View Full Version : Mum With daughter with ADHD


amanda24
09-14-16, 12:31 PM
its been such a long time since ive used this forum i was constantly on it day in day out with my daughter when she was younger ,now shes 20 and i still feel so exhausted.
she now lives in her own place which she manages to an extent with help still from myself. im jusst finding it so hard still as i feel by now i should have a life of my own. she came off meds when she was 16 and proffessionals discharged her due to her age ,which i wasnt happy about but carried on trying to cope.
she now suffers from panick attacks now and again and still hass peer problems which has resulted in more seriouse cases most recently i.e getting involved with soking weed to keep her calm and being threatened with a gun for to pay her dealer ,this is being delt with by police and awaiting court hearing.
she constantly has me worried and stressed every day which has a huge effect on my health and my family life.
ive ran out of ways and ideas to help her and even myself cope please help:(

Lunacie
09-14-16, 01:50 PM
its been such a long time since ive used this forum i was constantly on it day in day out with my daughter when she was younger ,now shes 20 and i still feel so exhausted.
she now lives in her own place which she manages to an extent with help still from myself. im jusst finding it so hard still as i feel by now i should have a life of my own. she came off meds when she was 16 and proffessionals discharged her due to her age ,which i wasnt happy about but carried on trying to cope.
she now suffers from panick attacks now and again and still hass peer problems which has resulted in more seriouse cases most recently i.e getting involved with soking weed to keep her calm and being threatened with a gun for to pay her dealer ,this is being delt with by police and awaiting court hearing.
she constantly has me worried and stressed every day which has a huge effect on my health and my family life.
ive ran out of ways and ideas to help her and even myself cope please help:(

My heart hears you. My 18 year old granddaughter moved out in June to live with friends a three hour drive from home. One of them has adhd even more severe than she does. We hope she continues to do well, but of course there are worries.

My youngest granddaughter has autism and will probably never be able to manage all by herself. It will be up to her mom until she dies, and hopefully will be in a some kind of group home by then.

I'm sad because I'm already 65 and know I won't always be here to help my family.

Is there some way you can go back to the doctors and explain that she still has adhd and still needs treatment? I'm not really familiar with the NHS.

amanda24
09-14-16, 02:34 PM
Hi petal thank you for reply,been sat waiting on my pc for someone s help,my mum used to help me but died 14 yrs ago suddenly,ive done this alone since ,i was married to her dad 18 yrs but he had it too and i couldnt cope with them both.
yes ive recently got intouch with social services again and been back to gp referal back to adhd took 18 months we have app tomorow ,she still refuses meds as said when she was on them it made her suicidal and felt unhappy and very out of it,think thats why she smokes weed .
i feel i need someone to take over my role but i no thats not going to happen.she constantly text me day in day out i need this i need that and if i dont reply its??????????? mam ??????? mam
im exhausted and feel so alone no one undertands her apart from me and proffessionals.
recently her DLA was stopped so she only gets ESA now which that is now being reviewed she struggles financially to start with since dla was stopped doesnt eat properly or manage her money very well,so i pay her bills for her out of her benefits so i no there paid.
will life get any easier?? she has also boarderline autism and personality disorder ,ocd,conduct disorder and assberges

SheHasCake
09-14-16, 04:54 PM
She sounds a lot like me and what I dealt with growing up. I've been on and off adhd medication for 10 years, about 8 years cumulatively. I don't have borderline autism or aspergers, but I have had an anxiety disorder since I was about 7 or 8, that caused me years and years of horrible panic attacks, which as I've gotten older, I've gotten more under control.

The first thing I can tell you that stands out to me, is that she says the medication gives her suicidal thoughts. Those are real. It may seem absolutely just way out there to think that a medication can make you feel those things-- but sometimes it does. Especially when mixed with an anti-psychotic medication. I was on concerta and abilify (concerta for ADHD, abilify for help with depression and anxiety), and I felt those feelings, and thought those thoughts, and I ended up being hospitalized for 19 days when I was in middle school. It's not something to be taken lightly, because it makes you honestly scared to your very core when you find yourself seriously thinking those things. Almost as if someone were pointing a gun to your head-- it is that kind of fear that you feel inside, even if in reality you are the one that has control over it-- sometimes that makes it even more scary.

In my opinion, your daughter knows the stress she puts on you, and she in turn knows how many problems she truly has, and it doesn't make her feel good about herself. I was in the same situation. Growing up, I hated that I had to take medication. I HATED that I couldn't just be "normal" like everyone else, that my brain couldn't act normally without the medication, and I hated how robotic and introverted it made me feel and seem to others. Your daughter is probably just trying to live her life the way she pictures it for herself (ex: smoking weed, getting into trouble), and though it's not the right way to handle things, anything she does on her own, without any input from others, probably gives her a sense of independence.

If she's been dealing with different ADHD medications over the years, she's probably frustrated, as am I. The best advice that I can give to you, is to comfort her when she's having panic attacks. I don't have them much anymore, but knowing I can call my mom and she knows my history and what I'm going through, more than anyone else, is one of the reasons I think so highly of her. Your daughter needs to be involved in something bigger than herself for a change, like getting a full time job, that takes her mind off of things and allows her to use any medication she's on to her advantage, and start her on a healthy path to success, where she can be more lively and involved in the world with different people and places.

I'd be happy to talk with you more in depth about this if you'd like, I'm actually rushing to finish this because I've got to be somewhere soon, but this post stood out to me, and I had to say something.

I know it's hard to be on the other end of things, and all you want to do is help, even when it's taking a toll on your personal life, or every aspect of your life. And for that I am sorry. I still feel bad that I put my mom through all that I did, but I'm moved out and self-sufficient now, and she's more proud of me than I could probably even imagine.

sarahsweets
09-15-16, 01:48 AM
Hi petal thank you for reply,been sat waiting on my pc for someone s help,my mum used to help me but died 14 yrs ago suddenly,ive done this alone since ,i was married to her dad 18 yrs but he had it too and i couldnt cope with them both.
yes ive recently got intouch with social services again and been back to gp referal back to adhd took 18 months we have app tomorow ,she still refuses meds as said when she was on them it made her suicidal and felt unhappy and very out of it,think thats why she smokes weed .
i feel i need someone to take over my role but i no thats not going to happen.she constantly text me day in day out i need this i need that and if i dont reply its??????????? mam ??????? mam
im exhausted and feel so alone no one undertands her apart from me and proffessionals.

I think its time for you to step back. She is an adult and while I plan on making sure I am there for my kids forever, they are trying to do well, and are for the most part. They are not involved with anything illegal as far as I know. My son is also 20 and he chose to stop meds when he was 16. He just recently started going back to the doc and is trying wellbutrin. As long as the kids are being productive, we always said they could stay with us forever. When they get out on their own, I am sure we will help them.
Your daughter is using you a bit. Part of its habit and expectations, part is because she has adhd which means she is 30% less mature than her peers and part of it could be because she know you will always pick up the pieces.

Clearly you cant do it anymore, and its ok. Its ok if you are tired and overwhelmed. See what social services says first, and make sure you are honest with them. Tell them that you need help and cant do it anymore.


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