View Full Version : Help please


Melodrama
11-24-16, 02:36 AM
Please help. I have ADD and hyper sensitivity disorder. I can't stop thinking, I can't stop worrying. I am diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I am a 16 year old male.

I am hopeless, I hate who I am and honestly I dont know who the hell I am in the first place, I hate my body, I hate my hair, I'm a perfectionist and I hate it, I hate my face, I hate my how my brain works, I hate how I think, I hate how I can't stop thinking, I hate every minute of every day, I am in hell.

My friends tell me I'm selfish because I grew up in an upper middle class family and I should not be complaining. I feel so damn selfish. My friend attempted suicide in the summer, she had a bad childhood and I didn't and I feel so god damn selfish for that.

My parents are afraid of medication, but they are finally looking for a psychiatrist, but I believe it is too late because finals week is only in three weeks and if I'm not happy by then I don't think I am going to survive.

I don't know who I am, I don't know what I'm doing, I don't know what the hell is going to happen to me, I can't control anything I do anymore. My girlfriend moved away when I was 13 and I still think about her even now that I am 16.

I was physically bullied in 7th and 8th grade, when I told the teacher I was called a snitch.

No one understands me, and no one will ever understand me, when I tell people about my problems and emotions they just tell me to "Grow the **** up." "Go get your **** sucked."

I only have two real friends, but they are also depressed and a bad influence on me but they are my only friends.

I can not calm down, I never calm down, nothing calms me down ever. I have a therapist i have been seeing for 9 weeks but he only makes me feel worse about myself because he makes me realize how messed up I am. I argue with him because I don't want to get out of my comfort zone and change, I am unable to change myself, I have tried over and over and I have always failed to change the way I think because my brain doesn't let me!!

I have lost 90% of my friends this year. I loose all my friends because I'm an extrovert but then when I get to know someone well I start opening up to them and they start to dislike me for who I really am.

I wish I was a girl because girl's are allowed to express themselves, while men are expected to contain their emotions which I can't. I feel like I am going to burst and hurt someone, I have already hurt my dog.

No one understands me, no one at all. They all say I am being melodramatic, they tell me to grow up and stop complaining or stop worrying or stop being so sensitive BUT I CAN'T AND THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!

I feel like I am about to do something really bad so that I can show everyone how messed up I really am.

I was a straight A student for 2 and a half years, now, ever sense November, I am failing all of my classes. My mom threatened to ground me, my parents are very mad at me.

Part of me wants to go to a mental hospital but the other part doesn't because that would be selfish of me because I grew up with good parents, in a good neighborhood, with a wealthy family and big house.

I do not see the point in living anymore. I can not stand getting out of bed in the morning. My pants, my shoes, even my eye lashes annoy me on a day to day basis. I can't calm down ever, everything bothers me, I can't stop worrying, I can't stop being sensitive to everything, I can't stop thinking about death, I am a stuck up selfish little brat who treats his parents like crap, I am arrogant and I am terrible person and no one likes me and I wouldn't like me either if I was them.

My best friend from when I was born started doing drugs and gets drunk with his friends from another high school across town. Other friends of mine do worse things like Acid and cocaine. I feel pressured into doing these things because they are always telling me to join them but I can't because I know that those things are illegal and if I do them and get caught I would want to put a knife into my eye.

No one understands me, I am all alone, I can't function, I don't change my clothes or brush my teeth or exercise, I just stare at walls and worry and worry and think about useless crap and listen to depressing music and eat candy all day long.

I have never been happy with myself in my life, unless you count the time I had a huge ego. Without my ego there is no point in living, and I wish that wasn't true.

Nothing in my brain works right, I do not think right, something is very very very wrong with me and I want it to change right now, but every time I try to change it it never works. I have been depressed for years now but only in the past 4 months has it really affected my lifestyle.

I see no point in living, I am not sure why people don't just commit suicide, I am worried that I will commit suicide in december after failing my finals. But I don't want to die, because I am afraid of eternal darkness, because some people think that when you die you stay conscious for a long time.

I am afraid that I will be happy one day, get a college degree, get a girlfriend and a nice house and a nice job, step out into the street and get run over by a car and die like my friend Sam did in 2014.

Help please.

sarahsweets
11-24-16, 03:51 AM
Please help. I have ADD and hyper sensitivity disorder. I can't stop thinking, I can't stop worrying. I am diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder. I am a 16 year old male.

I am hopeless, I hate who I am and honestly I dont know who the hell I am in the first place, I hate my body, I hate my hair, I'm a perfectionist and I hate it, I hate my face, I hate my how my brain works, I hate how I think, I hate how I can't stop thinking, I hate every minute of every day, I am in hell.
Welcome. You are not a horrible person- its not your fault that you feel this way.

My friends tell me I'm selfish because I grew up in an upper middle class family and I should not be complaining. I feel so god damn selfish. My friend attempted suicide in the summer, she had a bad childhood and I didn't and I feel so god damn selfish for that.

Then they are not yourreal friends. They are patronizing and lack compassion.

My parents are afraid of medication, but they are finally looking for a psychiatrist, but I believe it is too late because finals week is only in three weeks and if I'm not happy by then I don't think I am going to survive.

No matter what yoiur parents can do for you between now and finals- resign yourself to the fact that its not gonna happen in these next three weeks. Even if you started meds tomorrow you would not get the results you want in 3 weeks.


I only have two real friends, but they are also depressed and a bad influence on me but they are my only friends.

What do they do that makes them a bad influence on you?



No one understands me, no one at all. They all say I am being melodramatic, they tell me to grow up and stop complaining or stop worrying or stop being so sensitive BUT I CAN'T AND THEY DON'T UNDERSTAND!!!!!!!!
How dismissive and invalifdating!

I feel like I am about to do something really bad so that I can show everyone how messed up I really am.

If this involves hurting yourself or others,you need to tell your therapist or a counselor at school. They are required to take you seriously even if your parents wont.

Part of me wants to go to a mental hospital but the other part doesn't because that would be selfish of me because I grew up with good parents, in a good neighborhood, with a wealthy family and big house.


FORGET all of that. It has nothing to do with what is wrong with you now.


I have never been happy with myself in my life, unless you count the time I had a huge ego. Without my ego there is no point in living, and I wish that wasn't true.

What about you was an example of your huge ego?

I see no point in living, I am not sure why people don't just commit suicide, I am worried that I will commit suicide in december after failing my finals. But I don't want to die, because I am afraid of eternal darkness, because some people think that when you die you stay conscious for a long time.
HUGE RED FLAG. Tell your parents- if they dont take you seriously or try and tell you you dont really feel this way-tell the school.Tell the guidance counselot, your friends and therapist. You need help.

My daughter went inpatient because of thoughts of suicide and depression at age 11. Sounds crazy but it was the best thing that ever happened to her. She went from inpatient, to intensive outpatient and at age 13- she is a different person now.

You are NOT: lazy,crazy,stupid,dumb,useless,worthless,unloveabl e,unworthy, evil,terrible,horrible,cruel,mean, ignorant or insignificant.
You are human.
You have flaws.
You have gifts.

Little Missy
11-24-16, 06:58 AM
I wish I was a girl because girl's are allowed to express themselves, while men are expected to contain their emotions which I can't. I feel like I am going to burst and hurt someone, I have already hurt my dog.

Hurting your dog is a serious problem that I hope you get help for immediately.

Melodrama
11-24-16, 11:42 AM
No, I am never going to change, I am in hell and whatever created me made me this way to torture me. No one understands me, I am the cancer to society. I am over sensitive and no one has time for over sensitive people. I am arrogant, I am impatient, I over react, I smell, I have bad hair and a bad face, I stutter and I can't communicate to people, there is no point in me going to college, I want to just curl up into a ball and cry and die of hunger. Nothing gives me meaning, life is completely meaningless and everyone treats me bad. My parents don't understand I really can't do this I need a brain transplant I hate my brain, I was born to hate myself, I was born to hate my brain. No one should live this way, everything they are saying is right. I am selfish. I am over sensitive. I am impatient and terrible. Nothing they are saying is false, they are fully correct and I am jealous of their brains. No one should live like this.

Lunacie
11-24-16, 02:15 PM
There is nothing selfish in wanting to be the best and healthiest person you can.

I had undiagnosed, and therefore untreated, adhd, depression, anxiety, ptsd,
and hypersensitivity until I was in my 50's. No one had any sympathy for me.
No one could offer any help. I thought about suicide many times.

Now that I've found out what all those are, and they are the names of real
medical disorders that I suffer from, and now that I have treatment for them,
life is so much better.

I did not choose to have those medical disorders, I was not being hypocondriac
in realizing that something about me really was different than my schoolmates,
my friends, my co-workers.

I agree with what others posted here, if your parents won't take you to a
psychiatrist, then get help from the school counselor, or a teacher you like,
or a friend's parent.

Call the suicide hotline or look in the phone book/internet for someone who
works to help kids who don't get the help they need from their family.

There is help, you can find it with a little looking or reaching out to someone.
Please look for that help. :grouphug:

Melodrama
11-25-16, 12:26 AM
I think Imm going to go to a mental hospital soon, maybe next week. You guys aren't helping. No one can. Not my parents, not my friends, and no my therapist. I am so alone and hopeless and I don't want to kill myself because that will deeply effect my parents, my brother, and my friends and I want nothing bad to happen to them. I do not think I am capable of completely two more weeks of school plus finals week. No one understands me, I am completely alone and perpetually sad. I have a movie to make this sunday and family are coming over saturday for thanksgiving so I'll probably make a 911 call next week. Thanks everyone.

Jeftheginger
11-25-16, 01:12 AM
You are not alone.
You are not alone.
Trust me.
We are all people just like you that came online to anomously seek help.
We all are different.
But that does not mean that people are better than you.
People are not judging you as much as you think. They are too worried about what People think of them.

"Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night"
By Dylan Thomas

Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

For you.


And you, my friend, there whith your sorry stand,
Curse, bless the world now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.

Shoquester
11-26-16, 10:43 PM
Melodrama .... burn your mental energy here.

Think about it ... why is this website here? ... so you can talk to someone.

Let me ask you this question .....

How do you think you would behave differently if you didn't have add and you didn't have hypersensitivity disorder?

Melodrama
11-27-16, 12:13 AM
Melodrama .... burn your mental energy here.

Think about it ... why is this website here? ... so you can talk to someone.

Let me ask you this question .....

How do you think you would behave differently if you didn't have add and you didn't have hypersensitivity disorder?

I would be normal and happy.

Melodrama
11-27-16, 12:22 AM
I can't function. I can't cope. I'm good at drawing and film because people tell me i am but i dont think i am and i dont want to do any of those things because i only do it to fill my ego, and honestly i dont know why in hell i want to become an artist in the first place, im melodramatic, i grew up in a good house and neighborhood and good family, i have no worth, no one would like my art because a privlidged, over sensitive, white boy made it. Everything i do in life is me proving my worth to people. I dont do anything out of curiosity, only fear. Ive tried drawing, clay, painting, piano, writing, EVERYTHING makes me feel arrogant and insecure. I constantly, automatically, compare myself to others. AND I CAN'T STOP! NOTHING fullfills me. I wish I was a normal person with a normal brain. I am too complex, I am too confusing, I can't even understand myself. I can't control any of my feelings, i hate my feelings, i cant control my hair, i hate my hair. I hate my brain, i cant stop thinking, i cant stop worrying, every momment of every day is awkward and hurts me. I think too much about useless crap to no end. Nothing i do makes me happy, i am never happy. The only thing that makes me happy is food, and possibly drugs if i started doing them. My mom's family is full of alchoholics and smokers. My great uncle just died last month of alchohol poisoning. Anxiety runs in the family and i hate it, im so alone, and so hopeless because when i look at my mom i realize im going to be this way for the rest of my life and i cant change it. I cant accept this, i hate this, i consciously hate this, and i want out.

Melodrama
11-27-16, 12:46 AM
I've had a crush on a girl for 4 years but I feel completely unworthy of her, and each time i see her i think about how worthless I am. If only i had a different brain i would be with her and we would be happy. Ive seen her look at me and i think she likes me, she also looks like me, and we both have interets in art, but again, I AM UNWORTHY, i am immature and she would not like me after we get close to eachother, because remember, i loose friends after i open up to them because inside im a TERRIBLE PERSON!!!!

Jeftheginger
11-27-16, 01:11 AM
Meds can help.

Melodrama
11-27-16, 01:20 AM
I am getting them, my parents are finally accepting them, but getting a psychiatrist takes too long and the medication will take a long time to kick in. Finals week is in three weeks. My parents held me back, I should I have received medication a long time ago.

Lunacie
11-27-16, 11:41 AM
I am getting them, my parents are finally accepting them, but getting a psychiatrist takes too long and the medication will take a long time to kick in. Finals week is in three weeks. My parents held me back, I should I have received medication a long time ago.

Actually, I noticed a difference within a week of starting meds for depression and anxiety.

And my adult daughter recently started on the same meds and also noticed a difference within a week.

May not happen for everyone, may not happen for you, but maybe it will happen for you. :grouphug:

ToneTone
12-07-16, 12:52 AM
Ok, one point: you are not too complex or too complicated. That's what many of us feel when we're really depressed and feeling hopeless. I'm feeling this way because I'm just more complicated than other people and think more seriously than other people.

Uh ... so not true. You are 16. Trust me when I say that half of the adults who live within a mile of where you live have had at some point ... and often for prolonged periods ... deep and painful anguish ... depression ... anxiety ... hopelessness ... and they got through ... with help ... with time ..

Are you on medications? ... You say your therapist isn't helping. Well your brain may be in emergency crisis mode and you may need a medication to jump start you out of your despair ... and then you can talk through your problems more clearly.

Get to a psychiatrist ... or tell your family doctor that you are in crisis.

Not true that meds always take a long time to work. Not true at all. I felt the impact of wellbutrin in days ... The consensus is that it takes about two weeks ... But there's a good chance you feel better getting started on the medication ... and simply reaching out for help.

Do not give up. The world needs you and what you can bring to it.

Tone

sarahsweets
12-07-16, 06:01 AM
You are NOT: lazy,crazy,useless,worthless,evil,terrible,horribl e,awful,horrid,uncontrollable,unworthy, unloveable,hopeless,dumb,stupid or insignificant.

You are human.
You have flaws.
You have gifts.

Fuzzy12
12-07-16, 07:45 AM
When I was 15 I tried to starve myself to death because I thought life was meaningless and had nothing to give me anymore.

Now 20 years later I'm glad I'm still here. It wasn't an easy 20 years. I've often felt just the way you feel. I still do. But you get through these moments. Somehow. Just make it through the next 2 weeks. What's 2 weeks of a lifetime?

After your exams you can focus on feeking better. Meds therapy etc.

By the way stimulants start working immediately and qhen I started taking anti depressants I felt better within a few days. Just try them. There's nothing to lose.

hrow234
12-18-16, 06:32 PM
Hi ! I am so sorry that you feel so down on yourself. Believe me I used to feel the same way. It happens in your teens. It does get easier as you get older. Trust me! However, the feelings if not dealt with can get worse. I would strongly recommend getting some help and seeing a counselor. If your parents don't take you seriously there is a suicide hot line you can call and they will talk to you for free. Seriously, don't go through this alone. You have your whole life ahead of you that I believe God planned for you . You won't know what it is if you don't keep struggling to get better. AND yes, it is a struggle some days. I will be thinking of you and praying for you. please reach out and don't give up. YOU are a person with tremendous value and worth and you have a purpose in this life.!!