View Full Version : Spouse says no to me taking vyvanse


Foginmyhead
12-08-16, 04:58 PM
First time posting...just need to get this off my chest.

I'll try to keep a long story short. My son has ADHD and was put on vyvanse. I also have ADHD and all the typical struggle. I used to take adderal, but stopped because of the cracked out feeling years ago. Last year I had to work nights for a while and decided to use a very small amount of my sons vyvanse...wife did not know. I was afraid because I am very prone to panic attacks, but it was great and helped with anxiety even. I kept taking it without her knowing for a year and things were great...until she found out. Big fight about hiding it. By this time I had my own prescription. 40mg and then to 50.

Well I started taking too much. Dumb. On top of that I was drinking at night, which isn't new, but was no good with too much vyvanse use. Told my wife I would stop the vyvanse. I did for a few days, but started again without telling her...again. I just got a new prescription and told her I would only ever take it for work and not on weekends and told her she could keep the bottle since she doesn't trust me now and rightly so. She wasn't having it and told me if I picked up my prescription she would divorce me. Meanwhile I'm messing up at work and feel like the same ol under performing ADHD person. I really did just want it to help at work, but looks like I messed that up. Meanwhile she is getting my son back on his meds after underperforming in school. Comments/advice??

Pilgrim
12-08-16, 06:04 PM
There is definitely a regime/ routine you have to follow regarding taking these medications. I would not drink any alcohol on these medications.
I wonder what your wife's problem with these medications is; problem the psyodynamic qualities. (Changes in personality)

She may see the differences in your son and interpose them on you.

You cannot really compare a kid at school and an adult going to work as the same animal.

I wouldn't lie to her about it. It can be very hard people wrapping their mind around how these medications work and why they are indispensable.

It was my work troubles that nailed my opinion regarding the moral aspects of medication, I'm just so much more effective, but the other reason I don't do dumb stuff.

Foginmyhead
12-08-16, 06:41 PM
Thanks for the reply. I really wanted to do this the right way this time, but she's not having it and thinks it's just an excuse to get another refill and continue "my addiction". Yes, I probably made it look that way with not using it correctly, but I don't think she understands how much it actually helps. When she thought I wasn't taking it, she commented on how much better I have been (thinking I was better because I "wasn't" taking it. No, just that I wasn't taking more than prescribed at that point. I think its something she's found to blame for anything she gets mad at me about, but she is happier when I take it as I'm supposed to, but I think only when she thinks I'm not on it. Now, if I take it, she'll divorce me, but I'm already doing worse at work. I messed up by not telling her and now my career will suffer if I don't, but I get to keep my wife and kids. Not a hard decision to choose, but I guess I'm most upset that I hid it in the first place, then abused it and now I can't take it. Classic ADHD move. I just wish I could get her to understand that I won't abuse it and that it truly has helped my career. I'm up for a promotion to Vice President and feel like I've put that all in jeopardy and will be resentful towards her if I keep messing up at work and miss my opportunity. Sorry for ranting, just needed to say it to someone. Comments and advice welcome.

Lunacie
12-08-16, 08:13 PM
There is definitely a regime/ routine you have to follow regarding taking these medications. I would not drink any alcohol on these medications.
I wonder what your wife's problem with these medications is; problem the psyodynamic qualities. (Changes in personality)

She may see the differences in your son and interpose them on you.

You cannot really compare a kid at school and an adult going to work as the same animal.

I wouldn't lie to her about it. It can be very hard people wrapping their mind around how these medications work and why they are indispensable.

It was my work troubles that nailed my opinion regarding the moral aspects of medication, I'm just so much more effective, but the other reason I don't do dumb stuff.

Maybe she was upset because he was taking meds that weren't prescribed for him?

I don't know if the son was supposed to be taking them at the time and why she
didn't wonder why he ran out too soon?

But if she's okay with the son taking the meds and thinks they help, she needs
to go to the doctor with the OP and talk about him needing the meds.

He wouldn't be the first to abuse them and need to have someone else dole them out.

Foginmyhead
12-09-16, 01:26 PM
I initially took very small amounts from my sons rx, so it was not noticeable. She does not approve of me taking because I was not myself when taking too much. On top of that I was drinking too much. However, now that I really want to take it as prescribed, she won't believe me and will divorce me if I touch ANY stimulant medication. Guess I'm just stuck being ADHD and I hate the way I feel after having the fog lifted for over a year, but now back to old unproductive, impulsive, bored, agitated self. Is there anything that will help that isn't a stimulant?? I tried straterra before and I was a zombie on it. Any suggestions?

ginniebean
12-09-16, 01:37 PM
I don't have words for how unacceptable what's going on is. You were not over dosing, but taking a prescribed dosage level, this does not speak to any abuse.

You had side effects mostly having difficulty sleeping or being on edge when your meds peter out in the evening, that can be treated as well.

You're a grown man with an actual medical condition, withholding treatment is a form of abuse.

So many people who don't have adhd but have people with adhd in their lives know so little about adhd and how it affects you. You tend to have more side effects if you stop taking meds for brief periods and then go back on. Your body can't adapt well over such short periods, it's best to take them as prescribed not as you 'think you need them".

It's your life, you're the one who suffers the consequences of not being treated. Get your dosage corrected, get meds to deal with the side effects (and very common ones at that) and feel good that you're taking care of yourself.

Don't be bullied, stand up for yourself, it is NOT OK, to be called an addict when you're getting treatment for a legitimate condition and you are NOT abusing your own medication.

It was kinda crappy of you to take the kids meds when your child needed them for himself.

Your wife is being uneducated and unreasonable. Stand up for yourself and demand she learn more about ADULT ADHD.


Grrrrr sorry

Luvmybully
12-09-16, 02:40 PM
I had to wait for my jaw to lift off the keyboard before I could even type.

You are a grown man that sought medical treatment for your health condition, and your wife will divorce you if you follow that treatment?

You need her permission to treat your adhd? I am just flabbergasted. Wow.

How is this acceptable to you?

Foginmyhead
12-09-16, 04:13 PM
Always more to the story...Let me clarify by saying I was taking more than I was supposed to take and hiding my new prescriptions from her. I told her I would stop taking it because I was taking too much. I was taking some in the morning, mid afternoon and evening and running out early. When she found that I was hiding the prescriptions, she licked both men and my sons in a fire safe box. I told her I would stop taking it and she thought locking it up was the end of it. When I ran out, I picked the lock and ended up draining both bottles over time. I got another prescription with the intention of replacing the missing ones, but ended up taking them and then got another prescription. That's when she finally opened the box to start my son on his meds and saw they were all empty capsules. Clearly, it looks like I'm a meth head searching for the last bit of meds. I told her I felt addicted to them and I did feel that way and felt bad about the lying me hiding. I told her I would tell the doc not to prescribe them so I couldn't take more than I was supposed to. I did go to the doc and did tell the doc I had abused it, but didn't tell her the extent of it or that I continued to drink at night. I walked away with another prescription and told her I want to do it right and even let her keep the bottle. She said no. No trust anymore. Part of me thinks maybe I should stay away from them, but then the ADHD comes back and I wish I had them again. The percription is ready to pick up, but I know if I get it, she will leave with my kids. We've been married for 16 years and I've always struggled with alcohol, hiding inappropriate internet use now this. I've told her I would stop all those things multiple times, but always went back to it so she just does not trust me at all anymore. She does not see this as a medical treatment as I went years without it. She sees it as another thing to hide from her (which she thinks excites me or something). I've tried to explain that it truly does help with work and she loved being around me when she thought I was off of it, but of course I was lying/hiding it. The truth is I can function without it, but I function so much better (when I take the right dose). Am I just making an excuse to get it? I do love my wife very very much and I'm not about to throw away my family over all this, but I am so unmotivated, foggy and I know how to fix it very easily. I know she just wants the best for me and me acting like an addict trying to get my hands on "my next fix" certainly did not help especially considering the hiding and lying about other things in the past. It's like admitting I know it was wrong, but I really just didn't want to worry her or for it to get to the point of not being able to take it. I accomplished both and now in in ADHD town with no way to get out. Maybe she will change her mind after I can show her that I don't "need" it. I don't know, but is there anything that can help that isn't a stimulant...anything?

Foginmyhead
12-09-16, 09:42 PM
I tried once again to defend me using vyvanse and it all came back to me hiding it...an addict. I give up!

Fuzzy12
12-09-16, 11:20 PM
Would it help for your wife to speak yo your psychiatrist?

Also sorry if you r airway said but do you have any mechanisms I'm olave to stop you from taking more tgsn prescribed if you are still doing this?

aeon
12-09-16, 11:54 PM
Bad things happen when you surrender your autonomy.

In so doing, you teach a partner that you have no boundaries, or that it is acceptable to you when they willfully violate those boundaries.

Then in turn, they learn not to respect you because you have modeled non-self-respect for them.

And most human beings donít relinquish power once they have it.

Own that which is yours, including your transgressions, and then choose to act in a manner that does not transgress, either self or other, and own that.

If someone is not willing to respect you as a person, why would you want to continue to be around them?

Put your own health and well-being first. If that is judged and deemed unacceptable, know that you are only married in the legal sense,
because the truth of the situation comes down to this...you are a slave by your choice of abasement.


Namaste,
Ian

Luvmybully
12-10-16, 12:36 AM
I am not trying to attack your wife, I have been with my husband for 35 years, I completely understand the NEED for partnership and compromise.

But she HAS TO, and YOU have to, view your adhd as something that needs treatment.

namazu
12-10-16, 01:13 AM
Personally, I think it would be a bad idea to fill that prescription right now -- not because of your wife, but because you don't have a plan in place to manage your addictive tendencies.

You could start by opening up to your psychiatrist about the extent and pervasiveness of your medication abuse. Work with the doc to figure out how you are going to limit your drug use without you wife having to be the "enforcer" -- controlled-dispensing bottle? other strategies?

You may also want to consider non-CII medications (like Strattera, Wellbutrin, Intuniv, or Kapvay). While sitmulants are generally considered first-line treatments for ADHD, and on average, they reduce the risk of drug abuse in people with ADHD, they may not be the best choice for someone with a personal history of recurrent stimulant abuse.

It might also be valuable to look into addiction treatment programs that may help you find healthy stimulation and coping strategies that don't involve overusing stimulants and/or getting drunk.

I agree with everyone else that it's important for your wife to recognize the importance of ADHD treatment (including medication). However, it sounds to me as though she does recognize the value of medication, but is concerned about how you behave when you're abusing substances, breaking into your son's meds and sneaking around, etc., and doesn't trust you not to relapse. I don't think she's wrong to be gravely concerned about that -- and reading between the lines, it sounds as though you're actually pretty concerned, too.

Get help for the addictive behaviors as priority #1 (from people who understand the legitimate treatment needs of people with ADHD; start with your doctor), look into non-stimulant meds in the meantime, and work on rebuilding trust with your wife -- which may involve counseling for both of you.

You can get out of this hole -- it will take work, and commitment, and support from your family and medical team -- but it is possible.

Best wishes.

Pilgrim
12-10-16, 10:22 AM
Good advice above. It's not been an issue that I have had to defend medication to anyone. My parents don't agree but I don't care.
I guess my partner would have to get with the program, that's it.
Your dr is key, they should be able to get you to a place where your comfortable. Can't stress this enough.l

salleh
12-10-16, 12:27 PM
.....I notice that you have only a few posts....which tells me that you came here searching for answers to your problem .....you don't know how lucky you are to have found this site and chose to ask us ( meaning our community ) .....when you pose a question like this to us .....you are asking one of the best informed, best educated in ADHD and its' treatment, and a whole slew of people who might have had your problem.....none of us have an ax to grind .....and this is a honest and plain spoken group ....not given to sugar coating answers.....we are blunt but not mean ...

....ADHD/ADD is a 24/7 365 days a year problem for all of us who are here, most being people who have it, or people who are married to someone who does .....I might aadd here that you should ask her to check out the sub-forum on people who are involved with people with ADD .......there might very well be answers there to ease her mind ......

.....ADHD is a serious mental deterrent to life, it makes da** near everything more difficult than for NTers ( Neuro-typicals) and impairs us in many of the areas we live with ....whether school, home, work, family....you have been diagnosed....and treated by a doctor .....and you are married, with a wife who doesn't want to to use the first line treatment for ADD .....and you are stuck in the middle ....

......I understand her trepidation about you using the prescribed meds ....but the fact remains .....you have ADD, and there is no cure, there is only treatment ....and it is for the rest of your life .....these are the basic facts and you really need to own them ....if you want to find any satisfaction and joy out of life .....you yourself said how much better you do when you take the prescribed amount of your meds .....

......if you want your marriage to be worth anything at all ....she must realize that you have a right to be treated for your ADD, as much as your son does .....she has no right to stand in your way to take care of yourself .....mental health is as important as physical health ....one or another you have the responsibility to yourself and your marriage to get that through to her .....if she fails to understand that ....you can try and try again...but at some point you have to take care of yourself whatever that entails .....and my friends have given you several ideas about how to get through to her ..... A point that I want to emphasize is that you have to be a clear and honest as you can possibly be about what you need for yourself ....and to realize that you have to take control of following the medication label exactly ...no fudging ....

.....Something that you might not realize is that when you're on the correct medication, at the correct dosage, you will find yourself taking care of business, and the more you do that, the better you feel about yourself .....and the more you will want to follow the correct medication path .....it's an upgoing cycle.....and it happens just like a downward cycle does ...only it's one you want to go through .....you win, your boss wins, your wife and son win .....

.....But the folks here have also made clear that you are entitled to get treatment, and that she has no right to deny you that ....I concur .....it does not bode well when she is not even trying to work with you on this .....


....You have your work cut out for you ....but don't give up on yourself, you are worth working for ....and you have a son ....your good example in handling your own ADHD is priceless for his healthy developement in dealing with his .....if you give up ....what on earth does that tell him about his ? .....and don't for a minute think that he doesn't notice what's going on with you ...kids these days are so much more aware than my generation were ....

.....I wouldn't wish ADHD on anyone ( except my ex, and maybe then he'd understand what I go through) ..... it is a constant struggle to get through what NTers just deal with without thinking about it ....but you are already ahead of many ....don't let this setback stall you out ....I've got 66 years behind me now, and I can tell you ....don't waste time ....this is a biggie in your life ....deal with it ...it isn't going to go away if you ignore it ...


.....and good luck ....

jkimbo
12-11-16, 03:29 PM
Either there is more to this story then we have here (no offense intended) or your wife's opinion is based on observation you may not have caught yet, or she could like so many have said, being unreasonable.

I get called a addict every time we get in a fight, and my meds suddenly become "drugs" not meds when we fight. So there is some common denominator here at work lol. But that's during fights when we both say things we really don't mean. My wife doesn't really think I'm an addict or my meds are drugs, but when we fight we lash out at each other. You know how that goes I'm sure.

I'm new to this forum but not new to forums and one thing I have learned is to remember your only getting one side of the story. Your wife is not here to represent herself or her reasons.

I do agree with your wife on one point, you should not have taken your son's vyvanse. Not hard to make a doc appt and discuss your dosage. But class 2 meds are treated even more carefully. If you run out early, oh well, you still have to wait. You lose your meds, well good luck convincing your pdoc!

All that said, I do wish you and yours the best of luck!

nerco222
12-12-16, 10:19 AM
I am facing a similar scenario with my wife.

Your wife has every right to be upset. Vyvanse does make you a different person. If you have anxiety related problems, Vyvanse certainly does not make it better. Your wife married you, not you coked up on Vyvanse. Taking the medicine illegally from your sons prescription is alarming, it certainly is not damning. I dont think you did any wrong doing. But from your wifes perspective, she needs to treat the situation seriously. It is a powerful drug that changes you in many ways. You are new to the drug, and it will give you a euphoric ambitious feeling THAT WILL NOT LAST. Do not sacrifice your family, relationship with your wife, or other big things in your life over this feeling because it will not be there in a year.

My advice to you is, bring your wife to a doctors appoint, a new doctor, to evaluate you. Go through the screening process again with your wife. Be as open as you can be with the doctor. Have the doctor talk to your wife. Do not give up your relationship for this drug, it is not worth it.

sarahsweets
12-13-16, 02:44 AM
Im conflicted on this whole thing.
First- taking your sons medication a big no-no and abusing your own medication a big no-no-. But it does sound like you are trying to get your adhd under control. It sounds like you are allowing your wife too much say in how you treat your own adhd. ARe you a monster when taking it as prescribed? Is the family in total chaos because of it?
Would trying a different stimulant like adderall make a difference?
She should be supporting your treatment,not controling it. You shouldnt have to make promises about not refiling a script and then hide it.

How educated is she on adhd in adults.
I can also see the addict-like behavior in some of this too. If it keeps going in that direction then you will be in a world of hurt.

zBottom line-
You deserve proper medically supervised treatment and as long as there is no pain or hurt being caused to your family, then I believe its is only you that needs to be involved with your doctor and treatment plan.

Little Nut
12-13-16, 07:40 PM
I am a glass house boy myself, but with different recreational aids, so no stone tossing here, just being brief for clarity.

Let me summarize my understanding:

Your son has ADHD. He was/is prescribed Vyvanse.
You are an amphetamine junkie and likely a juicer.
You lied to or intentionally mislead your wife for the past year about your excessive amphetamine use.
Your continued abuse of amphetamines will cost you your marriage.
You may have ADHD.
Your hope is to continue using, but at a controlled level, and not lose your wife and family.


Here is my honest opinion.

Outside of divine intervention, continued amphetamine use at a controlled level is not an option for you. If it was you would have done it already.
Hopefully your first priority is to keep your wife and family.
So tell your wife you will do whatever is needed to save your marriage and make her part of the solution. Also give her every pill you have on-hand.
The issue is how to kick the amphetamine addiction with amphetamine pills in your son's medicine cabinet. This may not be possible.
You may need rehab counselling.
After you have been off of the pills and booze for 6 months or a year, you can figure out how to treat your ADHD that doesn't involve stimulants.


I sincerely wish you the best and good luck with this. -LN

Little Missy
12-13-16, 07:59 PM
Felony. :eek:

jkimbo
12-13-16, 10:36 PM
Well what you did was wrong, and I'm sure you know it. We all make mistakes and hopefully learn from them :)

Just be honest with your wife, assure her it was not for recreational purposes. Hopefully she will believe you.

I do wish you the best of luck!

Foginmyhead
12-15-16, 11:31 AM
Thanks to everyone for your comments and suggestions! Well, it's been two weeks since I stopped taking vyvanse. Since then, I have missed an executive meeting and got my hand slapped at work, got into two fights with my wife and almost didn't come into the office today and would have missed a end of year lunch/celebration. Luckily it was a lunch and not a breakfast! Last thing I heard from my wife this morning was that she is so sick of my irresponsible behavior. I will be off work for the next week and a half, at home with my family. I think I should start my medication again...things have been awful since stopping them. I wonder if this is what I was like before?? I can't remember ironically. If I tell my wife I picked it up, I could be in for a fun holiday vacation. If I don't and she finds out...I don't even know. I don't think she realizes I'm better on them because she just sees them as evil or "drugs". I could use some advice!

sarahsweets
12-15-16, 04:58 PM
A few other things I thought of with time and reflection.
Everything else aside- marriage, your wife's support, treatment...
This is an addiction or at least an abusive relationship with medication. THE only way to overcome that is to eliminate the substance. Maybe not amphetamines all together but certainly the vyvanse. How can you expect her to even think about adhd rationally when there has been so much dishonesty with things? I am not trying to hammer you, I am an alcoholic and I know well and first hand how much work, time, planning and thought it takes to deal with the offending substance. All of that energy pulls you away from everything. Work, family, marriage. The art of being deceptive becomes a full time job. You need to be honest- and willing to stop. Plain and simple. Working on the marriage is a great thing, but under the influence of a drug that you cant control yourself with, its wasted time. Once you get the obession of the mind away from the drug, then you will have enough time to work on the marriage. If she is making demands of you then you have the right to have some on her. Like- believing in adhd, learning about it and owning her own enabling behavior.

Little Missy
12-15-16, 05:04 PM
You already know the answer.

jkimbo
12-15-16, 05:22 PM
Well I'm all for honesty with pdocs because they are professionals and can keep a open mind too. Spouses (male or female) another story. It's not always a good idea to be 100% honest. I know sounds like bad advice, but I been around the block a few times I'm 61, sometimes you have to do what you have to do. And if the truth may cause more damage or harm then good, well, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure that one out. Again, good luck!

peripatetic
12-15-16, 06:04 PM
Thanks to everyone for your comments and suggestions! Well, it's been two weeks since I stopped taking vyvanse. Since then, I have missed an executive meeting and got my hand slapped at work, got into two fights with my wife and almost didn't come into the office today and would have missed a end of year lunch/celebration. Luckily it was a lunch and not a breakfast! Last thing I heard from my wife this morning was that she is so sick of my irresponsible behavior. I will be off work for the next week and a half, at home with my family. I think I should start my medication again...things have been awful since stopping them. I wonder if this is what I was like before?? I can't remember ironically. If I tell my wife I picked it up, I could be in for a fun holiday vacation. If I don't and she finds out...I don't even know. I don't think she realizes I'm better on them because she just sees them as evil or "drugs". I could use some advice!

so...a member who hasn't been online in ages used to be online consistently and she was a former meth addict. the only way she could take her prescription as prescribed was to entrust another to give her her capsules/pills each day.

maybe your wife would be on board if that were the case?

that's the only thing i can think of. and, there are studies, i believe that show proper treatment leads to less trouble with addiction. the key word there is "proper" and if you're abusing your meds...that's not hitting the mark.

here's the thing: i would abso****inglutely NEVER be on board with another person dispensing my medication. mostly because i have the opposite problem of deciding to discontinue my meds and i view that as a major boundary i have...my meds=my ******* business. full stop.

that said, you've messed up. google scholar is your friend. find articles/information...have her go with you to a psych appointment. create a plan for how this will work. if you're committed to the marriage, then you've had a breach of trust. that's not going to go away if you continue to aggravate what caused that breach of trust. she needs to be educated and informed and on board if you're going to be successful, from the sound of it.

show her that it's not "drugs" if used properly. admit that you ****** up. stop sneaking behind her back. i assume she's intelligent and could grasp the concept of medications being used for all sorts of ailments, including mental health challenges. explain, or have your psychiatrist explain, that this is like taking a hormone pill if your body doesn't make the hormone naturally because of a deficiency. but be prepared to turn over your meds if you really want her on board and have her dole them out to you.

again, i would not agree to doing that myself...but you've gotten yourself into a mess and that's one way i can see to starting to dig yourself out of it.

good luck. x

Dachshund
12-15-16, 07:28 PM
I don't think she realizes I'm better on them because she just sees them as evil or "drugs".

Honestly, I think this is the issue right here.

Your wife isn't disapproving of the medication. Your son is/was on it, correct? And, for him, the Vyvanse isn't evil or bad? But for you it is?

You have, at the very least, an unhealthy relationship with medication going on, if not outright abuse. How can your wife see that you're "better" on meds if you're lying, stealing, and manipulating when taking them? Your wife probably doesn't see the medication as evil or drugs so much as she sees your lying to get and use medication as evil.

Not only that, you're stealing from your son. Think about how you feel without the medication. Now think about the fact that you were depriving your son of his meds and he would feel the same way that you feel. His school would suffer. His relationships would suffer. And he would have no idea why! What if his dose got changed because it "wasn't working"? Even in small amounts, you're taking from him for your own benefit.

You admit to drinking too much and stealing medication. You need to face those consequences. If that means your work/career will suffer to some degree...well, so be it. You need to get your ducks in a row right now and need to prioritize what is important. You need to be honest to your wife, your doctor, and yourself. After that, you can consider medication again.

jkimbo
12-15-16, 08:06 PM
Honestly, I think this is the issue right here.

Your wife isn't disapproving of the medication. Your son is/was on it, correct? And, for him, the Vyvanse isn't evil or bad? But for you it is? ...

Good catch and point!

aeon
12-15-16, 08:20 PM
Not only that, you're stealing from your son.

Exactly.

Regardless of what any given person feels about these things, youíve gone against the cultural norm of a man being a provider, and become a depriver.

In addition, youíve violated the sanctity of the relationship between mother and child, and that relationship is, quite simply, inviolable.

I can imagine how one might address the first part.

The second? Iím not sure there is ever any coming back from that.


Well-Wishes,
Ian

Little Missy
12-15-16, 09:55 PM
AND it is a felony stealing someone else's prescription medication. Your own son. Who does that?

I've notice you have a way of posting that makes your wife the source of your problems, yet you cause the problems yourself.

sarahsweets
12-16-16, 04:31 AM
Well what you did was wrong, and I'm sure you know it. We all make mistakes and hopefully learn from them :)

Just be honest with your wife, assure her it was not for recreational purposes. Hopefully she will believe you.

I do wish you the best of luck!

Where do you draw the line between sneaking around and obtaining meds for legit reasons and sneaking around and obtaining meds for recreational reasons?

sarahsweets
12-16-16, 04:35 AM
Well I'm all for honesty with pdocs because they are professionals and can keep a open mind too. Spouses (male or female) another story. It's not always a good idea to be 100% honest. I know sounds like bad advice, but I been around the block a few times I'm 61, sometimes you have to do what you have to do. And if the truth may cause more damage or harm then good, well, you don't have to be a rocket scientist to figure that one out. Again, good luck!
No offense but this is ridiculous. You cant have true intimacy if you arent honest and you hide stuff from your significant other. I dont know if I would say I have been around the block a few times at age 41, but I have been married for 21 years and there is no way hubby and I would have made it we werent honest. Thats why my alcoholism was so damaging to my marriage, all the sneaking an plotting took over. Honesty set me free.
The truth might cause damage but repairing the damage can bring a whole level of committment to a relationship that otherwise woudnt occur.

jkimbo
12-16-16, 03:50 PM
No offense but this is ridiculous. You cant have true intimacy if you arent honest and you hide stuff from your significant other. I dont know if I would say I have been around the block a few times at age 41, but I have been married for 21 years and there is no way hubby and I would have made it we werent honest. Thats why my alcoholism was so damaging to my marriage, all the sneaking an plotting took over. Honesty set me free.
The truth might cause damage but repairing the damage can bring a whole level of committment to a relationship that otherwise woudnt occur.

Yours is always not the case. I'm 61 not that it matters, married twice. Have many friends married 2 or 3 times some even more. Things are not always perfect. I try to look at the big picture and not just my yard :)

jkimbo
12-16-16, 03:51 PM
Where do you draw the line between sneaking around and obtaining meds for legit reasons and sneaking around and obtaining meds for recreational reasons?

When I said that I missed some points that later came to light. I did not believe at that time he was doing it for recreational purposes, however if you follow the thread you will notice it evolves and certain points do come to light where I would no longer hold that view. I think he was using for recreational after those points came to light.

aeon
12-16-16, 04:16 PM
It's not always a good idea to be 100% honest. I know sounds like bad advice, but I been around the block a few times I'm 61, sometimes you have to do what you have to do.

How very Machiavellian of you. ;)


Wink,
Ian

jkimbo
12-16-16, 04:24 PM
How very Machiavellian of you. ;)


Wink,
Ian

goes for men and women :)

sarahsweets
12-17-16, 06:11 AM
Yours is always not the case. I'm 61 not that it matters, married twice. Have many friends married 2 or 3 times some even more. Things are not always perfect. I try to look at the big picture and not just my yard :)

Me too, but I just cant see how not being honest would be helpful in a marriage since intimacy goes beyond the physical and it truly about the mental subtext of a relationship.

Little Nut
12-17-16, 11:31 AM
http://www.sherv.net/cm/emoticons/eating/eating-popcorn-smiley-emoticon-1.gif (http://www.sherv.net/)

jkimbo
12-17-16, 12:49 PM
Me too, but I just cant see how not being honest would be helpful in a marriage since intimacy goes beyond the physical and it truly about the mental subtext of a relationship.

its kind of like when your wife buys a new dress and she asks how she looks in it, and you really think its horrible, but you say she looks great! Don't get me wrong, I agree with you 100% on serious matters! But at the time I felt the OP was being truthful and was not abusing but his wife was being difficult. I felt his well being should come first. I think in the greater realm of ideology we agree, but perhaps not on every aspect. Hey I think you give GREAT advice! I enjoy reading your replies. I was trying to address it from another angle and perhaps I did not do the greatest job explaining it but I still stick to my story :)

related topic to our discussion: in my first marriage I was young and stupid. But my father in law was just great to me treated me like a son. We had so many heart to heart talks, God I miss him. Anyways he taught me that a man can not always win a argument, in fact rarely do we win. Sometimes the only way we win is to let them think they won ;)