View Full Version : does this have to do with any mental illness or am i just a dumb loser


fosterthehuman
09-18-16, 01:39 AM
my lead just caught my on my phone for the second time today and she was like "are you on your phone" and i said yeah, and she was like "is everything okay, let me know if you need anything, and she asked if i could finish organizing the clothes by the time my lunch starts.

i didn't even get to finish them. i've done something like this before where i would stay in the bathroom while i was supposed to be working and i would just stay in my phone, but after i got a coaching by my boss and she said i was on thin ice, i vowed myself to stop doing that. i don't even know why i did that. idk if it's cause i'm so distracted at work, or recently i'ved been feeling horrible about myself and suicidal. ik that's not an excuse to be on my phone at work though.

now i'm scared that my lead's gonna give me a warning or write me up or tell a manager, but i see her on her phone at work almost every time, she's not on it as much as i was but still. and other leads or coworkers are on their phones too so idk. do you she'll tell someone?

i'm honestly gonna try to not be on my phone as much. when i first started working here. i wouldn't be on my phone at all cause i had a feeling that i would get caught and i didn't want to be in trouble. but when i saw other ppl doing it i started getting more comfortable, and recently i've been in such a pessimistic attitude about life (sometimes i care and worry about stuff and then other times i'm just like **** it i'll do whatever i'll just try no to get caught)

i feel so stupid and i have a good feeling she's gonna tell a manager and i'm gonna get fired, cause it's already in my record that i've done something like this before. i'm honestly thinking of quitting really soon cause ik i'm gonna get fired. and ik i'm an idiot and i shouldn't have done that.

also i haven't been taking my adderrall is much (i'm not on it today) and idk if that has to do with anything. i've been feeling more focused and a littler more driven (if i have an energy drink or coffee) but some days i notice that my motivation is just gone. this is really long and probably doesn't make sense but i'm open to advice or any methods. and again, idk why i've been in this rebellious state, i know i did something that a fee years ago, i most likely would never even think about doing smh

Little Missy
09-18-16, 10:15 AM
Probably for the best to never take your phone into work. It has nothing to do with mental illness. Personal phones do not belong in the workplace.

sarahsweets
09-18-16, 12:16 PM
now i'm scared that my lead's gonna give me a warning or write me up or tell a manager, but i see her on her phone at work almost every time, she's not on it as much as i was but still. and other leads or coworkers are on their phones too so idk. do you she'll tell someone?

it doesnt matter if the whole place is on their phones. If the rule is no phones then you should set the example and not use yours. All the big boss needs to see is you on your phone. The boss wont care if you tell them everyone else does it too-even if its true it still looks bad for you to throw coworkers under the bus. And then you'll end up written up and hated by your coworkers.



also i haven't been taking my adderrall is much (i'm not on it today) and idk if that has to do with anything. i've been feeling more focused and a littler more driven (if i have an energy drink or coffee) but some days i notice that my motivation is just gone. this is really long and probably doesn't make sense but i'm open to advice or any methods. and again, idk why i've been in this rebellious state, i know i did something that a fee years ago, i most likely would never even think about doing smh
Why are you not taking your medication consistently?

stef
09-18-16, 12:30 PM
well, you are certainly not a dumb loser, dont ever think that :grouphug:
we all can have issues with motivation at work

fosterthehuman
09-18-16, 05:49 PM
Probably for the best to never take your phone into work. It has nothing to do with mental illness. Personal phones do not belong in the workplace.

I know it doesn't have to do with mental illness, i just feel like i can'r do anything right :/. i've started putting my phone in my locker when i'm working though. i used to not have this problem. idk sorry for venting

fosterthehuman
09-18-16, 05:56 PM
it doesnt matter if the whole place is on their phones. If the rule is no phones then you should set the example and not use yours. All the big boss needs to see is you on your phone. The boss wont care if you tell them everyone else does it too-even if its true it still looks bad for you to throw coworkers under the bus. And then you'll end up written up and hated by your coworkers.



Why are you not taking your medication consistently?

yeah that's true. i guess i wanted to rebel for some reason, now i just regret it. i'm always the person that get caught anyways. idk what i was thinking, i used to care so much about my job but idk what happened. but i'm starting to just pretend. i've started putting my phone in my locker while at work, and i didn't take my meds cause i noticed i was running out and i won't have another refill till the 26th. but maybe it was a bad idea. but sometimes i've acted the same way even when i was on adderall. idk, i feel like these situations only happend to me or i put myself through them and have to learn things the hard way. sorry, i'm just venting

Little Missy
09-18-16, 07:06 PM
yeah that's true. i guess i wanted to rebel for some reason, now i just regret it. i'm always the person that get caught anyways. idk what i was thinking, i used to care so much about my job but idk what happened. but i'm starting to just pretend. i've started putting my phone in my locker while at work, and i didn't take my meds cause i noticed i was running out and i won't have another refill till the 26th. but maybe it was a bad idea. but sometimes i've acted the same way even when i was on adderall. idk, i feel like these situations only happend to me or i put myself through them and have to learn things the hard way. sorry, i'm just venting

I was always the one getting caught too. I remember leaning casually on the ice cream freezer yakking with the pizza guys while dipping a spoon into the ice cream over and over eating it in all different ways when the owner came bellowing at me from around the corner.
I'm sure all of us have been there at one time or another.:)

KarmanMonkey
09-22-16, 04:23 PM
There are people who can break the rules and get away with it, then there are those of us who get the book thrown at them when they step out of line. I'm one of the latter.

It doesn't matter what other employees do; that's your boss's job to monitor. If you've been written up about it, then that means your boss sees your use interfering with your productivity.

In my case, my phone use can be:

An impulse control problem
Escapism/Avoidance
Addiction
Coping with stress
The need for a break
The need to divert my brain from a particular thought so I can shift gears
Having fun or socialising


If I start seeing signs that I'm using my phone or playing a game for reasons 1-3, then I definitely need to do something about it. If it's number 4, then I still need to do something, just not always doing something about the gaming/phone use. If it's #5 or 6, then I need to ask myself if there is a different way to accomplish the same thing.

When I say I need to do something about it, it usually starts by talking about it. Either telling my wife, a friend or a colleague I trust is the first step (or giving them permission to call me on it). Often since I have difficulty self-limiting my use, changes will often have external controls, like removing or disabling apps on my phone, or structuring my day to limit opportunities to use.

Another thing that helps sometimes is simply choosing ways to use my phone or play a game that is either self-limiting (e.g. a game that has short and distinct chapters/stages, limiting my communication to mediums like e-mail that are not continuously updated) or that is less of a black hole for my time (e.g. a game that I only enjoy in small doses)

I also sometimes find it helpful to adopt a different approach to my use; a different way to satisfy the need. If I'm playing a lot of video games, having an in-person game night can curb some of the cravings, as I think it's the missing social component that makes video games so addictive for me.

Using your phone when you know it could cost you your job is likely a sign of something else going on. An unmet need, difficulties taking care of yourself while at work, or the start of a process addiction. Regardless, it's best if it's not something you need to tackle on your own. If you have a friend at work, maybe leave your phone in their hands while you need to be working.

In any event, keep talking to us, and we can help you figure out what's going on and what will help your situation.

peripatetic
09-22-16, 08:03 PM
so i saw read your post over and because you said this part:

this is really long and probably doesn't make sense but i'm open to advice or any methods. and again,


i'll offer my take.

is using your phone related to mental illness? i don't think that's the most useful question to ask in navigating your situation.

why?

i took snippets from your post and found these statements:

i'ved been feeling horrible about myself and suicidal.

recently i've been in such a pessimistic attitude about life (sometimes i care and worry about stuff and then other times i'm just like **** it i'll do whatever i'll just try no to get caught)

but some days i notice that my motivation is just gone.

idk why i've been in this rebellious state, i know i did something that a fee years ago, i most likely would never even think about doing smh

and the question i have for you is: do you have a mental health professional you see? a psychiatrist, a therapist? because my advice is that you, sooner than later...address this by printing out those statements and sharing it with your mental healthcare team. each one is an indicator of *possible* mental health concern...i mean...come on! the first one is you saying you're feeling suicidal of late. taken individually, i think it could be something or it could be nothing...taken as facets of a bigger picture, that's a list that merits review by someone who can help you.

i don't think it's appropriate for me to speculate about it being this or that particular mental health concern. however, i will say that every time i go to my psychiatrist i have to complete this form that's, like, "have you lost interest in things you used to enjoy" "do you feel urges to hurt yourself" "do you feel much less or much more energy than usual" "do you find yourself overeating or lacking appetite" ....and several more.

and i know that those questions are all part of a rough "depression symptoms inventory" because it's not my first visit to the mental health rodeo ;) only someone with access to you and your history and experience with differential diagnosis can say for sure, but the list i pulled from your post doesn't sound all that dissimilar from the top half of page one of the sheets everyone seen by kaiser in my city fill out at each psych appointment.

i hope that helps. and i hope you talk to someone soon. xx