View Full Version : Anger and repeating myself

11-24-16, 02:35 PM
Hi everyone and hope you are ok 👌🏻 This is my first post and hope to be able to find some points of view on my current situation. I'm at the point of losing the woman I love due to my anger outburst and an apparent compulsion to repeat myself over and over. I'll explain. When my partner feels I have done something wrong I will always try to apologise before a situation gets bad or out of control. She finds it very hard to accept my apology or explanation, which to me should be enough for two people who love each other to make up and drop it before it escalates. She seems to still act funny with me after (and then I feel to explain again what happened because I don't get why my original explanation is not good enough and makes me feel like she is still angry. Then she gets angry because I repeat myself and accuses me of repeating myself which In turn makes me more and more angry. It's again because I don't understand why she is still so funny with me when I have already explained I'm the first place. This pattern goes on and on with her accusing me of repeating myself, me then getting more and more angry because I feel it's taking the **** to accuse me of repeating myself when I feel I have to because she didn't listen or accept my explanation in the first place. I can end up repeating my original point ten or so times over a couple of hours and it drives her mad. Even though I no if she dosnt want to accept my origanal explanation repeating myself won't help, I can't help it even though I no what a huge problem it ends up causing. Im the end I just scream and shout very loudly and she haas that as has been in a violent relationship when she wa younger. Sorry if Iv waffled on but does this sound familiar to anyone as my gf is pregnant with our first child and I'm at the point of losing her forever. Little background I took Ritalin as a child but stop when I was 16 and have not taken anything since (I'm 33 now). Thank you for taking the time to read my post 😀

11-24-16, 06:14 PM
Emotional Dysregulation is a key ingredient of this problem. I've lost friendships and relationships because of this.
If you are unable to control your outbursts this immediately puts people on the defensive. I've been unable to form real intimate relationships because of this. Even when medicated this takes practice but doable.
You may not understand why you keep repeating yourself and apologise. This is a consequence of mentally throwing yourself into the fight flight response, this is related to the first thing.
If you are unable to form a coherent way of expressing yourself this is executive function, and this it could be argued is the root.
I hope it works out for you, I would look at treatment. My 2 cents

11-24-16, 06:29 PM
I think there are a few simple questions that often get neglected in this discussion:

- Exactly what did you do that she thought was wrong?

- Was it wrong?

11-25-16, 12:08 PM
What kinds of things do you do wrong?

11-25-16, 05:28 PM
it sounds like you have a high need for closure and when you don't get that closure you perseverate, explaining over and over why and how and blah blah blah. The biggest part of overcoming this is realizing even if a person can understand it doesn't make their hurt feelings disappear. it's important to respect and honour your partners emotional processing and realise it may take more time than you are comfortable with.

No one can shout your feelings away and nor can you for your partner. hope that helps.

11-26-16, 09:09 PM
Very similar situation to mine. We're now married with a kid on the way :)

The only way we were able to resolve our issues was by me getting officially diagnosed with ADHD and her going through the process of us both learning about ADHD.

She has to learn about ADHD and decide if she can have a relationship that is slightly different from a regular one. Some people can't handle it .... and that's okay.

I repeat myself all the time ... all the time ... all the time ... it drive my wife CRAZY! ... and that's okay too :)