View Full Version : Sexuality based OCD (may be a little graphic)


Thorium
09-17-16, 01:44 PM
Hi,

I am a 25 year old male with OCD that was diagnosed when I was 12. I really need to just come clean with a major spike I've been having for the last several years . please bare with me as it may be long.

During puberty I was obsessed with girls that wore thongs/g strings. I didn't like underwear in general but specifically thongs/g strings and somehow I think I made a connection between "skimpy" underwear and a woman being way hotter. One of my earliest sexual experiences was a girl I had a crush on that wore thongs and I think I may have subconsciously developed a fetish at that time. I found women that wore them were instantly way hotter.

This never really bothered me at the time and I eventually did get put on an SSRI at around the age of 13 or so. Ever since then (about 10 years) my libido has been pretty low . The low self esteem of feeling guilty about the fetish combined with having ocd/being on an SSRI has led me to never have a relationship.

My first obsessions around the age of 13 were related to my health, thinking I had cancer etc that originally got me diagnosed with OCD. From there my obsessions revolved around violent intrusive thoughts. I eventually got over these obsessions because they eventually never seemed factual, I never died of cancer after worrying about it for years, I have never been violent before , etc.

In the past 5 years my obsessions have moved on to POCD. This current obsession is the worst of all. I have been researching on fetishes and sometimes they are listed as a paraphilia. Well guess what else is a paraphilia : pedophilia! The fact that I have something even in the same ballpark as my fears make the current obsession the hardest thing I've ever been through. Fetishes are described as being something deviant, an abnormal sexual learning process,etc. My brain tells me that since I already have a fetish how can I guarantee that it won't jump to something like pedophilia in the future.

Part of my rational side can see that I only have this one particular fetish. I don't get turned on to the same degree by other supposed fetishes like bdsm, feet etc and these have never interested me, so why would it jump to something I hate? In the past 5 years I have also been consciously trying as hard as I can to not involve my fetish while masturbating ,etc. I think it has helped because I don't need my fetish to orgasm or anything and I think I never actually needed it to physically orgasm i was just lazy and found something I really like so never looked at any other porn growing up. This trying to bury my fetish may have been making stuff worse because no I think about it all the time.

How the heck do I deal with this current obsession? Ive always wanted to try coming off medications someday but how would I deal with a heightened libido and the return of my fetish which would probably make my POCD bad?

sarahsweets
09-17-16, 04:00 PM
Hi,

I am a 25 year old male with OCD that was diagnosed when I was 12. I really need to just come clean with a major spike I've been having for the last several years . please bare with me as it may be long.
During puberty I was obsessed with girls that wore thongs/g strings. I didn't like underwear in general but specifically thongs/g strings and somehow I think I made a connection between "skimpy" underwear and a woman being way hotter. One of my earliest sexual experiences was a girl I had a crush on that wore thongs and I think I may have subconsciously developed a fetish at that time. I found women that wore them were instantly way hotter. This never really bothered me at the time and I eventually did get put on an SSRI at around the age of 13 or so. Ever since then (about 10 years) my libido has been pretty low . The low self esteem of feeling guilty about the fetish combined with having ocd/being on an SSRI has led me to never have a relationship. My first obsessions around the age of 13 were related to my health, thinking I had cancer etc that originally got me diagnosed with OCD. From there my obsessions revolved around violent intrusive thoughts. I eventually got over these obsessions because they eventually never seemed factual, I never died of cancer after worrying about it for years, I have never been violent before , etc. In the past 5 years my obsessions have moved on to POCD. This current obsession is the worst of all. I have been researching on fetishes and sometimes they are listed as a paraphilia. Well guess what else is a paraphilia : pedophilia! The fact that I have something even in the same ballpark as my fears make the current obsession the hardest thing I've ever been through. Fetishes are described as being something deviant, an abnormal sexual learning process,etc. My brain tells me that since I already have a fetish how can I guarantee that it won't jump to something like pedophilia in the future. Part of my rational side can see that I only have this one particular fetish. I don't get turned on to the same degree by other supposed fetishes like bdsm, feet etc and these have never interested me, so why would it jump to something I hate? In the past 5 years I have also been consciously trying as hard as I can to not involve my fetish while masturbating ,etc. I think it has helped because I don't need my fetish to orgasm or anything and I think I never actually needed it to physically orgasm i was just lazy and found something I really like so never looked at any other porn growing up. This trying to bury my fetish may have been making stuff worse because no I think about it all the time. How the heck do I deal with this current obsession? Ive always wanted to try coming off medications someday but how would I deal with a heightened libido and the return of my fetish which would probably make my POCD bad?

Before I answer can you tell me what POCD is?

Thorium
09-17-16, 04:25 PM
Pedophile OCD. The fear of becoming a pedophile

aeon
09-17-16, 09:44 PM
Thanks for sharing. I wish I had something else to offer you than this:

Some of us are on medication(s), and some of us have need to be on medication(s) for the rest of our lives, and that is OK.

If it means a chance at a better life (as each would define that), it is not just OK, but a blessing, well and truly.


Well-Wishes,
Ian

C15H25N3O
09-18-16, 05:46 AM
Pedophile OCD. The fear of becoming a pedophile

Does SSRI really help you to have a better quality of life?

If you are not attracted by children you are no pedophile!

Having a med induced bad libido and disfunction in sexual erections is disabling you to have
regular life and I think it is usual to have a desire for sexuality like everyone else.

I have been on SSRI (lexapro) for only 1.5 years and I can tell you it is not you fetish making
things worse it is the SSRI.

Having a fetish is not abnormal but it is perverted to prescribe meds that disable someone
to participate in society or destroy lifes.

Reading your post I understand violent intrusive thoughts as your real problem but SSRI
dont work on it for you – so why do you think SSRI help you.

Without experiencing sexuality you have no imagination who you are.

You should talk to a doc to get a med that does not disable you participating in society I think.
Question the SSRI as the root of your "sexual fears".

Hermus
09-18-16, 07:37 AM
Hi,

I am a 25 year old male with OCD that was diagnosed when I was 12. I really need to just come clean with a major spike I've been having for the last several years . please bare with me as it may be long.

During puberty I was obsessed with girls that wore thongs/g strings. I didn't like underwear in general but specifically thongs/g strings and somehow I think I made a connection between "skimpy" underwear and a woman being way hotter. One of my earliest sexual experiences was a girl I had a crush on that wore thongs and I think I may have subconsciously developed a fetish at that time. I found women that wore them were instantly way hotter.

This never really bothered me at the time and I eventually did get put on an SSRI at around the age of 13 or so. Ever since then (about 10 years) my libido has been pretty low . The low self esteem of feeling guilty about the fetish combined with having ocd/being on an SSRI has led me to never have a relationship.

My first obsessions around the age of 13 were related to my health, thinking I had cancer etc that originally got me diagnosed with OCD. From there my obsessions revolved around violent intrusive thoughts. I eventually got over these obsessions because they eventually never seemed factual, I never died of cancer after worrying about it for years, I have never been violent before , etc.

In the past 5 years my obsessions have moved on to POCD. This current obsession is the worst of all. I have been researching on fetishes and sometimes they are listed as a paraphilia. Well guess what else is a paraphilia : pedophilia! The fact that I have something even in the same ballpark as my fears make the current obsession the hardest thing I've ever been through. Fetishes are described as being something deviant, an abnormal sexual learning process,etc. My brain tells me that since I already have a fetish how can I guarantee that it won't jump to something like pedophilia in the future.

Part of my rational side can see that I only have this one particular fetish. I don't get turned on to the same degree by other supposed fetishes like bdsm, feet etc and these have never interested me, so why would it jump to something I hate? In the past 5 years I have also been consciously trying as hard as I can to not involve my fetish while masturbating ,etc. I think it has helped because I don't need my fetish to orgasm or anything and I think I never actually needed it to physically orgasm i was just lazy and found something I really like so never looked at any other porn growing up. This trying to bury my fetish may have been making stuff worse because no I think about it all the time.

How the heck do I deal with this current obsession? Ive always wanted to try coming off medications someday but how would I deal with a heightened libido and the return of my fetish which would probably make my POCD bad?

There is absolutely no reason to pathologize your fetish. Fetishes are part of a wide range of human sexual interests.

Psychologist Ogi Ogas has done an extensive research into sexual fetishes and paraphilias, based on amongst others web searches and porn sites. The most important conclusion from this research is that there is nothing abnormal about fetishes and paraphilias. This is supported by two arguments. First, according to Ogas scientists, clinicians and the public are unable to make accurate assessments of what are considered normal sexual interests. The results of his research give a totally different picture from what is most prevalent than is expected by the scarce research that is available. Second, "a majority of men who seek out online erotic content have at least one salient and enduring sexual interest that is more specific than 'men' or 'women'". A lot of people continuously search for the same specific key terms when looking for pornography online. Ogas therefore suggests that there is nothing abnormal about fetishes and that the term fetish should be discontinued as an academic term, since it gives the false impression that some things are abnormal that actually fall in the range of normalcy.

Moreover, according to the DSM fetishes are only problematic as far as they are distressing to oneself or dangerous to others. Therefore, the only reason why it currently seems to be a problem for you is that you feel a high level of shame and fear around it. The best way to deal with it in my point of view would be to learn to accept this part of yourself and enjoy it. There are enough girls who wear thongs regularly and would feel great about you enjoying it.

What maybe is important to realize is that paraphilia and fetishes in the DSM are basically a stack of different sexual interests that are not closely related to each other in any causal way. There is no way that a preference for things would lead to pedophilia or any other paraphilia that might be problematic to others.

http://www.printfriendly.com/print?source=homepage&url_enc=QXgvM0UzdVQvdTkzbU5yek5KY05uaXdWdDVSNkMybD lRMk0vYjFIQnplR0NSZUE5T3hKU01Gd3ZuZnZzRnZTeDFUWG45 anVyeTM0SWV3MGJMbmF1REZEeFAySTR6enFyNWxweFlab25JRV gxd0crUU5sd3VYMUtTSTJXVzVxWHdycXE0WXRNVmJzNmxKRU9K UlBvcmFBPT0tLURJZXVxT1BQNEN4allyL1JENU5zbFE9PQ%3D% 3D--3599b653d5264cbe68bebcccd08dee8ac76d9cd0

http://www.printfriendly.com/print?source=homepage&url_enc=alVvYUlqR1g1dWFtZHRGamcyUFFZYTFZbWRCb1Jmam NEdzhhaytqMkVMZW9EalRaR2hjVTVtRmZaN3VCUmtXRDhZd2VW MlJ3elkycnkwR0YyZWdYV3RjYnUrNVRIUnJ0QjNJd1Z0SHJaMG QvM0IvOEFKdHNIeVZuVUJVYkJKUDVOcFdPOGhHT05hWnJON0V2 c0dtTThFVzd5NEJLNkhXMUYvSlBWd25DSlBJPS0tMkgyOUMxcH pFKzEwdDI3Yk1INlBsdz09--5edd83d8235dbda54d923b735ea932a17967d917

Thorium
10-09-16, 11:39 PM
Thank you for the insight hermus

peripatetic
10-10-16, 12:20 AM
Hi, I have graphic intrusive images/thoughts of a violent nature. Not sexual, but I understand where you're coming from on having that be how your OCD presents. It's ******* horrid. I completely need medication to reduce them because they disturb me to the point of panicking that i am a terrible thing that needs eradicating.

So, not sexual, but as a result of being part of OCD groups I've met those with graphic intrusive images/thoughts of a sexual nature and we tend to have a lot in common, OCD wise.

In the event what works for me could work for you, for that specific trait I've found remarkable decrease in symptoms (by at least 75%, maybe more) with 50mg zoloft and 10 mg abilify. I take other psych meds/have other issues, so you should know I tried 100 mg zoloft and it was too much for me and the abilify might be higher than usual because of my history taking antipsychotics. But it's completely enabled me to function as a parent and really bond strongly with my daughter, despite my OCD doing its best to thwart that.

Best wishes to you,
-peri

Thorium
10-11-16, 07:55 PM
I feel like this aspect of my OCD is the absolute worst. My OCD is making me feel like an outcast and weird for liking something. I actually sincerely do get a strong positive reaction from my "fetish" that I never really thought about before but now that OCD has latched on to it it is probably the hardest form of ocd I've been through. For instance, I've had several themes or flavors of ocd since being diagnosed like 12 years ago (I'm 25) like violent thoughts , hypochondria etc but I was always able to get through them in time because they were fundamentally the opposite of my inner self and I finally was able to see that. However , with my current obsession, it is around something that I fundamentally to my core do like and have always liked (women in sexy lingerie I guess you can say). I don't know how to dismiss this theme. I guess my obsession is sort of working as I now have the lowest sex drive I've ever had due to feeling guilty every time I am aroused now. I believe the core of this whole issue is around being sexually pure or something , ie I will only be physically turned on by my spouse in a monogamous relationship etc. However how would I ever tell my spouse that a big part of what I like sexually has to do with them wearing certain lingerie , I feel like they want to be fully wanted just for who they are etc