View Full Version : Hi, I'm new here and I have hit a new low.


ShreddingShane
09-08-16, 04:00 AM
I was diagnosed when i was 15. At that time i had been pulled out of public schools because i couldnt handle the anxiety. All my life I had been told I was brilliant (not that i think i am) but i always did poorly in school because i would forget to do homework....or lose the home work binder. I had a few friends that i was close with but not many. I was alwats super energetic and talked a lot, rubbed some people the wrong way. At 15 when i was diagnosed I was already taking effexor (still am a decade later) but for some reason the vyvanse just didnt sit well with me and i stopped taking it. I pushed it into the back of my mind and refused to think about it. I failed out of college I did great when i was in class but when left to my own devices work just didnt get done. I cant even really tell you why...it just didnt. I would literaly fail classes in which i got As on the tests but couldnt remember to do online class work. Needless to say i was ashamed....i still lie to this day and tell people i stopped going because i couldnt figure out what i wanted to do. Anyway, im married now and have a beautiful 1 year old daughter. My family is my everything. I have a major issue however....i cant keep a job. I would either tire of it and quit or i would be fired. Today i lost my third job in a year. I was the front desk person at a hotel. I loved the people i got to meet but when it came to handling billing and doing the audit i kept making mistakes. No matter how hard i tried i would mess up and bill something wrong or my audit wouldnt be dont right...or i wouls forget to write something down etc etc. This is a place that i busted my *** at (i always do at least until i get bored and things fall apart) i volunteered for 16 hour shifts and i went above and beyond to clean and take care of guests. Guests loved me however we had a super busy weekend this week and i was all by myself...i didnt know it but i made enough mistakes that today my bosses pull the plug on me. Said the week of training i had was as much as anyone else and that they are tired of fixing my mistakes. I feel lower then i have felt in a long time. My wonderful wife understands but knowing i failed to provide for her and our daughter kills me. It just feels so helpless....like my whole life i have done nothing but underachieve and fail. I feel so hurt...so lost. Im going to go back to the doctor and get started on meds. I dont know if they will work or not. I hope. Im here because i need to know im not the only one who struggles with this....that im not some outlier to the rest of humanity. Thank you for reading and please disregard the typos. Phone typing stinks

KarmanMonkey
09-08-16, 10:31 AM
It feels like you've come to the right place; I can relate to a number of things you've posted, and I will say that it can improve.

First of all, let me say congratulations on your daughter! I have a 20 month old son myself, and it's a definite life changer! I can't imagine life without him around (though occasionally I remember fondly the occasional evening where we could just do nothing, or go out on a date without massive planning)

As for the challenges you've described, to start with, if people say you're brilliant, try to believe them. If it was one person, then it might be them trying to butter you up. If it's multiple people, odds are they see something there! It's easy for us to focus on the problems, especially when they create such huge roadblocks in our life. ADD is a condition, though, and it comes with a set of symptoms. Try to avoid judging yourself based on things that aren't in your direct control.

There are a few different angles you can take on your situation:

1) Treatment. You said the vyvanse didn't sit well with you; it sounds like your ADD could benefit from further treatment, so I'm happy to hear you're going back to the doctor. There are lots of medication options, and since anxiety is there as well, maybe a non-stimulant like Straterra is the way to go. It worked amazingly well for me, but unfortunately in my case it came with side effects I couldn't live with.

2) Change of Perspective. You can't change the way things have turned out in the past; the most you can do is try to look at and respond to things differently. There are some good resources out there on ADD in the workplace, and there are a lot of little things that can make a big difference in your performance. This can mean changing your approach to your job, modifying your work environment, finding the RIGHT job, and possibly most important; effectively communicating with your colleagues and supervisors. (note that communicating effectively does not necessarily mean telling them about the ADD, I actually personally recommend against that unless it is unavoidable. Effective communication is just around making people aware of your needs, and to both learning how to work with them and teaching them how to work with you)

3) Work Smarter, Not Harder. I'm not a big fan of hard work. You're intelligent but plagued by ADD, so use that intelligence to find workarounds for your problems rather than trying to force your way through them. In my life, technology is a major boon. I have several different apps on my phone (e.g. google keep) to keep my life organized. I have a watch with 12 alarms to keep my daily routine in check. I have people in my life who I've taught how to give me a poke in the right way to encourage me and get me moving rather than make me feel like **** for not following through on something. When life throws new problems at me, I research the heck out of them and find a solution. Make the most of the technology, people, and other resources at your disposal. Self-reliance is overrated. Getting help from people for the tasks you struggle with means that you can spend more time focusing on the things you do well!

A number of years ago I came across a story written by a woman with ADHD that had a profound impact on how I came to look at the diagnosis. What follows is a paraphrasing, since I've lost the original:

Growing up I kept running into a brick wall. It was frustrating, because I'd watch as person after person sailed through that wall with seemingly no effort.

Every now and then, someone would tell me "Hey, if you built up a good enough head of steam, you'd plow right through that wall". After a while, enough people would say this that I'd start to believe it, so I'd back up, get a good run at the wall, and *POW* I'd slam into it again. I'd feel useless because I couldn't do something that came so easily to other people.

Years go by, and I finally walk away from the wall for a little while. When I look back, I suddenly see that the wall is only 3 feet wide. I was so focused on how everyone else was doing things that I didn't stop to think that by doing things just a little bit differently I would be able to get where everyone else was, and without having to break through that wall at all!

Then I started noticing places I could go that were brick walls for other people. I was so focussed on the wall that I couldn't see all the wide open spaces that were available to me.

Everyone has their own "brick walls" in life. For those of us with ADD, we live in a world that wasn't created with us in mind. So when people offer solutions, they tend to offer solutions based on how "most people" approach a problem. The thing is; that doesn't work for those of us who live outside that box. A round peg won't fit into that square hole just because we work harder at it... If eventually we manage to force the peg through, it's not without some collateral damage. Any time I've "forced" my way though a problem, I've always felt stupid, frustrated, and just generally less than I was.

Any time I've been able to find my own solution; to get where I needed to go by finding my own approach, what a difference that made!

Hope this is a helpful starting place, and feel free to ask more questions, browse other threads a bit, and most importantly, make yourself at home! We all have similar challenges here, so here you'll find community, kin, support, and maybe even solutions!

sarahsweets
09-09-16, 02:33 PM
I was diagnosed when i was 15. At that time i had been pulled out of public schools because i couldnt handle the anxiety. All my life I had been told I was brilliant (not that i think i am) but i always did poorly in school because i would forget to do homework....or lose the home work binder. I had a few friends that i was close with but not many. I was alwats super energetic and talked a lot, rubbed some people the wrong way. At 15 when i was diagnosed I was already taking effexor (still am a decade later) but for some reason the vyvanse just didnt sit well with me and i stopped taking it.
I know my talkitiveness can annoy people as well. What about the vyvanse didnt sit well with you?

Today i lost my third job in a year. I was the front desk person at a hotel. I loved the people i got to meet but when it came to handling billing and doing the audit i kept making mistakes. No matter how hard i tried i would mess up and bill something wrong or my audit wouldnt be dont right...or i wouls forget to write something down etc etc. This is a place that i busted my *** at (i always do at least until i get bored and things fall apart) i volunteered for 16 hour shifts and i went above and beyond to clean and take care of guests. Guests loved me however we had a super busy weekend this week and i was all by myself...i didnt know it but i made enough mistakes that today my bosses pull the plug on me. Said the week of training i had was as much as anyone else and that they are tired of fixing my mistakes. I feel lower then i have felt in a long time. My wonderful wife understands but knowing i failed to provide for her and our daughter kills me.

Sorry about the job but try to look at is as a life lesson- you may not know what the lesson is, but in time it will make sense.

It just feels so helpless....like my whole life i have done nothing but underachieve and fail. I feel so hurt...so lost. Im going to go back to the doctor and get started on meds. I dont know if they will work or not. I hope. Im here because i need to know im not the only one who struggles with this....that im not some outlier to the rest of humanity. Thank you for reading and please disregard the typos. Phone typing stinks

Meds could help but you have to get your self esteem up!
Are you a good person? Kind? Good father?
All of those things are way more important than the job stuff.

Pharisees
10-02-16, 07:08 AM
KarmanMonkey-- great response and feedback. That story is so helpful to keep around. Its my approach that Im working on.

Pharisees
10-02-16, 07:14 AM
Shane -- stiffen up that upper lip its going to be alright. Wife and daughter love you NO MATTER WHAT! You will find another job. You are in hospitality, what area? Only asking because I am also.
I am new to this whole forum newly diagnosed finally and still learning. But I just wanted to say you are doing the right thing by reaching out. People do care. We all need eachother. Be excellent to eachother.
Enjoy your day! Just smile