View Full Version : Support for distressed maternal regulator(s) and their children?


mildadhd
10-10-16, 12:53 AM
I have been wondering about healthy ways of supporting distressed maternal regulators and the relationship with their infant/toddlers/young children before birth and the age 4* (give or take)?

I especially wonder about Prof. Panksepp's ideas for play sanctuaries to help support distressed maternal regulators' and their preschool relationship with their self-regulation developing children?

Brain World:What is a play sanctuary?

Jaak Panksepp: I think it is one of the most important things that children need to grow up well, perhaps even reduce the number of kids diagnosed with ADHD. In play sanctuaries caretakers could easily recognize childhood problems, those that may need special attention. Play sanctuaries could provide more children with the free play they often don’t get in the modern world. They are also places where children can be instructed “naturally” in good behaviors, and those who have difficulty playing might be given special attention. We might also need to train new kinds of child clinicians—those who really know how to play, not just talk and talk, not just test-test-test, but play. A real play-master.

http://brainworldmagazine.com/dr-jaak-panksepp-the-importance-of-play/



This thread discussion meant as an introduction to the thread topics, please leave room for learning and maybe even a separate more published scientific data based thread discussion, in the future.

(Side note: Medication is not even a treatment option for children before the age of 4. Please discuss the question to medicate or not medicate, in a different thread.)

All help appreciated.

G

mildadhd
10-10-16, 01:01 AM
This thread discussion is not limited to Dr. Panksepps' ideas, example: community based preschool play sanctuaries.

Please feel free to post your ideas, other people's ideas, social programs, or other experiences, etc, that you think would be helpful or found helpful in reducing distresses for your families, before birth and the age of 4*.


G

Sunflower009
04-07-17, 08:41 PM
I see that this thread is kind of old, but no one responded... so I will. By Maternal regulators, do you mean moms? So basically are you asking what kinds of things would help moms and families be less stressed out and help support them with thier kids, right?

I am an ADHD mom with three kids ages 1,3, and 5. So this is one of the central issues in my life right now.

Definately, places for kids to play are hugely important!! Here in Germany, the school system purposely does NOT do any formal learning before age 6 (when they start 1st grade). Pre-schools and day cares are totally focused around play, and all the more modern ones have an open concept where the kids have lots of different areas or rooms to choose from (for example, music room, sport room, outdoor area, workshop, etc), and they encourage tons of free play.

If a child is asking about numbers and letters the teachers will show them stuff or answer the questions, but they stay away from actually learning formally. It is expected that kids learn to read at age 6 and not before.

They also encourage kids to make thier own mistakes, socially and physically. For example if kids are arguing or fighting the teachers will not step in to stop them unless it is actually dangerous. They allow the kids to figure out thier own solutions. Parents at the playgrounds also do this (although it tends to be a little less becuase it is very difficult to not want to jump in and help.) Physically, they let the kids do a lot of more difficult things on thier own (climbing high, etc) and allow them to fall so that they learn how to use thier bodies properly instead of being always protected.

I LOVE the system here, and would never go back to the US preschools where they are pushing school concepts earlier and earlier.

-------
As far as what support we need as moms of preschool age children:

- more help in the household so that we have some time to actually spend with the kids instead of the mountain of housework.

- a more even distribution of work between husband and wife - I love the model in sweden where lots of couples have both parents working 75% rather than one full time and one half time. This means BOTH parents get the luxury of personal fulfillment through thier career, and BOTH parents get to spend time watching thier kids grow up. The kids get to have BOTH parents present in thier lives. It's a win-win-win situation. Unfortunately the government has to provide the laws and incentives to get this to happen, becuase it is really hard to get it to happen from the ground up.

- More family freindly places to go on rainy days. More indoor playgrounds for really little kids. And especially: play areas aimed for toddlers so that the parent doesn't have to be constantly behind them, and can step back for a minute to just relax and have a coffee or talk to a friend. (This would help a ton to reduce parental stress levels.)

- More community support for things like when a parent gets sick but has little kids at home (there is the famous saying that moms can't get sick) I mean seriously, what do you do when mom has to go to the hospital for a week and you don't have family around?!

-More flexible models of employment (flexible hours, part time work, work-sharing, especially for management level jobs)

- More acceptance of men working part time or taking paternity leave (we have a lot of this in Germany because it is more supported financially, but it still isnšt enough. And in many places there is almost nothing for the dads.)

mildadhd
04-09-17, 05:24 AM
... By Maternal regulators, do you mean moms? So basically are you asking what kinds of things would help moms and families be less stressed out and help support them with thier kids, right?



Yes. Thank You.

"Maternal regulator" are terms I read in an article by Dr. Allan Schore.

Example link..

http://allanschore.com/pdf/SchoreAttachHumDev.pdf

(I am sorry I cannot find the exact article at the present time.)

All infants require a relationship with at least one parenting adult for lower and higher self-regulation functions to mature.

The maternal regulator can be the "moms" , but is not always the mom.

I prefer to choose terms like "maternal regulator" and "parenting adult", which includes all genders to represent all varying relationship possibilities depending on individual circumstances.

I am really curious about the early implicit preverbal executive stages of development and how early preverbal implicit executive stages development influences early and later stages verbal explicit development.




m

mildadhd
04-09-17, 11:16 PM
I am an ADHD mom with three kids ages 1,3, and 5. So this is one of the central issues in my life right now.



Do you find developmental differences between kids ages 1, 3, and 5?

Example, I really enjoyed experiencing the different forms early preverbal and verbal communication with my son as we matured.


m

Fuzzy12
04-15-17, 09:58 PM
I went to kindergarten there and I have to admit I absolutely hated it. This was more than 30 years ago so maybe now things are different but I was basically plonked jn a large room with many other kids (who were not my friends) abd asked to entertain myself with the toys there. I'm sure the staff would have loved to engage but I was too shy to interact with them.

I don't think the free play was the problem though but probably the fact that I didn't have any friends. I could entertain myself all day long at home doing free play.

I was so happy when I joined school. I loved school!! :)

I see that this thread is kind of old, but no one responded... so I will. By Maternal regulators, do you mean moms? So basically are you asking what kinds of things would help moms and families be less stressed out and help support them with thier kids, right?

I am an ADHD mom with three kids ages 1,3, and 5. So this is one of the central issues in my life right now.

Definately, places for kids to play are hugely important!! Here in Germany, the school system purposely does NOT do any formal learning before age 6 (when they start 1st grade). Pre-schools and day cares are totally focused around play, and all the more modern ones have an open concept where the kids have lots of different areas or rooms to choose from (for example, music room, sport room, outdoor area, workshop, etc), and they encourage tons of free play.

If a child is asking about numbers and letters the teachers will show them stuff or answer the questions, but they stay away from actually learning formally. It is expected that kids learn to read at age 6 and not before.

They also encourage kids to make thier own mistakes, socially and physically. For example if kids are arguing or fighting the teachers will not step in to stop them unless it is actually dangerous. They allow the kids to figure out thier own solutions. Parents at the playgrounds also do this (although it tends to be a little less becuase it is very difficult to not want to jump in and help.) Physically, they let the kids do a lot of more difficult things on thier own (climbing high, etc) and allow them to fall so that they learn how to use thier bodies properly instead of being always protected.

I LOVE the system here, and would never go back to the US preschools where they are pushing school concepts earlier and earlier.

-------
As far as what support we need as moms of preschool age children:

- more help in the household so that we have some time to actually spend with the kids instead of the mountain of housework.

- a more even distribution of work between husband and wife - I love the model in sweden where lots of couples have both parents working 75% rather than one full time and one half time. This means BOTH parents get the luxury of personal fulfillment through thier career, and BOTH parents get to spend time watching thier kids grow up. The kids get to have BOTH parents present in thier lives. It's a win-win-win situation. Unfortunately the government has to provide the laws and incentives to get this to happen, becuase it is really hard to get it to happen from the ground up.

- More family freindly places to go on rainy days. More indoor playgrounds for really little kids. And especially: play areas aimed for toddlers so that the parent doesn't have to be constantly behind them, and can step back for a minute to just relax and have a coffee or talk to a friend. (This would help a ton to reduce parental stress levels.)

- More community support for things like when a parent gets sick but has little kids at home (there is the famous saying that moms can't get sick) I mean seriously, what do you do when mom has to go to the hospital for a week and you don't have family around?!

-More flexible models of employment (flexible hours, part time work, work-sharing, especially for management level jobs)

- More acceptance of men working part time or taking paternity leave (we have a lot of this in Germany because it is more supported financially, but it still isnšt enough. And in many places there is almost nothing for the dads.)