View Full Version : Is it best for me to stop labelling myself as ADHD?


mildadhd
08-25-16, 11:33 PM
I have been wondering lately if it is best for me to stop labelling myself as ADHD, and focus on learning more about self-regulations?

Being diagnosed has been really good for me, but the ADHD label and the publics response in general has been a real pain.

I am wondering why I need to label my self as ADHD, to recognize and accommodate deficits of self-regulations?

Today I was reading FAQs, people ask Dr Gabor Mate, and I was wondering what ADDForum members thought?

So I am posting the FAQ and Answer, below, as a guide to discussion, but not limited to.

I am wondering what ADDForums members thoughts are on these topics in general?

side note: hoping for quotes from all your favourite researchers on the discussion topics.

Q. My son displays many of the behaviors and difficulties that you describe as being typical of ADD. However, I’m reluctant to get an “official” diagnosis – mainly because I don’t want to saddle him with a label that will dog him throughout school and beyond, and expose him to stigmatization and stereotyping. I don’t want him to go through life thinking he is broken or diseased. What do you suggest?


A. I’d say, forget the label. If you recognize these traits in the child, and if you don’t want him specifically diagnosed and labeled, you can still go ahead and work on the environment so that it’s more conducive to his development. Depending on his age and his particular needs, what that looks like will vary, but generally speaking: look at the (internal and external) stresses in the family, at the quality of the relationships he’s surrounded by, at the amount of structure and security the family environment provides, and so on. ADD kids are, temperamentally, highly sensitive creatures – that’s what predisposed them to developing ADD in the first place – so they’re often the canaries in the coal mine. When something’s even slightly off in the surrounding environment – stresses in the marriage relationship, for instance – it will trip these kids’ emotional alarms much more readily than other kids’. It can take courage to face all of those questions, but if you do, and change what can be changed, and the child will automatically respond for the better.

[From Dr. Gabor Mate's website.]




G

sarahsweets
08-26-16, 04:06 AM
I guess my confusion lies in who knows about the label? Are others treating you poorly because they know its adhd? Is it just that you dont like the label? I dont know how you could suddenly not think about the label because you already know about it and what it means so I dont know how you could just not think about it. If its what other people think about adhd then you dont have to tell them.

Unmanagable
08-26-16, 08:36 AM
I feel that it really helped me to step outside of the labels I'd been given. Each label created yet another divide within. Another specialist to have to seek out. Another expense created to try to figure it all out. Another hurdle created by a system supposedly set up to nurture us back to health (hell-th).

And while they have you sign on the dotted line to have your information shared with the other professionals who work with you, that doesn't always happen unless you stay on top of it and do the leg work yourself, so you're stuck in the ongoing division of specialists supposedly trying to make you whole again.

I had to re-learn how to see myself as a whole while better learning about how I was fueling self and about the energies I surrounded self with while still expecting self to function at my optimal level. Everything truly is connected.

Realistically, I was setting self up for failure by the very basic self-care methods I'd been taught in school and by other professionals. Misled, misfed, and pretty much left for dead. It took an emergency situation to help bring all of those realizations into my conscious awareness, though.

Little Missy
08-26-16, 09:26 AM
No labels! Unless sharing them on here I go without labels wherever I go.

aeon
08-26-16, 11:19 AM
I like the label because it means I have access to treatment (that I can’t really afford).

Before the Dx and its associated label, any and all presentations were simply evidence of moral decay and character deficit,
if not flagstones on the path to some kind of sociopathy.

Plus, without being something that can be, and has been, externally validated, it can all be thrown back at me as something
of my own (manipulative, evil) creation.


Cheers,
Ian

acdc01
08-26-16, 12:02 PM
I'm glad for the label. It helped me understand myself better. I didn't even recognize some of the weaknesses and a strength I had until I started reading up on ADHD.

I don't wish for the label to go away. I just wish that the world wouldn't hold a stigma on the label.

Lunacie
08-26-16, 01:04 PM
I like the labels of ADHD and Anxiety better than the labels I was given for the first 50 years of my life.

Lazy
Crazy
Over-sensitive
Worry wart
Afraid to try
Paranoid
Not living up to potential
Forgetful
Doesn't try hard enough
Doesn't listen
Disorganized
Impatient
Rude interruptions
Just wants attention

mildadhd
08-27-16, 12:25 PM
Realizing that ADHDs are actually deficits of self-regulations helps me better understand biologically what my impairments are.

Also helps raise important questions to understand better, like, how does self-regulation develop in early life, and how does self-regulation develop later in life, what environmental conditions promote development of self-regulations and what environmental conditions hinder development of self-regulations, etc?

Dr Barkley's quote and link below are also meant to help promote discussion but not limited to.

Since the late 1970s, clinical researchers such as Virginia Douglas, Ph.D. (then working at McGill University), who were studying ADHD have asserted that the disorder likely involves a serious deficiency in the capacity for self-regulation. Why? Because they had already begun documenting through various measures that ADHD was associated with deficits in inhibition, managing one’s attention, self-directed speech and rule-following, self-motivation, and eventually even self-awareness. If ADHD involves difficulties in these faculties and these are the human mental abilities that are involved in our regulating our own behavior, then logically ADHD ought to be a disorder of self-regulation. Since then, research has continued to affirm the involvement of deficits in these and other mental abilities that are essential for effective self-regulation in people with ADHD resulting in a tacit acceptance of the idea that ADHD is actually SRDD (self-regulation deficit disorder). While the official name for the disorder will not be changed anytime soon in the official manual that grants names to mental disorders, it is important that people understand this equivalence of ADHD with self-regulation deficits.

Russell Barkley's ADHD Fact Sheets (http://www.printfriendly.com/print/?source=homepage&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.russellbarkley.org%2Ffactshee ts.html)

sarahsweets
08-27-16, 02:10 PM
Here's what I say about labels..."if it doesnt fly, it doesnt apply."

mildadhd
08-27-16, 03:48 PM
Here's what I say about labels..."if it doesnt fly, it doesnt apply."

It is interesting because the label ADHD used to fly/apply well enough, but the more aware I become, deficits of self-regulations flies/applies even better.

Like deficits of self-regulation is more advanced, less controversial version?


G

spamspambacon
08-27-16, 04:45 PM
It is interesting because the label ADHD used to fly/apply well enough, but the more aware I become, deficits of self-regulations flies/applies even better.

Like deficits of self-regulation is more advanced, less controversial version?


G
It's less controversial because no one would have a clue what the hell you are talking about. It is contagious?!?

mildadhd
08-28-16, 09:20 AM
It's less controversial because no one would have a clue what the hell you are talking about. It is contagious?!?

Yes..emotionally and then emotionally and cognitively.

That is why all young children must have contact with an adult maternal regulator to learn self-regulation.

Emotional contagion is the phenomenon of having one person's emotions and related behaviors directly trigger similar emotions and behaviors in other people. One view developed by Elaine Hatfield et al. is that this can be done through automatic mimicry and synchronization of one's expressions, vocalizations, postures and movements with those of another person.[1] When people unconsciously mirror their companions' expressions of emotion, they come to feel reflections of those companions' emotions.[1] Emotions can be shared across individuals in many different ways both implicitly or explicitly.


http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emotional_contagion


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mildadhd
08-28-16, 09:57 AM
The major impairments of ADD--the distractibility, the hyperactivity and the poor impulse control--reflect, each in its particular way, a lack of self-regulation.

Self regulation implies that someone can direct attention where she chooses, can control impulses and can be consciously mindful and in charge of what her body is doing.

Like time literacy, self-regulation is also a distinct task of development in human life, achieved gradually from young childhood through adolescence and adulthood.

We are born with no capacity whatsoever to self-regulate emotion or action.

For self-regulation to be possible, specific brain centers have to develop and grow connections with other important nerve centers, and chemical pathways need to be established.

Attention deficit disorder is a prime illustration of how the adult continues to struggle with the unsolved problems of childhood.

She is held back precisely where the child did not develop, hampering in those areas where the infant or toddler got stuck during the course of development.

-Gabor Mate M.D., "Scattered", p 38.


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Lunacie
08-28-16, 10:12 AM
Yes..emotionally and then emotionally and cognitively.

That is why all young children must have contact with an adult maternal regulator to learn self-regulation.



G

What if the maternal regulator :rolleyes: also has ADHD and hasn't had any help in practicing self-regulation her- or himself?

How do you demonstrate self-regulation to a child who has a built in road block to self-regulation when you haven't been able to manage it yourself?

My mother didn't even have ADHD, but she would tell me I needed to control my temper. She never explained HOW I could do that. I could see that she was never really angry, but I didn't know HOW she did that.

Finally at the age of 58 I began taking meds for anxiety ... and learned that my behaviors were not a result of my being a bad person or not trying hard enough ... and the anger was no longer a problem.

Jon Snow
08-28-16, 04:25 PM
Try the natural route if you're having these thoughts.

Just give it a try- put your heart and soul into it.

Meditation, exercise, good diet, good sleep.

It'll be hard but take it 1 step at a time.

If it doesn't work go back to medication.

Drogheda2
08-28-16, 05:04 PM
there is no best answer for this. some function better with it, some (myself) function better without the constant reminder.

it all has to do with distillation of the self and ego synthesis. the baseline cognitive research of what we would consider as an *ego* tells us that if you tell a child he is smart then that can create an ego wall (litterly, like MRI's have shown this). the thought would be "well sense I'm smart I don't have to do anything else"

in business analytics we studied children who had an IQ test when they where 12, some scored better than others (naturally), some identified with their IQ's then and there... this is all I am and will ever be, it's the same ego block as the kids (and adults) who think they are smart but never progress past where they are... failing school, not searching for solutions because they are "smart already". the other group of children grew, their IQ's as well not in relations with averages of the IQ curve (meaning they actually got smarter)

but through other behaviors children who are told they are smart BECAUSE they worked at it don't have the neurological block (and like everything, plasticity of the brain can attune a person), in otherwords, they haven't built the ego that associates them with "I am this way because I am and this is all I will ever be", but "I am this way because I have worked at it and tomorrow I will be a bit better and it excites me".

there are too many primers and neurological reasons and yadda yadda for a baseline answer. some function better with the constant reminder of ADHD itself as a part of their core being, other's define ADHD as a set of maladaptive behaviors. I think it's important to note that ADHD is not only a spectrum disorder, but effects each part of the spectrum differently person to person.

however I can see how both can be effective and non functional based on the person. they both set eyes on problems the person has, but they could both create an ego wall where you don't seek solutions (AI, what functions best for the person). for example a child(or adult) could be diagnosed with ADHD and receive no counseling, not realizing that ADHD is a spectrum disorder that hits every person differently could start to think "this is how I'm supposed to behave" based on what society tells us. all things, environment, family, friends and society... everything plays a part.

so there is no black and white answer the way I see it, different things work for different people.

Fortune
08-28-16, 05:22 PM
there is no best answer for this. some function better with it, some (myself) function better without the constant reminder.

it all has to do with distillation of the self and ego synthesis. the baseline cognitive research of what we would consider as an *ego* tells us that if you tell a child he is smart then that can create an ego wall (litterly, like MRI's have shown this). the thought would be "well sense I'm smart I don't have to do anything else"

Having been a child who was told I was smart, the bolded bit is furthest from my personal reality. I never thought "well since I'm smart I don't have to do anything else." I spent a lot of time and effort trying hard to function in school and failing at it because I had untreated neurological issues that interfered with executive function.

Also, is there more than one study that demonstrates this block? Because I think this research could use some replicated results before it's taken at face value. Never mind the bug in fMRI machines that could have provided false positives to any number of neurological studies.

I think it is too simple to look for easy answers that don't really help or enlighten as to why people struggled in various aspects of their lives. "Telling children that they're smart creates a block" sounds like one of those easy answers.

sarahsweets
08-29-16, 06:33 AM
there is no best answer for this. some function better with it, some (myself) function better without the constant reminder.

it all has to do with distillation of the self and ego synthesis. the baseline cognitive research of what we would consider as an *ego* tells us that if you tell a child he is smart then that can create an ego wall (litterly, like MRI's have shown this). the thought would be "well sense I'm smart I don't have to do anything else"
I dont think telling a child he/she is smart will then lead to them thinking they dont have to do anything else. If anything, a smart child with adhd, hearing they are smart would feel worse if they are impaired by adhd, but keep hearing they are smart. They could end up confused with self esteem issues.

for example a child(or adult) could be diagnosed with ADHD and receive no counseling, not realizing that ADHD is a spectrum disorder that hits every person differently could start to think "this is how I'm supposed to behave" based on what society tells us. all things, environment, family, friends and society... everything plays a part.

so there is no black and white answer the way I see it, different things work for different people.
I think a child with adhd would have to know that something isnt right, and that they have impairments that make them different then their peers. And I am not sure if someone with adhd would have the awareness to think that they are supposed to behave because society has set the parameters, at least not until they were older.

TheFitFatty
08-29-16, 07:24 AM
there is no best answer for this. some function better with it, some (myself) function better without the constant reminder.

it all has to do with distillation of the self and ego synthesis. the baseline cognitive research of what we would consider as an *ego* tells us that if you tell a child he is smart then that can create an ego wall (litterly, like MRI's have shown this). the thought would be "well sense I'm smart I don't have to do anything else"

in business analytics we studied children who had an IQ test when they where 12, some scored better than others (naturally), some identified with their IQ's then and there... this is all I am and will ever be, it's the same ego block as the kids (and adults) who think they are smart but never progress past where they are... failing school, not searching for solutions because they are "smart already". the other group of children grew, their IQ's as well not in relations with averages of the IQ curve (meaning they actually got smarter)

but through other behaviors children who are told they are smart BECAUSE they worked at it don't have the neurological block (and like everything, plasticity of the brain can attune a person), in otherwords, they haven't built the ego that associates them with "I am this way because I am and this is all I will ever be", but "I am this way because I have worked at it and tomorrow I will be a bit better and it excites me".

there are too many primers and neurological reasons and yadda yadda for a baseline answer. some function better with the constant reminder of ADHD itself as a part of their core being, other's define ADHD as a set of maladaptive behaviors. I think it's important to note that ADHD is not only a spectrum disorder, but effects each part of the spectrum differently person to person.

however I can see how both can be effective and non functional based on the person. they both set eyes on problems the person has, but they could both create an ego wall where you don't seek solutions (AI, what functions best for the person). for example a child(or adult) could be diagnosed with ADHD and receive no counseling, not realizing that ADHD is a spectrum disorder that hits every person differently could start to think "this is how I'm supposed to behave" based on what society tells us. all things, environment, family, friends and society... everything plays a part.

so there is no black and white answer the way I see it, different things work for different people.


I was told I was smart. The fact that I was smart made it a lot harder to accept why I failed in so many other aspects of my life. In someways I tried harder to stay smart because it was the only thing I thought I had going for me. I certainly never thought "well I'm smart, I don't have to try anymore." :eyebrow:

I'm conscious of not treating ADHD as a label. A good friend of mine's son has Down's Syndrome and she is always bringing up the "don't use it as a label thing." He HAS Down's. He isn't Down's. Down's is not his identifier, it's not him, it's just a condition that he has. It's the same with ADHD. I am not ADHD, I have ADHD. It's one of the parts of me. I also have blue eyes, and a crooked nose. In someways it colors who I am, but it is not all of me.

Drogheda2
08-29-16, 04:50 PM
I was told I was smart. The fact that I was smart made it a lot harder to accept why I failed in so many other aspects of my life. In someways I tried harder to stay smart because it was the only thing I thought I had going for me. I certainly never thought "well I'm smart, I don't have to try anymore." :eyebrow:

I'm conscious of not treating ADHD as a label. A good friend of mine's son has Down's Syndrome and she is always bringing up the "don't use it as a label thing." He HAS Down's. He isn't Down's. Down's is not his identifier, it's not him, it's just a condition that he has. It's the same with ADHD. I am not ADHD, I have ADHD. It's one of the parts of me. I also have blue eyes, and a crooked nose. In someways it colors who I am, but it is not all of me.

I had to chose which post to respond to, but you hit the nail on the head with the colored (I hope it worked).

first the words don't matter because we all synthesis thoughts in different ways, it's the behavior that drives research (meaning similar neural paths per person to associate with different behavior models).

but what you said is so important because, through the research, it's what really stops those people from progressing. think about what YOU like to do, now think about what SOCIETY thinks of you(or what you think they think) and what expectations you should put out.

the first (what you like to do) is a given, it's what you like to do regardless of what anyone thinks so there is no source of outside pressure, no anxiety. for me I love music and I love acting, I would do my job for free and from what people have told me (because no one can read minds) I'm *great* at both, I was actually complemented by an academy award judge. the only reason though is because there is no *feeling* of outward pressures, nothing pushing progress down so to speak, so I grow as a musician and actor daily.

however when a person feels they have a debt to society, whether it be real or imagined (because we can't know what anyone thinks) we start acting like we think they want (un-autonomously). this isn't just me talking but countless scientific research papers. when YOU said there was so much pressure to do good because everyone thought you where smart... that is exactly what the research shows as human behavior. anxiety levels increase and progress gets harder and harder.

like my therapist said, you can only handle so much weight before you just give up, and research shows just that.

the difference between growth and stagnation is dependent on how ok we are with ourselves (again, scientific research papers etc...) I flourished as an actor because I never let outside influences get in the way, I sank in school in math (until recently... therapy, taking calculus now) because I did.

another way to look at it is, we can't know what anyone is thinking. when we try to appease we are playing mental chess with illusive pieces. the brain is like a circuit board with so many things we can pay attention to at once, when we are so ingrained with how to behave amongst the masses, the circuit system has no time to form a proper identity. again, research papers etc...

the problem is that after living so many years of comorbid behaviors based on all of this our identities can be so maladjusted and ego's so blocked that it's hard to pick up the pieces and reach a state of calm, to break those ego walls. the good news is it's possible (again research).

what I think is the most important thing to realize is thought genesis (or linear phase). what we say is Literally how we think, but we can change how we think by what we say and express(again, research). it's not just a coincidence that the people who say they can and will try (take Jacksper for instance) and the people who say they can't can't. when a person says a thing they are creating a narrative of who they are in their head, and regardless of if a person could never actually do something ( a person with no fingers can't play the guitar, severe cases of trauma might never be able to reach a place of mediation), if the narrative in a persons head, if the cycles are just I can't, then that is the reality for them regardless if they actually had the capacity too(again, research). and that is an ego wall, which is show in MRI's as the brain actually ignores variables that say they can simply because the narrative is so strong. the good news is the brain is plastic and these blocks can be reworked.

I chose to wright all that because I think it's so important. if no one reads it or disagree's, I'm fine with it. this is how I find resolution, by saying it (err, typing it)

mildadhd
08-29-16, 08:55 PM
We cannot tell a infant/toddler to feel safe and secure.

We can promote an emotional environment that infants/toddlers feel safe and secure.

Safe and secure feelings promote the development of self-regulation.


G

mildadhd
08-29-16, 10:02 PM
"It makes more sense, to promote the development of self-regulation, than, to promote the development of ADHD". (-mildadhd)


G

Cyllya
08-30-16, 05:07 AM
The psychiatrist's FAQ in the opening posts has to do with avoiding diagnosis in the first place order to effectively keep ADHD hidden. (Yes, medical privacy laws exist, but if you're really, really, really desperate to keep it a secret from everyone, that won't be enough. This is especially true if you're a guardian trying to keep your ward ignorant of their own ADHD.) If you're already diagnosed, it's too late, that ship has sailed.

You generally need to be "labeled" with ADHD in order to access any treatments beyond what non-ADHD people need. If you don't need any treatments beyond what non-ADHD people need, maybe you shouldn't have been "labeled" ADHD. Many of us went through most of our lives "unlabeled," and it sucked, so we pursued a "label" when we could.

As for parents avoiding diagnosis for their kid because of stigma, I think that's a few kinds of stupid. For the most part, it largely has to do with the trivialization of psychiatric health problems. Even the use of the term "label" instead of "diagnosis" reflects this. If they noticed symptoms of a serious but stigmatized physical illness in their kid, would they forego diagnosis and treatment? (For example, perhaps some kind of medical accident caused the kid to be exposed to a blood-borne illness that is infamous for being sexually transmitted.) They'd probably try to keep it a secret, but they wouldn't go so far as to avoid treatment. The difference is that they take the physical illness more seriously. Another aspect is the parent's own ablism. They need to make sure their kid doesn't feel "broken or diseased" because they want to be able to teach their kid to look down on broken and diseased people. The kid will probably find out about it someday, and what will this secrecy communicate then?

I think it was kind of irresponsible for the psychiatrist to validate that attitude, honestly. He used the rest of the paragraph to talk about treatment options that are available without a diagnosis, which would normally be nice, but his advice could be basically summed up as "avoid making your kid's life needlessly stressful and horrible."

For what it's worth, I'm fairly open about my ADHD, but I haven't noticed any stigma against me associated with the label itself. I have had people give me flak over the actual symptoms (with or without knowing about the diagnosis), but the symptoms would still be there even if I weren't diagnosed. There are also a couple times people expressed stigma against ADHD but separated me from it, e.g. they opine that I'm "too smart" to have ADHD.

One thing I disagree with is considering ADHD to be such an inherent part of your identity that if you somehow stopped having ADHD you no longer be the same person, effectively ceasing to exist. However, from what I've seen of people who express that idea, they aren't really identifying the actual ADHD as an inherent part of themselves but rather reusing the term "ADHD" (or "ADD") as a sort of personality category and will object to the idea that it is a disorder (even though it has "disorder" in the name). They probably actually have ADHD, but they think the term refers to every psychological aspect of themselves including skills, talents, preferences, other personality traits, and other stuff that isn't remotely related to ADHD symptoms and may not even correlate with ADHD. So, I don't think they tend to differ from the rest of us in terms of self-esteem, optimism, or treatment plan, but they do take a condescending attitude toward anyone who uses ADHD to refer to the actual diagnostic label, and they're probably contributing to the ADHD-isn't-a-big-deal idea that society has. I wish they'd just switch to using an actual personality label, like the MBTI or something.

sarahsweets
08-30-16, 06:14 AM
As for parents avoiding diagnosis for their kid because of stigma, I think that's a few kinds of stupid. For the most part, it largely has to do with the trivialization of psychiatric health problems. Even the use of the term "label" instead of "diagnosis" reflects this. If they noticed symptoms of a serious but stigmatized physical illness in their kid, would they forego diagnosis and treatment? (For example, perhaps some kind of medical accident caused the kid to be exposed to a blood-borne illness that is infamous for being sexually transmitted.) They'd probably try to keep it a secret, but they wouldn't go so far as to avoid treatment. The difference is that they take the physical illness more seriously. Another aspect is the parent's own ablism. They need to make sure their kid doesn't feel "broken or diseased" because they want to be able to teach their kid to look down on broken and diseased people. The kid will probably find out about it someday, and what will this secrecy communicate then?


:goodpost:
I never use emoji's and I couldnt rep you twice.

mildadhd
08-30-16, 08:24 AM
Another reason why I wonder if I should stop labelling myself as ADHD is because there seems to be a terrible unwritten rule about not discussing prevention and lessening of severity, that is not emotionally healthy.


G

TheFitFatty
08-30-16, 08:31 AM
Another reason why I wonder if I should stop labelling myself as ADHD is because there seems to be a terrible unwritten rule about not discussing prevention and lessening of severity, that is not emotionally healthy.


G


Prevention in what form?

mildadhd
08-30-16, 08:46 PM
Prevention in what form?

Help for consistently emotionally distressed maternal regulators and infants/toddlers.


G

mildadhd
08-30-16, 09:23 PM
What if the children and adults where diagnosed with deficits of self-regulation?

Deficits of self-regulation and ADHD are the same things with different names.

We do know a lot about self-regulations and how self-regulations develop throughout life.

G

mildadhd
08-30-16, 10:00 PM
Since deficits of self-regulations and AD(H)D are the same things, at least, I should be considering how self-regulation develops normally, and treatments options for deficits of self-regulations, along with treatments for ADHD.



G

mildadhd
08-30-16, 10:15 PM
..I think it was kind of irresponsible for the psychiatrist to validate that attitude, honestly. He used the rest of the paragraph to talk about treatment options that are available without a diagnosis, which would normally be nice, but his advice could be basically summed up as "avoid making your kid's life needlessly stressful and horrible."..



I think Dr Mate was promoting a step in the right direction, with room for learning.

Better than the maternal-regulators being completely in denial.

Note: the maternal-regulators who asked the FAQ, were aware of their child's traits associated with deficits of self-regulations/ADHD.

They could also make an appointment for more help/advice from Dr Mate, if they find themselves overwhelmed, etc..


G

TheFitFatty
08-31-16, 02:52 AM
Help for consistently emotionally distressed maternal regulators and infants/toddlers.


G

maternal regulators?

Do you mean mothers?

and consistently emotionally distressed in what way?

mildadhd
08-31-16, 09:15 PM
maternal regulators?

Do you mean mothers?

and consistently emotionally distressed in what way?

Safe and secure feelings promote the development of our self-regulations.

Infants/toddlers always require at least one consistent parenting-adult (maternal-regulator), to feel emotionally safe and secure.

Any distresses that distresses the maternal-regulators, distresses the sensitive infants/toddlers.

G

Lunacie
09-01-16, 09:25 AM
Safe and secure feelings promote the development of our self-regulations.

Infants/toddlers always require at least one consistent parenting-adult (maternal-regulator), to feel emotionally safe and secure.

Any distresses that distresses the maternal-regulators, distresses the sensitive infants/toddlers.

G

I'm not sure I've ever been consistent in my life, but I cared very much about my daughter and let her know her needs were important.

I did not impose my own choices on her, I taught her to make her own choices.

I think perhaps that goes even further towards promoting self-regulation.



But no matter how loving or consistent the parental figure is, for those with ADHD (or Autism) there will always be a delay in the ability to self-regulate.

By that I mean I don't think there is any prevention, but ability to cope may be made better or worse by the home environment.

mildadhd
09-01-16, 09:41 PM
I have no doubt that the maternal regulators love the children.

All infants (hypersensitive or not) require a least one consistent maternal-regulator, to develop self-regulation, especially before the age of 3, normally.

I think children are born emotionally hypersensitive, but I do not think the delay is fixed at birth.

I think the most of the delay in development occurs before birth and the age of three.

Before the age of 3, the distresses are consistently distressing the maternal-regulators and their children, who could both possibly be born with more emotionally hypersensitive temperaments to distresses.




G

Lunacie
09-01-16, 10:34 PM
I have no doubt that the maternal regulators love the children.

All infants (hypersensitive or not) require a least one consistent maternal-regulator, to develop self-regulation, especially before the age of 3, normally.

I think children are born emotionally hypersensitive, but I do not think the delay is fixed at birth.

I think the most of the delay in development occurs before birth and the age of three.

Before the age of 3, the distresses are consistently distressing the maternal-regulators and their children, who could both possibly be born with more emotionally hypersensitive temperaments to distresses.




G

I am not a "maternal regulator" and I refuse to use that phrase. Parent or mom/dad is much better. (step or foster mom/dad is okay)

I think children with ADHD are born with a difference in their brain. Parenting can either minimize the impairments of ADHD or make them worse.

You state that a parent should be consistent to promote self-regulation in the child as if that's a fact.

Did I miss a link with research to back that up, or is it only a hypothesis some doctors have suggested may be the case?

namazu
09-01-16, 11:04 PM
Before the age of 3, the distresses are consistently distressing the maternal-regulators and their children, who could both possibly be born with more emotionally hypersensitive temperaments to distresses.
What types of distresses do you believe are relevant here?

mildadhd
09-02-16, 10:20 PM
What types of distresses do you believe are relevant here?

The same types of distresses that worsen adult deficits.

The differences for the infants/toddlers are that they are developing for the first time, during the early critical period of development of self-regulation, and during this time period, their experiences are much more influential in the shaping of their neurological systems.

Where as the adults have past the early critical period of development of self-regulation.

G

WheresMyMind
09-04-16, 11:46 AM
Anthony de Mello, a very wise man, had this to say about labels:

"When you label a person or a thing, you have stopped thinking. The label provides a definition of who or what the thing is, which conveniently allows you to stop learning the thing for what it truly is because the label confers everything you need to know.

For example, if you say that man is a Communist, then even if you have never met him, you think you know many things about that man. You have closed off your minds to allowing any new information to arrive."

So, I advocate no labels of any sort.

To explain my particular "stuff", I just tell people what they're likely to notice. "I tend to be late on projects, and my desk tends to be messy. I'm open to having you ping me in advance to remind me of due dates, and if the desk gets bad, you can tell me to clean it up and I can have it done in 10 minutes."

If I'm in a theraputic situation - with a counselor or in group - I will say that I have a collection of issues with which I struggle which are commonly listed under ADHD symptoms.