View Full Version : Husband not supportive of testing or meds


turtlegirl115
08-23-16, 11:09 AM
I'm fairly certain my 7 year old has some form of ADD and I would like to have her evaluated. The problem is my husband. He was diagnosed with ADHD as a child and had to take meds that he hated. He said they changed who he was and he felt like a zombie. Even before we had kids, he always made it clear that he would never allow our kids to be on ADD meds.

Our 7 year old daughter is very intelligent. She won an award for highest English/language arts last year. She barely has to study for spelling tests and gets 100s. School just seems very easy for her. So that's my husband's argument...that her grades are great so she must not need any help. But her behavior is the main issue. As I sat here reading these newly discovered forums today, I am in tears and am even more convinced of her diagnosis. From me yelling at her all the time and feeling like a terrible parent to miserable mornings with her not wanting to get up, having to be told a zillion times to do the same steps we do every single morning. It's exhausting!

She is in 2nd grade this year. On the third day of school she got on "red" (worst level) for being disruptive, not following directions the first time, not completing her assignment, having a bad attitude. Every box on the form was checked. She is a very sweet child who loves attention, is affectionate and seems to want to please everyone around her. But then she simply refuses to follow directions, does the exact opposite of what is asked, takes FOREVER to get ready in the mornings. I am at my wits end! And I really don't want her to be labeled at school as a bad kid. I'm obviously not happy about thinking she needs meds but I just feel like our household would be so much happier. I find myself yelling and saying things that I feel awful about like "what is wrong with you? You're being lazy! Why are you so hard headed?" and I hate myself for it. Just typing that out makes me cry. My husband is constantly fussing at her too so it's not like he doesn't see the behavior. I'm the one with her in the mornings because he leaves early for work. But he sees her not being able to sit still at the dinner table, not doing the chores she's asked to do, having to ask her something 10x because she's zoned out on TV, not being able to focus on homework, etc. The signs are ALL there. How can I convince him that we need to have her evaluated? I was hoping there was some natural remedy that he might be more open to but from what I read here, that's not an option. I would never have her evaluated and or medicated behind his back but something has to change. I feel like we are damaging her self esteem by constantly fussing at her. Any advice? Sorry this is so long!

ADHDWife&Mom
08-23-16, 12:45 PM
Ive been in a similar situation. My husband also has ADHD and his meds a child left him feeling like a zombie, among other side effects so he hasnt taken them since was in early elementary school. He didnt really want us to have out son evaluated or medicated either. He felt the evaluation was just done in order to be medicated and if we werent going to medicate we shouldnt bother with the evaluation. There are so many more options available once the child has been diagnosed than just medication. Therapy to learn skills to deal with the behavior is a great option. Also accommodations at school to help the child succeed and not be labeled as having bad behavior. I would rather my child have a medical label like ADHD than be labeled as a delinquent.

As for the medication, we were very opposed to it going in. The more we did research and talked with doctors the more we opened to the idea. First, one thing you can tell your husband that made my husband feel better is that there are other options out there than what was offered years ago. When my husband was a child (80s) they only had Ritalin, that was all they had to offer him and when it gave him side effects he just had nothing else to try. Now they have other stimulents and non stimulents to try if one doesnt work or give side effects you try something else. Also the meds are gone in less than a day. If there is a side effect, you stop taking the meds and it is gone with no lingering effects. Its not the type of meds that will build up in your body over time, it is taken, it works and it is gone in 12 or less depending on the type. This made me feel better because I knew if we tried it and it didnt work, we could just stop.

I looked into natural remedies as well and didnt really find anything that seemed to have consistent results. There are diets, supplements, therapies you can try but most seem like they work for a few people but not most and they only give a small improvement on symptoms.

I personally consider meds a temporary thing for my son right now. We are using them so that he can learn ways of dealing with his ADHD. Combining meds with therapy seems like the best option to us in hopes that one day he will not need meds anymore. Then again, I dont know what the future holds for him and I will do anything I can to help keep him. He was (and still is) to the point where we cant just keep doing what we are doing and try to ignore it. I wont let him feel bad about himself because he needs a little help.

turtlegirl115
08-23-16, 03:09 PM
Thank you for your reply. I hadn't thought about the meds wearing off so quickly but that's a good point. Maybe that will help convince him.

sarahsweets
08-24-16, 02:33 AM
http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=145739
This is my story, its easier to link it rather then retyping it.
I was diagnosed at age 6 or 7 and my mom didnt medicate me. I cant explain to you how much I wish she did. I can tell you that meds saved my son. My middle daughter took them for awhile and decided in 9th grade, she didnt like them anymore. I think she is doing ok so far. I am not trying to be a med pusher but I have three kids all with adhd. My youngest cant tolerate stimulants. My middle child couldnt tolerate them until 5th grade. My son recently resumed treatment as an adult (age 20) and he is taking wellbutrin. He says it helps, so we will see. My point is, I have experience with medicating and not medicating, and in his case at least, he would not have done as well without meds.

Its no different then needing glasses or insulin, and there should be no shame. Your husband's experiences are his. Did he try many different types of meds at different doses? For how long? How involved was his family? These are all things that would change with you two Im guessing. He can at least agree for an evaluation. I dont know why he would be against that.