View Full Version : Does anyone else suffer from Love Addiction??? Ties to ADHD?


Matador
09-08-16, 09:19 AM
Sooo.....I came to the realization I may be a love addict. I've read a lot about it and it basically explains my issues with past relationships and kind of answers many questions I have.

My issue going forward now is how do I work on these issues to make sure I have stronger/more meaningful relationships going forward?

I am 31, I am not getting any younger and want to find something meaningful...but I wonder if that desperation will end up getting me latched on to someone that may not be the best for me.

I just started talking/possibly dating a girl who has some many red flags because of her past.....but she also has some awesome strengths. I am trying to take it day by day with her, but I have that warm, obsessive thoughts about her that are red flags with Love Addiction. We get along so well, she's beautiful, affectionate and smart, but I am trying to avoid what has happened in past relationships with getting too red hot too fast and later on after the 'obssession' wears off I'm bored.

Does anyone else suffer from 'Love Addiction' and have any tips for dating? I am so far trying to take it 'slow' as a way of pacing myself. Not trying to have her be the whole focus of my life...but it's tough because that's what I've done in the past....that sounds bad now that I write it out...

sarahsweets
09-10-16, 12:30 AM
Sooo.....I came to the realization I may be a love addict. I've read a lot about it and it basically explains my issues with past relationships and kind of answers many questions I have.

My issue going forward now is how do I work on these issues to make sure I have stronger/more meaningful relationships going forward?

I am 31, I am not getting any younger and want to find something meaningful...but I wonder if that desperation will end up getting me latched on to someone that may not be the best for me.
Is this a real dx? Or just something you named love addiction? No offense meant, I just wanted to know.


I just started talking/possibly dating a girl who has some many red flags because of her past.....but she also has some awesome strengths. I am trying to take it day by day with her, but I have that warm, obsessive thoughts about her that are red flags with Love Addiction. We get along so well, she's beautiful, affectionate and smart, but I am trying to avoid what has happened in past relationships with getting too red hot too fast and later on after the 'obssession' wears off I'm bored.

I think anytime thoughts go from pleasant to obssessive,then thats a red flag area.

Does anyone else suffer from 'Love Addiction' and have any tips for dating? I am so far trying to take it 'slow' as a way of pacing myself. Not trying to have her be the whole focus of my life...but it's tough because that's what I've done in the past....that sounds bad now that I write it out...

Personally,I would avoid all relationships and seek counseling before any relationship to avoid pain and confusion.

Delilah
09-10-16, 08:33 PM
I can relate to a lot of this. I also have a tendency to get ahead of myself and sometimes get too invested prematurely. This rarely leads to anything good. Even recognizing it, it still isn't always easy to put the brakes on your thoughts and emotions. I've gotten better I think, but I know it's tied in with other issues that I need to work on.

Also, pay attention to those red flags you mentioned, don't dismiss them outright just because someone may have good qualities as well. Not to say every one raised is a deal breaker, but some definitely should be. For someone who so badly wants a close, meaningful relationship, it can be very easy to overlook certain things in that pursuit. There are some red flags in my past that, had I cut and run, could have saved me a lot of time, heartache, and, at times, abuse. Yes, desperation can land you with someone who may not be the best.

I can't speak for you, but with me I'm pretty sure it's the self-esteem and confidence issue I've had most of my life. I don't think I'd have wound up in several of the relationships I've had were this not a problem.

All that said, I agree 100% with the idea of seeking counseling before pursuing another relationship. I'm actually doing exactly that, for multiple reasons, and taking a hiatus from dating for the time being.

Matador
09-15-16, 02:56 PM
Is this a real dx? Or just something you named love addiction? No offense meant, I just wanted to know.
No--it's real. It's like the cousin of sex addiction.

They're actually tied together apparently. If interested, there's some great books. I am reading one now called "is it love or is it addiction?" whichc is helping me identify a lot of stuff that has made me this way--corny but stuff from my youth and parents that I see now makes me such a 'latch on' type of person.



I think anytime thoughts go from pleasant to obssessive,then thats a red flag area.
Exactly. I mean I always thought it was normal to be that way about someone you're falling for crazy, but maybe those thoughts are what we feel love should be...but is really just media/society making that OK? I dunno...

I've just come to realize that it's that 'spark' that I may be after you find early on in relationships I am after and not really love at all...or whateverlove may really be.

To be honest, that book has be thinking/questioning my whole being/thoughts on love and relationships. I am seeking help though and trying to figure things out.


Personally,I would avoid all relationships and seek counseling before any relationship to avoid pain and confusion.

That's what I am thinkuing...and I tried to tell this girl but she thinks she can help me with it and even thinks I'm overdoing it in my head. She's sweet though...but I am not that invested so if she rolls or whatever, I am fine.

I can relate to a lot of this. I also have a tendency to get ahead of myself and sometimes get too invested prematurely. This rarely leads to anything good. Even recognizing it, it still isn't always easy to put the brakes on your thoughts and emotions. I've gotten better I think, but I know it's tied in with other issues that I need to work on.
Yea--I know how that feels. That's how I've been with this girl and it hasn't even been a month! Granted...we both started off very strangely...but whatever.

I recognize it and I am still pursing kind of but keeping her at a distance some.



Also, pay attention to those red flags you mentioned, don't dismiss them outright just because someone may have good qualities as well. Not to say every one raised is a deal breaker, but some definitely should be. For someone who so badly wants a close, meaningful relationship, it can be very easy to overlook certain things in that pursuit. There are some red flags in my past that, had I cut and run, could have saved me a lot of time, heartache, and, at times, abuse. Yes, desperation can land you with someone who may not be the best.
Right. I think this girlr actually has a sex addiction but the irony is, we haven't even had sex but she's over the moon for me! I just love how she MAKES ME FEEL and think that's a big part into who I am and how I choose my love interests...if that makes sense.

This is just so all new to me that I don't know what is right or wrong. This girl even though she has my issues....I almost feel like that's what could bond us and keep us at normal....but I doubht it lol.



I can't speak for you, but with me I'm pretty sure it's the self-esteem and confidence issue I've had most of my life. I don't think I'd have wound up in several of the relationships I've had were this not a problem.
That's for sure it. I have a low self esteem because of parents as a kid made me feel bad about anything I did bad or wrong that I lost a sense of indepedence and value.


All that said, I agree 100% with the idea of seeking counseling before pursuing another relationship. I'm actually doing exactly that, for multiple reasons, and taking a hiatus from dating for the time being.
Yea--I am in thearpy now and am tackling these issues and have given thought. I am really close to cutting things with this girl after much thougt...but we'll see. I am keeping her at a distance right now

castalia
09-28-16, 08:57 PM
Hello OP. This is my very first post.
I have had this for many years, and I am a 33-year-old female. I had no idea I had ADHD until this year (self-diagnosed) and I also had no idea that I was love addicted and that the two are related!

After doing a lot of research, I came to the conclusion that this is a dopamine problem. Both ADHD and love addiction likely stem from low dopamine levels in the brain. Once you regulate dopamine levels by taking supplements or medication and also educating yourself about love addiction, it will diminish greatly. I have had a lot of success this way.

If you would like to talk more about this, please PM me as I can suggest a few supplements for you to take that may help you.

castalia
09-28-16, 09:02 PM
Yes. Please PM me OP as I have extensive experience in this area and may be able to help you. This is my very first post on this forum.