View Full Version : Always On My Mind, But Never Diagnosed


zerospace
11-16-16, 08:17 PM
Hi Everyone,

When I was a young child 5-11 years old, I forgot everything, never finished my assignments, and lost countless jackets and backpacks, despite being yelled at constantly by my parents.

I am now 29 years old. I have struggled in school since I hit middle school, and it only got worse as the years went on. I was popular in high school, and a good leader, but terrible in school. I always aced every test, but was never able to complete my homework assignments on time, or I would finish them and then forget to take them in on the day they were due. I met a girl in the last year of high school, who I would later marry, and that's when my school really went down hill. I was so focused on my relationship, that I started to cut class, lose my friends, etc. I eventually graduated high school, but by the skin of my teeth.

One year later, I decided to try out college. I had gone to community college for a semester, but ended up dropping my classes because I lost motivation, and therefore couldn't convince myself to go. I would even go to the college, but I wouldn't be able to finish the classes. I went to a four-year university, and I just couldn't cut it. I ended up failing out, because the tests alone were not enough to keep me going. I had a hard time making new friends because of the constant shame I was feeling about all of my failures since high school. I failed out of not one, but FOUR colleges for the exact same reasons. At this point, I had been in crippling depression for about 6-7 years.

During this time, I was also working. I worked at multiple companies, and decided to work in insurance. I had been forced to quit or be fired from 3 companies after a year or two at each company, and could never find much success. I only advanced because my previous employers did not give me bad references. It was always commented that they were confused why I could not do my work, as I seemed intelligent and capable, but could not get my work done on time, and I was always late through the door. I would also constantly be taking walks, or would go to the restroom to get on my phone, or check various websites at work. I would struggle to start projects because I wouldn't know where to start, and would struggle with organizing a strategy to stick to for the duration of the project. Instead I would distract myself with other things until someone gave me a deadline, which I would then get to work.

It always feels like I would start strong on a goal for about a month, and always, ALWAYS feel unmotivated and I would never finish the goal, no matter what facet of life it was in...

After a number of failed attempts at education, and failed attempts at work, and a loss of friends to my own shame of the failure I've become, I've been crushed with depression for many years, and it feels like ever since the end of high school, it's been a part of me. I also binge eat, and the only thing I'm really good at and excited to take part in is videogames.

Throughout the last 15 years, I have always wondered if this was all part of ADD, as my brother has ADHD, but I don't show the same kind of outward-facing symptoms. When I went to counseling, it was always thought to be depression, and I've never been diagnosed with ADD.

I struggle everyday to see any joy in life, when it is riddled with such devastating failures, and few real, quantifiable accomplishments. I have only had a few happy days in my entire adult life.

I guess my question is, does this sound typical of an adult with ADD? Does it seem at least partially likely that this is the problem?

Harvey Specter
11-16-16, 09:32 PM
You show side effects of adhd when you were younger for sure. You literally dont mention not being able to focus or pay attention to things once, so I'm not sure.

You should definitely reach out to a doctor and see what they say.

I totally feel you though, im much younger, lots of the same symptoms mate.

ToneTone
11-16-16, 09:45 PM
We can't diagnose you .. but ADHD does run in families, so the fact that you have a brother with the condition is significant.

Many people with ADHD also suffer from depression ... have you at least been getting the depression treated?

Definitely worth pursuing a diagnosis. Seems like your instincts are right ...

It was always commented that they were confused why I could not do my work, as I seemed intelligent and capable, ... that line stands out for me as common in people with ADHD. You look normal. What the heck is wrong?

Go for it! Your life is worth it. Schedule an appointment and express your concern about possibly having ADHD and discuss that depression as well.

Tone

sarahsweets
11-17-16, 05:26 AM
ADHD symptoms must have been present since childhood before the age of 12- which sounds like the case for you. And adhd does run in families. Did your family notice your struggles? I am wondering what prompted them to have your brother diagnosed and not you. Its sweet to read that you married your high school sweetheart. I met my husband when I was 18 and we married when I was 20. Its been 21 years and its been a blast.