View Full Version : Destructive Self-Image and I need help reprogramming


SpikeGuy
09-07-16, 01:59 PM
Hello, this is my first post here and I apologize for using my first post to ask you for help.
I struggle with a very negative self-image for a multitude of issues and reasons. My therapist told me to focus on learning more about my ADHD and it's gifts and work to view it as a positive attribute/strength of who I am versus just another reason why I think I suck.

I'm 40yrs old and I was diagnosed with ADHD-PI when I was 34. I always knew I had it but I avoided getting help because I didn't want to have to acknowledge it and make it "real".
Six years ago I hit a point of extreme frustration. I was failing at work and my relationships and I could no longer manage my mistakes. With medication and lifestyle changes I've seen a huge improvement in managing my life.

Sorry if this long..
Growing up I was bullied and teased for being fat, stupid and poor.
I'm no longer fat. I lost 130lbs 12 years-ago, but I am still "stupid" and while not truly poor, I'm also not "successful".
I job hop. I've earned 6-figures in two different careers but I get bored and lose excitement before I can get established and build consistency.

It's a cycle of:
1. Poor/New Job and super motivated
2. Succeed quickly and earn a strong income for 2-3 years
3. Look for something new and exciting and lose focus
4. Income drops and stress of becoming "poor" again amplifies it.
5. I get offered something new and I jump on it, and the cycle repeats.

I have been told by so many people that I have "talent" and that word now is a reminder that it's pathetic that the word to describe me is "talented" and not successful. "Talent" is reminder that I was end failing and starting over.

I'm at a point now where my excitement and optimism isn't enough to combat my feelings of being a worthless failure.

I need to change who I feel like I am deep down ASAP and I big part of who I am is my ADHD. This is why I am avoiding my work today to read and learn that ADHD is a gift and not a curse.

Thank you if you read this and for replying and I'm not suicidal or anything. I love this world and it's people, I'm just not a fan of me.

Below are my characteristics from the post that is a "sticky" in this forum. I made BOLD the ones that made my jaw drop because they are so much me.

1. Lack of energy to follow through and finish chores, projects e.t.c.
2. Issues with social anxiety
3. Over thinking
4. High intuition, see connections that other people do not.
5. Issues with procrastination.
6. A dislike for schedules and structure even if we know that at times help.
7. A problem going to bed early.
8. Difficulty putting thoughts into words.
9. tip of the tongue phenomenon with words or names.
10. Natural inclination for pastries, sweet foods.

Unmanagable
09-07-16, 04:41 PM
Welcome to the neighborhood.

I am still my own worst critic/enemy. If I ever get it figured it out, I'll holla.

Meanwhile, some of the things that keep me more grounded than I used to feel are deep breathing techniques, nature, smudging, stretching, music, expressing gratitude each day, hula hooping, sharing occasional space with folks who share like interests/causes/outlooks, and trying to create some more community spaces that I'd like to see made available.

Allowing self some space to feel like s*** is important, too. That's where it gets tricky for me. Letting it be. Feeling it. Thinking of ALL of the what ifness thoughts that always arrive in full force. Remembering it's only thoughts, only visitors. Then letting it go. Giving it all permission to leave.

Trying not to compare my journey with the more/most socially acceptable versions we're taught to strive for. That's a tough one, too.

Primal screaming helps a great deal, too. Talk about a nice release! Just be mindful of your surroundings. lol

Best wishes in finding your most favorable wellness grooves. This space/place is like a soft place to land while soaking up years of mega wisdom and experience.

SpikeGuy
09-08-16, 01:43 PM
Welcome to the neighborhood.

I am still my own worst critic/enemy. If I ever get it figured it out, I'll holla.

Meanwhile, some of the things that keep me more grounded than I used to feel are deep breathing techniques, nature, smudging, stretching, music, expressing gratitude each day, hula hooping, sharing occasional space with folks who share like interests/causes/outlooks, and trying to create some more community spaces that I'd like to see made available.

Allowing self some space to feel like s*** is important, too. That's where it gets tricky for me. Letting it be. Feeling it. Thinking of ALL of the what ifness thoughts that always arrive in full force. Remembering it's only thoughts, only visitors. Then letting it go. Giving it all permission to leave.

Trying not to compare my journey with the more/most socially acceptable versions we're taught to strive for. That's a tough one, too.

Primal screaming helps a great deal, too. Talk about a nice release! Just be mindful of your surroundings. lol

Best wishes in finding your most favorable wellness grooves. This space/place is like a soft place to land while soaking up years of mega wisdom and experience.

Thank you for replying and I if I figured it out before you I'll holla :)

I love the "primal screaming" tip! Yesterday I was stringing together quite a long chain of negative thoughts. So I blasted music and screamed as loud as I could. It was awesome and it cut through the chain like nothing ever has before.
Thanks again :)