View Full Version : My son keeps lying


Dannii1980
10-26-16, 07:53 AM
Hi all my son keeps lying even when he has been caught out, they are usually silly lies over something small but mainly he does it to get himself out of trouble, he keeps doing it even when my partner and I explain to him that he will get in more trouble for lying than for telling the truth. Can someone please help me thanks.

john2100
10-26-16, 10:36 AM
Hi all my son keeps lying even when he has been caught out, they are usually silly lies over something small but mainly he does it to get himself out of trouble, he keeps doing it even when my partner and I explain to him that he will get in more trouble for lying than for telling the truth. Can someone please help me thanks.

Hi,

-How old is the kid?
-Could you give one example of a lie?
-What are the real consequences for the kid from you ,if he admits right away that he did it ? raised voice,anger .....
-What are the real consequences when you catch him lying?

Just treats in both cases or actual consequences.?

sarahsweets
10-26-16, 01:48 PM
Hi,

-How old is the kid?
-Could you give one example of a lie?
-What are the real consequences for the kid from you ,if he admits right away that he did it ? raised voice,anger .....
-What are the real consequences when you catch him lying?

Just treats in both cases or actual consequences.?
:goodpost:

RobotInDisguise
10-26-16, 10:07 PM
coming from someone who used to behave like that, well just my personal pov. What if he's afraid that he won't be accepted if he told the truth? I see a lot of focus on what's on the outside, but I personally had to learn how to be okay with myself as I am. It's like I always felt under some sort of pressure to put up this image of what I think people want to see. Ultimately it's on the individual to learn to accept self as is and then go outward from there but ... maybe the question is how do you get kids to develop a loving relationship with themselves? I guess the one thing that finally worked on me was I just stopped giving a damn. Started with realizing there'll always be a space of sorts within myself where everything about myself is good enough as is if that makes any sense. and by the time that happened I can honestly say I completley forgot what it's like to feel like my true unmasked self is worth anything at all. idk might be just me.

dvdnvwls
10-26-16, 11:15 PM
It's uncommon (after a certain age) to lie for no reason. What's he afraid of to cause him to lie in the first place?

Jeftheginger
10-27-16, 01:36 AM
Unusual kids pick up rabbits from others are you or other around go tool models maybe a sybling.

dvdnvwls
10-27-16, 02:24 AM
They may indeed pick up rabbits, but habits are more common. :)

Pilgrim
10-27-16, 07:50 AM
My mothers over 60 and she still lies to me.

Pilgrim
10-27-16, 07:51 AM
If your talking in regard o ADD, it's common, and it's an issue.

Unmanagable
10-27-16, 08:13 AM
It seems that living in a society that heavily pushes and expects the whole "fake it 'til you make it" mindset, that we are actually modeling an overall environment in which the younger generation (et al) is pretty much trained to be more than okay with selectively being dishonest, which seems like it would only confuse them even more when the moments need not be faked to be made. How could it not trip up a brain and a heart already struggling to make their way through a day?

Lunacie
10-27-16, 10:26 AM
One thing I learned was to minimize the opportunity to lie.

Don't ask if he did (or didn't do) something. That provides the opportunity to lie.

Example: if you think he's skipping brushing his teeth, don't ask if he brushed them. Say something like "I hope you're brushing your teeth so I won't have to pay for the dentist to fill a cavity. That would mean I wouldn't have the money to pay your allowance."

I highly recommend the book 'Parenting With Love and Logic.'

sarahsweets
10-27-16, 01:16 PM
IME, people lie out of fear.

dvdnvwls
10-27-16, 02:12 PM
The most common fear to push a child with ADHD to lie is the fear that the parent will have hurt feelings or be angry. If they know from experience that a truthful answer never hurts your feelings or makes you angry, they're far more likely to tell you the truth.

Maybe it's partly because for a lot of ADHD kids their own emotions are big and scary and out of control - they might assume it's that way for you, too. (And if you have ADHD yourself, then maybe that assumption could be right. :) )

Bluechoo
10-28-16, 09:01 AM
A neat trick I am learning as a substitute teacher, in regards to lying and a lot of other seemingly disruptive behaviors, is to ignore it. In many cases, if the lie is about something relatively trivial, there is a way of not focusing the attention on it at all... I am not sure how to explain it well, but I have a vision of the dad in "To Kill a Mocking Bird," who does not chastise his children for using curse words, because he knows that they will stop doing it if he does not give the behavior the attention.

Sometimes even doing something to signal a kid that I know he is lying but I am going to give him one more chance will build trust, and s/he will be more honest from that point. One kid accused another of hiding his student I.D. When I confronted the accused, he got very nervous and claimed that he did now know where it was. I suggested that they both look around for it, and he was very eager to help find it. I said "ok, you help him, I'm going back to my desk now." A few seconds after I turned around to walk to the other side of the classroom, he miraculously found the other student's I.D. I knew he was lying and he had it hidden, and I knew he was going to give it over when I turned my back. And he might have even had the faculty to understand that I knew what was going on. At this point, what good would it have done me, the kid who was lying, or the entire class if I made a huge deal out of it and chastised him in front of everyone? It would just draw more negative attention to a disruptive behavior, cause humiliation, and in itself be disruptive to the class. Sometimes we have to ignore inconsequential behavior, lest we become the one's who are causing a disturbance.

ginniebean
10-28-16, 11:30 AM
One thing I learned was to minimize the opportunity to lie.

Don't ask if he did (or didn't do) something. That provides the opportunity to lie.

Example: if you think he's skipping brushing his teeth, don't ask if he brushed them. Say something like "I hope you're brushing your teeth so I won't have to pay for the dentist to fill a cavity. That would mean I wouldn't have the money to pay your allowance."

I highly recommend the book 'Parenting With Love and Logic.'

THIS! Don't position him. Just deal with what's happened. if you're wrong he'll let you know

Jeftheginger
10-28-16, 08:43 PM
They may indeed pick up rabbits, but habits are more common. :)
Dang it stupid auto direct.:rolleyes:

Jeftheginger
10-28-16, 08:59 PM
Dang it stupid auto direct.:rolleyes:

Ahh
Not again AUTO CORECT

Nylobi1300
11-02-16, 10:34 PM
Hi all my son keeps lying even when he has been caught out, they are usually silly lies over something small but mainly he does it to get himself out of trouble, he keeps doing it even when my partner and I explain to him that he will get in more trouble for lying than for telling the truth. Can someone please help me thanks.

I am so sorry to hear you are having this trouble with your son but please be assured that all children do go through this phase at some point in their lives. I have 3 children of my own and have caught all them in lies. Lying usually a form of self defense and a way of trying to stay out of trouble. I try to instill in my kids that honesty is truly a mark of their character and how others will relate to them and trust them. That even if they do get away with a lie, it can eat away at their conscience and put the burden back on them. I am happy to hear that your are a mother taking action for your concern over your son. As mother's we constantly worry about what kind of people our kids will grow up to be, keep the communication and love flowing and you will do great! God Bless!

john2100
11-03-16, 06:33 AM
Wouldn't it be more helpful if OP joined the conversation?
There are some many assumptions here.It's like asking a question : "I'm so tired all the time,what should I do?" Without giving any other details

Many people are trying to help , but knowing more information would help to clear about the assumptions and OP would get much better help.

The son could theoretically be 15yrs or could be 3yrs ,

Fuzzy12
11-03-16, 07:57 AM
Ahh
Not again AUTO CORECT

:lol:

I'm always typing from my phone these days and too lazy to correct all the auto corrected spellings (or random ketters due to my butter fingers ). I wonder how anyone unststajfs anything I write. .m:doh:

sarahsweets
11-03-16, 09:56 AM
:goodpost:Wouldn't it be more helpful if OP joined the conversation?
There are some many assumptions here.It's like asking a question : "I'm so tired all the time,what should I do?" Without giving any other details

Many people are trying to help , but knowing more information would help to clear about the assumptions and OP would get much better help.

The son could theoretically be 15yrs or could be 3yrs ,

:goodpost: