View Full Version : Where did I go wrong?


MusiciansWish
10-07-16, 12:14 AM
Most of you probably know that there's a huge hurricane, Matthew, that's about to make its way along the east coast. Keep in mind that I live in the Carolinas. Well, this is supposed to be the weekend that we go to Louisiana for vacation. I didn't plan this, my father did.
I was hoping that we were going to make our way over there early tomorrow morning before the storm arrives that night, seeing as how my father has to make his way here from Kentucky.
My father told my grandmother that we were going to leave to go to Lousiana, Saturday morning around 5AM. Mind you, the hurricane is supposed to hit South Carolina, Friday night at 9. I asked my grandmother why he chose a time like that to leave and she told me to ask him.

So I picked up my phone, started texting and the conversation basically went like....

"what time are we leaving?" -me
"Saturday morning at 5am." -him
"Wait! We're going to drive through the storm?" -me

"So now you're concerned about the storm? I had a doctor's appointment friday that got cancelled. The hotel reservations are for saturday." -him

"I've been concerned about the storm since it first popped up. I didn't suddenly start taking an interest in it. I've been giving grandma all of the updates that I have heard, researched, and found out about at work. I know that she told you about it. I was just wondering if the doctor's appointment was cancelled why couldn't we go early before the storm hits so we can at least be out of South Carolina without having to worry too much about problems on the interstate." -me

(Let me stop and take this second to mention how he planned on leaving Kentucky....going all the way to Florida for a doctor's appointment and then driving back to South Carolina just so that we can go to Lousiana.)

"Because i'm paying for everything. and louisiana is west, not east"-him

"What?! How is that relevant?" -me

(He goes into a full blown explanation about how we're taking the interstate to go east and completely missing the fact that he's possibly going to have a difficult time getting into South Carolina with the evacuations taking place)

"Okay. We'd still be driving through the storm with other people who are trying to leave last minute. We don't know the road conditions or what is happening on the road. If we're leaving Saturday at 5 AM, it'll take 12 hours and some minutes just to get to Louisiana. The storm hits on Friday night around 9. We don't know what could happen in this storm. Which is why I made the suggestion of leaving early." --me

"Then you do not have to go." --him

"Why? What sense does that make?" -me

"You're the one with the problem. If you are really that concerned, I will give your grandma my credit card number and she can make hotel reservations and ya'll can leave in the morning, but make sure you drive your car." --him

"So, just because I took the time to research the storm, possible road conditions, and try to become more knowledgeable about what's about the happen, i'm deemed as having a problem? Why? That's not having a problem, I just wanted to be more aware of what's going on, what we're trying to do and the weather conditions. I only made a suggestion based off of you stated about your doctor's appointment being cancelled." --me

"You are not talking to your boyfriend, so i would suggest that you end this conversation with me because you are starting to **** me the **** off with your passive aggressive ********." --him

"How?! I'm not even being disrespectful nor catching an attitude, so I have no clue what you are talking about." --me

"And I told you why I was doing what I was doing. If you are not satisfied with the answers I gave you, tough. You have several options either you can go now, go with me, or stay home. The choice is yours" --him


And I stopped texting him, because I was tired of the stupidity. He never gave me a reason as to why. The only way I found out a more detailed reason is when he told my grandmother the actual detailed reason as to why he couldn't come down before the storm hit. This was after he got super mad and made a huge stink about it. He never told us that he had work today, nor tomorrow...this entire time he was talking about how he was getting laid off. That's it...other than that he was gossiping about his coworkers. So I wouldn't have known. He had my grandmother and I thinking that he had already been laid off.

My grandmother was far from happy with what he sent me....she even told me that this wasn't the first time that he pulled something like this. He got angry at my grandmother just because she didn't turn the caps lock off and had all of her words capitalized, even though she explained that she didn't know how to turn the caps off and didn't know that everything being capitalized symbolized yelling.

I told my grandmother that I am willing to take him up on his offer to just go ahead, take my grandmother and drive myself, but I wasn't going to bother taking my car (don't have enough gas atm). She stated that it would be trifling to go ahead and leave when he was coming saturday. I shrugged my shoulders and said that, "If he didn't want me to do it, he shouldn't have made the offer. If he doesn't like it, he should have thought about it before he typed."

(And before anyone asks...He asked about going next weekend, I told him that I can't reschedule because the work schedule is already out and there was no way my boss was going to approve another time off for vacation. It was way too last minute. I told my grandmother and dad that if we're going to go on vacation it would have to wait until January, because of the approaching holidays in November and December. My workplace won't approve of vacations during those months and if I call out any time during those months, there's a possibility of me kissing my job goodbye. I've asked many members of management about the policies...and none work in my favor)

Has anyone ever dealt with a parent or a person who acted like this? I don't see it, but where did I go wrong?

I don't know...to be super honest with you all, I really would rather him not even bother coming with us. I'd rather take my grandmother and get out of dodge before the storm hits. To top it all off I lost some respect for him...

sarahsweets
10-07-16, 04:19 AM
I dont think you did anything wrong. i think you should avoid going with him and go yourself with your grandma.

MusiciansWish
10-07-16, 12:01 PM
I dont think you did anything wrong. i think you should avoid going with him and go yourself with your grandma.

I tried suggesting that. My grandmother said that it would be trifling to leave him since he's coming down this Saturday.

I really wanted to leave him, I was at the point where I didn't care what he thought or how he felt. He really deserved it, in my honest opinion.

Each time I tried to suggest to him to do things to improve his health, it blows back on my face. When he found out that I have ADHD...he said things that fell along the lines of "I caught it from my boyfriend" and "I am only pretending to have ADHD so I can impress my boyfriend." Heaven forbid how he treats me when he finds out that I have Bipolar Disorder.

I guess that it's the last straw for me. He blew up on my grandmother over nothing. . .and now he's getting on me over nothing. This kind of thing has went on for 26 years and to be honest, things are a lot better when his not here. I'm serious when I say this, but i'm not doing anything for him...not anymore.

Pilgrim
10-07-16, 06:02 PM
I think parents sometimes believe there children must fit in there box.

MusiciansWish
10-07-16, 06:41 PM
I think parents sometimes believe there children must fit in there box.

I think that's what his problem is. . .and because of that I really can't talk to him about anything. He is so blinded by his incorrect views that he gets extremely butthurt if you correct him. Heck, even when I took concern for my family's safety and his health it got blown back on me. It scares me because he tries to give some type of health advice that could be potentially dangerous and his actions when it comes to him taking left over antibiotics is scary too.....

It's at the point where my grandmother doesn't say a word when ever he talks to her. She just gives the nods, mmmhmms, and appropriate responses to keep the conversation going. She said that she doesn't have time and is getting too old to be dealing with his nonsense.

So we're basically at the conclusion of, if he's wrong, he'll stay in the wrong. If he's mad, he can stay mad. It's literally not worth losing the brain cells dealing with him when he's wrong and mad.

He has to have his way, even if he's wrong.

MusiciansWish
10-07-16, 06:47 PM
Here's an update....

We attempted to reschedule the trip to sometime in January (I work in retail....I can't ask for days off unless it's for doctor's visits. Call outs sometimes will warrant instant termination...So Nov through Dec are off limits.) At first my dad had no problem with it and was cool with it...but then made up his mind and said that he wants to go ahead and go to Louisiana at an earlier time....3AM! Again, this is not too long after the storm is supposed to hit South Carolina. My dad says that he needs to get away because his stupid coworkers are stressing him out...or so he claims.

My grandmother is not happy and neither am I....Luckily my grandmother and I agreed to just plan our own vacation and leave my father out of it.