View Full Version : i feel hopeless


fosterthehuman
10-04-16, 03:00 PM
i'm an idiot. i thought i paid my rent online, but it didn't confirm, so it didn't go through. so now i have to pay a late fee and my roommate's and i have to pay all together. this is the third time we've had a check bounce. and this is the second time it's because of me. when i was talking on the phone with the lady at the leasing office, she said that this is has been going on all the time and she seemed upset with me. my roommates definitely hate me now

the other day, i also forgot i had a shift at work that day so i got a call from the scheduling office that said i could either take another no call no show (i've had a no call no show before for another stupid reason of mine) or i could come into work late and receive points, so i just came into work late. but i still feel like I'm stupid all the time, i feel like these mistakes aren't normal and if someone was smart, they wouldn't do stuff like this. I'm embarrassed of myself when i make mistakes like this. i also feel like i make people around me irritated and confused with me. i think that's why i drive others away all the time. I've been even taking my medication for depression and Adderall but now I'm starting to feel hopeless about finding solutions for myself. I honestly think i'm a failure. idk how to feel okay or confident in myself when i mess up so badly like this.

namazu
10-04-16, 04:51 PM
Is there a way to set up auto-payment of rent? If so, that could help with the forgetting. Also, if you have roommates who are less prone to forgetting, maybe one of them could take responsibility for writing the check. Or perhaps the leasing office would be willing to remind you on the 1st of the month -- it's in their interest to be sure you pay on time, too.

Do you have any kind of smartphone or computer calendar? Maybe you could set up reminders with alarms for rent checks and work shifts, if you haven't already. It won't be fail-proof -- you'd have to remember to enter the shifts, which can be hard if they're not on a regular schedule -- but it might help.

i feel like these mistakes aren't normal and if someone was smart, they wouldn't do stuff like this. I'm embarrassed of myself when i make mistakes like this.
These things are very "normal" for people with ADHD. It has nothing to do with "smart". It has to do with poor working memory and disorganization. It doesn't make you a bad person, just a person who needs some support in these areas.

In addition to the above strategies, perhaps it's time to chat with your doctor to see if your medication could be improved in some way. I don't know how long you've been taking antidepressants, so if it's a recent change, they may need some time to work. It's possible that the Adderall at the current dose/timing isn't working as well as it could.

Anyway, you're not alone, and you're not a failure as a person just because you're forgetful. :grouphug:

Enough Rope
10-07-16, 04:31 PM
This is very much where I am. I have few answers, but... we are working on it.

ToneTone
10-09-16, 11:49 AM
i can understand why you are mad at yourself. And you do want to work on that issue of paying bills on time. But attacking yourself for messing up in this instance is not helpful. Attacking yourself only erodes your confidence and esteem and ultimately makes it harder to work on the details of life.

ADHD is so horrible precise because it impairs our ability to do the mundane tasks of life. So are you being treated? ... Are you in therapy? These are exactly the issues to discuss with your provider.

And yes, it feels bad when we have to pay fines and it feels horrible when we let down other people. But ... you want to learn to contain that bad feeling. I feel bad for doing X or failing to do X. But you don't want to attack your overall worth.

Use the anger at yourself instead of read more about ADHD and read more about how people build systems in place. Online bill paying has helped me a lot. And I got all my ongoing bills to be due in the first days of the month, so that I can be sure they get paid. I was getting into trouble when a lot of bills were due mid month and late month and then I called a bunch of the specific customer service folks to get my bills all due near the first of the month.

Some people find going on automatic payment is a nice way to go ... that way you don't have to remember.

You can also practice checking on yourself ... You pay the bill and then a day later you come back to check on yourself to make sure the payment went through. So there are some little fixes that you can make ... But it's hard to focus on those little possible fixes when we're attacking ourselves and feeling really embarrassed.

Missing payments makes life hard and frustrating and doing so is nerve wracking ... for sure ... Those are sufficient reasons to work on change. You're not a "bad" person because you forgot to pay a bill--though yes it is easy to feel that way.

Hang in there.

Tone

Mr.focus
11-04-16, 11:21 PM
I'm diagnose with general anxiety disorder.

I feel you. Les brown once said, in the good time, you put it in your pocket but in the LEAN TIME you put it in your heart.

I believe that life is just testing us sometime. With our add symptom we feel depress but we have this resilience muscle.

Cheers

dvdnvwls
11-05-16, 12:12 AM
I have no idea whether this comment will be welcome or unwelcome on this thread, but I feel pretty strongly about it.

If you didn't have the man in your life who mentally cuts you down all the time, you would feel better and be more successful with the things you need to do.