View Full Version : 'I will leave you soon, if things don't change'


excel7210
12-12-16, 09:37 PM
Hi everyone,
As it turned out my partner is not having adhd as such but has a narcissistic personality disorder(NPD),a thing that is even more difficult to deal with as adhd.

What happends if you tell your spouse with npd that you will leave her/him soon if things don not change for better?

I said this to my spouse who has constantly been insulting,threatening,raging,controling,dominating ,maltreating, dominating,manipulating,not loving me etc,the list is long. She does not love me not only because she has brought the child to sleep in between us and separate us in bed since years,every other thing shows she does not love me. She just wants the outside world to thing that she is ok because she is married.
After I told her I will leave if things do not change,she immediately replied " I am ok with that that" eventhough she was telling her girlfriend the day before that I am a wonderful husband!
Since that day I said I will leave her,she stopped raging and threatening me as she used to do almost daily. But every other thing has remained unchanged probably she things she can still manipulate me to stay.
I guess I have to do something much more than this to be happy again
but what?? I am just thinking and thinking and scratching my head...
When will I be happy and free again??

jkimbo
12-12-16, 10:24 PM
Actually some narcissists are not really that bad. And some are hell lol, just like us bipolar folks. Not every one can be as easy going and understanding as you and me ;)

The thing you must remember about living or dealing with a narcissist is they really are insecure deep inside so they need reassurance too. I'm sure no matter what she tells you, she would not want you to leave, but if you did, would forget you in no time. A narcissist's best companion would be someone dependent on them, like a borderline or similar in nature (needy).

Also many narcissists have a huge problem with empathy so don't expect much. Most people in the professional field recommend you get out and never look back. If you can not be as manipulative as she is then you should find the first exist because it's no easy task living with one.

Best of luck to you!

acdc01
12-13-16, 08:03 PM
Leave and take your child with you in my opinion.

First priority is for your child who in my opinuon will undoubtedly be damaged if you don't leave.

sarahsweets
12-17-16, 06:04 AM
I said this to my spouse who has constantly been insulting,threatening,raging,controling,dominating ,maltreating, dominating,manipulating,not loving me etc,the list is long. She does not love me not only because she has brought the child to sleep in between us and separate us in bed since years,every other thing shows she does not love me. She just wants the outside world to thing that she is ok because she is married.
My concern is your resentment over having your child in bed with you and you seeing that as her way of separating you. Your child will pick up on that.


After I told her I will leave if things do not change,she immediately replied " I am ok with that that" eventhough she was telling her girlfriend the day before that I am a wonderful husband!
Since that day I said I will leave her,she stopped raging and threatening me as she used to do almost daily. But every other thing has remained unchanged probably she things she can still manipulate me to stay.
I guess I have to do something much more than this to be happy again
but what?? I am just thinking and thinking and scratching my head...
When will I be happy and free again??

You have to mean what you say. If you are prepared to leave, it really doesnt matter what she does. People that threaten to leave or else- are already half way out the door.

Fortune
12-17-16, 06:42 AM
The thing you must remember about living or dealing with a narcissist is they really are insecure deep inside so they need reassurance too. I'm sure no matter what she tells you, she would not want you to leave, but if you did, would forget you in no time. A narcissist's best companion would be someone dependent on them, like a borderline or similar in nature (needy).


It's questionable that someone with BPD would thrive in such a relationship, though. They deserve to not have abusive partners too.

jellybean824
12-20-16, 11:43 AM
NPD is extremely difficult. Typically, when you do make plans to leave, for your safety or that of your child, the person with NPD will use manipulation tactics to convince you to stay. This might look like "good behavior." People with NPD are dependent on others who are dependent on them. NPD is complex and comes from deep-seated feelings of inadequacy. If you or your child are in danger, have been emotionally & mentally abused, etc, then by all means, seek safety. You may need professional help to keep from getting sucked back into unhealthy pattern. My prayers are with you.