View Full Version : Afraid to get help


Swissy
10-11-16, 08:44 AM
I am 40. Never dx'd. But looking back on my childhood I had bad anxiety, trouble remembering school stuff (but still did well as I had the ability to memorize info for tests quickly, then forget it all right after), I was always nervous and afraid of people. I have a career which people say I am really good at, but secretly I feel like I have fooled them all and I am just sure they will figure it out soon (paranoid? IDK)

I can't follow a conversation, I forget things as soon as I am told something because I am too preoccupied about the last thing I might have forgotten, I procrastinate, which is ridiculous because if it is a problem why do I keep procrastinating? I have fallen into a funk because I feel like things have been getting worse over the last 6 months. MY husband notices I am "unhappy" but really I just feel sad that he doesn't get me, I feel alone, but he really is great which makes me feel like I must really be messed up... make sense?

I am worried if i seek help at this point I will look like I am just seeking the drugs. But I HATE meds, I don't do drugs, barely even drink... I just feel like people are normally skeptical about what I say (I know this stems from being treated bad as a kid, but moving on...) I am worried I am "faking" this... trying to find excuses for why I suck at everything. For why I am antisocial, for why I don't want to be around people or try for a new job. I am afraid of failing because of this "made up" condition. I mean, I made it this far, right? Is this real or do I have to suck it up, put on my big girl pants and forge ahead?

I am ALWAYS thinking of this. I am in the car thinking of this (or whatever else I might have screwed up) and suddenly I arrive at my destination and don't REALLY remember details of my drive. Is that normal? I am a safe driver (I am a mom, so I try to control my issues) but that can't be normal, right?

My PCP says since I did well in school and have a (usually) successful career I can't be ADD. But I do have bi-polar and ADD in my family. I don't fit the bi-polar profile, but I come up as ADD in the online evaluations I have taken.

What should I do? I am afraid to go get the label. I am afraid I am making it all up.

Tetrahedra
10-11-16, 10:31 PM
Hi, Swissy. I hear you.

I managed to navigate decently through life until one day I realized that I hadn't been doing very "decent" at all, and I wasn't in a good place in terms of my career or my mental wellbeing. ADHD didn't even occur to me - I just thought there was something wrong with my personality that prohibited me from accomplishing things other people did and for keeping me from being truly happy with life. When I finally sought therapy, it took me a couple of therapists before ADHD became a true reality. But even now I question whether I really have it or not because I have managed to do so much without assistance (steady job, degree, etc). My family is also not supportive, so it makes it even more challenging because I can just picture them rolling their eyes at me for getting help.

But the reality is that this is your life, and you need to decide how you're going to live it. It is perfectly fine to reach out to others and ask for help, right? So it is also perfectly acceptable to reach out to professionals and ask for help. Maybe you have ADHD, maybe you don't. Regardless, you're in a place where you need professional assistance and where you want professional assistance, and that in and of itself is reason for you to pursue therapy. Besides, there are other treatment routes that don't include drugs. For me, being aware that I have ADHD and doing research on it and continuing with therapy for a couple of years has been incredibly beneficial - all without medication. It's not perfect, but no treatment is ever going to be perfect. Don't worry about appearing to be drug hungry; I found out that sometimes it's the doctors who want to prescribe the drugs and it's good to be cautious and do your research.

In my non-professional opinion, your PCP is wrong. ADHD affects people in different ways, and it's foolish to say that just because you appear to excel in one area doesn't mean that you're unaffected. For example, I appear to have a solid career but in truth, I don't leave my job because I have too much anxiety surrounding the idea of quitting. But to an outsider in casual conversation, it looks like I have it all together. I don't. And even if I did, it doesn't mean that I'm not affected in other ways. For example, maybe you found the one job in a thousand that clicks with you, but if you try any other job, your ADHD would be more obvious. Anyhow, get a second opinion from someone who has experience with treating ADHD patients. PCP doctors don't know everything, which is why they often refer out for things like this.

ToneTone
10-11-16, 11:00 PM
Most likely your PCP has a limited imagination. My diagnosing psychologist said it was her view that because I could hold a job my ADHD was relatively mild. But don't tell my bedroom space that ... don't tell the rest of my life that my ADHD was mild.

Sometimes we have to believe in ourselves. I'm not sure what label you refer to ... I don't walk around with a label. And so what if I did? ... No one really cares ... Whose labeling are you worried about? ... Health records are very confidential ... and no one cares ... Early on I told some people I had ADHD and to a person, they were completely bored or disinterested ... Now I just tell people "administrative work" is not my thing.

Good luck.

Tone

sarahsweets
10-18-16, 02:11 AM
MY husband notices I am "unhappy" but really I just feel sad that he doesn't get me, I feel alone, but he really is great which makes me feel like I must really be messed up... make sense?

One of the most important things Ive learned is to make sure I communicate with my partner enough to know that he 'gets' where I am and what I feel like to feel validated.

I am worried if i seek help at this point I will look like I am just seeking the drugs. But I HATE meds, I don't do drugs, barely even drink... I just feel like people are normally skeptical about what I say (I know this stems from being treated bad as a kid, but moving on...) I am worried I am "faking" this... trying to find excuses for why I suck at everything. For why I am antisocial, for why I don't want to be around people or try for a new job. I am afraid of failing because of this "made up" condition. I mean, I made it this far, right? Is this real or do I have to suck it up, put on my big girl pants and forge ahead?

Have you read the list of adhd symptoms? They must have been present since childhood in 2 or more areas. If you have that covered, it doesnt matter why you feel you dont have adhd.

My PCP says since I did well in school and have a (usually) successful career I can't be ADD. But I do have bi-polar and ADD in my family. I don't fit the bi-polar profile, but I come up as ADD in the online evaluations I have taken.
Your PCP is full of sh*t. You need to find a specialist like a psyche doc to deal with adhd. The average doc doesnt know much about it.


What should I do? I am afraid to go get the label. I am afraid I am making it all up.
If you had blood sugar issues would you be afraid of getting labeled diabetic?
If you have vision issues would you be afraid of getting labeled near-sighted?

Pilgrim
10-18-16, 04:29 AM
What's a PCP?

In one respect I lucked out, a friends mother, who was a child psychologist could see certain traits that I was displaying.

I think she saw that I would develop problems after I finished my schooling and I did.

What's interesting it's a big mental leap to understand that you have ADD, I'm sure your correct, but it's not easy to see.

All I'm saying is it can be a host of issues, that being said there's nothing wrong with finding the answers online.

Good medical advice is crucial.

Little Missy
10-18-16, 07:44 AM
Personal Care Provider.

We still call them doctors here.

ToneTone
10-18-16, 11:14 PM
Lots of people with ADHD can do well in school growing up as long as their is great external support and structure. I went to a highly structured high school, and I played basketball. Exercise is equivalent to a medication for ADHD.

I went away to college and my life collapsed. That's when the ADHD became evident ... and your doctor has it wrong ... There is lots of new thinking that people do not have to have been diagnosed as children to be accurately diagnosed with ADHD.

There is an ADHD coach, Nancy Ratey, who writes about the condition. She grew up with a father, who kept all kinds of strict rules for cleaning and order, and she did well while growing up. On her own, without her father, couldn't create the structure. That's how she ended up diagnosed.

Also you may have some depression or anxiety you need to have looked at.

Go for it. We win no prizes for neglecting ourselves in this life.

And you're NOT asking for drugs. You're asking to be evaluated for a condition ... That's all you're asking for! ... If the person feels you meet the criteria for the condition, then a standard treatment option is medication. And unless you have a drug abuse history, people typically don't go to doctors to score medication. And ADHDers can succeed at jobs. We just often have to work a lot harder than other people to get the same results (depending on the job). Such extra work wears us down and we pay a price in the rest of our life.

Good luck.

Tone