View Full Version : Not going to be a grandma


ginniebean
11-06-16, 02:45 PM
I have two wonderful sons who I adore. They are both in long term committed relationships. Both of my DIL openly say they do not want children. One very militantly so.

I am respecting their decisions. i say nothing. However, it does break my heart. I loved raising my boys. It was so much fun. Yes there were days when it was drudgery but mostly it was pure joy. As they got older I so looked forward to seeing and getting to meet the children they would have. I had so many things I wanted to share with my eventual grandchildren. The zoo, home made cookies, christmas, perfecting cinamon buns and a bazillion other things.

I do respect their choices but I am disappointed and sad for myself. Thank god for my lil derpie boy. My cat or I think I'd be completely depressed.

midnightstar
11-06-16, 03:13 PM
You are right to let them make their own decisions ginnie :grouphug:

Give Derp loads of love, he can be a surrogate grandchild for you :grouphug:

Simargl
11-06-16, 03:35 PM
I'm sorry Ginnie. I kmow how much that means for some parents.

I never plan on having children. My brother felt the same way but a medication fixed his wife's fertility issues and now I'm an aunt. My cousin, who is an only child and is like a brother to me, has also decided that he will not have any children.

It took my mom and aunt a long time to accept our decisions. However, after a while, they both 'adopted' other families that have small children to dote on. I know it's not the same but that seemed to help them since they still had little ones to interact with.

Fuzzy12
11-06-16, 04:27 PM
I wasn't going to have kids and my parents were very, very upset about that. especially my mom. It hurt to see them hurt and to think that I can't give them that...well that I didn't want to give them that.

You are right though to.let them make their own decisions even if it hurts.:grouphug:

psychopathetic
11-06-16, 06:01 PM
Well for what it's worth...

You'll always be an old granny in my books.

:giggle:

(((((((Old Granny Beans))))))

sarahsweets
11-07-16, 09:54 AM
Ginnie- This may not apply to your son's and may not even happen but My BIL got married to a woman with a toddler. He viewed the toddler as his son. He was adamant that he didnt want kids and so was his wife. After three years of marriage unbeknownst to us, they were trying for kids and ended up with twins! Now maybe its because there was already a young child in the mix. But my BIL was a bachelor's bachelor.

Lunacie
11-07-16, 10:27 AM
I had pretty much realized I would only ever be gramma to my daughter's dogs. I loved the dogs, but not the same.

Then she married a guy who reeeeeealy wanted kids and eventually she caved in. Lost the first baby at 2 months. All my dreams crushed.

But she was expecting again very quickly. Soon there were two and I've been there through both births and helped raise them as my daughter went off to beauty college a year after the first was born, then went to work.

I can't imagine being the kind of gramma who only sees the kids every other holiday and for a week during the summer.

I dunno ... I guess resign yourself to the worst but don't be surprised by the best. :grouphug:

Little Missy
11-07-16, 10:51 AM
You never know ginnie, you may be pleasantly super-surprised sometime down the road. :)

ginniebean
11-07-16, 08:23 PM
i have been waiting down this road and thought.. Well maybe they will change their minds. The youngest has told me she doesn't want kids because ahe was abused as a child. i do know some of that story and it is horrific. i have made sure to let her know I completely understand. i honestly would not want to push anyone to something they can't handle. The oldest one is the militant one zo..no go.

I am not at a stage in life where i'd want to adopt a grandchild but i have thought of it.

Luvmybully
11-07-16, 09:20 PM
That is hard to hear. :-(

Maybe one will change their mind in the future? Who knows what will happen!

Little Missy
11-07-16, 09:35 PM
[QUOTE=ginniebean;I am not at a stage in life where i'd want to adopt a grandchild but i have thought of it.[/QUOTE]

Yeah!

ADDon1
11-08-16, 05:57 PM
Some natural flexibility might occur in this kind of statements from young ladies ;) There's this joke from a Dutch comedian about 'clattering' or 'rattling' ovary's and how women can get them unexpectedly and all of a sudden :giggle:

aeon
11-08-16, 09:45 PM
At some point it became clear to my sister and I that neither of us were going to be parents, and one day we were talking about that.

We talked about lack of desire, weight of responsibilities, absent maternal instinct, and so on as being contributing reasons for our choice.

I asked my sister what the #1 reason was, then said "wait! wait! Let's each of us write down our #1 reason and then swap after we are done."

My sister enthusiastically agreed and so we did.

To our surprise, we had both written the same thing, and in particular, used the same phrase and key word:

I don't want to pass on my mother's genes, so it will stop, it will break the "chain" and put an end to it. No more children will suffer. And I could never trust her with my child if I had one.

We cried and hugged each other afterwards.

Sorry if that's upsetting. We both survived, and given everything, we're OK enough.

This was hard to write and now I've really upset myself by "going there." I feel sad and ashamed.


Sorry,
Ian

stef
11-09-16, 01:11 AM
The concept seems so very strange to me, because I just dont feel old enough!
I haven't thought about it either way.

Should it ever happen, I would find out in the same way as absolutely anything my son has to say: "...um, by the way, Mom .."

ginniebean
11-09-16, 02:40 AM
At some point it became clear to my sister and I that neither of us were going to be parents, and one day we were talking about that.

We talked about lack of desire, weight of responsibilities, absent maternal instinct, and so on as being contributing reasons for our choice.

I asked my sister what the #1 reason was, then said "wait! wait! Let's each of us write down our #1 reason and then swap after we are done."

My sister enthusiastically agreed and so we did.

To our surprise, we had both written the same thing, and in particular, used the same phrase and key word:

I don't want to pass on my mother's genes, so it will stop, it will break the "chain" and put an end to it. No more children will suffer. And I could never trust her with my child if I had one.

We cried and hugged each other afterwards.

Sorry if that's upsetting. We both survived, and given everything, we're OK enough.

This was hard to write and now I've really upset myself by "going there." I feel sad and ashamed.


Sorry,
Ian
i'm so sorry you have felt so badly. i understand.