View Full Version : Ruined my friendship (Not sure if ADHD helped)


MindBlind
10-05-16, 10:14 AM
I don't want to blame my ADHD for this because I'm still responsible for my actions. I know I did this on impulse but there were so many ways I could have mitigated this from happening. Still, I really feel like I can share this on this forum because I don't know who else I can talk to right now.

My best friend (we'll call her Jane) and I have been super close since we were in primary school. We used to argue a lot when we were kids but as we got older we hardly ever had conflict about anything. Well recently I did something to really **** her off and I don't blame her because it was a ****ty thing for her to do.

I was given an e-mail saying that there were still places left over for a stall at a local convention and if I still wanted to hire it. I went for it because I desperately wanted to network and find work and this was the perfect way to show off my skills. However I didn't want the whole table to myself so I asked a friend from uni (We'll call her Ashley) if she would be interested in joining me at the artist valley.

She responded by saying that she wasn't sure if she could get the day off because of her work so I waited about a week or so. She came back saying that she had the day off but it was the day before her birthday and she wasn't sure if she had something planned then. I sort of began to feel anxious at this point and I think it was at this point I contacted Jane and asked if she wanted to come along as a backup and she was totally on board with it. The only problem is that I forgot to mention that she was a back up at first. So I had to tell her later on that Ashley was the one I contacted first but I tried to create some compromise that maybe we could squeeze her in as well, hoping that maybe Ashley would drop out of it. Ashley contacted me again saying that she was definitely going to go but if she couldn't go for whatever reason could I find a replacement last minute. I tried to tell her that it wasn't really fair for me to keep stringing my other friend along like that (even though I was the one who instigated it). But I stuck to my guns and said to both of them that somehow I would make it work.

Well I couldn't make it work. I checked the size of the table and if all of us were to sell stuff there wouldn't be enough space for each of us. I started to panic and I knew I had to drop somebody. I decided to drop Jane because I did ask Ashley first. That and Jane has her own website, stuff that was already printed (so no loss on her part) and more clients and I felt that this was an opportunity that Ashley probably needed more. Still I obviously made the wrong decision because Jane was very upset with me.

She felt that she shouldn't have been left behind because she was more organised and consistent. She felt upset that I dragged her along and mislead her like that. She was really really angry with me and I don't blame her. It just seemed like everything I did just made everything worse. She said she wasnt even mad about the stall and I know why. She didn't use these words but I clearly treated her like she was disposable. I was grovelling on facebook trying to show how sorry I was. I didn't even ask for forgiveness because I really screwed her over. I let my fears and insecurities get in the way of professionalism and friendship. No wonder I'm a **** up.

I've just been doing worse and worse lately and I cant take it anymore. I'm going to do the stall anyway because I promised Ashley I would and I'm not going to **** up things with her too. After that, I don't know. I feel very lost. I don't want to feel anything right now. I am an awful person.

stef
10-05-16, 10:56 AM
Hey, I don't think you ruined the friendship though; ok Jane is upset right now but you were genuinely trying to honor everyone's needs and be fair. This does not make you an awful person :grouphug:

sarahsweets
10-05-16, 11:06 AM
A couple of things...
If something like this ruins a friendship-what does that say about the friendship?
Stay off of facebook with this kind of personal thing. All it does is put your business out there for everyone to see and it doesnt really show the person you are trying to patch things up with that you value what they think-it looks like you value what other people think of what you are doing to win back your friend. Not trying to minimize things but this seems like a minor blip on the radar.

MindBlind
10-05-16, 11:17 AM
A couple of things...
If something like this ruins a friendship-what does that say about the friendship?
Stay off of facebook with this kind of personal thing. All it does is put your business out there for everyone to see and it doesn't really show the person you are trying to patch things up with that you value what they think-it looks like you value what other people think of what you are doing to win back your friend. Not trying to minimize things but this seems like a minor blip on the radar.

I contacted her through PM on my personal facebook (which is how we normally communicate when we don't speak face to face). How would anybody know that I was contacting her about this unless one of us started posting about it openly on our pages? I might be a **** up but I'm not a complete idiot.

Also it's a bit more than that. I should have mentioned that I have had a habit of disappointing people and this is sort of the final straw.

Sorry, maybe I wasn't clear about what actually happened?