View Full Version : 21 years.


sarahsweets
09-02-16, 05:35 AM
I met my husband for the first time when I was 18 years old and a freshman in college. We started seeing each other when I was just 19- engaged that october and married the following september when I was 20. September 2 is my anniversery (today) and its been 21 years.

He has adhd and narcolepsy. I have adhd, bipolar II, GAD, PTSD and other crap im probably forgetting.
I can say with honesty- if you are friends- it can really be a soul mate kind of situation.
I knew I was going to marry him the first time I had a conversation. I actually "heard" a voice in my head say:
" you're going to marry this man."
I couldnt believe what I heard in my head-and almost told him, but we werent dating yet and I thought it would freak him out.
Our story really is the kind you would make a movie about and I am grateful and I Know I am lucky to have what I have.
If anyone were to ask me what the secret is, I wanted to share what I would say.

-always be the kind of friends where you enjoy just hanging out with each other. When things get tough, it might be all that you have to hang onto in the chaos.

-dont be mean when you fight. You can holler and get mad-but cruelty and meanness do not work.

-love the simple things.

-screw gifts for Valentine's day, it a silly hallmark holiday and it means nothing really- your anniversery is what counts.

-stand united as parents. Dont undermind your partner in front of the kids, or talk to the kids about them behind their back. Loving your SO means having not creating a he-said, she-said environment.

-realize you are the only people that count in your marriage. Not the parents, not the inlaws, cousins, aunts, friends. If anyone cant respect those boundaries, you have to make sure they know what they are and mind them.

-Love each other romantically, and parentally. What I mean is, when kids are little and more dependent, it can seem like you have little grown up time. Its important to love your partner for how they parent.

-Never hold onto resentments. Always talk them out. They will poison you and fill you with bitterness.

-try to have regular sex-whatever regular is for you. Whether its one a week, or once a month, that connection can be precious.

Draw on each other's strengths- what one lacks, the other often has.

There is more I am sure and anyone is welcome to add to this list from their personal experiences or comment.
XXXOOO

Little Missy
09-02-16, 06:34 AM
You two remind me so much of how my parents were. Happy Anniversary!

spamspambacon
09-02-16, 07:03 AM
Happy Anniversary!

Fuzzy12
09-02-16, 07:04 AM
Happy anniversary and totally agree with everything on your list!!! :grouphug:

aeon
09-02-16, 10:22 AM
I am happy for You and Yours, Sarah.

Love and Wisdom are seeing you through, and it is a beautiful thing to witness when you share of it.


Best to You,
Ian

mctavish23
09-02-16, 12:11 PM
Happy Versary 2U :yes:

Awesome + I'm Very Happy 4U :)


U R Welcome :cool:

sarahsweets
09-03-16, 10:15 AM
We had a great day. We decided not to exchange gifts- which we usually dont because its not important. And cards are a waste of money and overpriced.
We went to Long Beach Island which is a barrier island with beautiful beaches. We spent the whole day on the beach. Water was rough cause of the coming Hurricane but beautiful weather. We then went out for dinner at the pizza shop down the street. We took our youngest because the older two were too self caught up with their own lives and busy ( I actually was bothered by this. They didnt even wish me a happy anniversery).
The youngest had pizza, we had dinners. Then the youngest went to watch fireworks with Grandma- which we hate so we went to see the sunset at Bordentown beach in the town where I live.

http://i68.tinypic.com/28rytsz.jpg
http://i66.tinypic.com/153p636.jpg

Then we went out for water ice.

salleh
09-03-16, 05:33 PM
AH Darling Sarah ......you are the poster child for maternal and married wisdom ....srsly .....and I am so glad you understand how lucky you are to have what you have ....tlak about having your head screwed on straight ! ....

....I have met a whole lotta people in my travels around this country and friends from around the world ....and what you have is so rare....


...You might feel that you have made wrong turns in your life, or not accomplished as much as you would like ...but you have done a superlative job as wife and mother .....and continue to do so everyday ......you have wisdom and common sense ....a rare trait in someone as young as you are .....h*** a whole lotta folks never get either .....

....You have always known where your priorities lay, and have stayed true to them ....in an increasingly distracting and scattered world .....


...Happy Anniversary my friend .....and may you enjoy many more ....( and you know the older kids will come around ....you have instilled that in them ....and they will remember ....I promise ....)


...One little thing .....you don't like fireworks ?????????? really ???

anonymouslyadd
09-04-16, 12:01 AM
You've been an incredible inspiration, Sarah. Love ya.

TheFitFatty
09-04-16, 01:59 AM
Congrats!!!! Glad you had a wonderful day. :)

Corina86
09-04-16, 03:22 PM
I sure hope to be married one day so I can follow your advice! Happy Anniversary!

ginniebean
09-04-16, 07:51 PM
Congrats Sarah!

Free to Fly
09-16-16, 12:48 AM
Well done!!!!

sarahsweets
09-16-16, 09:21 AM
Had to share this..
Last night Mark brought me home flowers and chocolate covered pretzels for no reason. What a surprise. I love this because I wasnt expecting it. He told me it was because he wanted to let me know that I am a good mom and he can see I have been working hard.
They are purple (as you can tell from my hair, its my fav color) and sweet. I know put thought into finding them.
I know how lucky I am. Things are never perfect all the time. He has adhd too so you can imagine running a household but after 21 years it still surprised me that we are so much in love.

spunky84
09-18-16, 08:55 PM
Thank you for posting this!

My husband and I will have been married 4 years at the end of November, together for 6.5. It's been a marriage that has been so full of up and downs, both of us contributing to the faults in the marriage in our own ways.

Since getting on medications (ADHD meds and even now a change in antidepressants), things have greatly improved in our marriage. We still have things we need to work on, especially as things will be hard until I finish school next May, but I have faith as I see how far we've come in over coming difficult times already.

Your post really serves as a reminder of how good a marriage can be. With your list I was able to see the areas where we need improvement, where we've improved, and where we've always were doing it right.

I'm glad you had such a nice anniversary :o

anonymouslyadd
09-23-16, 08:33 PM
How do you make time with your spouse when you have a busy career? What do you do with each other for quality time and to kindle your love?

sarahsweets
09-24-16, 09:40 AM
How do you make time with your spouse when you have a busy career? What do you do with each other for quality time and to kindle your love?

Well I do not work. I havent for about 13 years. I am on disability. My husband changed careers and went back to school to be a teledata installer( 3 years) then right onto school to be a journeyman(4 years). He worked as an apprentice during school and then the economy took a dump and he was out of work for a year. He finally go hired on somewhere full time and things are better. Our quality time is everyday. I get up with him to help him get out the door for work because I want to. We always have good chats at 5am!
We text throughout the day and talk before dinner. We tend to go to bed at the same time because we talk then too. We parent together, always united and never talk bad about each other to anyone-not friends or family and not in front of our kids.
We have found the beauty in just being with each other, present even when things are quiet.
We are such good friends that we love spending time with each other and laughter is a constant. Some people complain about how they cant wait to get away from their partner for some alone time or time with friends. I enjoy his company so much that I dont need to do that. I do, of course, but its not like I am counting down the days until I can escape.

We dont carry grudges- they are toxic. We are not too big in the pants to apologize when we are wrong. A sincere apology means way more than a basic acknowledgement of some kind of transgression.
It truly is the little things that keep us going.

aeon
09-24-16, 03:49 PM
Our quality time is everyday. I get up with him to help him get out the door for work because I want to. We always have good chats at 5am!
We text throughout the day and talk before dinner. We tend to go to bed at the same time because we talk then too. We parent together, always united and never talk bad about each other to anyone-not friends or family and not in front of our kids.
We have found the beauty in just being with each other, present even when things are quiet.
We are such good friends that we love spending time with each other and laughter is a constant.

A day when you find something beautiful enough so as to be moved to tears is a beautiful day. http://www.sympato.ch/smileys/Yaisse.gif


BlessÚd Be,
Ian

Fuzzy12
09-24-16, 05:12 PM
Well I do not work. I havent for about 13 years. I am on disability. My husband changed careers and went back to school to be a teledata installer( 3 years) then right onto school to be a journeyman(4 years). He worked as an apprentice during school and then the economy took a dump and he was out of work for a year. He finally go hired on somewhere full time and things are better. Our quality time is everyday. I get up with him to help him get out the door for work because I want to. We always have good chats at 5am!
We text throughout the day and talk before dinner. We tend to go to bed at the same time because we talk then too. We parent together, always united and never talk bad about each other to anyone-not friends or family and not in front of our kids.
We have found the beauty in just being with each other, present even when things are quiet.
We are such good friends that we love spending time with each other and laughter is a constant. Some people complain about how they cant wait to get away from their partner for some alone time or time with friends. I enjoy his company so much that I dont need to do that. I do, of course, but its not like I am counting down the days until I can escape.

We dont carry grudges- they are toxic. We are not too big in the pants to apologize when we are wrong. A sincere apology means way more than a basic acknowledgement of some kind of transgression.
It truly is the little things that keep us going.

I see a lot of that in our Relationship and it makes me appreciate what we have more and makes me want to work on what we don't have (I'm big on holding grudges for example). Thanks for sharing. That was beautiful to read.

anonymouslyadd
09-26-16, 10:28 PM
I get up with him to help him get out the door for work because I want to.
I find this extraordinary. My ex never would have done this for me.

sarahsweets
09-27-16, 04:49 AM
Just to add to things- there is this boat launch called "xxx beach' near my house. We went there with bagels for a sunday morning breakfast date and watched the boats and talked. We ended up going back after dinner that night and spent an hour talking about how we both had sh*tty experiences going to scouting camps. Now, I knew about these things from my husband but we dove in and talked at length about how it made us feel and how we couldnt believe our parents sent us to sleep away camp being the kind of people we are.
it seemed like a new conversation.
The flow was just a natural meandering, along this winding path of loveliness.
I hope no one looks at this as bragging or that I think I am so great that everyone needs to know about it. I just look at it as sharing what works for me. We got married so young and beat all those scary statistics that I thought it made what I could share worth something to someone.

Fuzzy12
09-27-16, 04:59 AM
I love hearing your stories sarah.they are inspiring. Keep them coming.:)

sarahsweets
09-30-16, 05:05 AM
Some more to share.
Being a good father is sexy. In the heat of the moment, while trying to comfort my 16 year old daughter who just got dumped- I lost my temper with two out of three kids. Not yelling or abusive, just overwhelmed and feeling helpless. Mark calmly told me to take a break and told the 16 year old to stop yelling at her mom, and that I was only trying to help.
He basically excused me from the situation and I went downstairs to recenter myself. How cool is that? He likes being an active parent! Really got my heart pumping.