View Full Version : How ADHD has and is effecting my life.


Vibe_Scribe
11-03-16, 07:18 PM
I've been meaning to do this write up for months to help my doctor to give me a referral for diagnosis, however the ADHD has mostly put a halt to any attempts I've made(seriously this has been a major hurdle for me to
overcome).

Don't particularly like talking about myself in this light however I consider myself rather intelligent and more aware than most people. I'm generally easy going and have a good nature. My brightness was noticed at a young age(along with my absolute disobedience) and I was even moved up a class year at age 5/6. I believe this made diagnosis hard.

Childhood/Schooling

Ever since I was a child I've had problems with following instructions and completing tasks. Even at kindergarten I used to get in alot of trouble and be hyperactive. Homework was never my strong suite, I used to do absolutely anything I could to avoid it, much to my overworked parents dismay. Tactics ranged from begging, packing a tantrum, creating conflict with my siblings and even refusing and hiding under my bed in tears.

I cant stand being told what to do or tolerate doing any task that I am not genuinely interested in or find boring even to this day. I hate(d) long tests or anything with a time limit, because I work things out differently, like a more abstract and unique approach rather than orthodox teachings. I struggled to sit in my seat or keep focusing a tedious task for long periods of time. Listening and following instructions were also something i was told I'm not especially good at. I used to fidget with things or try build, draw or carve on things instead of what i was suppose to do.

My first day at school a poor relief teacher had the pleasure of having me, I recall her telling me to start a task and scorning me for doing it wrong and not paying attention, this sent me into an absolute craze! I ran around the class room the for the rest of the day hiding under tables and desks until I was finally put into isolation where my father came to collect me from early.

The trouble followed through-out my entire schooling and education as I matured. This led to numerous altercations with other students and teachers, getting a name for myself as a mischief maker.

According to my uncle, when i was about 7 there was talk amongst my parents, and possibly teachers too, about me being different and perhaps even ADHD. This was dismissed for whatever reasons(mum says that's just how thing's were back then). I would often move from my seat, argue with teachers, do stuff I wasn't suppose to be doing or annoyingly and play pranks on others.

So fast forward 7.5 years and alot of problems caused by me for this proud tight knit catholic school over the time. I was getting in trouble and on detention many time for being a argumentative smart *** or being involved in fights/breaking rules, encouraging others to (thought i was pretty clever).

I ended up being removed due to a incident involving many where me and my best mate were labelled the ring leaders.

Started a new school and was immediately involved in many disputes involving impulsive and reckless decision making as the pattern escalated. Fighting other students, wagging school and being caught smoking lead to my suspension only months before i was due for high school.

When i started at high school I was introduced to cannabis/alcohol and began to fall into the wrong crowd. Although I was initially in the smartest class of my year I found it almost impossible to sit through a class and listen to everything while writing notes, resisting the urge to ask to go toilet, or start up a joke/conflict.

I was put down a class because my guidance councillor felt i didn't suit the peer group of the top class and I was failing miserably due to lack of homework or study.

Shortly after, 7 months in I was expelled. I was skipping classes, turning up to classes stoned, abusing and assaulting teachers and fleeing from truancy police. Also told the DP and Principle to get f'd as they ensured my leaving.

From this point on I went enrolled at correspondence work which I never completed, then was then enrolled into a computing course. During this time relations with my family were suffering bad. I was kicked out from the course and after much procrastination and drama then enrolled in another. The same thing happened several more times at other tertiary education courses, never completing one.

I was arrested and kicked out of home many times, spending nights crashing wherever i could, even had to sleep on the streets before being arrested and put into a boys home(temporary state custody). Then being convicted for burglary(age 15). I am lucky to have a caring family who love me and always wanted well for me and I appreciate that.

Personal life and Work

I am terrible at setting goals or writing/following lists. I often find it hard to concentrate and listen to what's being said to me and usually think I know what I going to be said or asked of me so I guess ahead(presume) making careless mistakes. When people are talking to me I tune out of what's being said, words becoming a muffled background noise, then I will tune back in and be completely lost. When I have something boring or difficult to do which requires alot of thought or effort I will avoid/delay starting it for a very long time, until the social pressure and guilt builds up enough for me to make a start. Even then I'll usually have trouble finishing the task or perfecting and finishing the finer details.

I often forget important things or where I put stuff, which can cause problems. Some examples of thing's I tend to forget are Appointments/Scheduled dates, Where I put my keys/wallet/lighter, where the car is parked, things my partner told me about. I'm a bad listener and find it extremely irritating when people speak slowly, or drag there stories out for anticipation. In my head I've already finished what I think they're going to say in seconds, and I'll usually blurt out where I think they're going with it for finish there sentence for them quickly and prompt them to hurry up with what they are saying. This causes some issues and can leave a bad impression, especially with people who don't know me or with my girlfriend.

Many things that need to be done around the house I will forget to do or delay until my hyperactivity kicks in. When this happens I usually start obsessively doing stuff in any random order. This could be productive(cleaning, doing stuff I've put off) or not productive(see below).

I start reading news or anything I'm interested in while googling whatever comes into my mind in multiple other tabs. Or I will start a project like producing a song and most likely never complete it.

Or I play my game, this online game is something that's helped me sit still, focus and calm down since I was about 16. It's probably the only thing I can periodically focus on properly, although sometimes I am very likely to get distracted within in the game and find myself talking to people rather than playing.

I might get so immersed in whatever it is I'm doing while I'm hyper I'll get stuck, unable to pull myself away and unable to complete whatever it is I'm doing. If my partner or someone abruptly disturbs me when I'm like this I can get very upset. I'll often get defensive and stressed as soon as I'm interrupted and say or do something hurtful or whatever it takes to get them to leave me alone.

I cant help but notice external annoying noises which rather irritate me(there is a truck reversing outside right now), sometimes these noises can be impossible for me to tune out which drives me absolutely insane. Sometimes they can put a halt to whatever it is I'm doing. A smoke alarm needing a battery replacement can really **** me off while everything else barely seems to notice it. Alternatively good music has the reverse effect and allows me to concentrate and focus better.

I often feel isolated, depressed and alone, especially when I'm failing to live up to expectations and/or be productive or my partner needs some space. I'm never feeling accomplished or proud of myself, even when I do manage to achieve something. Self esteem is non-existent. I resent normal people, wishing I could be like them. Wishing I wasn't a failure and could do things so fluently with such ease like they do. This causes me to experience anxiety, especially when I'm unable to bring myself to start or complete something I know I must. I'm irritable over small things and can get very angry, especially if challenged or criticised for my differences.

I crave stimulation(and coffee) and like to go out on adventures, socialise, and keep busy. If not outside then inside, my brain is constantly racing over stuff, and I always have a few things in my head bouncing around that I'm interested in.

In social situations I usually end up being a motor-mouth. This is something I am aware of and actively try to moderate, however I still end up talking too much. Sometimes I cant stop myself from saying rude and insulting thoughts which I shouldn't, or making bad jokes and analogies about unfortunate events unaware of peoples feelings, which is why I tend to keep a small circle of friends who understand me.

I've had many job's, usually all in the form of a part-time/casual labouring grunt. I often excel in the work place because of my high energy and intelligence, however I've proven to be unreliable in the past largely due the impulsive decisions out-side of work.

Examples of these are going out and drinking with friends on a work night or staying up to early hours of the morning fixated on a project or task, causing me to be late, hungover or unable to make it, sometimes not even ringing to notify them. Other issues have been to do with my attitude, accidentally insulting or being rude at a permanent worker higher up than me for assuming I'm incompetent and talking down to me.

When I'm unemployed I find it a drag to start the process agan, of getting back into employment . Another aspect of my life I've been putting off since I was a teenager is getting my drivers license(only have my learners). This has cost me many employment opportunities.

Also drug testing has been an issue. I've been smoking cannabis on and off since I was 12 years old for ADHD and sleep. I would like to stop/ take a break to get back into work but as it is cannabis is the only form of relief I have. Although alcohol has always been a great anxiety reliever it is something I try limit, as I have a habit of overdoing stuff(over-eating, over-drinking, excessive consumption of sweets or junk food).

I cant think of anything else for the moment, it's actually taken me 4 day's to write this, I had to reschedule my appointment with my doctor as I hadn't finished in time. I hope this, in corroboration with my parent's information they have provided, will be enough to satisfy him.

Little Missy
11-03-16, 07:57 PM
Make it even longer, get that doctor to earn his money! :lol:

No, its good. I can't believe a doctor is making you go to these lengths but what do I know? I'm from the old days, no muss, no fuss. Good luck. :)

Vibe_Scribe
11-03-16, 08:36 PM
Thanks! I might actually add to it since I'm sucked in right now and can't pull away anyway.

I'm fairly certain all of these hurdles are just ways to detour me, but screw them I want a life :)

Off topic but what post count do I need to edit posts and not be moderated?

finallyfound10
11-03-16, 09:00 PM
Welcome! This is a great place where you will find support.

Clearly there is something going on and much sounds like it could be ADHD.

There are meds available that will work far better than cannabis, help you get your license and pass a drug test while taking them and help you get to the place where you want to be.

Pilgrim
11-03-16, 10:33 PM
My 2 cents,

In regards to illicit drug taking, I think this is correct, what your dr is predominately worried about is you taking your ADD medications and you going out to a rave on Saturday night, Overdosing on those drugs and when they tax screen you your a ADD medications contributing to the problem.
The other thing Drs really don't like is you to give sell , loose , misplace or do things with ADD medication that looks bad on them.

In regards to other matters, be very honest with them, to be fair they have a really good bull **** meter. They will have seen lots of your problems before.

Study this condition, IMO, where ADD really gets you is self esteem. Where medications assist is follow through. Getting enough sleep, nutrition , exercise, good choices you will make the decisions but medication will slow you down for those fractions of a second to think clearly.
Goodluck, go the wallabies.

sarahsweets
11-04-16, 05:04 AM
I forget the percentage but people with adhd are a lot more likely to have substance abuse issues, and this is usually due to untreated adhd and the need for self medication.

When we feel bad inside and we cant point to a cause that you can necessarily quantify, the need to misuse/use a substance to get away from those feelings is higher. People without adhd may be better self evaluaters and have better personal insight to want and need to find a solution and source. Meanwhile a lot of people with adhd just want the feelings to go away so using other substances somehow makes sense to us.You have to watch it with the drugs an alcohol. Most doctors would be scared to medicate you based on potential for abuse, and the chances that you would be medicating the feelings of the problem vs the actual problem are higher.