View Full Version : Signs you're having success with mindfulness


anonymouslyadd
09-18-16, 12:33 AM
I realize I need to look at my relationship with mindfulness differently. Instead of it getting easier, I think I need to see whether I'm getting better. What are the signs that one is improving in their practice? What are the small successes to pay attention to?

I don't feel like I'm having much success, and I'm tired of feeling that way. Do my expectations need to be altered?

Unmanagable
09-18-16, 09:05 AM
Dropping the expectations and learning to get to know, love, and accept yourself seems to be the first step. At least that was my experience. But I can't lay out steps for another, as it has to be a very personal thing.

I've been repeatedly humbled in my pursuits, that's for sure. Each learning experience has been painful and sometimes even right down unbelievable, most especially since it goes against everything we're typically taught to do and accept.

I think I was trying to make what fit others fit me, and that never works out well since it has to be specific to individual needs. I was hoping for a fairly quick and painless pursuit that led to swift relief, only to find the opposite, until it all seemed to click within my heart.

Once it clicked and I found my grooves, it's been the best thing I ever invested time and effort into learning, other than my eating/drinking habits.

sarek
09-20-16, 02:23 AM
I think unmanageable said it all. It is a very personal journey. Even though mindfulness has been scientifically proven to be effective at rewiring the brain, its real value can not be expressed in research papers and numbers.

You will readily find that out as you go along, it may literally make you into a whole new person.

BellaVita
09-20-16, 06:09 AM
In my experience, stressing over whether mindfulness was working/a success made the whole experience unpleasant and made me do a worse job at mindfulness.

That said, maybe some signs (that you could look at in a non-stressful say) of mindfulness improving is you notice you're more at peace overall and more often than you were before, since your brain isn't as busy and more in the moment.

This is sorta related about an experience I've had - I've also found for me that stressing over "oh no I'm not doing this correctly I'm not in the moment!" ruins the whole thing and just turns my brain into a bunch of thought loops, and instead saying to myself "it doesn't matter if you're doing it correctly, just be okay with relaxing in whatever way that happens - even if you're technically "doing it wrong" is much more beneficial for me.

(Also, thanks for this thread because it serves as a reminder to be mindful)

anonymouslyadd
09-23-16, 09:47 PM
Dropping the expectations and learning to get to know, love, and accept yourself seems to be the first step. At least that was my experience. But I can't lay out steps for another, as it has to be a very personal thing.
What if I don't want to accept myself? Then what?

Unmanagable
09-23-16, 10:24 PM
I can't give you any specific answers as it relates to you personally, as I can only answer for myself.

My guess, which is based solely on what I experienced when I was refusing to accept things about myself, is that you'll continue to struggle with what you currently struggle with as it shifts into turbo and grows into more struggles.

I had to choose to shift my struggles instead of letting my struggles shift me. I don't always succeed, of course, and can still get knocked on my a**, but there will never be a time during life in which there are absolutely no struggles. Ever. Regardless of who or what an individual is.

What if you do accept yourself? Then what?

sarek
09-26-16, 02:37 AM
What if I don't want to accept myself? Then what?

In that case it may well be that part of your path in this life is to teach you that self-acceptance. If you manage to pass that hurdle, you will find many new paths and possibilities opening for you.

anonymouslyadd
09-27-16, 09:53 PM
What if you do accept yourself? Then what?
What will I gain from working on this? I only feel anger when I think of self-acceptance.

Unmanagable
09-27-16, 10:35 PM
You might not gain anything. You might just lose some things, though, as I did, like stress, frustration, anxiety, tension, 110 lbs., etc.

Does the anger come from your idea of self-acceptance, or the realization that you are already dead set against it, and by being so, not allowing it to come in? Or does your anger have a totally different root?

I remember being my own biggest hurdle in loving/accepting myself, and feeling p***ed off at the world, pretty much, depending on the day. Finally realizing I was actually mad at myself, but busy projecting it towards others, was a huge "Aha!" moment.

It's taken me a long while to recognize and translate it all and experience any relief in doing so. It's progress in motion. Often times being one step forward, two steps back. And right there is your chance to dance.

anonymouslyadd
09-27-16, 11:41 PM
You might not gain anything. You might just lose some things, though, as I did, like stress, frustration, anxiety, tension, 110 lbs., etc.

Does the anger come from your idea of self-acceptance, or the realization that you are already dead set against it, and by being so, not allowing it to come in? Or does your anger have a totally different root?
I think it's about the idea of self-acceptance.

Unmanagable
09-28-16, 12:08 AM
Ideas that are foreign to us, be it due to how we were raised, due to life experiences, or due to our desire to remain unfamiliar with certain things, tend to create much fear and uncertainty. Then we tend to feed the fear.

The "what-ifness" monkey mind kicks it all into turbo. We're often left with only two choices in all matters. We can't change all of the situations, so, we're left to change self, sometimes only in how we perceive something. Change remains the most difficult and scary idea/act to embrace.

anonymouslyadd
09-28-16, 12:14 AM
Ideas that are foreign to us, be it due to how we were raised, due to life experiences, or due to our desire to remain unfamiliar with certain things, tend to create much fear and uncertainty. Then we tend to feed the fear.

The "what-ifness" monkey mind kicks it all into turbo. We're often left with only two choices in all matters. We can't change all of the situations, so, we're left to change self, sometimes only in how we perceive something. Change remains the most difficult and scary idea/act to embrace.
I've actually made small strides in self-acceptance. I think I have an easier time accepting something if it relates to ADD. I don't know.

When it comes to something physical or something related to performance, forget about it.

Unmanagable
09-28-16, 12:18 AM
Does that create scenarios where you are repeatedly trying to connect everything to add before you'll entertain the idea of accepting whatever part of self you're focusing on? If so, I can see where you'd get frustrated because you are so much more than just add.

anonymouslyadd
09-28-16, 12:28 AM
Does that create scenarios where you are repeatedly trying to connect everything to add before you'll entertain the idea of accepting whatever part of self you're focusing on? If so, I can see where you'd get frustrated because you are so much more than just add.
I don't think so. I think I know where you're going, and I appreciate it. I view ADD as a part of me but not me.

Unmanagable
09-28-16, 12:38 AM
I'm just going with the flow. Not headed in any particular direction. Except to bed, as my eyelids are quite heavy. Will continue tomorrow as time allows. Meanwhile, maybe some others will chime in.

Don't forget to breathe and ground yourself every chance you get - most especially when at ease - to hopefully help ease the nerves and allow a shift to some sort of inner calmness when all hell breaks loose.

And don't forget to give yourself credit for the small strides, maybe even celebrate them in some small and meaningful way. Each one counts.

Unmanagable
09-28-16, 05:23 PM
I'm not sure what else I can offer up for help, anon. It's simply a path we each have to find and forge for ourselves.

The following quote helps to say it in a way I feel I've been unable to: (meditative state and awareness equaling mindfulness in my understanding of it all - I used to get way too hung up on terminology and kept my mind full of all the different definitions instead of the overall essence of their meanings)

"We might think that the meditative state is something we can grasp onto, solidify, and possess, but that is actually not the case. Our practice is to touch in, make contact, and let go, over and over again - that is the rhythm of awareness." ~David Nichtern

mctavish23
09-28-16, 11:10 PM
I've been practicing Mindfulness daily for the last weeks and haven't lost my

temper once :eek: Seriously :yes:

It's weird being so "tuned in" to reality (without getting "lost" in my own head),

but it's working.

Good luck.

tc

mctavish23

(Robert)

TygerSan
09-29-16, 09:57 AM
I haven't practiced mindfulness meditation in a while now, but the key for me was not to work on stuff like "self-acceptance."

The key for me was to just be present in the moment. To breathe and bring my attention back from whatever was floating around in my head to my breathing and my physical being, *without* getting angry at myself for letting my mind wander. It's kind of like drifting down a stream in an inner tube. The current does most of the work, but every once in a while you need to steer in order to avoid a rock, or avoid running aground.

If you can't sit still, I found walking meditation to be equally as beneficial. My biggest aha moment came as I was really stressed out from work. The intern was being a pain (because she was in pain), and after letting all of those thoughts and feelings bubble around without grasping onto anything in particular, one thought came to the forefront. "It's not all about you." And in this particular case, it wasn't.

mctavish23
09-29-16, 12:53 PM
I agree with Tygersan. :D Learning / practicing something while engaging in

physical activity, has been shown to help with retention, as well as, in this

case, directly addresses the "subjective inner restlessness" that defines Adult

"hyperactivity".

Long before I ever heard of Mindfulness, I used to work out when unable to

"calm down." It always helped me feel better, because it "got me outside my

head," and into a physical (instead of mental) realm.

Good luck & I hope this helps some. :)


tc

mctavish23

(Robert) :cool:

anonymouslyadd
09-29-16, 10:02 PM
One of my battles is coming up with the energy to work on this, to work on staying in the moment. About a decade ago at my old old job, I couldn't release my pain or struggle. I let my mind sink into nothingness, where I stopped putting effort into anything. I was not being lazy. I just found a way to cope with a difficult situation, like drinking alcohol to relieve stress.

I guess it's worth the effort but ugh. So much ******* work.

sarahsweets
09-30-16, 05:18 AM
Can someone recommend something to read thats free sort of like a mindfulness for dummies? I am at the point where I am willing to try anything.

Unmanagable
09-30-16, 08:18 AM
Here's some threads of the past that I've shared with things that have been super helpful for me - some include the nutritional aspect, too, because that's what we are fueling our minds/bodies with and using as our foundation, so to speak, and that's pretty critical in the overall wellness scene.

There is no single video or article to offer up as an overall guide, unfortunately. It took me a couple years of digging through all the various topics of meditation, mindfulness, self-awareness, self-acceptance, etc. to gather and pull from the most effective areas of each, as it pertained specifically to my needs.

I still dig to learn more, and I've learned I MUST practice daily, or I lose myself in my mind again, and again, and again. It's an ongoing lifestyle and life time adventure, for sure:

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=177878

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=176281

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=175511

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=175444

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=175257

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=171432

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=167568

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=137096

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=137063

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=137755

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=136782

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=131724

I stopped looking on page 6 of my "All threads started by Unmanagable" page - feel free to go dig deeper, if you'd like - hope some of the above are helpful in some way.

Little Missy
09-30-16, 08:25 AM
One of my battles is coming up with the energy to work on this, to work on staying in the moment. About a decade ago at my old old job, I couldn't release my pain or struggle. I let my mind sink into nothingness, where I stopped putting effort into anything. I was not being lazy. I just found a way to cope with a difficult situation, like drinking alcohol to relieve stress.

I guess it's worth the effort but ugh. So much ******* work.

I'm not getting any this mindfulness. What exactly is it that you all are trying to achieve?

Unmanagable
09-30-16, 08:28 AM
To me, mindfulness is being able to be centered and grounded within self to the point of not experiencing debilitating anxiety, depression, or other emotions.

I forgot to add:

It's also about learning how to still be okay within when things DO become debilitating and allowing the process to happen as it needs to.

anonymouslyadd
10-13-16, 11:23 PM
Will mindfulness help reduce my stress levels? If so, how?

Unmanagable
10-13-16, 11:51 PM
It helped me better manage and respond to stress. I found this video helpful in explaining some of the why/how:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DKOGuQJCxr8