View Full Version : How to survive as an introvert in an extroverted world?


Fuzzy12
09-17-16, 11:23 AM
It's just too much of interaction for me all the time. It's draining. Most of the time.I just want it to be hubby and me and no one else. Everyone else drains me. Even if I love them. Even if I like them.

I can take a few hours, especially if they are interesting or we are doing something I like but otherwise social interactions really bother me.

I can't really avoid them though. Not without being rude or hurting anyone. People seek my company more than I seek theirs and for some reason my loved ones really want to spend lots of time with me, which I guess is normal. I'm the one that's abnormal. How do I deal with this?? Without hurting anyone? Ie basically without telling any one I don't want to see them??

I cant even use the excuse of too much work right now.

I hate making people feel unwanted or unwelcome. I wish I wasn't like this. I so wish I wasn't like this. Or that I could somehow not get stressed or not feel so.much discomfort in the presence of others. There is nothing any9ne can do. It's nothing anyone does. It's their mere presence.

Unmanagable
09-17-16, 11:51 AM
I used to feel trapped in wondering how to navigate the social scene, too. Especially after giving up alcohol, etc. And felt like s*** every time I needed to excuse myself from spending time with folks. And for the first 48ish years of my life, I didn't particularly enjoy my own company, either, so that added another level of hell.

The only thing that helped me was to be open and honest by letting them know I have to be very careful how I spend my energies and that being social isn't one of my preferred expenses. Those who understood still remain available and social. Those who didn't, well, it was nice knowing them and I cherish the memories and lessons.

As far as family, I don't have to deal with the same cultural traditions you do, so that makes it much easier to navigate from afar. I had to limit my interactions based on the negative loops I was finally able to recognize. I had to be the one to stop the loop, or learn to accept that I would continue to go loopty-loo right along with them.

I feel certain they all innerstood it was nothing to do with them personally. I just finally reached a point of no longer accepting that I was continually hurting myself and creating even more chaotic discomfort in trying to always pretend a little harder that I could function happily, or even comfortably, among them all, even in the most blissful of times.

My pretend self wasn't very pleasant to be around, either, to be honest. So it was like 6 of one and a half dozen of the other in determining which route to take. I chose the one with less long-term self-misery, for a change. It feels different, for sure, but also feels really good when the peace sets in.

Greyhound1
09-17-16, 11:53 AM
Fuzzy,
I can relate. Social interactions really wear me out especially with my family and those I really care about. I feel bad because all I usually want to do is escape, so I can relax.

It feels like so much work trying to put on a good performance and it does feel like a performance. It totally drains me and I feel totally fake because I am just going through the motions.

I must be the worst person to converse with at a social gathering. All I can think of usually is when will this ever end.:o

Nytroflow
09-17-16, 01:02 PM
I can relate as well. Most people think i'm an extravert because I got very good at pretending to fit in. This is simply not true and even though I like some long philosophical discussions with people, in slightly more social instances involving more than 1 person (or daily chit-chat/social rituals) I get the feeling I want to escape and just be by myself or "cool down". if that makes any sense.

I'm still struggling with this at the moment too but I do realise even introverts are social beings. Being true to yourself and explaining it to other people rather than socially isolating yourself (leaving friends entirely) is key. Learned that the hard way.

Bluechoo
09-17-16, 01:04 PM
I may be split 75/25 introvert/extrovert. And that fluctuates; I can be 100% introvert or extrovert, depending on my mood, energy, and what I am trying to accomplish.

I keep busy creating, reading, studying, practicing my instrument, learning new things, and solitude is a necessity for those pursuits. I can go a lot longer without social interaction than a lot of people I know, and it does not bother me in the slightest. But when I crave social interaction, all bets are off, and I can't do anything else until I have gotten cleaned up, got a-hold of some friends, and gotten out for some much needed human contact.

I suppose I end up explaining some of this to the people I know, so no one is really hurt when they don't hear from me for a while or if I kind of blow them off. I don't know, maybe some people have gotten hurt feelings because of my inattention towards them, and it's too bad, I suppose.... But at the same time, I cannot cater to everyone's feelings, and maybe certain friendships have had to be withered down a little bit--they were probably costing me too much energy anyway and I may have passively avoided some people because I do not have enough energy to spread around to everyone I meet.

Fuzzy12
09-17-16, 01:43 PM
Thanks guys. Am glad I'm not the only one. Will reply in more detail later but so the general consensus is that the best is to talk about it honestly??

Hmph. I was afraid you'd say that. :umm1:

TheFitFatty
09-18-16, 01:54 AM
I keep my friend group to my hubby and close core of about 4 other women and their spouses/kids. These women get me and don't care if I flake out or act like I'm off in another world. They've all got their own issues and neurosis's and we talk openly about them.

Before I never would have told people if I didn't feel like handling crowds or new situations and I would have made myself do it. With these ladies I don't have to pretend and it's a relief.

Fuzzy12
09-18-16, 03:57 PM
I'm struggling to even remain civil. What a waste of a weekend. This is what I hate most about people they just hang about and waste my time :mad:

It hurts being so horrible. I can't even fake being welcoming or hospitable anymore. I hate this so much. :mad:

Fuzzy12
09-20-16, 09:16 AM
I used to feel trapped in wondering how to navigate the social scene, too. Especially after giving up alcohol, etc. And felt like s*** every time I needed to excuse myself from spending time with folks. And for the first 48ish years of my life, I didn't particularly enjoy my own company, either, so that added another level of hell.

The only thing that helped me was to be open and honest by letting them know I have to be very careful how I spend my energies and that being social isn't one of my preferred expenses. Those who understood still remain available and social. Those who didn't, well, it was nice knowing them and I cherish the memories and lessons.

As far as family, I don't have to deal with the same cultural traditions you do, so that makes it much easier to navigate from afar. I had to limit my interactions based on the negative loops I was finally able to recognize. I had to be the one to stop the loop, or learn to accept that I would continue to go loopty-loo right along with them.

I feel certain they all innerstood it was nothing to do with them personally. I just finally reached a point of no longer accepting that I was continually hurting myself and creating even more chaotic discomfort in trying to always pretend a little harder that I could function happily, or even comfortably, among them all, even in the most blissful of times.

My pretend self wasn't very pleasant to be around, either, to be honest. So it was like 6 of one and a half dozen of the other in determining which route to take. I chose the one with less long-term self-misery, for a change. It feels different, for sure, but also feels really good when the peace sets in.

I've tried telling them. But it's just beyond them. They can't even imagine why their mere presence might be distressing for me. Maybe it's a cultural thing.

My pretend self isn't very nice either. I suck at pretending and often aftet a few hours j can barely get myself to smile or just be civil.

Fuzzy12
09-20-16, 09:18 AM
Fuzzy,
I can relate. Social interactions really wear me out especially with my family and those I really care about. I feel bad because all I usually want to do is escape, so I can relax.

It feels like so much work trying to put on a good performance and it does feel like a performance. It totally drains me and I feel totally fake because I am just going through the motions.

I must be the worst person to converse with at a social gathering. All I can think of usually is when will this ever end.:o

I'm exactly the same. Unless it's a social gathering on my terms, which usually means fairly short and stimulating. Oh and peaceful.

Fuzzy12
09-20-16, 09:25 AM
I can relate as well. Most people think i'm an extravert because I got very good at pretending to fit in. This is simply not true and even though I like some long philosophical discussions with people, in slightly more social instances involving more than 1 person (or daily chit-chat/social rituals) I get the feeling I want to escape and just be by myself or "cool down". if that makes any sense.

I'm still struggling with this at the moment too but I do realise even introverts are social beings. Being true to yourself and explaining it to other people rather than socially isolating yourself (leaving friends entirely) is key. Learned that the hard way.
I love philosophical discussions but no one else around me does. The people I can have philosophical or political discussions with who I know won't be offended are so loud and talkative that it's a struggle to get a word in edgeways though and that is just too tiring for me.

I tend to deal with this by socially isolating myself and if j can't I'm just miserable and anxious.

Little Missy
09-20-16, 09:28 AM
Fuzzy,
I can relate. Social interactions really wear me out especially with my family and those I really care about. I feel bad because all I usually want to do is escape, so I can relax.

It feels like so much work trying to put on a good performance and it does feel like a performance. It totally drains me and I feel totally fake because I am just going through the motions.

I must be the worst person to converse with at a social gathering. All I can think of usually is when will this ever end.:o

Oh, the performances...the opening is over, the performance is done. No encores, please.

I just leave, don't go, take a nap or feign anything vaguely and look at birds or something. Start horizon scanning. Flit about aimlessly, I could go on and on. But the performance is done.

As an adult I do have the right to not do or do as I wish.

Nytroflow
09-20-16, 09:41 AM
Not only philosophical discussion though. But especially the kind where imagination or exploring ideas and perspectives are the ones I love. The kind it's accepted to branch off on tangents into infinity so to speak :D . I also agree not getting a word in edgewise can be very taxing on me. I noticed I tend to avoid conversations like that like the plague, simply not productive or stimulating enough for my brain?

As for explaining goes, I still have not found the magic way to explain this people. They tend to tell me what I supposed to do about it rather than giving leeway in their own behaviour. Not that I want to change them but at least simply understanding this would make such a big difference for connecting and communicating towards the people you speak to the most.

Ok gonna stop typing now the rest will probably only be word vomit :D

Cheers

Unmanagable
09-20-16, 10:17 AM
Have you ever tried to make a visiting schedule to lessen the visits? Tell them you, your husband, and lil' fuz NEED time alone, period, no discussion, no room for debate, and absolutely no compromising.

Your health and well-being is at stake, and that directly effects lil' fuz, and unless they want to send you to an early grave, they need to give you room to breathe and enjoy your time being a parent, instead of making you feel like a prisoner in your own home. (not sure if they'd even be able to empathize, but damn.....they're hardcore visitors VERY set in their ways and maybe making it life or death could sink in a little deeper? - not trying to overly dramatize it)

Operate like a hospital. Only allow visits during specified days and hours. Have them stay in a hotel when they visit. No more slumber parties!!! All other times, let them know no one will answer the door. If they still come knocking, it would be a pain the a**, though. They'd probably show up during nap time and wake the baby. Or camp out. Ugh.

I don't know what else to tell you fuz. I wish I knew what it would it would take. It seems quite miserable and I'm so sorry you have to live that way. :(

Little Missy
09-20-16, 03:25 PM
Throw on your costume, open the curtains under the proscenium and begin a new performance! Its showtime!

Fuzzy12
09-20-16, 05:55 PM
In all fairness, at the moment my parents are an absolute lifeline. I'm not sure how I'll manage once they leave even though in craving solitude.

This thread isn't just about my family though. It seems like the world favours extroverts, which probably makes sense. I mean, maybe they are easier, more pleasant people?

acdc01
09-20-16, 06:31 PM
Fuzzy, I personally don't think you have to be as afraid of hurting people by being firm and honest as you think.

How badly can your parents and in laws be scarred by you just saying "I need some rest. Can we limit our time together to x number of hours a day so i can rest." And be firm about about it. Where is the insult? There isn't one. If anyone is offended, well they have issues.

If you can't bring yourself to do this, I suggest more peaceful group activities. Like watch a movie. Can't be talking to you while movie is going on. You can play on the internet while they are watching if you want. Read a book or something. Can be a baby book. They can't talk to you then either. Or just pretend you need sleep. Go to your room, shut the door, and then come chat on this forum lol

Yes, the western world favors extroverts. Yes it sucks. Don't know about the eastern world.

Fuzzy12
09-20-16, 09:03 PM
Strangely I think though that I the western world it might be easier to be an introvert as the state as thestate provides a lot of functionality that, at lest in South Asia, traditionally the community or family provides.( If the state doesn't provide it you can pay for it. ) I think you can be s lot more independent here.

Little Missy
09-20-16, 09:10 PM
Overture, curtains, lights. This is it, you'll hit the heights. And oh what heights we'll hit. On with the show this is it! ~Bugs Bunny Overture

Cyllya
09-21-16, 01:09 AM
Step 1 is to stop thinking it's an extroverted world.

For the most part, the population is split pretty much 50-50 being an introvert or extrovert. (There's some variation by geographical area, but then it's like 45-55 or vice versa.)

With a few exceptions, I generally haven't found that extroversion is more valued than introversion. It seems like most authority figures who care one way or another (teachers, your boss at work) usually want you to behave in an introverted manner, e.g. shut up and get to work independentantly. I did notice that some big companies use hiring practices to try to screen out certain irrelevant personality traits, including introversion, which sucks. (It may also be why I have trouble getting good customer service as a customer of those companies!) Other than that, the only anti-introvert flak I've gotten is from a few nosy noisy extroverts who have no power and whose opinions do not really matter more than anyone else's.

There are definitely some extroversion evangelists.... You know, those people who are not only extroverted, they desperately need everybody else to be extroverted too. They regard introversion as a mental health problem, or a personal insult, or both. They will let you know that they disapprove of your personality, and if they're around you very often, they will attempt to talk you into changing your personality. Further, they will act like this behavior of theirs is totally reasonable and you're the crazy one... but that doesn't mean it's true! I don't even think most extraverts are this obnoxious, honestly. It's just that the obnoxious ones are more noticeable.

If it seems like the world is more way extroverted than introverted, some reasons are:

The aforementioned extroversion evangelists acting like everyone agrees that you're some kind of freak of nature.
If you're an introvert, most people are probably more extroverted than you (most people = extroverts + introverts who are less introverted than you). All the introversion-vs-extroversion statistics I've seen have been completely binary, but it's a spectrum, and my wild guess is that most people are more toward the middle, like a bell curve.
Everybody has a mix of doing stuff alone (introverted behavior) and doing stuff with other people (extroverted behavior) regardless of whether they are introverts or extroverts. But you can't normally observe someone engaging in introvert behavior--because if you're around to observe, they're not alone!--so extroverted behavior is going to look more common than it is. There are some situations where people are compelled to be regardless of their introversion/extroversion and have some leeway in how much they socialize, and you can often observe introverted behavior in those settings. (An example was the large cafeteria at one of my previous workplaces. There would always be some people who sat in big groups and some people who sat in pairs, but there would also be a lot of people sitting by themselves.)
When you actually use the word "introvert," some people will express some anti-introvert sentiment because of ideas they have about the meaning of that word, even if they don't have any issues with actual introversion.


It seems like people who are very stressed about their introversion are folks who have extroversion evangelists as parents (or other very influential people in your early life). I have to imagine that really, really sucks. They will give you the impression that it's bad or wrong or even just really weird to be an introvert, when it's not.

Sometimes I hear introverts from the USA wistfully describing how much introversion is appreciated in countries like Japan as opposed to supposedly extrovert-centric countries like the USA, and it confuses me because my hometown sounds more like their description of Japan, even though said hometown is a large metropolis in the USA.

acdc01
09-22-16, 09:02 PM
Good point about the 50-50 introvert/extrovert numbers cyllya.

Have to say though, I do think extroversion is more valued. The ones that climb the corporate ladder the highest in my company are often the kiss *** extroverts. I think there are statistics that back up the idea that extroverts tend to make more money than introverts.

Socially, extraverts definitely seem to have more friends. Although I'm learning that sometimes its not about how much you speak or spend time with people (quantity) but about quality of what you say when you say it.

I'm finding that people like me the most when I'm speaking openly and from the heart. When I'm not afraid to admit or even joke about my weaknesses, insecurities, and guilty pleasures. When I speak passionately about the things I care about. Being open with people is how you can make them feel a stronger connection to you and then make them want to share more with you in return. So feels to me like you can be introverted but still be liked by many - even extroverts. Unfortunately, I'm usually quite closed off and I just can't bring myself to go out and make friends so this only works temporarily for me. So I have to stick with being introverted sucks as I'm extremely introverted. Sorry, being a downer here I guess.

EDIT: So I thought about it. It's not really my introversion alone that keeps me from making friends. It's my ADHD. So maybe introversion alone isn't that bad but when paired with ADHD, can be difficult.

salleh
09-23-16, 01:14 AM
Fuzzy ......you have a new baby ....that is the very best excuse to limit visits to maybe an hour or so, it's up to you with what you're comfortable with .....it's not like this is your 3rd or 4th kid and you're an old hand at this newborn stuff .....you're in the middle of a steep earning curve, and you need the time to do that learning ....plus everyone know that new mothers are always short on sleep ....and are run ragged .....blame it on the baby, and no one will hold that against her !

...you are allowed to set the limits that you want .....it's ok ....it's hard to be firm I know, but perhaps practice with your husband ....you don't want to be pushed to the point where you lose it on folks ....it's a lot easier to let them know in a calm and reasonable tone of voice if you aren't freaked out and feel under pressure .....

....what's kinda cracks me up is that so many of us here say they're introverted, and they are often the chattiest Cathy's and Carl's around here .....so it's not that you don't want human interaction, it's that you jump in when you're in the mood...and then you have a lovely time exchanging views on many subjects ....

...Over the years Fuzzy, I have observed that you don't like to hurt people...and that is a great quality to have .....however, think of it this way perhaps .....if you were in control
of the visiting MOST of the time ( there will be times of course when you're just gonna hafta bite the bullet and go with the program ....that's life, if you have family that you care about) ....but if, for the most part you are the one in charge ....then you will be able to relax, and actually enjoy the times with friends or family, knowing that you only have to be around others for x amount of time ....and then you can walk back to your cave knowing that you have fulfilled your familial and friendship obligations ....

...It's your life sweetie ....you have to be the one to call the shots .....I bet also it will get a lot easier the longer you're a mom ...mom's have authority ...that's the nature of being a mom .....


.....Be sweet as you can manage to be ....but be firm .....this is the amount of time I have to spend with others, and these are the times ....exceptions must be made known well in advance, ( and you still have big veto power about whether you want to go along with someone else's program ....you don't have to if you don't want to ....except in cases of extreme emergencies .....( and they damned well better be emergencies !)

KarmanMonkey
09-23-16, 12:08 PM
I hope this link is okay:

11 Comics Every Introvert Will Understand (https://www.buzzfeed.com/awesomer/comics-every-introvert-will-understand?utm_term=.lbNO85Jj7#.wbeQG10jN)

A couple I've seen before (one of which was what I was looking for that led me to the page), but all of them I can relate to on some level. Hope you enjoy!

Fuzzy12
09-26-16, 01:16 AM
My family will never accept this about me. I don't even expect them to understand but they won't even accept it.

I try telling them. I tell them I need space,just some time off once in a while, not because I don't love them but I go crazy if I have to live with people for an extended amount of time. They just ignore it. Sometimes they ask me why I feel they are such a burden or what they are doing to make me feel this way and I sat that it's not them but that i just need space. They just ignore it and continue making plans to spend more time with me

It's just going to get worse with lil fuzz because now everyone wants to be around lil fuzz. I don't know it sounds crazy but it makes me not want to live anymore. I don't know why I react do strongly. Why it causes me so much discomfort. Why I find it so unbearable. There is no way out. They will never let me be and I don't have it in me to forbid them to come.

I don't have any veto power. No control. It's not my life.

Nytroflow
09-26-16, 07:58 AM
someone please step in if I'm wrong on this but,

I don't think not being assertive and an being introvert are the same thing.
Even if it makes it more complicated or hard to deal with the situation.
Maybe you can attend a program / sport or follow a course on being more assertive?
I understand this is hard, but there is no reason to fight this battle alone.
If showing or telling people to back off or simply saying "no" is sort of an issue, than maybe getting some professional help in the form of a class or even acting something that could offer a solution to not only family issues but probably even more.

I'm just trying to think with you, I know that being assertive for me solved (and created ) some problems (figures cuz of ADD). But doing nothing about it is also a choice.

Fuzzy12
09-26-16, 08:02 AM
I say no. They don't listen or they feel bad but mostly they don't listen or just dis regard what i say as the ramblings of a mad woman. If they did they'd probably feel worse

Anyway am feeling a bit better today. I just need to accept it. Somehow. At the moment I'm not even sure how I'll manage once my parents leave. Utility is the mother of acceptance I guess

Nytroflow
09-26-16, 08:11 AM
Ok, well I can relate to stubborn family members (iI call them my chaotic Italian family sometimes). And sometimes it's just about speaking the same language as the person who is listening to it. But if its a matter of keeping the door closed if they are not invited and you still having a problem with that. Than being more assertive and followthrough on your own words is still the underlying problem. If they actually break in the house to see lil fuzz , than you should probably just call the police :)

Fuzzy12
09-26-16, 09:48 AM
Cylla most of my problems are with family but I don't really believe that career wise introverts dint have a tougher tone in general (unless my understanding of introverts is wrong).

Eg I work in academia where collaborations with other people are extremely important. Most collaborations are formed by proactively seeking out other people often in a social setting such as over lunch or coffee. Even at conferences most projects start by making small talk with people in your field.

I can imagine that most jobs have an element of proactively socialising while working with other people.

Little Missy
09-26-16, 09:51 AM
Just smile and nod a little bit.

acdc01
09-26-16, 01:03 PM
Nytroflow has a point I think. Being assertive and able to put your foot down is different from being an introvert. I myself suffer from one but not the other. Your problems really seem to stem from not being able to shut that door which no matter how pushy your family is, you actually still have the power to do.

Little fuzz is the perfect distraction for you. You can go in to your own room, shut the door, and do whatever you want in there while family plays with little fuzz. Get some industrial sound blocking headsets or music sound blocking headsets and feel free for a while.

My sister does this. She goes take a nap that is desperately needed sometimes when we are over. So she feels family visits as blessings, not curses.

Fuzzy12
09-26-16, 01:32 PM
Yes I could shut the door but I can't do that. My poor family. :eek::faint:

Nytroflow
09-26-16, 01:55 PM
no poor you! its about you and little fuzz :) they need to respect your boundries, family or not. Your health is worth more then their enthusiasm or curiosity.

and acdc01 nice one!
Why not make lemonade from the situation and use the time to try getting some sleep or listen to some music. Maybe even leave the house if you feel comfortable with that or watch a movie/series (whatever it is you like to do to relax).

Luvmybully
09-26-16, 03:45 PM
OMG Fuzzy this is me. I LOVE my family. Adore them. Cherish them. But it drains me to spend too much time with ANYONE. My husband is the only exception.

I suck at pretending and EVERY emotion I have shows on my face. I don't do small talk. I can't fake smile, it comes out as a grimace.

I enjoy social times with some people, but when it's over I am DONE. Just exhausted and I MUST be alone. Hubby gets this about me, and can either leave me alone or we just sit in the same room together, but each doing their own thing. I do not watch tv so if he wants to sit with me he brings his tablet or laptop to occupy himself.

When my mother in law visits, it can get to the point of insanity for me, but she is so wonderful, she does not mind at all if I disappear into my bedroom or sewing room to be alone.

When my adult kids are here I take frequent breaks to recharge. I go in my bedroom where it is dark and quiet and sit with my dog. Sometimes I tell them they are making me crazy and I need a moment, and sometimes I don't say anything at all. I just disappear.

I sooo completely understand being misunderstood. About struggling to explain that NO, other people are not doing anything "wrong", it's their mere presence that is making my skin crawl and my stomach churn and the only solution is to NOT be in their presence: without sounding like a complete psycho, or a complete ***** hole.

Just remember that YOU matter too, and your needs, however out of step with the needs of others, are real and valid.

acdc01
09-26-16, 10:11 PM
Yes I could shut the door but I can't do that. My poor family. :eek::faint:

What makes you say this Fuzz? Are you thinking your parents can't handle the baby on their own or that they can't handle being without you for just 2-3 hours in the day?

Fuzzy12
09-28-16, 08:44 PM
Apparently my parents are feeling sad because I've asked them to leave. I had a good opportunity to discuss it today but I blew it because I was just too busy and too tired to find the words. :(

I still don't know whet the right words are that would make it sound not hjurtful.:(

Fuzzy12
09-28-16, 08:47 PM
What makes you say this Fuzz? Are you thinking your parents can't handle the baby on their own or that they can't handle being without you for just 2-3 hours in the day?

Oh no they totally can. And as i said my parents are absolute life savers this time. Still I'd like to alone in the house for a change I think. I dint even know if I cm manage on my own but I'd like to try.

Sigh the other problem is that the parents are hoarders and super messy. And they insist that everything has to be outside so they don't have to look for anything inside cupboards or on shelves. And hubby absolutely hates clutter. He's trying to put up with it but I know it really upsets him.

acdc01
09-28-16, 09:16 PM
Apparently my parents are feeling sad because I've asked them to leave. I had a good opportunity to discuss it today but I blew it because I was just too busy and too tired to fund the words. :(

I still don't know whet the right words we that would make it sound not hjurtful.:(

Good for you Fuzz! If you don't know what the right words are then I imagine there aren't any. They'll get over it even if they end up acting like dramaqueens in the short term.

My opinion based on experiences with my needy, dramaqueen dad.

aeon
09-28-16, 09:41 PM
Apparently my parents are feeling sad because I've asked them to leave. I had a good opportunity to discuss it today but I blew it because I was just too busy and too tired to find the words. :(

I still don't know whet the right words are that would make it sound not hjurtful.:(

I壇 call them on your behalf and talk with them.

I知 polite and mannered, and I think I could find the right words if I talked with you first.

Pity my phone plan doesn稚 have international calling.

I知 half-joking, of course. But that means I知 half-serious.

Don稚 mind me, I知 a dreamer, and idealist, and diplomat, and inveterate of all three, and I知 likely a bit tired so my mind is running wild and my heart is cheering it on, so maybe I知 a bit (!) of a nutter currently.


I wish you the best, Fuzzy,
Ian

Lloyd_
10-08-16, 06:16 AM
It's just too much of interaction for me all the time. It's draining. Most of the time.I just want it to be hubby and me and no one else. Everyone else drains me. Even if I love them. Even if I like them.

I can take a few hours, especially if they are interesting or we are doing something I like but otherwise social interactions really bother me.

I can't really avoid them though. Not without being rude or hurting anyone. People seek my company more than I seek theirs and for some reason my loved ones really want to spend lots of time with me, which I guess is normal. I'm the one that's abnormal. How do I deal with this?? Without hurting anyone? Ie basically without telling any one I don't want to see them??

I cant even use the excuse of too much work right now.

I hate making people feel unwanted or unwelcome. I wish I wasn't like this. I so wish I wasn't like this. Or that I could somehow not get stressed or not feel so.much discomfort in the presence of others. There is nothing any9ne can do. It's nothing anyone does. It's their mere presence.

Wish there were more homebodies out there, I hear ya. I can't stand being around groups of people or engage in small talk, most of the time it's always about them. I usually end up listening but get sick of people talking nonstop. I like peace and quiet. :)