View Full Version : Nothing works out for me


madmax988
11-22-16, 01:59 PM
Speaking only from the point of dating/love
No one.Simply NO ONE seems to stick with me or get particularly attracted to me for reasons unknown. Im not a repulsive guy in the least,fun to talk to with a good personality. I've over the recent years come out of the shell and started asking out girls for dates or to just plain hang out,but it seems like cupid has a personal vendetta against me. Im not awkward and reasonably confident plus a patient listener.

I'd recently been involved with a very wonderful girl,though it was long distance she seemed really charmed and interested at first but since pursuing her doctorate she's busy with exam preps and still trying to get over a recent breakup. I do like her a lot,but it seems cupid just came down and said "you're on your own buddy" and disappeared. All the women either want to be just friends or are already seeing someone. The girl I liked,it seems she led me on and just makes out with her male besties randomly and it punched a hole in my heart with an exit wound.(though I didn't want that to happen)She reasons its just a 'physical thing' and Im the one who actually melts her but I'm not buying any of it.Needless to say being a virgin at 28 is downright depressing and I feel as though I'll continue to be so till I'm 40 or something. I'm not desperate,but I don't appreciate the fact that Im just sickly unlucky,in EVERY aspect of life and it's just grinding me down. Any sort of a romantic relationship ends up in the dirt or just derails quickly.Is this really the end of the road for me?

Then there was an another one who did like me,and I liked her a lot,she was really gorgeous but she was a divorcee with a kid:scratch: That's just a cruel joke fate played on me,I'm simply not ready or able to take that kind of a responsibility but she got hitched recently so good for her.I'm officially always friend-zoned and it seems if you're a reasonably good person,has adhd and talks politely you're automatically put in the good guys finish last category.I'd really need help with some advice on how to cope with all this,instead of the "everyone goes through it" rhetoric my ex seems to come up with.

Jeftheginger
11-22-16, 08:40 PM
Hugs lots of hugs.
:grouphug::grouphug:
:grouphug::grouphug:
:grouphug::grouphug:

BellaVita
11-22-16, 10:31 PM
Sorry you're going through this.

Have you tried online dating?

Or joining a group hobby where you could meet people?

I hope your heart heals. :grouphug:

madmax988
11-23-16, 10:52 AM
Sorry you're going through this.

Have you tried online dating?

Or joining a group hobby where you could meet people?

I hope your heart heals. :grouphug:

Na I don't trust it too much.Always a risk of wasting time with trolls
More of an old school guy.Would rather meet and socialize.Would give it a try if I'm convinced enough of its authenticity..
I process aspects like love/romance differently.Love can NEVER be a one way traffic.I hit a dead end all the time,its that volatile
Healing will take lots of time,its not that easy...but I do have a few close buddies I share stuff with and they don't judge.

madmax988
11-23-16, 10:56 AM
Hugs lots of hugs.
:grouphug::grouphug:
:grouphug::grouphug:
:grouphug::grouphug:
i need em :'-(

Fuzzy12
11-23-16, 11:15 AM
Na I don't trust it too much.Always a risk of wasting time with trolls
More of an old school guy.Would rather meet and socialize.Would give it a try if I'm convinced enough of its authenticity..
I process aspects like love/romance differently.Love can NEVER be a one way traffic.I hit a dead end all the time,its that volatile
Healing will take lots of time,its not that easy...but I do have a few close buddies I share stuff with and they don't judge.

There is thst risk but still it's worth trying. In the worst case you'll waste a bit of time but you might meet someone great. Just stay safe.

Also have you considered asking your buddies if they know someone? Or maybe your relatives do?

Also do you live with or close to your parents or other relatives? Try snd attend as many functions as possible. Weddings, etc are good places to meet girls or just people in general.

sarahsweets
11-23-16, 11:34 AM
The girl I liked,it seems she led me on and just makes out with her male besties randomly and it punched a hole in my heart with an exit wound.(though I didn't want that to happen)She reasons its just a 'physical thing' and Im the one who actually melts her but I'm not buying any of it
What makes you think she "led you on?" Dont you think its more like...she was just being herself and you had expectations that were not met?



Then there was an another one who did like me,and I liked her a lot,she was really gorgeous but she was a divorcee with a kid:scratch: That's just a cruel joke fate played on me
So, you liked her but the joke was on you- just because she was a mother?

.I'm officially always friend-zoned and it seems if you're a reasonably good person,has adhd and talks politely you're automatically put in the good guys finish last category.I'd really need help with some advice on how to cope with all this,instead of the "everyone goes through it" rhetoric my ex seems to come up with.

Well, you seem to have the idea that things keep happening to you- as if its a woman's problem for wanting to be friends with you [which I think is a greater compliment) and that you are owed better than that.
I am not trying t rail you btw just weighing in on why things are like this: it all comes down to expectations. You have them-and get dissappointed when it doesnt play out the way you wanted it to. Where are you going to meet women? Do you have hobbies or other interests?

I can tell you that we women can sense things about guys- and the negativity can be toxic for your self esteem. Have you ever tried therapy?It could help you work through some things so that all the good stuff I know is in there, will shine through. A good guy friend is very attractive, and I am not saying you are doing this- but it sounds like you are in blame mode. And I can see why for sure-but subconsciously it can turn women off if their 'spidey sense' tells them that you want something to happen in a specific way, when you want it.

I think there is good in you, you just need to find a way to shine from within.

madmax988
11-23-16, 05:03 PM
What makes you think she "led you on?" Dont you think its more like...she was just being herself and you had expectations that were not met?
Let me clarify.Sure,she was being herself but we were deeply involved.Maybe not in a relationship yet,but at the stage it started to look pretty serious.Where does one draw a line? Its weird,idk..stopped thinking about it much.Anyway its her life.I'm not blaming anyone.Nor myself.But its over now for good.




So, you liked her but the joke was on you- just because she was a mother?

No but because there's a kid involved.Its not easy and am not ready for that kind of a commitment, and certainly NOT a family sort of a guy.I'm really good friends with her though,like I said things have worked for her,Im truly happy for that.
These 2 were just random examples excluding many a



Well, you seem to have the idea that things keep happening to you- as if its a woman's problem for wanting to be friends with you [which I think is a greater compliment) and that you are owed better than that.
That escalated quickly.

look,I think its better to try and find some workable way rather than pointing fingers as its gonna lead nowhere.There's some good in all of us..maybe let's get that out of the way coz it still doesn't address the core issue.
There's noone to blame except maybe luck,and its more than disappointing,and its OK for me to be;when more than half my friends are easily getting hitched.I know cribbing won't help,but probably a l-o-n-g hiatus will. Its just a hard reality of life.some sail through,some struggle.maybe Im destined for the latter.

madmax988
11-23-16, 05:13 PM
Also have you considered asking your buddies if they know someone? Or maybe your relatives do?

Also do you live with or close to your parents or other relatives? Try snd attend as many functions as possible. Weddings, etc are good places to meet girls or just people in general.

I live with my dad,yes. Thing is,I don't get along too well with my immediate family or relatives in the least.But yeah I do socialize,its really important and its always great to meet new people and have an open mind..

Fuzzy12
11-23-16, 08:13 PM
Is arranged marriage an option at all? A few of my friends have arranged marriages and are really happy now. Two of my friends were really against it and wanted to find someone on their own but nothing worked out and they got so lonely and frustrated. One of them met someone through a sort of marriage website like shaadi.com I think and the other one met someone through their parents and they have both great marriages now and are really happy.

I hope this isn't offensive. I just mean even if that's not what tyou are looking for if the option exists it might not be the worst thing to Consider.

madmax988
11-24-16, 05:58 AM
Is arranged marriage an option at all? A few of my friends have arranged marriages and are really happy now. Two of my friends were really against it and wanted to find someone on their own but nothing worked out and they got so lonely and frustrated. One of them met someone through a sort of marriage website like shaadi.com I think and the other one met someone through their parents and they have both great marriages now and are really happy.

I hope this isn't offensive. I just mean even if that's not what tyou are looking for if the option exists it might not be the worst thing to Consider.

Arranged marriages are more of a norm where I'm from.But I'm surely not considering marriage for now.gotta sort far too many issues first.And call me crazy I'm not a marriage/family material.Im more open to live-in's,and that's only possible when I get to live separately. Yeah,that's quite a stretch..but that's how I roll.I'm total anti-establishment:p

No mate you've been helpful all along,and I truly appreciate it. LOL I know the site.We have far too many jokes here ending with "....let's search shaadi.com for you".It's many a times viewed as a last bastion for wimps who can't get hitched/laid. I'm not one,I still choose to fight with the mantra 'earn the woman you like' Who knows what the future holds..
Slight O.T
This song pretty much sums up the story of my life.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BYE4CVhVkhw
(seen em live last year):o

madmax988
11-24-16, 08:58 AM
No but because there's a kid involved.Its not easy and am not ready for that kind of a commitment, and certainly NOT a family sort of a guy.I'm really good friends with her though,like I said things have worked for her,Im truly happy for that.
These 2 were just random examples excluding many a




Pardon I left that last sentence
Meant to say these 2 are the latest cases but things were worse,there had been quite a few spiteful women who have blocked me for no reason,patronizing and with a puffed up superiority complex possibly hiding their own insecurities. I've nothing to do with such sad excuse of humans anymore.I've had a share of such females,when I tried to be reasonable friendly with mild flirting(they weren't in any relationship) they had their friends calling me to 'back off' and 'mind my own business'
That's so polite of them right? Like its my fault I was conversing with em. This is the sorta stuff I had to deal with for a long time.Nothing romantic about it i guess,no?

Little Missy
11-24-16, 12:56 PM
Maybe you could meet Lloyd. You and him have a lot in common on here and could probably help one another. :)

madmax988
12-01-16, 12:58 PM
Maybe you could meet Lloyd. You and him have a lot in common on here and could probably help one another. :)

Sure and thanks so much

I'd been purposely out of touch for quite a while with the girl I mentioned. She then pinged me up asking if I was Ok,I later replied and inquired how her exams were going on but also explained how hard it was for me to get over my stupid feelings and feeling shattered.I think I shouldn't have said that because she'd been dealing with her own issues and hearing this, just burst out crying and scolded me a LOT:umm1:
My stupid a** ADD brain can't deal with attachment and I end up screwing up everything. I get attached quite fast and understandably this may become awkward and silly to the other person. And I take the bait;end up hurting myself REALLY bad. No doubt I was involved with this girl but she may have the magic ability to keep an emotional distance that I lack.

For now my soul's at peace ONLY when 1)sleeping 2)am high 3)listening to my metal music 4)work 5)Weekend bike rides

I honestly gave it my best to be a better person/companion but noone's interested.I came across some old text messages where this "good friend" I met at local gigs,(she and her friend) whom we hit it off quite well,common interests and everything; later on told me,over a very petty and nonsensical argument that she or her friend is "simply not interested in me or my useless crap" Well I don't care anymore but it did hurt bad back then. That's how its always been rolling. I truly have nothing to say right now :/

Fuzzy12
12-01-16, 01:17 PM
:grouphug::grouphug:

Invest in yourself and your interest for now then. That's never time wasted and you might meet some nice people on the way.

madmax988
12-04-16, 07:37 AM
<rant>
I could call this an 'accomplishment' which might sound hilarious to you,but I had broken away from my shell and made an effort to strike up a conversation with an old college crush who's now a successful entrepreneur.I even asked her out for a beer to which she readily agreed but never came:p Over a period of time say 2 months we had been chatted up regularly and I once asked if we could date.I'm generally open about my feelings and tell someone that I like them(without sounding desperate,swear) Her answer was simple but shattering.Something on the likes of "no there's no attraction"
I thought I was a fairly decent guy and dont exactly look like a pig.Anyway today she's happily dating someone who's a doctor with fancy degrees and what not.Good for them. And I'm here clapping and congratulating people getting hitched. Of course I've been seeing other women that I've already mentioned but never had any luck except heartbreaks. I come across people my age dating beautiful women so easily,and I wonder why was I destined to suck so much like I do in all other aspects of life.Its beyond depressing.
Am I a textbook definition of a loser? I might as well laminate a wallpaper with the words 'here lives a successful record breaking loser' or something. I mean over my late teenage years it was all fun and games and no hard feelings but as you grow you mature enough to understand the subtlety of life.
You could be the best person you possibly can be but still you cannot force attraction at gunpoint.At best you could take the horse to the water and just hope it drinks you know.I now more than realize this truth.I think I was much more happier when I wasn't seeing anyone and all the efforts put in was just absolute bull**** and has had me on a breaking point.Im disturbed enough that if a maiden were to suddenly appear out of thin air I might tell her to buzz off and let me be.IMO if I take a gun and try to off myself Id fail at that too. </rant>

Lloyd_
12-14-16, 06:13 PM
Speaking only from the point of dating/love
No one.Simply NO ONE seems to stick with me or get particularly attracted to me for reasons unknown. Im not a repulsive guy in the least,fun to talk to with a good personality. I've over the recent years come out of the shell and started asking out girls for dates or to just plain hang out,but it seems like cupid has a personal vendetta against me. Im not awkward and reasonably confident plus a patient listener.

I'd recently been involved with a very wonderful girl,though it was long distance she seemed really charmed and interested at first but since pursuing her doctorate she's busy with exam preps and still trying to get over a recent breakup. I do like her a lot,but it seems cupid just came down and said "you're on your own buddy" and disappeared. All the women either want to be just friends or are already seeing someone. The girl I liked,it seems she led me on and just makes out with her male besties randomly and it punched a hole in my heart with an exit wound.(though I didn't want that to happen)She reasons its just a 'physical thing' and Im the one who actually melts her but I'm not buying any of it.Needless to say being a virgin at 28 is downright depressing and I feel as though I'll continue to be so till I'm 40 or something. I'm not desperate,but I don't appreciate the fact that Im just sickly unlucky,in EVERY aspect of life and it's just grinding me down. Any sort of a romantic relationship ends up in the dirt or just derails quickly.Is this really the end of the road for me?

Then there was an another one who did like me,and I liked her a lot,she was really gorgeous but she was a divorcee with a kid:scratch: That's just a cruel joke fate played on me,I'm simply not ready or able to take that kind of a responsibility but she got hitched recently so good for her.I'm officially always friend-zoned and it seems if you're a reasonably good person,has adhd and talks politely you're automatically put in the good guys finish last category.I'd really need help with some advice on how to cope with all this,instead of the "everyone goes through it" rhetoric my ex seems to come up with.

Maybe you're going after the wrong type of women? Idk, one reoccurring theme I've noticed from my personal 'love life' and from reading posts on this subforum is that we tend to attract quite the toxic individuals into our lives, manipulators tend to seek us out because we (both men and women adders) tend to be waaaay too trusting and forgiving of people that are undeserving of it.

Also if you're looking for 'quality women' at your local sports bar then that could be part of your problem, I'm starting to believe that quality people in general you will not find in the city, people who live out in flyoverville still have those wholesome and innocent qualities.

There was an article that came out not too recently about being young and single in Manhattan, in summary that city is only for those who wish to live the hedonistic lifestyle.

Popular culture will have you convinced if it feels good then "do it" in the streets, it's perfectly ok to still act like a 20 yr old even in your 50's. ;)

madmax988
12-15-16, 11:34 AM
Maybe you're going after the wrong type of women? Idk, one reoccurring theme I've noticed from my personal 'love life' and from reading posts on this subforum is that we tend to attract quite the toxic individuals into our lives, manipulators tend to seek us out because we (both men and women adders) tend to be waaaay too trusting and forgiving of people that are undeserving of it.

Hi,I totally agree man.Yes we do have this vulnerability to attract people who often aren't exactly concerned with the best of our interest.I'm very wary of this and try to be careful.but then I've no other choice but to keep my mind open and receptive to new people.Except for a few rotten apples here and there(as in very spiteful people)the women I'd seen have generally been kind and understanding but still 'elusive' as in no vibe,no sense of attraction or charm.I've worked around my anxiety issues a lot though.I do get a sense of "missing the bus" sometimes. But on the flipside I've been seeing a lot of my buddies either breaking up or remaining single suddenly.Idk things are a little difficult to grasp in my head for now. Stopped thinking too much about it.

aeon
12-15-16, 12:16 PM
madmax988 (http://addforums.com/forums/member.php?u=79303), a number of your posts in this thread, including your opening post, display a clear tendency toward a black-or-white, all-or-nothing thinking style.

In my experience, this kind of approach is of no benefit in any area of life, but nowhere is its detriment more apparent than in the area of personal relationships, romantic and otherwise.


Cheers,
Ian

Miscon
12-15-16, 06:50 PM
Long distance dating isn't dating, build some social energy. Take care of yourself and start going out. Get out of scarcity or you'll come off as needy, no one wants to date someone whos needy.

madmax988
12-16-16, 09:11 AM
yeap have been told this numerous times before. trust me to over-analyze and dissect every little thing(which is of no particular help in the end) it gets difficult to just 'go with the flow' and keep turning back. I could definitely do with a break from this pattern

icantbelive93
01-16-17, 12:27 PM
I'm sorry you're going through this. Try and just be friends with girls without expecting anything. My boyfriend and I were just friends for a little over a year before it became romantic. Have you tried asking friends or family you know well if you're sending some "off-turning" vibes? If you do ask this don't get defensive if they mention something. Sometimes we don't see things we are doing that others around us see. If you can maybe seek out a good therapist. Maybe you have some issues that need dealing with before you can attract someone. I hope things get better for you:)

icantbelive93
01-16-17, 12:36 PM
yeap have been told this numerous times before. trust me to over-analyze and dissect every little thing(which is of no particular help in the end) it gets difficult to just 'go with the flow' and keep turning back. I could definitely do with a break from this pattern

Over-analyzing can be both a good and bad thing. I know this easy to say and way harder to do but try and not over-analyze so much. I'm not saying stop completely. Give yourself 10 minutes (or more) a day to analyze the situation (without judging yourself) and the rest of the time don't let your brain overthink stuff. It might take a lot of practice but just keep trying.

madmax988
02-05-17, 10:02 AM
Try and just be friends with girls without expecting anything. My boyfriend and I were just friends for a little over a year before it became romantic. Have you tried asking friends or family you know well if you're sending some "off-turning" vibes? If you do ask this don't get defensive if they mention something. Sometimes we don't see things we are doing that others around us see.

Yes there are women I hang out with as friends,no doubt they are good friends. The problem is it doesn't develop into anything more than that.I struggle with depression a LOT and lately it has worsened including nasty mood swings(Im seeing my doc again soon)

Regarding off -turning vibes.. well I carry myself quite well with a good posture,genuineness.Infact women enjoy my company and are have told me they felt comfortable being with me.Talking skills have improved significantly,i can concentrate better in conversations;nothing sky shattering but pretty good nevertheless.(brownie points here)

You mentioned being friends with the guy who you're in a relationship with.Im glad it worked out for you.I do have a tendency to rush things which is something that needs correcting...like even if we share mutual interests and outlooks it always starts and ends there without going anywhere much. Plus Im puzzled about many dating gurus online who stress on not being "friends" if one needs any romantic interest to possibly develop.As they say once in the friendzone,always in friendzone.This I dont agree 100% but having experienced this crap firsthand it gets slippery as to how and where things go without turning out awkward at the end.Love and romance has to be mutual.PERIOD.I mean one person putting effort doesn't work.

Had tried various dating apps lately but they've been pathetic so far TBH.No matches,no luck. Im staying away from them for a very long time.I've had better luck meeting someone new via word of mouth,mutual friends etc so its best sticking to that I guess. I've forgotten being happy lately.Dunno whats it like...better to take one step at a time than building 2 pillars and watching them fall you know.
thanks a ton for helping out and taking my rant :)
Off for a smoke lol

Nelson1967
02-23-17, 09:13 PM
Do not take it wrong married life can be hell cause some have no idea how it is to ADHD
Divorced 7 years ago cause he got to be a alcoholic abuser
My kids both want no mate or kids yet