View Full Version : After 3 months, my boss and colleagues think I am doing well

08-30-16, 07:27 AM
I have started my first serious job (where I can use what I learned in my studies) almost 3 months ago (June 1) and it is going really well! My boss let me know, before I started (and he reminded me a few times after I started) that he the thing he was most curious about was how steep my learning curve would be. I said that I was also curious about that, and of course that I would do my best :P. He expected that I would spend almost all of my time learning new skills.

After 1 month I could already work for a customer, and I am probably going to work for 2 other customers as well starting next month (one is almost sure, the other has a good chance of happening). So, I am already earning some money for the company. I was also asked to do my own project. I do whatever I wanted to do, as long as it had something with technical innovation (quite a broad topic), so that we could get a subsidy from the government. I had 2 days to write it, and I chose a topic and he really liked it. I have already done a few dozens of hours of research, but I will get started on this project next week, and if all goes well I will spend 2 days per week on this for the next 12 months, and perhaps even longer.

Meanwhile, I also learned a lot of things about several different computer languages (Java, JavaScript, Python, HTML, CSS, SQL) and I will do my first certification exam coming Friday. I expect to pass it.

But, somehow I found it hard to convince myself that I am doing well. I mean, it's just hard to judge your own performance, especially now that I am the newest employee here, the only junior consultant at a company that only employed seniors before I came. Apparently I am a bit of an experiment to see if they can grow their own employees. My training is that I should set my own goals, find my own materials and ask for help if I need it, although everyone is busy and away, I rarely see people at the office because everyone is working for customers through the country. So, I am basically on my own. It would be useful to see some colleagues, but I really appreciate the freedom as well. Still, it's hard to judge, on my own, whether I use this freedom well, if I make good choices and whether these choices get me where I should go.

It stills feel scary. Before this job, I struggled for 10 years to finish my studies, and I really want to do well now. I focus most of my energy in making sure that I will be successful in every area of my life, starting with my job. I feel that I have a lot of potential, yet I have that 10-year experience where my average performance was quite bad, first becoming worse, but later it became gradually better. I am actually quite happy about the last year of my studies, and that gave me hope that I could still unlock my potential. From when that good year started (about 1.5 years ago) until now I have tried to keep growing. That is also what I am trying to do here now.

I just talked with the wife of my boss (who also works here) and I just heard that my boss thinks that I am doing really well, that he is really impressed. This tells me that I should let go of my self-doubt, that I should just relax and keep going. I have a permanent contract and I have only heard positive feedback thus far, so apparently they want me to stay.

So, I will just keep going and I just choose to believe what they say about me and I choose to keep believing in myself, even though I often don't feel like this is justified. This feeling is not telling the truth, it's just a shadow from the past, one that will slowly fade away as I accumulate more good experiences.

08-30-16, 07:55 AM
Well done. :) I'm sure you are doing very well and you should be proud. I've been in the working world for 15 years now in progressively more senior positions and I'm still shocked every time someone says I'm doing well. LOL. I guess the disbelief is what makes me push myself harder.

Keep up the good work! ;)