View Full Version : Nobody will ever want me


midnightstar
11-30-16, 03:08 PM
I was reading the rush hour crush in the metro newspaper and all the lovey dovey messages has made me start to feel bad again.

It's just like valentines day aka singles awareness day - seems everyone else is getting lovey dovey notes in there and nobody ever mentions the area I live in, closest is Newcastle and that's technically nowhere near me unless I want to travel for over an hour on the bus.

Just feels like everyone's coupled up apart from me and nobody would ever want me.

Jeftheginger
12-01-16, 01:50 AM
Some times your purpose in the world is not what you expect it to be.
You are lonely
That is what pets are for
Companionship.

sarahsweets
12-01-16, 07:15 AM
Screw what the world or society thinks.You have a lot of love in your heart. Someone will see your soul one day and think "I have found her! My soulmate has found me!" I hate to be that person who says cliche things like this and if I hadnt had this experience myself- I woudnt say it.

Unmanagable
12-01-16, 10:05 AM
And don't forget to remind yourself how much you love you. Pamper yourself every chance you get. Speak kindly to yourself. Look in the mirror and tell you that you love you each and every day.

You're the greatest lover of self that you will ever have. Keep radiating the big love that you are and, as sarah said, someone may be drawn to it. If not, it's still okay because you're loving the heck out of yourself already. :)

midnightstar
12-01-16, 10:14 AM
Is it acceptable to love the heck out of Ebony and Tigger instead of myself? I don't deserve love :o

sarahsweets
12-01-16, 10:20 AM
What the hell is so horrible about you and what kind of evil things have you done that you dont deserve love? I dont believe there are any evil things about you! No one can make you feel you deserve love, that is something the kittys and therapy can help with
Think about how good of a character judge animals can be- now if you were so awful wouldnt animals not like you? I know my kitty and my dogs always knew when there was someone around that wasnt good on the inside. Its like animals have a sixth sense.

Fuzzy12
12-01-16, 10:23 AM
I don't think it's a matter of deserving love. Everyone should be loved because it's good for us and there is no one that doesn't deserve love.

It's just a matter of finding someone with whom it clicks (and I know there is no just about it. It's not easy but it's got nothing to do with whether you deserve it or not )

You are lovely. Just put yourself out there with an open mind and hopefully you'll come a cross someone whom you can love and who can return that love.

And it's a must to love your pets I think!! I'm sure they love you too!!

acdc01
12-13-16, 08:17 PM
You've always seemed like a very lovable person on this board. What makes you think you're not?

I don't have anyone either midnightstar if it makes you feel better that you aren't alone in this. I dont think my problem is that I'm not loveable or difficult to live with. It's cause I can't get off my butt to find someone.

I don't think I feel anymore lonely usually than the next person though cause I'm close to my family. And I've been surrounded by miserable marriages like my parents so I'm actual feel luckier that I'm single instead of stuck in a miserable marriage with kids. I do wish i were among the luckiest who are in happy marriages but at least I'm not in a miserable one..

Lloyd_
12-17-16, 02:28 PM
Just feels like everyone's coupled up apart from me and nobody would ever want me.

You might feel that way about yourself but it isn't true, from what you mentioned that you live outside Newcastle which is considered N.England? From what I understand that part of England consists of remote little villages with not much of an opportunity for anything, let alone dating...slim pickings.

I'm am certain if you lived in a larger city with more opportunities to meet people, you'll find somebody most definitely! :)

midnightstar
12-17-16, 02:34 PM
Lloyd: Yep North England, Newcastle is the nearest large place to me but even so technically I'm nowhere near Newcastle and I'm not narrowing it down.

And moving house to find someone's not an option because I can't move Ebony and also I have to be where my job is until I find something else work wise. We have not long since managed to stabilise her (Ebony's) asthma and my very real concern is if I move her it'll trigger her asthma again and last time we moved her it took months to get it under control, before there was then other upsetting stuff happen in the family that then caused her asthma to get really bad again (stress), which took ages to get her asthma back under control again.

acdc: it just feels like I'm unlovable because irl very few people want to get to know me outside of work. It's a case of everyone else has friends, a future, a other half, etc and I'm alone with Ebony and Tigger and when I take Ebony to the vet everyone keeps away from her, whereas every time I take Tigger everyone wants to fuss over Tigger and she soaks up all the attention.

If I could move away from this dump I would do so in a heartbeat.

Lloyd_
12-18-16, 05:51 PM
Lloyd: Yep North England, Newcastle is the nearest large place to me but even so technically I'm nowhere near Newcastle and I'm not narrowing it down.

And moving house to find someone's not an option because I can't move Ebony and also I have to be where my job is until I find something else work wise. We have not long since managed to stabilise her (Ebony's) asthma and my very real concern is if I move her it'll trigger her asthma again and last time we moved her it took months to get it under control, before there was then other upsetting stuff happen in the family that then caused her asthma to get really bad again (stress), which took ages to get her asthma back under control again.

acdc: it just feels like I'm unlovable because irl very few people want to get to know me outside of work. It's a case of everyone else has friends, a future, a other half, etc and I'm alone with Ebony and Tigger and when I take Ebony to the vet everyone keeps away from her, whereas every time I take Tigger everyone wants to fuss over Tigger and she soaks up all the attention.

If I could move away from this dump I would do so in a heartbeat.

Wow, didn't know that cats can have asthma. I'm sure you would of found a solution by now if there was one to cure her asthma. Seems you're stuck in an unfortunate situation, if you were able to get another job in your field somewhere in the big city you can't because it might trigger your cat's asthma. I suppose you can try online dating and at the very least maybe find somebody to correspond with who could at least visit you within driving distance if possible.

Being in a crappy situation can make you feel unloved but you'll feel differently about yourself if you ever manage to change the situation you're in.

Fraser_0762
12-18-16, 06:12 PM
Hey midnightstar, if you were anywhere nearby here, you'd be getting a valentines day card every day from a "secret" admirer.

;)

Enough Rope
12-22-16, 11:43 AM
((((midnightstar))))

jkimbo
12-22-16, 01:44 PM
I was reading the rush hour crush in the metro newspaper and all the lovey dovey messages has made me start to feel bad again.

It's just like valentines day aka singles awareness day - seems everyone else is getting lovey dovey notes in there and nobody ever mentions the area I live in, closest is Newcastle and that's technically nowhere near me unless I want to travel for over an hour on the bus.

Just feels like everyone's coupled up apart from me and nobody would ever want me.

Seriously, we are our own worse critics! I know because I too am my worst critic! I would be just as bummed out as you in between relationships. I once had a 1 year break where I wasn't seeing anyone. Not that I wasn't trying! But I think part of the problem is either we try too hard, or have just given up. But one thing I am certain of, there is always someone out there for everyone.

I use to remind myself when I was in such a slump, there must be a girl out there wondering where her Mr Right is. lol. I'm no prize, I come with a lot of baggage, and my closet is full of junk from the past, yet even I could find someone. So can you!

midnightstar
12-22-16, 02:58 PM
And in a way I'm actually afraid to find someone new ..........

For example when my ex decided to do the disappearing act on me and I had to move back in with family, my lovely male cat Dylan they decided they didn't want him in the house so made him live outside for a bit then rehomed him, I'm scared that if I meet someone else and it doesn't work out family will kick Ebony and Tigger outside (which would kill Ebony - that I know for a fact) so what if I did meet someone and it ended like the last serious relationship and family decide to kick Ebony and Tigger out and then hand Tigger back to RSPCA and Ebony as well and Ebony's not rehomable so RSPCA would probably send her on a one way trip to the vet

idk if this makes sense or if I'm stupid as always ..........

dvdnvwls
12-22-16, 07:09 PM
If you meet someone who doesn't want cats around, that is obviously not your type of person. I mean, as a friend, that would be fine - but no one can live with you unless they accept cats.

Lots of people accept cats, so that's not a bad thing.

Almost everyone has certain things they won't negotiate about. I won't live with a person who smokes. You won't live without cats. Someone else won't live with a football fan. Another won't live with anyone but a football fan. If it's important to you, then don't negotiate about it.

Little Nut
12-22-16, 07:42 PM
And in a way I'm actually afraid to find someone new ..........
---SNIP---

mid, maybe tell your family just that. You're afraid if you have to move out and then move back in, they won't accept the cats and it will end up losing them. Maybe they would give you some assurances or offer an agreeable alternative. HTH, -LN

acdc01
12-22-16, 11:03 PM
And in a way I'm actually afraid to find someone new ..........

For example when my ex decided to do the disappearing act on me and I had to move back in with family, my lovely male cat Dylan they decided they didn't want him in the house so made him live outside for a bit then rehomed him, I'm scared that if I meet someone else and it doesn't work out family will kick Ebony and Tigger outside (which would kill Ebony - that I know for a fact) so what if I did meet someone and it ended like the last serious relationship and family decide to kick Ebony and Tigger out and then hand Tigger back to RSPCA and Ebony as well and Ebony's not rehomable so RSPCA would probably send her on a one way trip to the vet

idk if this makes sense or if I'm stupid as always ..........

Confused. Did you have to move back with your parents because you and your ex got a place you couldn't afford without him or something? If that's the case, just don't repeat that mistake. Just have him move into your current place if possible since you can afford it on your own. I thought Ebony can't move anyway new boyfriend or no.

Tough about your cat and asthma. Reminds me of mine who has a weak heart. That's why I was afraid to take him from my dad when he moved and didn't want to bring his cat (now mine) with him (he had 2 cats and the 2 didn't get along so his/my cat was peeing all over the place all the time). That and he refused to eat or drink for 2 days the last time I tried to move him to my place (until I caved and brought him back to my dads place).

There was no way my dad was keeping him so something had to be done. My sister recommended I get antianxiety med for the cat. There were two types as I recall, a fast acting one I think lorazepam or something like that. And also one that I had to give to him for a little while before it kicked in.

Worked very well. He didn't seem to have any heart problems and he didn't refuse to eat when he was on the meds - they made a big difference. And I didn't even have to give him the longer lasting med. He actually seemed very happy very quickly, much happier than with my dad. And he hasn't peed on the floor once when he used to so every week.

What triggers Ebony's asthma? You think antianxiety meds might help during the move? Then you can move to a bigger city though if you had a boyfriend before, maybe you can find another one again without a move.

meadd823
12-22-16, 11:46 PM
Love me, love my cats..... me and the cats are a package deal !!!!!

midnightstar
12-23-16, 01:49 AM
Confused. Did you have to move back with your parents because you and your ex got a place you couldn't afford without him or something? If that's the case, just don't repeat that mistake. Just have him move into your current place if possible since you can afford it on your own. I thought Ebony can't move anyway new boyfriend or no.

Tough about your cat and asthma. Reminds me of mine who has a weak heart. That's why I was afraid to take him from my dad when he moved and didn't want to bring his cat (now mine) with him (he had 2 cats and the 2 didn't get along so his/my cat was peeing all over the place all the time). That and he refused to eat or drink for 2 days the last time I tried to move him to my place (until I caved and brought him back to my dads place).

There was no way my dad was keeping him so something had to be done. My sister recommended I get antianxiety med for the cat. There were two types as I recall, a fast acting one I think lorazepam or something like that. And also one that I had to give to him for a little while before it kicked in.

Worked very well. He didn't seem to have any heart problems and he didn't refuse to eat when he was on the meds - they made a big difference. And I didn't even have to give him the longer lasting med. He actually seemed very happy very quickly, much happier than with my dad. And he hasn't peed on the floor once when he used to so every week.

What triggers Ebony's asthma? You think antianxiety meds might help during the move? Then you can move to a bigger city though if you had a boyfriend before, maybe you can find another one again without a move.

I met him and moved in with him a few years before Ebony came into my life, at the time I was not working and I couldn't pay the rent after he ran off (plus his name was the one on the rental agreement)

And family pulled the "allergies" card about Dylan when the only reason they wanted him gone was simply because they didn't want a cat in the house, in a way it's a blessing in disguise it was Dylan they decided they wanted gone and not my first cat Beauty (she was euthanised a couple of years before I met that boyfriend - she had a lot of health problems)

Stress is one thing that triggers Ebony's asthma, we're not sure of every trigger (it can flare up without their being anything obvious to trigger it)

Unfortunately as well, the village I live in most people try to avoid moving here because it's a dump.

sarahsweets
12-23-16, 05:44 AM
Regarding the fear of a new relationship starting and then ending... those are what-if worries and totally useless to you right now. What-if worries can make you nuts.

midnightstar
12-23-16, 10:53 AM
But the what ifs could happen though - history has proved that one ........

Little Missy
12-23-16, 11:11 AM
But the what ifs could happen though - history has proved that one ........

What exactly are you fishing for?

midnightstar
12-23-16, 11:14 AM
What exactly are you fishing for?

I was just saying that they could happen, they have happened before so there's no reason why history wouldn't repeat itself.

aeon
12-23-16, 11:37 AM
If you want to live your life playing the “what if?” game, that’s OK, but if you aren’t imagining all of the wonderful things that could happen, you’re doing it wrong.

That said, asking “what if I was really happy?” is sometimes the most frightful question of them all.

Because nothing is more comfortable and cozy than the familiar and well-worn blanket of despair that is woven from warp of “what if?” and weft of ruminative meta-anxiety.


Take Chances,
Ian

Little Nut
12-23-16, 11:38 AM
Mid, Whether I think it is a concern to be addressed now or not, IT IS A STRONG CONCERN OF YOURS. Looking through my very small knothole in the fence, I still think discussing with your folks is worth considering. They would come away with an appreciation of how important the care of your pets is to you, they may offer an immediate solution by agreeing to take them in if needed, or they might offer ideas on how to easily address that you haven't thought of.

Best of Luck and Happy Holidays,
LN

acdc01
12-23-16, 12:09 PM
I met him and moved in with him a few years before Ebony came into my life, at the time I was not working and I couldn't pay the rent after he ran off (plus his name was the one on the rental agreement)

Oh ok. Then you definitely don't need to worry about this as you have a job now and don't need to be financially dependent on the guy. You shouldn't have to move back in with your parents so how your parents treat your cats doesn't matter.

Cats have a difficult time adjusting at first to moving but they usually do adapt sooner or later. Sounds like you moved ebony already. She adapted last time right? But her asthma was bad for months due to the initial shock?

I have asthma myself and know it can be deadly. If it would really kill Ebony for you to move then of course moving isn't an option. But if medication can control things (antianxiety and asthma), then her suffering maybe a couple months seems worth the potential for your life long happiness to me. You think meds can control things enough that Ebony won't suffer permanent harm?

That said, you really think you'd be happier moving to another city? Sounds like it. I just ask cause for me, it wasn't really the answer even though I did move. It was cause I'm really attached to my family and moving away from them was not the right choice. I also wasn't diagnosed and after I moved, I couldn't get off my butt to go out and join clubs or do anything to make friends so I became pretty isolated.

Like I said, I'm single too and I can't get off my butt to do anything about it so no judgment on my end. Just questioning your logic here on why you think you can't do the things you mention (you may be right too - just looks questionable from the info you posted).

midnightstar
12-23-16, 03:30 PM
I moved Ebony once but the choice was leave her where she was and have her dead by the age of 5 at the latest or move her and have a fight to get her asthma back under control (although at the time we didn't know how bad her asthma could get, moving her once caused it to get worse and we had a real fight to get it back under control)

Basically where I was living at the time was killing her (I was with a family member who was constantly using sprays around the house and at least once Ebony actually collapsed there and could not get up cause her asthma got that bad)

Family know how vital it is to me that Ebony and Tigger both stay with me, they know that Ebony is not rehomable under any circumstances (even if they don't believe me that RSPCA would likely send her on a one way trip to you know where) and they know that Ebony needs Tigger (when Tom died, Ebony spiralled into a kitty-depression and the thing that really helped was us bringing Tigger home) and they know even if Tigger wasn't here Ebony would need a confident cat around to reinforce the idea that the world is not a scary place (Ebony's too scared of the outside world to go out unaccompanied, she even panics if she sees strangers walking past the house)

Ebony's on a inhaler (which she really hates and she freaks if anybody else puts the inhaler over her face, she won't even let the vet give her any medication - the vet can sneak up on her for injections but that's it), even with me if Ebony's feeling nervy she backs away when I'm trying to medicate her so I have to position myself behind her to stop her backing away. We can't even trim Ebony's claws, poor Ebony literally cries and shakes if me and my mum (the only other person Ebony trusts) tries.