View Full Version : Meeting someone after 30


EuropeanADHD
10-30-16, 12:00 PM
How did you meet your romantic partners after turning 30 years old?

I have the impression it's so difficult.

I was super nerdy throughout my 20ies. I studied a lot, travelled a lot, there were plenty of things I was fascinated by and wanted to try out. Relationships weren't so important to me. I went through a few of them though.

Now I'm much more self-confident, much more stable. I've tried out almost everything I wanted to try out and don't feel like turning my life upside down again (at least: not twice a year). This seems like a good foundation for a relationship I guess, but I have the impression that meeting someone got super difficult.

In a very competitive work environment flirting can make you trouble if you misjudge the intentions of other people, not to mention that at least 95% of my coworkers are married.

Outside of office also most of people are married/ in relationships and my free time to socialise shrank dramatically when I moved from university to work.

Online dating... Just now. I've done that, but it's nothing for me really.

dvdnvwls
10-30-16, 12:32 PM
Online dating... did you mean "just no" instead of "just now"?

EuropeanADHD
10-30-16, 01:00 PM
Online dating... did you mean "just no" instead of "just now"?

Exactly :)

midnightstar
10-30-16, 01:16 PM
I haven't yet turned 30 but personally it's too hard for me to meet someone who will accept me and my two cats (my furbabies)

I ended up basically giving up. Partly because of the more timid of my cats, I'm not convinced she'd cope with anyone new coming into my life and that seems to drive people off, it's even affecting friendships I think. Ebony and Tigger are all I need though, personally.

I hope someone else comes along who can be more helpful than me, EuropeanADHD :grouphug:

ToneTone
10-30-16, 01:45 PM
There are a lot of people above 30 involved in clubs of all kinds, hobbies of all kinds. The trick is to relax and pursue some clubs and hobbies that genuinely interest you ... And then make yourself go.

Telling coworkers (the married one) you are looking to meet someone interesting can help. It's amazing how people will have friends that would be cool to meet ... and then sit on that information until you stand in the face to ask them for any recommendations.

Tone

kilted_scotsman
10-30-16, 01:50 PM
I feel that working on yourself makes it easier to find someone sane if you're looking.....partly because one gets more aware of what sanity might look like!

The great thing about the personal development environment is that ADHD/AS type behaviours are (usually) not seen as "weird" just part of you that you may be wanting to change, or not as the case may be....

One downside is that the more of this one does, the more one realises that sound people are very very rare, but at least it becomes easier to spot them.

It's easier to spend time with someone who's at least aware that they have s**t to work, rather than being around someone who thinks all the s**t is yours!

And the bonus is.... this works both ways!

Lloyd_
10-30-16, 02:31 PM
I haven't yet turned 30 but personally it's too hard for me to meet someone who will accept me and my two cats (my furbabies)

I ended up basically giving up. Partly because of the more timid of my cats, I'm not convinced she'd cope with anyone new coming into my life and that seems to drive people off, it's even affecting friendships I think. Ebony and Tigger are all I need though, personally.

I hope someone else comes along who can be more helpful than me, EuropeanADHD :grouphug:

Why would anyone have a problem with your cats?

midnightstar
10-30-16, 02:44 PM
Why would anyone have a problem with your cats?

Basically I tell them Ebony needs time to trust anyone new and they're like "next". As I said, I gave up in the end and am giving my girls the best life I can without stressing Ebony out by introducing anyone new. I'm also aware that stress causes Ebony's asthma to get really bad again and the vet a couple of years ago said she may not live beyond the age of 5 (she's 5 now) so I do need to be careful to not stress her out any more than absolutely necessary.

EuropeanADHD idk if you have pets yourself, I have heard though that a good way to meet animal lovers is if you are taking a dog for a walk (supposedly people stop to chat if you have a cute and cuddly dog with you)

Little Missy
10-30-16, 04:15 PM
I haven't yet turned 30 but personally it's too hard for me to meet someone who will accept me and my two cats (my furbabies)

I ended up basically giving up. Partly because of the more timid of my cats, I'm not convinced she'd cope with anyone new coming into my life and that seems to drive people off, it's even affecting friendships I think. Ebony and Tigger are all I need though, personally.


Would you be able to share your cats love with a man if he were to love them as you do?

midnightstar
10-30-16, 04:16 PM
Would you be able to share your cats love with a man if he were to love them as you do?

Of course I would :)

This thread's not about me though ;)

aeon
10-30-16, 05:22 PM
How did you meet your romantic partners after turning 30 years old?



online
I asked them to lunch
I told them I wanted to have them for lunch


Cheers,
Ian

Little Missy
10-30-16, 06:07 PM
or...The Skate Castle or Fight Club! :D

SB1985
10-30-16, 11:10 PM
When you find out, let me know. I'm newly on the market myself -_-

Unmanagable
10-31-16, 09:49 AM
I had decided I was done with trying to interact on an intimate level with the male species, and then my husband sent me a message online, back when that yahoo messenger chat stuff was all the rage.

We chatted for a bit, then eventually exchanged phone numbers and chatted a bit longer, then decided to finally meet at a local pub to hear a favorite band. Things just kept "clicking" and fourteen years later, we're still hanging out, and still jamming.

anonymouslyadd
10-31-16, 05:06 PM
There are a lot of people above 30 involved in clubs of all kinds, hobbies of all kinds. The trick is to relax and pursue some clubs and hobbies that genuinely interest you ... And then make yourself go.

Telling coworkers (the married one) you are looking to meet someone interesting can help. It's amazing how people will have friends that would be cool to meet ... and then sit on that information until you stand in the face to ask them for any recommendations.

Tone
This is the advice they tell you when you're pursuing a career. You need to tell people what you're hoping to do. I guess the same could be true of finding a mate.

castalia
10-31-16, 05:38 PM
Well, I was very much like you throughout my 20s. I didn't even lose my virginity until I was 26 so not really interested in guys (apart from romanticizing them from afar) until I turned 30.
Then, after a bad relationship with someone who in hindsight was unstable, I became a love addict for a couple of years and started dating guys with the aim of getting them to "love me back".
I am 34 years old now and after over a year of working on myself, I am now much more clear-headed and focused on my goals rather than whether a relationship will turn up. The less you worry about these things the better. Fall in love with yourself first!

midnightstar
10-31-16, 05:48 PM
Well, I was very much like you throughout my 20s. I didn't even lose my virginity until I was 26 so not really interested in guys (apart from romanticizing them from afar) until I turned 30.
Then, after a bad relationship with someone who in hindsight was unstable, I became a love addict for a couple of years and started dating guys with the aim of getting them to "love me back".
I am 34 years old now and after over a year of working on myself, I am now much more clear-headed and focused on my goals rather than whether a relationship will turn up. The less you worry about these things the better. Fall in love with yourself first!

Sadly, this is easier said than done for some people (myself included)

castalia
10-31-16, 05:53 PM
Sadly, this is easier said than done for some people (myself included)

I know. That's why I said it took over one year of diligently working on myself. I am by no means done with this, but glad to have figured it out at 34. Some people never do.

BellaVita
11-01-16, 06:15 AM
Speaking of "falling in love with yourself" - I don't really understand that phrase. I get "love yourself" I'm pretty sure.

And I do love myself(I think?), but I don't have romantic feelings for myself.

When I hear "falling in love with yourself" I imagine someone having intense feelings for themselves.

stef
11-01-16, 06:56 AM
I think its a way of saying " learn to love and accept yourself"

EuropeanADHD
11-01-16, 01:53 PM
Telling coworkers (the married one) you are looking to meet someone interesting can help. It's amazing how people will have friends that would be cool to meet ... and then sit on that information until you stand in the face to ask them for any recommendations.


This may be a cultural difference :) There are maybe two people at work who know I'm single, I would never tell the others :) I imagine it may backfire horribly if you hope for a career progression. When I asked for a promotion some time ago my boss told me that I "should focus on my private life instead". It was offensive, out of place, not very professional :) But I was happy to know she doesn't really have a clue what my private life looks life. If she knew that I'm single and used this argument I would see it as even more hurtful.

dvdnvwls
11-01-16, 03:31 PM
About falling in love with yourself...

I wonder if part of the meaning is the way that when you fall in love you become very positive about and very fascinated with that person.

If it's easier said than done for some people, I suspect those are exactly the people who really need to devote a lot of time and energy to learning to be interested in themselves and love themselves.