View Full Version : I guess its mostly Derealization


_Rift_
09-24-16, 03:22 PM
I usually Hang around the Depression section but I think I'm coming to realize more and that this feeling of being outside it all has a lot to do with my anxiety. For a long time I have only associated my panic attacks with anxiety but I neglected to realize that my depression is just as affected by it.

To best describe my feelings, Im in a loop of spiraling emotion I can feel things but I dont know why, I feel like leaving this earth behind in every way shape or form. That sounds crazy but really I just dont feel like existing in a vacuum. Every moment is unique and the last is forgotten. everything is lost to the vacuum, my memory, cognition, and care are there but not on demand at times when I care for them. Its almost as if I could cry at anytime but only if I think about it but even then there is no connotation for the tears just feeling.


Even though I live with people who would listen I isolate because if I told them I would sound crazy, telling people you hear and see things because of how disconnected you are is hard, telling would do me much better but thats why I come to forums because its healthy to talk even If i hate it.

what bothers me most lately though is how pointless it all feels, I dont even have a stance on life anymore. I hate hating everything and being happy for whatever reason feels wrong. Even though I hold truth in my hand and know that I am not alone and in fact do exist for something its all behind a thick wall that I don't even comprehend.

and above all else I hate how wrong it all feels. every step and decision is perceived as a mistake and stings my nervous system, I have to tell myself of my success and leave the joy to others. I feel Like a misconceived Idea, Im generally more confused then I have ever been and I guess thats one reason why I might cry.

Im boiling over too much of late and feel like posting here is bad for some reason but Im going to force myself to because once I start unleashing thoughts I feel more neutral than before.

Thanks for reading as this was definitely just a rant of built up "whatever" I had intention that Ill try and touch on in another post but I feel good ending this here.

Pilgrim
09-24-16, 05:14 PM
Depression and anxiety are two sides of the same coin, my life consists of getting away

sarahsweets
09-25-16, 03:27 AM
It sounds like depression WITH anxiety.

_Rift_
09-25-16, 05:35 AM
Depression and anxiety are two sides of the same coin, my life consists of getting away


It sounds like depression WITH anxiety.


They coexist as fuel for each other for sure, for me at least its blended into a weird disassociation with my physical self. when taking medication before I never took these feelings into mind but now it should be easier to tune any medication.

Pilgrim
10-04-16, 10:46 AM
They coexist as fuel for each other for sure, for me at least its blended into a weird disassociation with my physical self. when taking medication before I never took these feelings into mind but now it should be easier to tune any medication.

There not the same to me. Anxiety wears you down quickly, depression gets you more slowly.
When I said they are 2 sides of the same coin IMO this is sort of correct.

What I find interesting is what I can get anxious about, nothing in particular, it's more a physical thing.

Depression more a mental thing, you've got to make big moves to avoid this.

I find with meds I can clearly see the difference in the two, maybe I just can think clearer.

I'm not afraid to look at it. This is just my take.