View Full Version : Coming on too strong and wanting things too fast, too soon


castalia
12-05-16, 06:01 AM
I wonder how much of this is ADHD-related. In my job and in life, I am a go-getting female. However, I try to tone it down a bit in dating/relationships.

I have been told on more than one occasion that I come on too strong and want things too fast, too soon. Basically I know what I want from men but for the most part they find me intimidating even though they are attracted to me. However, I get irritated with how slow many of them are to respond and take thing to the next level. No one wants to have their time wasted.

I wonder how much of this is ADHD-related (impulsivity, hyperactivity) and how much is just my personality. Can other people here relate?

Little Missy
12-05-16, 10:13 AM
Do you mean like you are climbing and pawing and clawing on men with a frenzy?

castalia
12-05-16, 10:42 AM
Do you mean like you are climbing and pawing and clawing on men with a frenzy?

Haha, of course not.

sarahsweets
12-05-16, 11:59 AM
I guess it depends on whether coming on too strong can be viewed as needy. There are women who get into new relationships that immediately want and need emotional disclosure and intimacy and seek codependent partners.I dont think that sounds like you. I dont know how old you are but there is nothing wrong with knowing what you want. Unfortunately maybe the men you are interested in are not suitable for a strong, independent woman. And sometimes are gut must be listened to.

ToneTone
12-05-16, 08:52 PM
Ok, some questions to help me understand you here.

I have been told on more than one occasion that I come on too strong and want things too fast, too soon. What things do you want too fast? Closeness, emotional intimacy? Commitment? Time?

However, I get irritated with how slow many of them are to respond and take thing to the next level. No one wants to have their time wasted. Ok, you get irritated by what type of slow response? Slow response to you making it clear you are romantically interested? Slow response in terms of physical affection?

I have learned to slow down in expressing interest in people. Sometimes I get the feeling so strong that "this person is for me" and invariably--100 percent of the time--me acting on that feeling scares the hell out of the other person. And truth be told, I almost always later learn that that feeling wasn't all that accurate. So I've learned to move more slowly.

I've been on the other side of this ... and I don't know if this helps. But I can tell you it can be very weird for someone to come up to me and say, "you're so great. you're wonderful. I know I am right for you" ... when I don't really know the person and definitely don't know them well. I fear they're projecting all kinds of fantasies onto me.

Anyway, love to learn more specifically about what you mean.

Tone

john2100
12-05-16, 09:10 PM
I wonder how much of this is ADHD-related. In my job and in life, I am a go-getting female. However, I try to tone it down a bit in dating/relationships.

I have been told on more than one occasion that I come on too strong and want things too fast, too soon. Basically I know what I want from men but for the most part they find me intimidating even though they are attracted to me. However, I get irritated with how slow many of them are to respond and take thing to the next level. No one wants to have their time wasted.

I wonder how much of this is ADHD-related (impulsivity, hyperactivity) and how much is just my personality. Can other people here relate?

Can you be more specific in definitions? When are are talking that men are too slow to respond in what context?

Slow to take you out on a date?
Slow to move further in relationship when you are already dating?
Who told you you were coming on too strong?

anonymouslyadd
12-06-16, 12:03 AM
ADDers hate waiting and beating around the bush.

ginniebean
12-06-16, 12:03 AM
I wonder how much of this is ADHD-related. In my job and in life, I am a go-getting female. However, I try to tone it down a bit in dating/relationships.

I have been told on more than one occasion that I come on too strong and want things too fast, too soon. Basically I know what I want from men but for the most part they find me intimidating even though they are attracted to me. However, I get irritated with how slow many of them are to respond and take thing to the next level. No one wants to have their time wasted.

I wonder how much of this is ADHD-related (impulsivity, hyperactivity) and how much is just my personality. Can other people here relate?


This is less an adhd thing and more of a personality thing with some adhd impatience added in.

I know someone like this very well.

Look up type 8 enneagram personality, I think you will find it quite interesting.

EuropeanADHD
12-06-16, 12:20 PM
I wonder how much of this is ADHD-related. In my job and in life, I am a go-getting female. However, I try to tone it down a bit in dating/relationships.

I have been told on more than one occasion that I come on too strong and want things too fast, too soon. Basically I know what I want from men but for the most part they find me intimidating even though they are attracted to me. However, I get irritated with how slow many of them are to respond and take thing to the next level. No one wants to have their time wasted.

I wonder how much of this is ADHD-related (impulsivity, hyperactivity) and how much is just my personality. Can other people here relate?

I've been told that in professional contexts more than in relationships. And I see it as a sign of sexism still prevailing in our society, unfortunately.