View Full Version : lonely in this relationship with an adhd boyfriend :(


marygates
12-09-16, 02:03 PM
My bf which is 37 years old has mild ADHD not medicated as far As I know, he is so messy, but also sometimes I feel like I am not in a relationship, I feel like if he did not want me, lonely,it makes me feel insecure,, he is always so focus on studying studying, I understand his career is very demanding, and you have to study a lot but its something I have not talked seriously with him.I feel it takes a toll on me.


Its hard to speak with him and get him to open up about his feelings, but he is childish, or makes a funny comment,I want him so much, but I don't know how to deal with this, any similar story, or advice will help so much!

ginniebean
12-09-16, 03:30 PM
You can't help him other than to get him to go get rediagnosed and treatment.

proraptor
12-12-16, 12:24 PM
My wife feels the same way about me.....It really is a hard situation. All I can say is your husband literally cant help his actions without the correct treatment. Look into "I" statements and try to use those with him to get him into treatment.

sarahsweets
12-13-16, 02:26 AM
Medication could be a good first step.

daveddd
12-13-16, 10:02 PM
My bf which is 37 years old has mild ADHD not medicated as far As I know, he is so messy, but also sometimes I feel like I am not in a relationship, I feel like if he did not want me, lonely,it makes me feel insecure,, he is always so focus on studying studying, I understand his career is very demanding, and you have to study a lot but its something I have not talked seriously with him.I feel it takes a toll on me.


Its hard to speak with him and get him to open up about his feelings, but he is childish, or makes a funny comment,I want him so much, but I don't know how to deal with this, any similar story, or advice will help so much!

sometimes for some people with ADHD , im an example, its difficult for some reason to put our feelings into word and uncomfortable to talk about

I cant really tell you how to change this

one small piece of advice (that may be completely irrelevant to him), is to start trying to look for behavioral manifestations of his feelings, see if you can reciprocate that way (gestures , actions, hugs, pacing, )

give space , keep emotional speak very short and little bits at a time, or it may overwhelm him quickly and shut him down more.... to start at least


i know its difficult to and easy to think there is something wrong with him, you, or the relationship (i cant tell you there isnt), but it may just be the way he is

good luck , i hope things work out

sarahsweets
12-17-16, 06:00 AM
You have right to have your needs met.