View Full Version : I just need to be good enough to me

11-26-16, 05:54 PM
My dad called me back. We talked for about 10-15 minutes. He's visiting my brother in February. He only seemed to care about the matters of consequence. "How's work?" Etc

He mentioned maybe coming to see me some day if there's a time share near by. I said maybe we can plan ahead and sync up in Florida some time-which got dismissed. I haven't seen him in 10 years.

He didn't seem to care about anything else that I'm doing-- half listened to the bookbinding and plans. I think he was just waiting to get off the phone at that point.

It is what it is. There's always going to be something in me that wants to impress him but I know that will never happen. At least now I'm not living my life just to meet up with his expectations. However. My heart always seems to hurt for days after I talk to him.

11-26-16, 06:56 PM
I don't know what to say and I think you are dealing with this thr best way that I can be dealt with so just huge hugs. I hope at some point it won't hurt so much anymore. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

Little Missy
11-26-16, 07:18 PM
Surely I should have some unsolicited wise words. Somewhere...

*making me cry*

I have no magic for this.

11-26-16, 08:26 PM
my friend with through something like this
they had somewhat reconnected but he will only see her when "convenient"
vacations in europe but cant be bothered to stop here , but will then visit her brother
wtf? i'm,so sorry
i understand if that helps any

11-26-16, 11:12 PM
:grouphug: Thank you everyone.

It seems to take me a couple days to realize that I'm upset after I talk to him. A great deal of my insecurities swim around this person. I've been doing a lot better the last few years but a conversation with him seems to take me a few steps back.

He's referred to me as a disappointment and a burden in the past. The fact that he's a therapist makes me laugh some times. Ive purposefully distanced myself from him but then I go through periods where I think I should contact him and when I do I wind up regretting it.

I'm mostly okay but I've been crying on and off all day.

He dismisses everything I say. And still there's something in me that wants to prove my worth to him. I went to college because I wanted to show him that I was smart enough to do it.. i ended up showing myself I could do it which is more important. I only went two years and I haven't decided if the debt is with the degree. I'm sure he sees me as less than for not finishing.

And I know I should stop caring after all of this but I still find myself thinking of ways that will make him see me for who I am and think that I am intelligent, creative and worthwhile. He'll never really know who I am.

11-30-16, 03:16 AM
As children we learn and are trained to evaluate our self worth through the eyes of our parents. If we have 'bad' parents this is especially true. I had issues with my Dad, and even as I got older, I still sought approval and hoped he would change. I still did things I thought he would be proud of, and always managed to be dissappointed when he didnt give me the feedback I wanted. I made peace with him about a year before he died suddenly. I didnt make peace in the sense that we were buddies, but that I accepted what he was capable of and changed my expectations.That was the only way for me to heal- to change what I expected to accept whatever he was capable of.
Its so important for parents to make sure kids are cherished for who they are-not what we think they should be, who we think they should be or what we think they should do.
The only way to help a child unplug from the parent is to love them unconditionally-and mean it. We can say things like "Ill love you no matter what" and then the first sign of trouble walk back our word- thats devastating.IMO with adhd kids that grow up with shame, like myself, I had to learn to love me, and learn I was a good person-no matter what my parents thought of me. I can only hope I am doing this for my kids.
Keep your chin up. Remember,we can still love someone even if they act like an as*hole.