View Full Version : All this time, its been like sitting on a land mine.


sarahsweets
12-16-16, 05:36 AM
This is long but I beg everyone to please read.

I have wanted to share this for a long time- and also something else just happened this week that has rocked my world. I couldnt find the right subforum so I believe chit chat is the best place.

I might lose my house. I am not overreacting. The short story is, its not that I cant afford my mortgage now. Its a combination carry over from a) the collapsed economy and hubby being our of work for nearly 1.5 years and b) our company f**king up our modification by putting us on one, changing the terms, losing documents, being unreachable and mysterious escrow shortages.

The last year or so the issue has been because fear has gripped me so hard, I fell into a pit of inaction or initiation failure so great, its paralysed me.

I have a friend who works for a law firm that deals with this and she is trying to negotiate with my lender on my behalf for a modification. I have gathered info and documents, and been faxing out the as* over the last month. Monday, thanks to facebook, I learned about foreclosure prevention help through NJ's HUD so we went to that and the very next day overnighted every piece of info needed for the application.
Ironically, I have been able to find everything they needed in an organized way, dont ask me how.

I'd like to think that if the bank was going to screw me anyway, they wouldnt request more info, and additional info from me through the friend thats helping me right? I mean if the answer was No would they even bother asking,requesting or looking at anything they had me send and prepare for them?

I just cant see why they would waste my and their time.

I requested and got an adjournment for the Sherriff sale until Jan 12 which looks good on our part-having the bank see that its not literally days away and gives the company more time to review things. I wont say what company it is, but if someone wants to help me find new ways of dealing with them, read reviews of how I am one of hundreds of examples of this lender the doing the exact same thing, the exact same way, screwing with people; or to help me find out if I have a legal issue to nail them with or any advice or support at all, please send me a PM and I can be more open.

Thats my big secret. There you have it. Despite my positive and solid face, underneath I have felt such despair and hopelessness, I cant even explain how my heart aches.

The other thing is My Becca had a rough breakup with the BF a couple of months ago, and had actually been on medication for years until about 2 years ago when she wanted to stop medication. I couldnt and dont believe in forcing a 14 year old to take meds- so I let her play captain bacause that seemed to be part of her journey, and truly, she is an amazing girl. An amazing girl who still needed meds and was masking her pain to a degree that I feel like a fool for missing.

She is suicidal and God help me she had a plan. A PLAN. TO OVERDOSE. We spent all day Tuesday in the ER and she is now admitted to Foundations Behavioral Health in PA. My younger daughter was there 2 years ago and it turned her life around, she is not the same girl. It saved her so I know Becca is in the right place and I know she will be safe.
Hubby went to visit her last night and I am going today.


I cant stop blaming myself for poor genetics and the past pre-recovery from alcoholisim years. I know that I shouldnt blame myself, and I know its not all about me and not technically my fault but....I am her mom and being BPII, I identify and have been in the exact same place many times as she is now. I have been hospitalized in order to stay safe and get stable on meds too.
I have always believed with all my kids having mental health issues, thats its half genetics and the rest environment and circumstance. I dont believe these issues appear out of nowhere, I believe they are issues that require meds, therapy, behavior mods and vigilance. But like I said, I have never been the parent to force meds. My 20 year old son did the exact same thing, and has thankfully resumed an antidepressant. It just seems to be a path they take to either learn about themselves or self confirm the need for meds? IDK>


Can anyone help me? Can anyone give me hope, strength, love,support, advice or anything?

Love you guys so much, please manifest good vibes and luck for me.
Keep me in your thoughts.

XXXOOO
-Sweets.

peripatetic
12-16-16, 06:07 AM
i love you sarah. you've seen me through hell and back. how can i help?

you are an amazing mum. when i had my girl, i felt, like...now i get how sarah feels about her kids...and i feel about my kid in ways that are unfathomable in depth and sincerity and patience and i just want explore and learn and create with her and watch her develop and help her be her own little her. incroyable!

but then, i had a bad time for a couple of weeks and it ended with me needing stitches and that sucked and i've had some troubles but talked myself to freedom without a problem. but i feel like a terrible thing and i'm terrified i'm going to ruin this amazing little being i've been entrusted to raise. and i MADE her. i GREW her. i canNOT **** her up. i'm more afraid of her finding me in a bad way or just that constant exposure would make her ****** up...i don't know. and i just wanna explode into particles. such an intoxicating thought really. like a flush of wine.

anyway, i feel totally at peace when she's around and utterly slayed by these thoughts and possible ethical imperatives to spare her. and i haven't dug up my plans. but i know what you're saying that she HAD A PLAN. and IT WAS TO... that's HUGE **** to process for a child. i mean...huge.

you will get through this, mum. you will. you will get through this and you will support her through it and you will get to the other side of this. there will be trial and error and success and setback but you are the most tenacious and passionate mum and you will fight for her and early treatment is key...it's huge... and she could well be spared the revolving door or medication issues that so many of us have had. you'll know what those are and help her navigate this.

i feel like mums don't give each other enough support when it's really ******* hard to raise a child. i have one...raising three...i'm sure...joy and delight...but also...a LOT of ******* work.

you gave her life and it's going to be a life worth living even if she went through this blip, as hard as it is, it gives you the opportunity to know something's wrong. and that something has lots of treatment options and your support and psychosocial support and so forth. she won't have to be affected like many of us have been. and your experience makes that possible because you know to fight. someone without...would be so in the dark.

and not realising...think of how secretive you are when unwell. it wasn't you being oblivious or failing at your mum job...it was mental illness being a clever fiend.

your house...i'm so sorry and i hope it works out.

you are a strong and sincere woman and your accomplishments show that these challenges might be huge, but they're merely among the biggest future accomplishments-to-date in the making.

Fuzzy12
12-16-16, 09:33 AM
That's a lot to deal with and im so sorry about that.

I can't say much about t4h house. Just hope it will all work out and I can understand how scary that must be.

Just know that you will akways be my parenting hero and I've learnt a lot from you I think so please don't doubt yourself. None of us are perfect but I think there's no doubt that you are doing a really good job and that everything you do for your kids is done with love and understanding. Your dedication shines through everytime you write about them.

Much love to you and your family!!

:grouphug:

midnightstar
12-16-16, 10:16 AM
sarah I really hope you can keep your house, much love and many :grouphug:s to you, you're an amazing mum :grouphug:

Unmanagable
12-16-16, 11:28 AM
I don't have any specific answers, but I have a big heart that's sending a lot of love your way. May you find the same peace in your heart that you so readily share with others.

Rest assured that your parenting style and struggles are not to blame for the pain your children feel. Society plays a much bigger role than is even visible to the naked eye.

Thank you for being a consistent, intuitive, safe, and mighty powerful space, even amidst your own internal chaos, where your children can get back on their feet when the rest of the world takes them down. ((((Hugs))))

ginniebean
12-16-16, 12:14 PM
Sarah you have my love and support, I can't imagine how this has been tearing away at you. i sincerely hope the house thing is dealt with and your home saved.

You've done an amazing job raising your children. I have no doubt Becca will come thru and be an amazing woman like her mother. What you're going thru is heartwrenching. I am so sorry you're going thru it

Lunacie
12-16-16, 12:20 PM
Sending good vibes, good thoughts and good luck for the best outcome in all these struggles.

I totally know the feeling of being so overwhelmed that I'm paralyzed.

But now you've broken free of that and are doing the best you can to salvage it all.

I'm sure it will be tough, but you've got a wonderful loving family and if you can all
keep hanging together I believe you'll land on your feet.

:yes: :grouphug: ;) :D

DJ Bill
12-16-16, 01:28 PM
I feel for you Sarah. That's a heavy load to carry for one person.

I'm in a similar situation, with overdue back taxes...about 1/3 of my yearly pay would pay them off.

I could always give you the "this too will pass" line but I think it wouldn't help much.
Good on ya for finding all the paperwork you needed and following through on the issue.

You are still a good person, no matter what the bank does. And I have no doubt you can handle this!

Luvmybully
12-16-16, 09:46 PM
{{hugs}} Sarah. I can't even imagine the stress and anxiety about your house! I hope the foreclosure prevention comes through for you!

You are a wonderful Mother! It really is not your fault. Your kids get the help they need, when they need it.

mctavish23
12-17-16, 12:46 AM
You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Love,

Robert

Little Missy
12-17-16, 09:02 AM
Start writing letters. A LOT of them. To your congressman, the governor, your local whomevers, the president, vice president, and on and on. Put a great big one in the newspaper too.
It does not matter whom that loan was farmed out to, someone has to and will be held accountable. Lost paperwork my ***.

I would pack a lunch and sit at the very bank you signed the loan at even though it was farmed out from there, every single day after you drop the kids off and sit there until it is time to go home. Ask every single person in there "WHY?" and be nice and smile a lot.

Do Not Give UP.

And, you do not need a lawyer, you're too smart for one.

ToneTone
12-18-16, 08:43 PM
Love to you Sarah.

You bring lots of love and insights and compassion to this board---all the time.

Tone

BellaVita
12-18-16, 11:17 PM
Sarah I don't know what to say but :grouphug: :grouphug:

That is a LOT, I'm so sorry. :(

You are surely in my thoughts. I am wishing you peace. You've really got it incredibly rough right now.

finallyfound10
12-21-16, 03:00 AM
(((Sarah)))

I am so sorry that all of this is going on with you and your family especially your daughter who is in the hospital.

You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Little Missy
12-21-16, 10:58 AM
Start writing letters. A LOT of them. To your congressman, the governor, your local whomevers, the president, vice president, and on and on. Put a great big one in the newspaper too.
It does not matter whom that loan was farmed out to, someone has to and will be held accountable. Lost paperwork my ***.

I would pack a lunch and sit at the very bank you signed the loan at even though it was farmed out from there, every single day after you drop the kids off and sit there until it is time to go home. Ask every single person in there "WHY?" and be nice and smile a lot.

Do Not Give UP.

And, you do not need a lawyer, you're too smart for one.

DO THIS. Send them every single day before you arrive there with your sack lunch and a good book or you tablet, whatever that is. Keep printing them out and sending them. Have copies of them and place them on everyone's desk there too. Smiling, polite, and be there all day every day.

Nothing will get done until you take drastic invasive measures against them. They have the burden of proof! Nothing will make them prove anything until you go WAY over their heads. Seize the day!

aeon
12-21-16, 11:28 AM
DO THIS. Send them every single day before you arrive there with your sack lunch and a good book or you tablet, whatever that is. Keep printing them out and sending them. Have copies of them and place them on everyone's desk there too. Smiling, polite, and be there all day every day.

Nothing will get done until you take drastic invasive measures against them. They have the burden of proof! Nothing will make them prove anything until you go WAY over their heads. Seize the day!

And make sure to send Certified Mail! :yes:


Cheers,
Ian

Little Missy
12-21-16, 01:09 PM
And make sure to send Certified Mail! :yes:


Cheers,
Ian

Yes! Must be certified.
Elaborate on the disabilities in your household. Elaborate on THEIR evasiveness in this matter especially and the emotional distress it has caused you.

I am IRATE over this.