View Full Version : Friend advice


Jeftheginger
11-04-16, 12:34 AM
Ok so to start off I am 13 and in middle school. I live in a small university town where half the population are doctors lawyers or professors. In a place where an 95% grade is considered failing. Hea I know I should leave as soon as possible but my family likes it. (My mom and dad are both doctors.) Anyway back on topic. I have a group of friends that are hecka smart (I am the youngest by a year or two)I mean like A year ahead in all classes. Their parents are Harvard lawyers professors, yea you get the point. So in this friend group I am totally the seventh wheel. However I am fine with that and I do not want to change it. Basically me and one other in the group have ADHD and i still do fine. However she is a bit behind she is very smart and has siblings in very good colleges, however she can not keep up with the rest of the group and resents the others because of it. So she is slowly starting to get depressed by the pressure, and drifting away from her friends. She is not happy and I am trying to help her as I can relate to her in a lot of ways. Ex. ADHD, and being the stupid one in the family. I believe that her changes are a result of her adderall medication, puberty and just being a teen. Ok so does anyone have any advice or suggestions?
Thanks for the help,
Jeftheginger

Pilgrim
11-04-16, 02:09 AM
This to me is a form of depression. You can't really compare yourself to anyone in this world, the competition is with yourself.

dvdnvwls
11-04-16, 02:18 AM
Does she often ask for your advice? If not, consider carefully.

sarahsweets
11-04-16, 04:48 AM
What makes you think its her adderall?

Jeftheginger
11-04-16, 09:28 AM
What makes you think its her adderall?

I am not really sure of any thing so I am open to all options. I gave it more as a fact, because I do not have much experience which adderal.

Jeftheginger
11-04-16, 09:44 AM
Does she often ask for your advice? If not, consider carefully.

Occasionally but not often.

BellaVita
11-04-16, 11:48 AM
I think being a compassionate comforting friend to her who is there for her if she needs someone to talk to is a good idea. :)

20thcenturyfox
11-11-16, 01:38 AM
Oh, man, if you are not in the same Cali university town pressure cooker I lived in when I was 13, it sure sounds like the same one (...Jordan Middle School, by any chance?). Of course times have changed, but I doubt the pressures on you now are any less.

I actually think you sound very grounded and patient in your own understanding of yourself, as well as very alert and compassionate to the subtle inner distress of your friend. I hope you can continue to thrive in the former, whilst being cautious about your ability to successfully intervene in the latter.

Besides the good advice from others here about showing empathy and being a good friend, I would just say it is entirely possible you could be dead right that you are sensing the early signs of what could turn into a crisis for your friend, but that does not necessarily mean there is some perfect thing you can do now to relieve her distress or change the course of her trajectory in the next few years. Keep in mind that many of the factors and pressures she is facing are beyond your knowledge and have been building for years. While a "friend in need" can sometimes make all the difference, at the same time there is only so much a teenage friend can do.

It seems to me that everyone who is perceptive in this way that you are has to learn the painful lesson that their ordinary everyday teenage powers to "come up with a solution that changes the world" are no match for their genuine superhuman ability to perceive and register that someone is indeed having a serious problem. Staying grounded and maintaining perspective in these circumstances can be your biggest challenge.

Postulate
03-17-17, 03:57 PM
Ok so to start off I am 13 and in middle school. I live in a small university town where half the population are doctors lawyers or professors. In a place where an 95% grade is considered failing. Hea I know I should leave as soon as possible but my family likes it. (My mom and dad are both doctors.) Anyway back on topic. I have a group of friends that are hecka smart (I am the youngest by a year or two)I mean like A year ahead in all classes. Their parents are Harvard lawyers professors, yea you get the point. So in this friend group I am totally the seventh wheel. However I am fine with that and I do not want to change it. Basically me and one other in the group have ADHD and i still do fine. However she is a bit behind she is very smart and has siblings in very good colleges, however she can not keep up with the rest of the group and resents the others because of it. So she is slowly starting to get depressed by the pressure, and drifting away from her friends. She is not happy and I am trying to help her as I can relate to her in a lot of ways. Ex. ADHD, and being the stupid one in the family. I believe that her changes are a result of her adderall medication, puberty and just being a teen. Ok so does anyone have any advice or suggestions?
Thanks for the help,
Jeftheginger

Sup Jeftheginger! Don't sell yourself short there buddy! I read stuff from 40 y.o.s that don't pass grade 4 in terms of grammar and structure. Your text was easy to read!

Adderall can make people less social at first. Some even develop social anxiety, so I'm amazed that you figured that one out! So you're right when you say it's her Adderall that's changing her, but you also have to realise that she will get better grades while on Adderall because she'll listen more.

Her cutting Adderall would probably mean failure, but help her your own way buddy!

dormammau2008
04-07-17, 05:19 PM
as she is very smart maybe to smart for the class as should do something more to her talents id be happy to chat to her ...we would have a lot in comoo but that's up to you...id say her IQ is not suited to what she is lerening also remember the teen brain is under going chance...at a extreme rate I leave it up to you....

TheGreatKing
09-10-17, 06:45 PM
All good advice here, not much else you can do but be there for your friend and let her know if she wants to talk you are there for her.