View Full Version : New parent wanting opinions from your experience


Peckabel
12-07-16, 08:15 PM
Hi There

I am a new parent to these forums and have an almost 5 year old son who I suspect has ADHD. He has already been diagnosed with ODD and the psychologist said he is emotionally lagging in development hence why we are having so many issues. My husband and I in our guts believe there is definitely something more wrong, whether he is ADHD, anxiety/depression etc and are at breaking point with his behaviour, it's out of control.

I am a savvy parent and completely understand what normal 4yr olds can be like and quite frankly got so sick of people saying he is a normal child. But the problems we are having now people are finally agreeing it's not right. I have always been very in tune with him too.

He has always been like it too, it's not something new. Here are some of the issues we are having and would like your opinions on:

as a baby he was very difficult to get to sleep, he would wake after 40mins and could take 3 hrs to get back to sleep.
he went through separation anxiety at bedtime at all different developmental stages and would cry leaving him at daycare until he turned 4. But as he got older it was quite distressing as he wouldn't just cry, it was screaming, hanging on the fence, throwing things, running around
getting him out of the car or in the car going to daycare at certain stages he would scream and scream, hit me and go crazy.
he is ridiculously stubborn to the point where many daycare teachers have said he is the most stubborn child they have dealt with.


our biggest problem is if he doesn't get his own way he is like a ticking time bomb and explodes! We walk on egg shells. His tantrums are out of control and you can see he can't help it. He gets so nasty, swears at us, throws things at walls/windows, tries to destroy toys, tries everything to get a reaction out of us like hitting his sister. He has broken toilet lids by jumping on them, ripped the toilet roll holder off the wall. Lately I have had to pick him up from preschool because he has gone on a rampage destroying things when they have said no to something.


he doesn't deal with change well and he was fine at preschool until we removed him from daycare and put him in preschool full time.
he is very intelligent and developmentally advanced when it came to talking walking etc early
he talks so much it does our head in and tell him to just be quiet for 1 min and he can't. He constantly interrupts us having a conversation. He has a hard time waiting in line and often pushes in. When he is with just one adult he is quite well behaved but as soon as you put another adult into the picture he starts craving the attention, interrupting etc. we can't have any proper conversations until he goes to bed


he is a routine kid and it's a nightmare at bedtime. He makes every excuse but is also figgetity, rolling around, hanging off the top bunk
none of the normal discipline techniques have worked, even preschool have tried them all and it doesn't work. Our current technique is a time out and he can't even complete a one minute time out some days and it normally takes 20-30mins to get him to complete one minute!
when he isn't tantruming he is a beautiful, loving child and a pleasure to be around. He just snaps and can't control it and shows remorse afterwards.
he doesn't listen and it's his way or the highway sometimes. He can be quite hypo too


He comes from a very loving home, who believe in discipline, my husband and I never fight and are on the same page, so there is no stress family wise.

Sorry it's a long post and I could go on forever. But I would really like to know thoughts from other parents to see if these are similar traits your children have.

Thanks

maple17
12-08-16, 03:45 AM
I haven't been here very long. My daughter is 12 and was just diagnosed a few months ago (my thread is further down in this forum).

With the points you mentioned, the sleep issues, separation anxiety, trouble with changes and transitions, non-stop talking, interruptions, the meltdowns...that was all our daughter. We just thought she was a difficult child to parent and didn't think it was adhd until recently when her school work was being affected and a teacher spoke up about the learning issues she noticed. Adhd wasn't even on our radar.

when he isn't tantruming he is a beautiful, loving child and a pleasure to be around. He just snaps and can't control it and shows remorse afterwards.This is still our daughter. Medication has helped quite a lot and she's going to start counselling next year, but before she started on the medication, she would just start to lose control and know it was happening, but she'd say that she couldn't stop or calm down or whatever. The self regulation was just not there. And she'd always apologise afterwards and be remorseful, but never in the midst of it.

Good luck. I hope you find some answers soon. Glad that you and your husband are on the same page. That helps a lot.

PS I just noticed that you're in Sydney (I'm in Melbourne). There's a few Aussie supoort groups elsewhere (I won't post links, PM if you'd like) and maybe pick up a copy of Dr Christopher Greene's book Understanding Adhd. He's Australian and it was the first one I read when we suspected she had it. The checklist chapter read like he knew our kid, lol.

Peckabel
12-08-16, 05:21 AM
Thanks for your reply.
I will definitely try to get that book!

We just know there is something more and have just got a referral for a paediatrician who can diagnose it along with other disorders. He has actually developed a tic with his eyes lately too hence the appointment. They think it's stress related.

He is starting school next year so I've already organised an appt to see his teacher as I don't want him to be 'labelled' and just also want them to understand beforehand. I'm hoping they can give me some insight once he starts and get their opinion.

It's been so stressful and very emotionally draining. When we had to pick him up from preschool because they thought he would hurt himself, both classes of kids had to be put in one room to keep them away from him being destructive - it's heart breaking!

maple17
12-08-16, 07:44 AM
Aw, it is heartbreaking.

We're all new to this and sometimes it feels like our heads are still spinning, trying to take it all in and what it means. I didn't want her "labelled" either, but going into Grade 7, I would rather that her teachers know what's going on and what that means in terms of her schoolwork, so that they don't have expectations of her that she can't meet because of the nature of the condition.

I've also found in this short time that knoweldge of what adhd means for students seems to vary by teacher. Some seem to know quite a bit, others not so much. My daughter had to write an assessment exam for going in to high school, and this was pre-medication, and I was trying to explain to the school administrator that this probably wouldn't be a reflection of what she was capable of down the road and I felt frustrated because the person I spoke with said she didn't know that much about adhd and how writing the exam would be affected.

As for the stress with your son, the paediatrician we see said that once the adhd is treated, often the anxiety and some of the other issues seem to settle down.

Lunacie
12-08-16, 11:04 AM
My oldest granddaughter was so ODD, until she started stimulant meds.

Before meds she would argue about everything, whether it made sense to us or not.
It was like the meds helped her connect so she wasn't angry and arguing any more.

My youngest granddaughter has autism, and it was the meds for anxiety that helped
her cope without being so angry and oppositional.

sarahsweets
12-13-16, 03:43 AM
Hi There
I am a new parent to these forums and have an almost 5 year old son who I suspect has ADHD. He has already been diagnosed with ODD and the psychologist said he is emotionally lagging in development hence why we are having so many issues. My husband and I in our guts believe there is definitely something more wrong, whether he is ADHD, anxiety/depression etc and are at breaking point with his behaviour, it's out of control.
I am a savvy parent and completely understand what normal 4yr olds can be like and quite frankly got so sick of people saying he is a normal child. But the problems we are having now people are finally agreeing it's not right. I have always been very in tune with him too.
He has always been like it too, it's not something new. Here are some of the issues we are having and would like your opinions on:
- as a baby he was very difficult to get to sleep, he would wake after 40mins and could take 3 hrs to get back to sleep.
- he went through separation anxiety at bedtime at all different developmental stages and would cry leaving him at daycare until he turned 4. But as he got older it was quite distressing as he wouldn't just cry, it was screaming, hanging on the fence, throwing things, running around
- getting him out of the car or in the car going to daycare at certain stages he would scream and scream, hit me and go crazy.
- he is ridiculously stubborn to the point where many daycare teachers have said he is the most stubborn child they have dealt with.
- our biggest problem is if he doesn't get his own way he is like a ticking time bomb and explodes! We walk on egg shells. His tantrums are out of control and you can see he can't help it. He gets so nasty, swears at us, throws things at walls/windows, tries to destroy toys, tries everything to get a reaction out of us like hitting his sister. He has broken toilet lids by jumping on them, ripped the toilet roll holder off the wall. Lately I have had to pick him up from preschool because he has gone on a rampage destroying things when they have said no to something.
- he doesn't deal with change well and he was fine at preschool until we removed him from daycare and put him in preschool full time.
- he is very intelligent and developmentally advanced when it came to talking walking etc early
- he talks so much it does our head in and tell him to just be quiet for 1 min and he can't. He constantly interrupts us having a conversation. He has a hard time waiting in line and often pushes in. When he is with just one adult he is quite well behaved but as soon as you put another adult into the picture he starts craving the attention, interrupting etc. we can't have any proper conversations until he goes to bed
- he is a routine kid and it's a nightmare at bedtime. He makes every excuse but is also figgetity, rolling around, hanging off the top bunk
- none of the normal discipline techniques have worked, even preschool have tried them all and it doesn't work. Our current technique is a time out and he can't even complete a one minute time out some days and it normally takes 20-30mins to get him to complete one minute!
- when he isn't tantruming he is a beautiful, loving child and a pleasure to be around. He just snaps and can't control it and shows remorse afterwards.
- he doesn't listen and it's his way or the highway sometimes. He can be quite hypo too

He comes from a very loving home, who believe in discipline, my husband and I never fight and are on the same page, so there is no stress family wise.

Sorry it's a long post and I could go on forever. But I would really like to know thoughts from other parents to see if these are similar traits your children have.
Thanks
Read this.Its my story and see if you relate.

http://www.addforums.com/forums/showthread.php?t=145739