View Full Version : Overwhelmed need to vent...


ADXP
08-31-16, 10:49 PM
Since I got struck by a window that fell on my head few months ago ,I never felt the same again. A window weighs about 100 lbs. one of those extra large window from the old days that has a double glass. I was closing the window when I didn't realize that the only thing that keeps it from falling is a stick that is holding it up. I thought the stick is only there to keep the window from sliding down. So I took the stick out & the entire window came off in split second. I don't know if I lost consciousness until my neighbor found me.

Eversince I am fatigue all the time. Nauseous,sporadic pain in my skull , shallow breathing, very very agitated, double vision, tremors, seizures, losing balance, & passing out.

I am confined & isolated. I have difficulty taking care of myself & my cats. I am paying people to do everything for me like grocery shopping, chores, & order food delivered to me coz I live on the 3rd floor & going outside is dangerous.

I came here again to review my notes to see what did I do then that made me recovered from the first injury. But I come to see the difference of how much willpower I have then than now.

However prior to the last accident I was off from my meds for about 9 months straight since October last year. The last prescriber I had pull the plug on me the day she quit he r job. She was fired / or resign becoz of me. I took her to the Board for all the **** that she put me through & got a disciplinary action which will remain in her record for the rest of her career. So she retaliated. Besides me the whole entire agency was under public scrutiny at that time from so many suicides who are patients that belong to the agency.
Out of 8 prescribers 6 of them quit all at the same time.

After 9 months of absolute misery my PCP finally decided to put me back on it. So he started me again from the very beginning, & up the dosage in a month increment.
I don't feel the same anymore. This time the symptoms are 10x worst.

Had its not for my two kitties I would end this all.

I have this feeling that I am not going to last too long...
I am not afraid to die what I am afraid of
is not live a quality life.

sarahsweets
09-01-16, 04:39 AM
I am sorry you are feeling this way. Have you seen a neurologist? Its all well and good to get treatment for adhd or adhd-like symptoms from other docs but head injuries really need a specialist to help you figure out all of the cognitive issues and how to manage them.

ADXP
09-01-16, 04:52 PM
I am scheduled to see a neurosurgeon & a neuroendocrinologist at the end of this month. A couple of tumors was found on my adrenals that might be contributing to the fatigue.

I keep on passing out. But not lucky enough to pass out for good. I guess only the good die young.

A surgery is not an option right now coz I am very weak. I won't make it from the OR. I know this for sure.

When I was at the ER after the accident with the window ,I was kept in the hospital for 3 days due to an abnormal ekg. But I discharge myself coz I already know that my ekg is always abnormal eversince but I never had a stroke or a heart attack that I know of.

I was actually ****** at the window coz I wish it killed me to end my misery.

Actually the thought of death gives me a sense of solace & comforting to me. I guess when you feel this way what does that tells you is that you had it all. And that is where I am.