View Full Version : Scared and Lonely


cwf1986
12-11-16, 11:29 AM
I'm a guy that turned 30 recently and the fact that I still make close to min. wage, live with my Mom, owe 50,000 dollars and still have never had a girlfriend.

It just runs through my head on nights and off days and I feel like I'm verge of a panic attack while experiencing intense despair.

I'm terrified. I don't wanna die knowing I never made anything of myself. I don't want to die alone. I don't wanna die never having held a lover's hand. It overwhelms me. I have no one to talk to I trust enough. My situation isn't getting better. Time just keeps marching on without any sort of forward motion.

Help....

midnightstar
12-11-16, 12:03 PM
So sorry to read of your struggles cwf1986 :grouphug:

If meeting someone is important to you, do you have any offline hobbies? What do you enjoy doing? You can maybe see if you meet anyone during something you enjoy doing? Would that be an option? :grouphug:

And as for finance, you could make a list of what you have coming in and what you have going out and work out what you can afford to pay to clear the debt? :grouphug:

I know 50,000 dollars is a lot (not sure what it is in though - I'm in the UK but it sounds a lot)

Do you have anyone who could help you repay the debt? What's the debt for? If you're comfortable saying on the forum :grouphug:

cwf1986
12-11-16, 12:12 PM
School debt. I have a bs and ms in environmental science which has turned out to be all but useless and wasted 5000 dollars and a year of my life on a graduate certificate in geographic information systems hoping to make my degrees more marketable.

I am looking into getting a teaching certificate for high school or middle school... still haven't done the paperwork to get started... just can't seem to get any momentum.

I've been awake for the past two nights with just about 3 hours of resting with my eyes closed... I just can't shake it this time and just keep plugging on, it just keeps cycling in my head.

No friends in my life... work acquaintances and people I talk to at the gym but no close friends. Haven't since May 2012 when I graduated with my Masters.

john2100
12-11-16, 01:24 PM
I think finding a good friend will help you much more at this time ,then finding a girlfriend.
That would be a more logical progression I think .
A good friend would help you feel as normal as possible and that should help you to move on to the next stage in your life.

You say you don't trust people and don't have many friends, but you seem to be a social guy, if you went to college longer then it was necessary, you go to gym as well,you want to teach. But what do you have to lose if you start trusting someone? You sound like you are in a desperate situation. What is the worst that could happen if you start to trust someone and they turn out to be...... But what is the best outcome?

You have nothing to lose now. I think that almost everybody who ever was desperate like you , can attest that and the end it was probably a family or a good friend that saved them and helped them,but drugs help to , to get you to the mental state to make it easier to make friends.

You would need a positive friend too. A negative person will be as bad as no friend at all.
Having a friend around that you trust helps to manage also ADHD symptoms better , depression and anxiety.

You can share more if you like , you will get more opinions from others too,but it is important to try to act on the advice one step at a time in a logical progression.

If you have depression ,,,you have to get that under control first, then friend, job, girlfriend etc.

ginniebean
12-11-16, 01:34 PM
You won't make headway on any of this without getting some therapy. Yes it costs money but without it you continue on the path you've always been on. You can't find your way out, you need to get help and a message board, we're here to cheer you on and I can assure you we will. You desperately need some therapy, and I sincerely hope you put ALL of your efforts into getting it.

jkimbo
12-11-16, 06:30 PM
your only 30 years old. I know that may seem old to you but trust me so much could happen in the next 4 to 6 years! Cut yourself some slack, also there is no reason to be lonely. When I realized that everyone has problems and worries about what they look like and say, I didn't care as much. I went out. Yes I made a complete fool of myself, but so did everyone else. It's ok! But I do realize we are all different. If you walk away with any thing from my post be assured, we all take smelly loads, say stupid stuff, worry about what others think, feel we are losers, get shy, scared, do stupid stuff, say stupid stuff, you need to remind yourself this, there are other people around you wondering what you think of them. Bottom line, **** it! Just be yourself and roll with it! Life is short.

cwf1986
12-13-16, 04:08 AM
You won't make headway on any of this without getting some therapy. Yes it costs money but without it you continue on the path you've always been on. You can't find your way out, you need to get help and a message board, we're here to cheer you on and I can assure you we will. You desperately need some therapy, and I sincerely hope you put ALL of your efforts into getting it.


Finally, I'm feeling a good bit better. After 3 nights no sleep and barely any food or water I finally collapsed on my couch and fell asleep for 20 hours. It felt like I couldn't get in enough air and my ribs were hurting, I kept on twitching every so often, and I couldn't stop crying. The last one was especially odd since I so rarely cry. Woke up and actually felt enough drive to eat, drink water, shower, even do laundry and have since picked up more momentum. Missed 2 days of work, but at least I had the sense to call in sick. I've worked hard for them and have been star player in that department so they might frown on it so I'm not too worried about that other than the fact I put them in a difficult spot :(

Granted, I'm still at my baseline 'feel like crap, but mostly functional'.

You're totally right. I can't do this alone and I need help and this has to be priority one. Not something on the back burner. I'm for sure in one waiting list and am looking at two other prospective counseling clinics. It does give me a glimmer of hope... I have no idea what degree of success this will give... I know I'll have to put in a lot of work, I just feel uncertain.

I actually am taking meds. They did help. Last time I got this down with these kinds of thoughts and feelings which was 2010, I made a plan and was about to acquire the tools required to implement the plan to 'exit', but police intervened because of a conversation I had with an internet buddy. But there was barely even any suicidal ideation much less a plan this go around.

Little Nut
12-13-16, 05:07 PM
Hi CWF, I'm sorry you're having to go through this. It seems you have quite a few concerns and not sure how to start approaching/addressing them. Going several days w/o sleep is also concerning.

IMVHO you should find someone whose judgement you trust (priest, rabbi, minister, PCP, your Mom...). Talk to them and ask for help sorting out what you want and figure out the first steps for you to take. If no one is available, sit down with your favorite physician, explain your situation and and ask him/her to recommend a psychaitrist and to help you make the initial appointment. Pls let me know how this goes, I am interested. HTH, -Tom

Lloyd_
01-26-17, 09:12 PM
I'm a guy that turned 30 recently and the fact that I still make close to min. wage, live with my Mom, owe 50,000 dollars and still have never had a girlfriend.

It just runs through my head on nights and off days and I feel like I'm verge of a panic attack while experiencing intense despair.

I'm terrified. I don't wanna die knowing I never made anything of myself. I don't want to die alone. I don't wanna die never having held a lover's hand. It overwhelms me. I have no one to talk to I trust enough. My situation isn't getting better. Time just keeps marching on without any sort of forward motion.

Help....

That fear is more about dying before your rite of passage into manhood and it's more to do with losing your virginity than being alone, it's been a number of years since I've been with a woman, I feel alone from time to time but relationships are not at the top of my priority list until I can get into a better financial situation and to tell you the truth I rather be alone for the rest of my life than to be in a relationship and be miserable which is something that's far worse than being alone, you might not believe me but at least you have your personal freedom and to be honest women are quite demanding and meeting to their expectations is financially and emotionally draining if you don't have your **** together unless you get involved in a co-dependent relationship which is quite disastrous especially for us ADDer types. As some of the other posters said, find a hobby, find what you love to do and as that Journey song goes love will find you! :D

sarahsweets
01-27-17, 05:09 AM
Men can be just as demanding.