View Full Version : when you can't look at yourself


fosterthehuman
10-23-16, 02:55 AM
i cussed at my bf's mom today and almost got into a fight with her.

well this morning, my bf was like "i'll make us some breakfast after i get out if yhe shower" and i asked if i coulf have the rest of the pasta in the fridge cause the other day he told me to finish it before it goes bad. but then he took it the wrong way when i asked if i could eat the pasta and thought i didn't want to eat his food. he kept yelling at me and i told him to stop, i told him i was sorry. then he was still mad cause i said i didn't really know what i did wronf, i wouldn't shut up so he pushed me into the shower and i fell. i got up and he said "you're so dramatic." and i asked if i could get a bagel from the kitchen (we live at his mom's btw) and she noticed i looked ****** off and we both didn't say anything to her, but wheh i went back into the room. she asked him what was wrong and he told her that he wanted to make breakfast for me but i refused. so i opened the door, i didn't even brush my teeth and i hadn't taken my meds abd i said "why are you talking about me" and his mom was like were not talking about you and she was like imm really close to him. and i tried to say something and i just felt like she kept taking his side and i was like "just be quiet you always take his side. this isn't even about you' she told me i was disrespectful and i called her a ***** and she yelled at me to leave. i brought up to her that he always puts his hands on me and she was like then leave, you don't pay rent anyways. i was gonna pay her and him but recently my bf hasn't been lettig me cause he knows i'm broke and i had to take out a loan to take care of myself. i'm so stupid. i can't believe i lashed out like that. my bf brought up how i got into a fight with my mom not to long ago too.

my bf told us to say sorry to each other but i could tell she hates me cause she gave me this ****ty hug and said "im sorry that this happened," i think i'm going crazy.


i hate seeing my face and i can't forgive myself for how i act. i ended up just telling my mom what i said to his mom i told her that my bf and i have still been arguing and she was like "does he hit you" i just couldn't answer her. it's no excuse to cuss out his mom. she hates me, idk what to do. i mean, he says she doesn't hate me but she just is letting me stay there cause of him. my mom said that i need to leave and come back home, like to her place. im scared. i told a friend about it and she said i need to leave, and she said i shouldn't feel bad and saud that him and his mom are mean and it's ****** up but i can't forgive myself. no matter what i'm always gonna hate myself. i aslo just quit my job today. i told my bf that i'm planning on staying in residential care if possible. i just wish i had checked into a hospital sooner

stef
10-23-16, 03:10 AM
whatever the situation with MIL, first of all, no one should ever, ever get pushed into the shower and fall
No one should be yelled at over pasta
if theres any apologizing to be done its your BF, and anyway its too late bc he is violent; you should leave, now, because i think youre in a very dangerous situation
and none of this is your fault!
your friend is right

take care of yourself and let us know what happens :grouphug:

Unmanagable
10-23-16, 08:23 AM
I learned through multiple painful experiences in my youth and beyond that once a relationship enters the depths of disrespect to the point in which another feels that it's acceptable to put their hands on another, or feels that it's acceptable to be the recipient of it, as a way of communicating, it's way beyond time to go.

It's not healthy. It doesn't end well. Value your being and work hard to find some nurturing help. You deserve self-love. It's the foundation we so badly need that no one ever taught us about. I wish you well.

Bluechoo
10-23-16, 11:18 AM
You and him are in an unhealthy relationship, and it sounds like he and his mom are in an unhealthy relationship as well. Now, it sounds like you're minimizing the physical abuse he did, then you are making a huge deal out of whether his mom likes you or will let you back in the house. You're still trying to appease their expectations.

I do not want to sound rude, but you have to become aware of your own hand in this situation and take responsibility for yourself. You will get physically abused if you keep going back to him, and you will get sympathy from strangers who did not know how long you complained about the escalating violence while repeatedly being told to get away...

sarahsweets
10-24-16, 04:18 AM
You need to get the hell out of there and get the hell away from him.

fosterthehuman
10-24-16, 03:23 PM
but i can't. he's my only real friend and he's my best friend and i just know i'll be alone and i don't know how to leave him. i was doing that in the beginning of our relationship, but not anymore. my social anxiety and depression have gotten really bad, i should sought help, but i didn't. i stopped talking to people i used to talk to.

i've even been pushing my bf away cause i've been so depressed, we just got into another argument cause he thought i was shutting him out. i told him that i still think his mom hates me and thinks i'm the problem. cause that day after his mom and i argued, he was saying something and i kept interrupting him and they both told me to stop talking and shut up. his mom was like "shut up, let him talk," and then she said "i can see why you're always arguing with her" i really do think that this is all my fault still. idk. when i was talking back to her and yelling at her before that, she told me to get out, and said i don't pay rebt anyway, said i was disrespectful, wasn't raised with any manners. what's good about me then? there's nothing good about me

but then my bf said that she doesn't mind if i'm over here. i just feel like a bother. it's hard not to blame myself, this is my first real relationship with a guy and i just messed everything up. i can't even have normal relationships with people. i've fought with my mom before, i've been really disrespectful towards her, i've cussed at her. and i never payed her rent when i was living there.
and i don't even pay rent right now to my bf's mom. the only thing i usually say to her is "hi" cause i haven't been talking to anyone cause i've been so upset with myself and my social anxiety got much worse and i didn't seek help. i know i'm a mean person, everyone just thinks i'm rude. and even if i'm in a bad environment, i could leave at any time, no one forcing me to stay here. and i should have handled it differently instead of cussing out his mom. she told me to leave, and i'm still here. i don't deserve it. my bf doesn't want me to go live with my mom and i don't either. i get into argument with my mom too, it's not gonna be any better. we've gotten into physcial fights and i've gotten more bruises when i eas living with her than i did when i'm living with my bf. there's no point, i'm just the **** up. my bf said that if i just get another job (i quit my recent job cause i couldn't handle it anymore, all i would do is show up, try to hide and cry where no one could see me, then clock out) things will be back to normal and i won't have to live with my mom.

sarahsweets
10-25-16, 06:21 AM
but i can't. he's my only real friend and he's my best friend and i just know i'll be alone and i don't know how to leave him. i was doing that in the beginning of our relationship, but not anymore. my social anxiety and depression have gotten really bad, i should sought help, but i didn't. i stopped talking to people i used to talk to.

i've even been pushing my bf away cause i've been so depressed, we just got into another argument cause he thought i was shutting him out. i told him that i still think his mom hates me and thinks i'm the problem. cause that day after his mom and i argued, he was saying something and i kept interrupting him and they both told me to stop talking and shut up. his mom was like "shut up, let him talk," and then she said "i can see why you're always arguing with her" i really do think that this is all my fault still. idk. when i was talking back to her and yelling at her before that, she told me to get out, and said i don't pay rebt anyway, said i was disrespectful, wasn't raised with any manners. what's good about me then? there's nothing good about me

but then my bf said that she doesn't mind if i'm over here. i just feel like a bother. it's hard not to blame myself, this is my first real relationship with a guy and i just messed everything up. i can't even have normal relationships with people. i've fought with my mom before, i've been really disrespectful towards her, i've cussed at her. and i never payed her rent when i was living there.
and i don't even pay rent right now to my bf's mom. the only thing i usually say to her is "hi" cause i haven't been talking to anyone cause i've been so upset with myself and my social anxiety got much worse and i didn't seek help. i know i'm a mean person, everyone just thinks i'm rude. and even if i'm in a bad environment, i could leave at any time, no one forcing me to stay here. and i should have handled it differently instead of cussing out his mom. she told me to leave, and i'm still here. i don't deserve it. my bf doesn't want me to go live with my mom and i don't either. i get into argument with my mom too, it's not gonna be any better. we've gotten into physcial fights and i've gotten more bruises when i eas living with her than i did when i'm living with my bf. there's no point, i'm just the **** up. my bf said that if i just get another job (i quit my recent job cause i couldn't handle it anymore, all i would do is show up, try to hide and cry where no one could see me, then clock out) things will be back to normal and i won't have to live with my mom.

His mother is way to involved in your relationship. You are not dating her and he has an unhealthy and codependent attachment to her that will not change if he doesnt want it too. Its toxic and NONE of her business. I dont care if you are in her house, its none of her business about your relationship. The only exception would be if you or he were being beaten by the other.
The ball is in your court. You can either be miserable for a very long time, hoping for improvement-or be miserable for a little while and end up growing, changing and getting stronger once you leave.

BellaVita
10-25-16, 06:45 AM
That guy pushed you and you fell in the shower then continued to put you down after - he's abusing you. Please leave as soon as you can. If your mom still has the offer to live with her then please take it.

This type of stuff gets worse with time. And the mom of your BF seems to not even care that he abuses you and instead shifts the topic to something she thinks is bad about you.

You deserve better - treat yourself with love by leaving him.

EDIT: I just read your recent posts about it not being any better with your mom and that you two get into physical fights.

I'm really sorry to hear that this situation is bad all around.

Are there any other family members you could stay with, even if just temporarily?

I also think it sounds like you need to speak with a professional, maybe a therapist, and tell them your situation so they can provide better advice.

Little Missy
10-25-16, 07:20 AM
He is NOT your best friend.

Pilgrim
10-25-16, 08:22 AM
He is NOT your best friend.

Sad but true.

Little Missy
10-25-16, 08:32 AM
Geez Foster, when I read all of your threads and posts it is just so sad what this "best friend" has done that you have allowed him to do to you.

Time to ride a new bicycle.

Unmanagable
10-25-16, 08:46 AM
This thread reminds me so much of me when I was stuck in the cycle of abuse. It isn't always so simple as telling the one being abused to walk away, unfortunately. It seems quite simple to those who've never lived it, though.

If I hadn't found a dear friend who fearlessly taught me how valuable I was in my own skin, and that I was worth so much more than what I had been taught to endure and had accepted in my life up until that point, I likely wouldn't be alive to share this right now.

I used to think my abusive partners were my best friends, too. They provided really important things that I was unable to provide for myself, like a roof over my head, a bed, meals, and some resemblance to safety and security, as best as I knew it at the time, anyway. No self-confidence and self-worth meant I'd do things unimaginable to most to get through my days.

I often thought if I weren't such a b****, or so hard to live with, or so needy, that I wouldn't be getting my a** kicked regularly, or talked down to and insulted on a daily basis. I surely must have earned it along the way and was just paying my karmic debt, or so I thought.

I figured they must REALLY love me to put themselves in such a compromising position that could get them in trouble or to risk being seen as violent by others. How could they not love me if I was able to trip their trigger so badly that they wanted to react in such a passionate way?

Ironically, the best friend I stumbled upon through my job at the time, who had seen me come to work with black eyes, busted lips, and bruises and cuts from my struggles, had also been abused as a child and recognized the love my soul needed so badly. She taught me to love me and to value myself, and that's the best help I think I ever received.

I fear that your struggle is going to become more complicated the longer you allow it to continue. You are the only one who can flip the script. Everyone else has learned that it's okay to mistreat you. Especially yourself. We teach others how to treat us by what we allow to happen.

Unmanagable
10-25-16, 09:34 AM
I missed the editing deadline, but felt I should add a few more details as it relates to my personal experience in attempting to address and escape domestic abuse.

I tried to reach out for professional help on multiple occasions. The area I lived in at the time didn't have many options for help, unless you also had a child that was involved. Otherwise, you were pretty much on your own. I had no steady job, no insurance, and had never learned what a healthy relationship was, so it was pretty difficult to strive for it.

There was one particular day when I was beaten and then had my windshield smashed out of my truck so I couldn't leave, and I finally called the law for help. However, when they arrived, even though I clearly had a busted lip and obvious physical injuries, along with personal property that had been damaged, I was told I'd have to find my own ride to the magistrate's office to file any charges and there was nothing they could do for me.

They advised me they couldn't transport me in their vehicle. They just told him to "take it easy from now on". And that was the extent of them serving and protecting a community member in obvious need in what I would call an emergency situation. No one that knew him would give me a ride, and I happened to be on his turf with very few acquaintances of my own.

The laws have since changed where someone must go to jail whenever a call is made for a domestic dispute. That would allow more time to escape, ideally, but can still lead to even worse abuse without healthy nurturing guidance of learning to value self enough to want to leave. It's a crap shoot, unfortunately. May the odds forever be in your favor.

fosterthehuman
10-25-16, 11:11 AM
whatever the situation with MIL, first of all, no one should ever, ever get pushed into the shower and fall
No one should be yelled at over pasta
if theres any apologizing to be done its your BF, and anyway its too late bc he is violent; you should leave, now, because i think youre in a very dangerous situation
and none of this is your fault!
your friend is right

take care of yourself and let us know what happens :grouphug:

I just remember at the time, my bf was like "i think you owe my mom an apology." and i was crying and he asked us both to apologize to each other. so i guess it was okay. and my bf said he was sorry for what he did, he apoligized to me later in his car and he was crying. i know he doesn't mean to to these things. but a few minutes before that, i said to him "i know your mother never liked me" but i meant to say "i know your mother doesn't really like me, i'm sorry." and i said this when i was talking to him in his bedroom. then he sighed and went to his mom and told her to come to his room. and then i was like, "i'm sorry, i didn't mean to say that." and she was like "that's not true, it's not that i never liked you." and she said since i was regarding her and bringing her up, it was her business.

before that, when i was arguing with her in the kitchen, i said something to my bf, i forgot what i said and he was like "**** you, go **** yourself," and then i looked at his mom and was like "so you don't have anything to say now?" and i was being super sarcastic. and she was like "you're the one who told me that it wasn't my business.

he's cussed at me right in front of her before, he's called me a ***** when she was standing not too far away from us. and cause at that time, i told him i was planning on leaving, he also said "go spread your legs for someone else" and also, during that particular argument, he woke up his mother and got her involved as well. he told her to come to his room and he was like "do you think _____ is rude to you?" (talking about me) and she was sitting there, on his couch and she was like "i don't think you're rude, you just don't acknowledge me. all that i really would do to her at the time was either smile, say hi, or bye. i ended up telling her i have social anxiety and that it's difficult for me and i'm still working on it, she looked like she understood but i could clearly tell she didn't. and he told her how i had told my mom how he pushed me and grabbed me and how my mom called the cops on him and they came over the house to question us. but my bf made it seem to his mom that he had never layed a hand on me, so she thought i was lying and was like "so you lied to the cops on him" and i was like "i didn't even call the cops" and she said that was really embarrassing for her and her son to have to endure the neighbors being in their business (cause the cops searched him outside and the neighbors saw and they asked his mom what happened. i ended up leaving after that convo, then came back to the house cause i had forgotten some dirty laundry (he offered me a ride back) and in the car i said "you guys are crazy" and i forgot his response.
when i was getting my stuff from his room he told his mom what i said in the car and she was like "well i'm certainly not crazy, i can tell you that," and i walked up to her and was like "i can hear you, you know" and she said "oh i know you can"

i haven't talked to her since that other day when the recent fight happened. idk, i appreciate you and the other people's advice on here but it's just sometimes so hard to believe. i'm honestly used to this treatment. it's confusing for me though cause i don't want people viewing me as a disrespectful person to others or a *****. idk

Little Missy
10-25-16, 03:25 PM
I just remember at the time, my bf was like "i think you owe my mom an apology." and i was crying and he asked us both to apologize to each other. so i guess it was okay. and my bf said he was sorry for what he did, he apoligized to me later in his car and he was crying. i know he doesn't mean to to these things. but a few minutes before that, i said to him "i know your mother never liked me" but i meant to say "i know your mother doesn't really like me, i'm sorry." and i said this when i was talking to him in his bedroom. then he sighed and went to his mom and told her to come to his room. and then i was like, "i'm sorry, i didn't mean to say that." and she was like "that's not true, it's not that i never liked you." and she said since i was regarding her and bringing her up, it was her business.

before that, when i was arguing with her in the kitchen, i said something to my bf, i forgot what i said and he was like "**** you, go **** yourself," and then i looked at his mom and was like "so you don't have anything to say now?" and i was being super sarcastic. and she was like "you're the one who told me that it wasn't my business.

he's cussed at me right in front of her before, he's called me a ***** when she was standing not too far away from us. and cause at that time, i told him i was planning on leaving, he also said "go spread your legs for someone else" and also, during that particular argument, he woke up his mother and got her involved as well. he told her to come to his room and he was like "do you think _____ is rude to you?" (talking about me) and she was sitting there, on his couch and she was like "i don't think you're rude, you just don't acknowledge me. all that i really would do to her at the time was either smile, say hi, or bye. i ended up telling her i have social anxiety and that it's difficult for me and i'm still working on it, she looked like she understood but i could clearly tell she didn't. and he told her how i had told my mom how he pushed me and grabbed me and how my mom called the cops on him and they came over the house to question us. but my bf made it seem to his mom that he had never layed a hand on me, so she thought i was lying and was like "so you lied to the cops on him" and i was like "i didn't even call the cops" and she said that was really embarrassing for her and her son to have to endure the neighbors being in their business (cause the cops searched him outside and the neighbors saw and they asked his mom what happened. i ended up leaving after that convo, then came back to the house cause i had forgotten some dirty laundry (he offered me a ride back) and in the car i said "you guys are crazy" and i forgot his response.
when i was getting my stuff from his room he told his mom what i said in the car and she was like "well i'm certainly not crazy, i can tell you that," and i walked up to her and was like "i can hear you, you know" and she said "oh i know you can"

i haven't talked to her since that other day when the recent fight happened. idk, i appreciate you and the other people's advice on here but it's just sometimes so hard to believe. i'm honestly used to this treatment. it's confusing for me though cause i don't want people viewing me as a disrespectful person to others or a *****. idk

This is all a bunch of tit for tat.

I hope that you find the courage to leave and never, ever see or even speak to those people again.

sarahsweets
10-27-16, 02:08 PM
Foster- youve managed to explain and say the same thing in different ways but bottom line is still the same:
His mother is not a part of your relationship.
Your issues are none of her business, and it doesnt matter whose house it is.
Only you can change this- you have to set the boundaries and maintain them.
If he breaks past even one boundary- leave.
He has touched you- leave
Get your stuff and -leave
He curses at you- leave (but get a few in for yourself it will feel good ).
He has no right, no business touching you or being abusive to you in anyway.
His mom is just as sick as he is.
He is not your Best friend, you are kidding yourself if you think he believes you are HIS best friend.
Clearly he has issues leaving the nest-how can you compete with his mom-aside from the fact that its so toxic.

Only when the pain gets great enough, then you will decide to leave.
You either grow-or go!

fosterthehuman
10-28-16, 08:55 PM
I know I should leave. I think I messed up my thinking or the way I way I think. I know that a lot of guys on here say that the abuse isn't my fault. I'm scared to seek help or tell other people cause I'm scared they're gonna say that I'm being abusive as well. I know that his behavior is wrong, we've talked about it so many times, he's told me how sorry he is. One day, he told me that if he hits me again, I should leave. But I didn't do it. I know this is my choice. I know that leaving would be a good idea. But my bf and I talked the other day about just working on our relationship. Cause there are many times where I contribute to our arguments, like if he starts yelling at me I'll sometimws raise my voice at him, cuss at him if he cusses at me. I've insulted him after he's insulted me and I ended up saying just mean things, like stuff he would say to me. There's been times where I've pushed him if he layed his hands on me in a violent way. And this one time, when he threw a bag of fast food at my face, I threw it back at him and cussed at him. Then I poured the food onto his bedroom carpet (it was this cinnamon snack) and I said I wasn't gonna help clean it up, then he hit me. There's also times where I've started arguments for no reason cause I was just in a bad mood or thinking about the past. So I know that there's times where I provoke him and instigate the situation. And we both know that the hitting still isn't right to do, but I also could change as well. I guess that's why I'm ashamed to talk to anyone further about it or get help cause I feel like it's just gonna come off as if he did everything wrong and I was innocent when I wasn't. Idk.

Jeftheginger
10-28-16, 10:01 PM
My grandmother died falling in the shower. That is a serious thing to do. I would leave and fix your life get a job a home, become stable. Then if you are ready and if your friend has put his act together.

stef
10-29-16, 02:15 AM
Can you cintact a domestic abuse shelter or hotline?
a counselor can help you sort this out.

Everything you described above that he does, is abusive . you have not provoked anything. anything you've done, is a reaction to solething completely wrong, in the first place. somehow in your line of thinking, you seem to be convinced that you are causing this.

Simargl
10-29-16, 02:44 AM
Foster.. You're in the middle of a terrible situation that you need to get away from. Some times we care for people that don't deserve our love. You might actually believe he's your best friend but one day you'll look back and recognize the abuse. You're strong. You're used to this treatment-- but that doesn't mean you should continue to take it.

dvdnvwls
10-29-16, 02:24 PM
It is really REALLY dangerous to have only one friend. It can be done, but it's always a major risk. The risk is, what if the friend isn't a good one.

This is not a good friend. Maybe not even a friend at all.


It's possible to love someone who doesn't love you. It's called charity. This guy does not love you, and obviously doesn't need your charity.

fosterthehuman
10-29-16, 06:10 PM
During, the past few days, I brought a few concerns that I had to him, it didn't go well at first. and this tends to happen alot, like for example yesterday i told him that i don't feel like were equal sometimes when he expects me to always take his side (cause the other day he was telling me about something that happened while he was at the store, and i didn't say anything cause in the past i have disagreed with him and he would yell at me and say i should agree with him)

at first he was yelling and was upset and i yelled back, but then eventually he said that he just wants a response from me instead of me not saying anything. and i told him that i did that cause i was afraid he would be upset.

i feel like a lot of our arguments come from us misunderstanding each other. and recently, when i've been telling him how something makes me feel, he will acknowledge it and apologize. like today, he got really upset when we were arguing, that he broke one his bathroom drawers. and he was like "look what you made me do" and i said, i don't like it when i feel like i'm getting blamed for stuff. and at first he was just yelling at me, but then i kept telling him that it hurts me and that i don't like being disrespected. and when he was calm, he let me know that he was being defensive and didn't mean to say that.

and this morning, he was talking to me and pointing to something on the tv and i said to him "don't worry i'm still listening to you," and took a hit of his bong on the desk. and he was like, that was really rude, i was trying to talk to you about this thing. and i told him that i apoligize, i did not mean to come off rude. he didn't hear that i had said anything to him and just thought i ignored him. at first he wasn't taking my apology and saying that it was rude but eventually he seemed to understand, cause we were able to talk about it. so idk, i've been just trying to do this. i know he's trying, so i really don't know what to do. today he was cussing at me when he was yelling and he would call me names, but he ends up saying sorry. so that's why it's difficult for me to just leave, or else i would

dvdnvwls
10-29-16, 06:23 PM
You didn't come off rude, I guarantee it. The whole thing was his fault. He is not your friend and he doesn't love you. He doesn't even care. You care, that's easy to see.

Please, go and care about someone who is going to care about you. You deserve that, but more than deserving it, you need it.

With him, things are not going to turn out all right, no matter how hard you try.

Little Missy
10-29-16, 06:28 PM
During, the past few days, I brought a few concerns that I had to him, it didn't go well at first. and this tends to happen alot, like for example yesterday i told him that i don't feel like were equal sometimes when he expects me to always take his side (cause the other day he was telling me about something that happened while he was at the store, and i didn't say anything cause in the past i have disagreed with him and he would yell at me and say i should agree with him)

at first he was yelling and was upset and i yelled back, but then eventually he said that he just wants a response from me instead of me not saying anything. and i told him that i did that cause i was afraid he would be upset.

i feel like a lot of our arguments come from us misunderstanding each other. and recently, when i've been telling him how something makes me feel, he will acknowledge it and apologize. like today, he got really upset when we were arguing, that he broke one his bathroom drawers. and he was like "look what you made me do" and i said, i don't like it when i feel like i'm getting blamed for stuff. and at first he was just yelling at me, but then i kept telling him that it hurts me and that i don't like being disrespected. and when he was calm, he let me know that he was being defensive and didn't mean to say that.

and this morning, he was talking to me and pointing to something on the tv and i said to him "don't worry i'm still listening to you," and took a hit of his bong on the desk. and he was like, that was really rude, i was trying to talk to you about this thing. and i told him that i apoligize, i did not mean to come off rude. he didn't hear that i had said anything to him and just thought i ignored him. at first he wasn't taking my apology and saying that it was rude but eventually he seemed to understand, cause we were able to talk about it. so idk, i've been just trying to do this. i know he's trying, so i really don't know what to do. today he was cussing at me when he was yelling and he would call me names, but he ends up saying sorry. so that's why it's difficult for me to just leave, or else i would

Again, this is all a bunch of tit for tat. Enough already. He does not care about you in any way. Time to hit the road. Fast.

Little Missy
10-29-16, 06:28 PM
You didn't come off rude, I guarantee it. The whole thing was his fault. He is not your friend and he doesn't love you. He doesn't even care. You care, that's easy to see.

Please, go and care about someone who is going to care about you. You deserve that, but more than deserving it, you need it.

With him, things are not going to turn out all right, no matter how hard you try.

:goodpost:

fosterthehuman
11-02-16, 08:02 PM
so i asked my mom if i should write a letter to her. i wrote it today and told my bf that he could read it if he wanted. i brought up everything that happened before i had entered the living room. (i didn't tell you guys, but he had also pulled out one of his box cutters on me and was yelling at me during the process) i told my bf that i wrote this and he told me to tear up the letter. he said he coupd be put in jail for that and said i seem to not care about him. i told him that i thought he told his
mom everything that happened already, and that i'm just telling her every single thing that happened (which was a huge reason why i was upset and barged into the livingroon in the first place cause i knew he didn't tell her everything) he told me that in the living room, he told her that he pushed me into the shower and squirted soap on my shirt. he was like, i thought we were over this but you just want to always make me look bad.

just a few minutes ago, he told me that he wants me out of his place tonight and that he doesn't want to see me anymore. he tore up the letter that i wrote to her and told me to delete the notes of it on my phone. he's right, that was so dumb. i thought it wouldn't matter if i told her, idk. that was a really dumb move smh. in the letter i wasn't trying to make him come off in a bad light, i just said everything and talked about why we were arguing and what happened in this room. and i apoligized to her in the letter and told her how i could have acted differently in the situation and said that i respect her and him and the relationship they share. am i in the wronf for this? of course i don't want him to go to jail. i feel so bad now.

dvdnvwls
11-02-16, 08:14 PM
He has NO RIGHT to read what you write to other people. But it doesn't matter right now. Go somewhere where he won't find you, if you can.

fosterthehuman
11-02-16, 09:04 PM
No it's okay, i told him what i said in it. He told me that if he wants me to read it, he'll read it. So i told him what I said in it. That was on me. Right now, everythung between us is fine, were both calm and he's letting me stay at his place tonight.

dvdnvwls
11-02-16, 10:37 PM
With respect for you as a person, I am telling you that without the tiniest doubt things between you and him are in extremely bad shape and getting steadily worse. Don't stick with him - you'll soon regret it.

My only reservation or doubt is whether you currently have enough self-respect to not get taken in by someone else who's equally bad.

icantbelive93
01-16-17, 01:01 PM
You keep saying you feel like it's your fault. Of course you're not perfect and make mistakes (we all do). However, making a mistake or saying something rude does NOT give him or anyone the right to physically hurt you. He's abusive and that won't change. Like others here have said your relationship is toxic and far from healthy. Could you look up a support hotline or number in your area online? Do you have any family members, who aren't abusive that you could stay with for a while. Even if you break up with him and are alone for a while you can always make new friends. I hope you can get through this.