unrealistic expectations of other people with ADHD.

Yes, I've run into that more than a few times.... accusations that I'm pretending to be stupid.... saying that I forget on purpose....that I'm slow to be stubborn ..... etc.
How to get help people without it understand though ....

sarahsweets
09-16-16, 06:08 AM
Ive never been a fan of 'constructive criticism'. I know that not all criticism is meant to be a reflection of my character,or whether I am good person, its a reflection of whatever it is I am trying to accomplish and how well or not well I do.
It definitely depends on how its presented to me. Yelling at me, and ranting or being bitter and angry never works with me. I shut down and get the dear in headlights look.
If you want me to hear and understand you whatever needs to be brought to my attention needs to be done with kindness.
I had to learn that I am not an awful person for making mistakes and that they are never due to me being uncaring or lazy. Not everyone understands this though-in fact most dont.

Its part of the stigma about the adhd and bipolar I think. Its easier for some people to blame me then it is to take a look at their own flaws and methods of communicating.

Can you imagine if we treated NT people the way we sometimes get treated?

Pilgrim
09-17-16, 04:56 PM
When I'm at work sometimes I cop it with both barrels for some misdemeanour and I still struggle with it. And I'm medicated.

I realised this is the way people communicate. I've learnt to bite my tongue, and bite harder. I normally just detach when it's intense.

Shessuchariot
09-19-16, 03:28 PM
Yes and no.

Personally when it comes to myself I'm not really emotional. I'm definitely the more "logical" type who prefers to rationalize everything than get emotional. It really takes a lot to stir up feelings or get a reaction out of me which definitely has it's pros and cons.

But the weird thing is that I'm extremely affected by other peoples emotions. When people are angry, tense, sad, etc. I "feel" those emotions and they definitely drain my energy. I could be on cloud 9, but if say my husband comes home upset about his work day, my whole day gets ruined. I feel angry and all around bad. He doesn't take his day out on me or anything, I just pick up how he's feeling and it takes a long time to brush it off. It can be my child, a friend, a stranger. I just pick up this "emotional energy" they give off and it ruins mine. I truly don't understand why it happens. I don't necessarily feel sad when they're sad, but my mental state and energy levels change.

But as far as I go, you could say mean things to me all day long or criticize what I do and I'll carry on as if what you say wasn't said at all.

Dreaming_Strix
09-30-16, 06:52 AM
I hate being yelled at. Once my spouse did that very loud and I've been nearly paralyzed, my head was unclear for nearly two days and my hands were shaking.

But I suspect the main problem with being yelled at is the sensitivity to criticism (being it constructive or not). Like it reveals the "truth" which we fear to see revealed (that's analogy which may or may not be a description of real situation).

RjoyD1
09-30-16, 02:03 PM
I hate being yelled at. Once my spouse did that very loud and I've been nearly paralyzed, my head was unclear for nearly two days and my hands were shaking.

But I suspect the main problem with being yelled at is the sensitivity to criticism (being it constructive or not). Like it reveals the "truth" which we fear to see revealed (that's analogy which may or may not be a description of real situation).

That makes sense. I know that I tend to be sensitive to criticism. I used to not be able to tell the difference between constructive criticism and people just being petty. I'm working on responding in a more "left brain" fashion though. Though my feelings get hurt still sometimes. :-)

Little Missy
09-30-16, 05:11 PM
I hate being yelled at. Once my spouse did that very loud and I've been nearly paralyzed, my head was unclear for nearly two days and my hands were shaking.

But I suspect the main problem with being yelled at is the sensitivity to criticism (being it constructive or not). Like it reveals the "truth" which we fear to see revealed (that's analogy which may or may not be a description of real situation).

Could very well be. But it could also be that The Yeller is projecting whilst The Yellee becomes hurt.

sarahsweets
10-02-16, 06:12 AM
Could very well be. But it could also be that The Yeller is projecting whilst The Yellee becomes hurt.

Or that the yeller is an as*hole.

Little Missy
10-02-16, 07:17 AM
Or that the yeller is an as*hole.

:lol: Olde and Yeller *******

ginniebean
10-02-16, 11:36 AM
Being yelled at can make me aggressive. I hate it and can take it for a while but then I snap. When things are uncomfortable for me long enough I shut down. I can't find my way back and I can't go forward.