View Full Version : New here & struggling


blu3eyedblondee
10-03-16, 09:06 AM
I'm 26, and though I have not been formally diagnosed with ADD/ADHD, the more I read about it in women, the more I recognize myself in other women's stories. I have been diagnosed with major depression, generalized anxiety, and OCD, and suffer from chronic fatigue and muscle/joint issues that my doctors previously thought was fibro, but it might have more to do with food.

Yesterday was tough. I had trouble sleeping (and though I blame the new kitten, I think it's more than that), so my day was already off to a tough start. When I got up, I went to the bathroom, and...the toilet overflowed when I flushed. It flooded the bathroom and leaked into the hall. I frantically grabbed towels to try to mop it up, but there was too much water. Then, the cats decided they needed to drink the water that was all over the floor, which, obviously, I don't need them doing. So I throw more towels into the bathroom and shut the door to keep the cats out. I texted my mom, who lives about 20 minutes away from me, and then put my phone down. Water starts coming out from under the door, the cats are still trying to get to it, I don't have enough towels, and now I can't find my phone. It's about 9 am and I'm crying because I'm so overwhelmed with everything (which, objectively, doesn't look like a lot, but I felt totally overloaded).

Eventually I found my phone and called my mom, who said she'd come help me clean up. Now, I'm not a super neat person, so when she's over she of course has to deep clean everything. When I mention that my counselor though I might have ADD/ADHD she scoffed and immediately told me that I don't. Love my mom, but she and I are so different, and she doesn't really understand mental health conditions. She doesn't always take my depression and anxiety seriously, so I knew she was not going to believe for a second that I might have ADD or ADHD. "A person who can sit down and focus on books for hours on end does not have ADD. You're not messy because you have ADD, you're messy because you're messy and you can change that." Sounds very much like the, "when you're tired all you have to do is get up and get your blood flowing" that she told me when I was struggling with my first major bout of depression.

I know that if my mom hadn't been able to come over and help me clean up, I would have just shut the bathroom door, called out of work, and gone back to bed and not bothered with the mess until later. I feel really distressed and all evening yesterday and so far all morning all I want to do is cry (but I'm at work). I'm frustrated because as much as I want to, I cannot seem to stick to any "clean routine" for more than a few weeks before I drop it and fall back to my old ways. Since I work 2 jobs 7 days a week, I/m so exhausted when I get home that all I can do is flop onto the couch. I haven't cooked myself a real dinner in weeks because even the thought of the clean up exhausts me. And my parents are deaf to anything that suggests more mental health issues. Mom is adamant that her "old school" "mom wisdom" is a one-size fits all solution to all my problems, which, as 26 years have shown, it is not.

My insurance for my new job doesn't kick in until November 1, so I have a whole month to go before I can go see my therapist again. But I feel like I'm drowning and I don't know what to do. According to all my research (and the thoughts of my therapist), I have all the symptoms of adult ADD/ADHD. It looks pretty textbook to me. I don't want to self-diagnose, but again, downing!

sarahsweets
10-04-16, 01:23 AM
Eventually I found my phone and called my mom, who said she'd come help me clean up. Now, I'm not a super neat person, so when she's over she of course has to deep clean everything. When I mention that my counselor though I might have ADD/ADHD she scoffed and immediately told me that I don't. Love my mom, but she and I are so different, and she doesn't really understand mental health conditions. She doesn't always take my depression and anxiety seriously, so I knew she was not going to believe for a second that I might have ADD or ADHD. "A person who can sit down and focus on books for hours on end does not have ADD. You're not messy because you have ADD, you're messy because you're messy and you can change that." Sounds very much like the, "when you're tired all you have to do is get up and get your blood flowing" that she told me when I was struggling with my first major bout of depression.
Im sorry that your mom shot you down like that. Its very hurtful for sure. ADHD can manifest itself funny in women and it has nothing to do with whether or not you can focus on a book, or are neat.


I know that if my mom hadn't been able to come over and help me clean up, I would have just shut the bathroom door, called out of work, and gone back to bed and not bothered with the mess until later. I feel really distressed and all evening yesterday and so far all morning all I want to do is cry (but I'm at work). I'm frustrated because as much as I want to, I cannot seem to stick to any "clean routine" for more than a few weeks before I drop it and fall back to my old ways. Since I work 2 jobs 7 days a week, I/m so exhausted when I get home that all I can do is flop onto the couch. I haven't cooked myself a real dinner in weeks because even the thought of the clean up exhausts me. And my parents are deaf to anything that suggests more mental health issues. Mom is adamant that her "old school" "mom wisdom" is a one-size fits all solution to all my problems, which, as 26 years have shown, it is not
we can expect people to understand mental illness sometimes.. Especially our parents- sometimes they take it personal, like they did something wrong or missed something when we were children.
Try and keep your chin up until November 1.

Bluechoo
10-04-16, 08:08 AM
The efficacy of my treatment was amplified when I excluded any immediate family. Family roles and behavioral expectations make it tortuous to manifest any real changes. Now I just be the person I am, who is changing, and my family accepts or doesn't even notice. In the past I was not free. I would run to tell someone everything I thought of or learned about, and it was exhausting to them and me. I always sought validation, and I hung on every word people said to me--good and bad. One day, not that long ago, I decided I did not want to live that way anymore. I realized that I was not free, emotionally or intellectually, and I made it my top priority to stand on my own two feet.

It will not happen overnight, but you can self-actualize whenever you are ready for it. You get freedom and responsibility, so be ready to solve every day problems like overflowing toilets without running straight for mom. It can be daunting, but after the first time you deal with a major crisis all on your own, I guarantee you will sleep like you never have before.

Pilgrim
10-04-16, 10:30 AM
I know this section is for the girls, I take Dex and my place still looks like a bomb hit it.

blu3eyedblondee
10-10-16, 09:27 AM
Thanks for the encouragement.

I live in Orlando, so when Hurricane Matthew came through, I had Thursday and Friday off. Despite having plenty to do at home, all I did was watch TV and catch up on my reading. Getting into a TV show or a book takes me to a different reality, and I can feel some sort of relief. But when I went to help my parents clean up their yard, Mom asked how much I'd gotten done at home. Naturally, I lied, and she got on me for being "lazy." And sometimes I feel like I am just that. Back at work today (I teach high school), and all I want to do is cry and go back to bed.

Why can't I pull myself out of this???